I'm a sledge hammer.
I realize a lot of people are extremely self conscious about their bodies, mostly because our society seems to be obsessed with the idea that being even a little overweight is a catastrophe of nuclear proportions. I can see where that might put pressure on people, because "looking pretty" (and a very specific kind) is made out to be very important
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No, what happens is that I say something that in my opinion is something perfectly normal to say, dunno, like how I wear a belt or my hair for god's sake, that I went shopping for shirts, or that I wish conventions would start producing girlie shirts for their staff.
Then I get reactions like "yeah, well, you would say that, seeing how you're thin". And I feel annoyed, because should I stop saying stuff like that only because they don't apply to people who aren't thin? Do thin people not get to complain about stuff, or just remark on things anymore?
What I mean is, that people should not feel attacked by that.
I guess one could argue that after habing actually been atatcked for that reason makes you more sensitive to things like that. What I say is, that I don't always know, before I say something, that it might offend someone.
I still don't feel like it's all that bad. Just the other day we were joking around about weight issues in a circle of friends (all of different body types) and it was fine, all casual and stuff. I can't work well with people who feel offended at the slightest insentive. It's like when people are falling over themselves trying to be "political correct", it's just awful.
Maybe it comes across as impolite sometimes, but I feel like the "seldgehammer" is a lot more honest. And at least my friends should know that I'm not trying to insult anyone.
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If you're gonna joke around about a sensitive issue, well... Sorry, it will happen that someone gets hurt. I think it's actually good when people say that they're offended. I dunno, sometimes in group jokes like that, don't you think it would be terrible to suddenly have someone go really sad and quiet because they don't dare to say that they've just been hurt?
I was like that for a long time actually. At the mall close to uni there was always this old woman who had a really like long beard. It's obvious that she just gave up on trying to get a handle on her hormones. She really is a woman. She's actually on youtube and on facebook. She's almost a little famous. But yeah. In first year I was out with a group of girls and we saw her and everyone started making fun of her. I didn't. I have a hormone and facial hair problem myself. I go to huge lengths and pains to make it as invisible as possible every day. It took me a year and three REALLY close friends to raise my voice and tell them that I did not find the jokes they were making at this woman's expense funny and that you don't know whether a person with a similar or the same problem isn't sitting right next to you or someone who's feelings you'd really hate to hurt.
If you think the honest road is the healthier one, well, some people will have come to the conclusion that being honest about having been offended is also the better path.
You are allowed to state your opinion or make remarks, but you also need to be able to live with the consequences and take responsibility when someone feels hurt by them. We all do. Not just skinny people. It's perfectly possible for a fat person to say something that offends/hurts a skinny person. If that were me who said it, I'd apologise if they let me know. That is the "grown up" thing to do, if you want to throw that term around.
The person who was offended by the shirt remark? Well, think about it. "Girly" fits suffer from the "one size fits all" syndrome. That in itself is one of the biggest fashion lies, hurts and discrimination we big girls face. Because one size does not fit all and a girl with a German size 40/42 gets told that she's an XXL. This isn't being overly politically correct, it's a reality. This is a large group of people basically being erased from consideration.
So, long and short of it is, don't get offended if someone's offended by something you say. Accept it and move on because if you're going to use your right to say what you want, they can make use of their right to be offended. That kind of negotiation is one of the biggest pillars of human communication.
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But I hate it when people try and turn the meaning of what I said around, or make my statement about an issue it wasn't about in the first place. When I complain about the lack of girlie shirts, because XL looks horrible on me, that's really all I do. I don't imply everyone else is automatically better of, just because they're not thin or not a girl or whatever.
("One size fits all" only means that we all fit inside that big shirt. We might all look stupid, but it certainly fits, somehow.)
But yes, I guess it is better in the long run if people make it clear they're offended. Sometimes I think I need a little voice inside my head telling me that something I said was "a bit not good", because I often don't think things through. And I'm not above apologizing when I realize that what I said really was offensive and mean, whether or not I meant it at the time. It might just have been a missunderstanding based on how I picked my words, too.
But sometimes it's really silly little things that I don't feel justify being offended over. Sure, it varies from person to person and largely depends on their personal experiences in the past, but I can't walk on eggshells just because someone might have an issue about something.
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