[Ficverse ~ Nonsensical Nuances] Volume II - Keep your expectations low
Volume II
Still here? I present to you five more fics from the Nonsensical Nuances ficverse. Pardon me while I wander off and resume my uncontrollable cringing. At least I had fun writing them?
[6]
"Vice Foreign Minister Darlian will see you now," announced the new male secretary, his voice missing the distinct stutter Heero usually inspired in Relena's staff.
"You're new, aren't you?"
"Yes, sir."
"You'll learn."
"Learn wha-"
The office door slammed shut before the bewildered young man could finish his query.
"Are you going to educate my new secretary, Heero?"
She didn't even bother to look up from her computer monitor.
"Just the basics," he replied, walking over to her desk.
"I don't need an assassin for a personal assistant. I certainly don't need to lose another employee thanks to your impromptu training sessions."
He promptly plopped down on the plush seat facing her. There was rarely a point to his daily afternoon visits. He simply felt the need to look in on her whenever the opportunity presented itself. She usually didn't mind. Usually. She had been irritable the past few days.
"What are you doing?" he asked, hoping to change the topic and avoid the inevitable argument about his overzealous observance of safety protocol.
"Playing solitaire," she replied, still refusing to look at him.
He attempted to peer at her screen but she quickly closed the file she was viewing. Judging by the content of the wall of text he'd glimpsed, she wasn't playing with virtual cards.
"What is it, Heero?" she asked, looking utterly flustered as she finally met his eyes.
"That wasn't solitaire. Not the kind I was expecting, anyway..."
"So I like to keep myself entertained in between meetings...what's it to you?"
"All this time?"
"Poker isn't always an option. I hope you understand. Don't worry. You're the only one I play with."
The office was bugged, and they both knew the need for discreet conversation. She had to hand it to him for not immediately freaking out about her reading choices.
He sighed. "As long as you're happy. You're sure you haven't been playing poker with your new secretary?"
She raised an eyebrow. "I don't play poker at work, Heero. Especially not now. Period."
He caught the meaning of her emphasis on that punctuation mark. "I guess we aren't playing when you get home either."
"Not this week," she sighed. "Solitaire's the one thing that's keeping me sane."
"I understand. You wouldn't mind if I found someone else to play poker with then?"
"Heero Yuy, don't you dare!" she glared, hitting him with a folder.
"I was joking."
"You don't joke."
"I'm learning."
"Well, that was cruel. You know I want to play. I just can't..."
"I know."
"I haven't won all day. Also, my head hurts like hell and heels are murder."
He understood her frustration. She wasn't the only one who liked to play solitaire. Being unable to win did not make for a happy player.
Throwing caution to the wind, he kissed her ear. "I'll help you win tonight. How's that sound?"
"How could you possibly-"
"I'll show you how I play."
He could already see the effect his words had on her, how her entire body seemed to tingle, how her face turned bright red...
"Promise?"
"Promise. I'll see you in a few hours. I need to be back on duty in a bit."
"All right," she replied, her voice strangely breathy.
"Hope you can win before then," he smirked before he walked out the door.
"That's a sure bet," she thought to herself, turning to her computer screen to begin another round of solitaire.
[7]
"I'm not saying that on live television," stated Relena bluntly. "This is not a point up for discussion."
Relena walked down the hall at as rapid a pace as she could muster. She needed to put some distance between her and Dorothy before-
"Don't be such a prude," chided Dorothy, as she met Relena step for step in walking speed. "It's not like there won't be anything in it for you. I'll make a hefty donation to that orphanage on L-1. Looking at how Heero turned out, that colony cluster needs as much help as it can get."
Relena stopped dead in her tracks.
Here we go again.
The wicked witch was using yet another "charitable cause" to manipulate the princess's bleeding heart.
"But-"
Don't fall for it, Relena. Keep walking. You can't agree to this.
"Think about it, Miss Relena. You won't be doing it to fulfill my selfish little whim. You'll be doing it for those poor war orphans, those innocent souls tragically ripped from-"
Run!
"You're not going to let this go, are you?"
Of course, she isn't going to let this go! Scram! Move!
"No," smirked Dorothy, aware of what was going to happen next.
Wipe that smirk off her face. Ignore her. Leave!
"What do you want me to say?"
Relena Darlian, you are now officially the biggest idiot in this solar system.
Dorothy grinned as she whispered in her friend's ear. Relena's mouth fell agape.
"No way in hell! I can't- Dorothy, I'll be ruined!"
"Orphans, Miss Relena. Remember? Hungry children looking to you for their next meal? Besides, if you're creative enough, it might very well be a quote for the history books."
"I highly doubt that," she growled. "How is it that I'm doing this? Again? You'd think I'd have learned my lesson..."
"You did an excellent job last time. Thanks to you, those destitute but bright young students from Lake Victoria are now debt-free and assured of an education. Aren't you proud?"
"It's hard to be proud considering I said nipples at a televised ESUN assembly."
"You practically cheated. Quoting someone else... That was a rip-off."
"Production and consumption are the nipples of modern society. Thus suckled, humanity grows in strength and beauty; rising standard of living, all modern conveniences, distractions of all kinds, culture for all, the comfort of your dreams," laughed Relena. "Got to thank Raoul Vaneigem for being so eloquent."
"No quoting this time. Make history with your own words."
"You mean your words," scoffed Relena. "I'll agree but I have my own conditions. If I do this, you have to swear to me that this is the last time you'll use children to play on my sympathy or, God help me, I'm adopting every orphan I can get my hands on and asking you and Quatre to babysit. Deal?"
Dorothy took Relena's hand and shook it. "I'm looking forward to your interview."
"I'm not," she sighed as she parted ways with Dorothy, walking slowly to delay her political demise. Pagan met her at the door and escorted her to the car. As she got in, she was pleasantly surprised to see Heero already in the backseat, waiting for her.
"Nipples?" he asked, noticing her worried expression. He could read her like a book.
She bowed her head in shame. "Yes. Again..."
"What is it this time?"
"You'll hear it in a few hours," she said, gently banging her head against the glass window.
"You'll hurt yourself if you keep doing that," he scolded, pulling her close and pressing her head against his shoulder.
"Maybe if my brain's addled enough, I won't have to do the interview."
He smiled, a gentle expression he hardly revealed to anyone else. "Then who would help the charity Dorothy used to drag you into this?"
"Orphanage, actually." She didn't mention to him that the orphanage was on L1. Her reluctance to help might hurt him.
"I'm sure it's not that bad. You managed "nipples" just fine."
"How can you say that with a straight face?"
"It's a gift. What is it that Dorothy wants you to say?"
"If you insist..."
She pulled his head down and whispered in his ear.
"That is...bad," he remarked.
"Any pointers you could give me?"
"Have you considered a career outside politics?"
She shoved him away and resumed banging her head against the window.
Fortunately, they arrived at the venue soon after she became a masochist, and no lasting damage was done. Relena's staff came at her like a tidal wave and spirited her away to her dressing room leaving Heero to find himself a seat amongst the live studio audience. As the host began addressing his viewers and introducing the show, Heero settled in and began scoping the audience for potential assasins. Satisfied that there were no immediate visible threats, Heero waited intently as the host, a well-dressed man in his mid-thirties by the name of George Wesley, introduced Relena.
She came onstage, dressed in a pair of crisp black slacks with a simple but feminine white blouse. It immediately became clear to Heero what the newspapers meant when they described her as "beautiful even when she meant business." All traces of nerves were absent from the facade she used to face the public. Was this the same girl who'd been banging her head against the window roughly an hour ago?
She gave Wesley's hand a firm shake before almost tripping on her own feet as she took her seat.
"Definitely the same girl," concluded Heero.
"Good evening, Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlian," began Wesley, having gone through this same process with thousands of guests. "Welcome to Counterpoint with George Wesley."
"Good evening, Mr. Wesley," she replied, a well-calculated smile in place to disarm her potential verbal sparring partner. "Please call me Relena. I'm just another member of the public doing her job. There's no need for formalities. I never did understand the need for me to always have my occupation said alongside my name."
"Target acquired," mused Heero.
"Well then, Relena," declared the host, mildly surprised at how down to earth she was. "And you can just keep calling me Mr. Wesley."
Mild chortles issued from the audience.
Clearing his throat, Wesley effectively silenced them. It was apparent that this man meant business.
"Let's get started, shall we? As we all know, the Earth Sphere Unified Nations has nothing but good things to say about the way you handled the crisis concerning the embezzlement of funds on the new spaceport project. Could you give us your insight on how you remained stable under all that pressure from your more experienced peers?"
Heero noted how Wesley praised then mildly condescended to Relena by implying that she was less experienced. This was a dangerous man. Then again, judging by the fire in Relena's eyes, there was nothing to worry about.
"I wouldn't call them more experienced, per se," she stated. "They're older but most of them are in their political infancy. I was raised in a household that was fed on politics and, quite literally, I had the world at my feet even as a child of fifteen. I'm not saying I did a wonderful job as queen but that qualifies as political work experience my peers could not even imagine having. On the matter of stability, that aspect of me is second nature considering the time I've spent in the political arena."
"Flawless," smirked Heero.
Wesley never quite recovered from Relena's first blow. Every loaded question he threw simply bounced off her. The only problem Relena had now was throwing in Dorothy's damned phrase.
"Well, Relena," said Wesley with badly hidden spite. "It seems we're almost out of time. One last question before we hit the road?"
"Go right ahead."
And now it was time. Wesley was going to use the last weapon in his arsenal. For the first time that night, Heero saw trepidation in Relena's eyes.
"If you don't mind us asking about your personal life..."
"I don't."
"Excellent call," thought Heero. "Non-disclosure is as big a no-no as full disclosure. Play this right..."
"Is it true that you've been dating one of your bodyguards?"
Heero was not expecting this scenario to play out. They had been discreet, hadn't they? In public, they did the best they could to avoid fueling the rumors. Was Relena ready for this? He looked at her and noticed a smile playing upon her lips.
"I would hardly call the top security officer in Preventer's roster a mere bodyguard, Mr. Wesley. Especially considering he's a war hero who can opt for any other occupation he pleases. He's not my bodyguard. He protects me as a hobby. He just happens to receive a salary for it. So, no, I'm not dating a subordinate. Is that what you were trying to imply?"
Wesley was shocked into silence.
"Mr. Wesley, contrary to popular belief, I'm not the perfect political child prodigy. Call me what you will. Actually, let me give the tabloids their headline now. Relena Darlian is a bad, bad girl with a thing for bad, bad boys. That's what you wanted to hear, wasn't it?"
She walked off the set to thunderous applause.
Heero immediately rose from his seat and followed her backstage. He found her in her dressing room, slumped against a wall with her head in her hands.
"I can't believe you actually said that," he stated, staring at her in wonder.
"Any career suggestions, Heero? Father always said I had a lovely singing voice. Maybe I can take up piano again and pitch in at that orphanage on L-1. Live off Dorothy's money..."
"You're fine as a politician. Did you hear that applause? You successfully destroyed one of television's biggest douchebags on his own show. And you did it with Dorothy's damned bet phrase. Wait, what's this talk about L-1?"
She peeped at him between her fingers. "Oh, Heero, you'll think it's stupid."
"Dorothy used me to get to you, didn't she? She knows I'm from L-1."
Sheepishly, Relena nodded. "But I would have helped them no matter what colony cluster they were from. It just really hit home when she said L-1. When I was younger, St. Gabriel's took in some children from L-1 and there was this boy- You remind me so much of him, Heero. I never wanted to see a child suffer like that again."
"Relena, you're a great politician. Keep at it and, one day, you'll get your dream."
"I suppose so. But I let the whole Earth Sphere know about us in the process. I confirmed all the gossip about me dating someone serving under me."
"Relena, whether I'm a Preventer or not, I will always enjoy serving under you."
She caught his meaning and finally put her hands down as she snickered. "What did I do to deserve you?"
"I should be asking you that. Come on, bad girl. After all this, I have a feeling you'll want me serving under you all night. Besides, listening to that broadcast in the car may very well have given Pagan a heart attack."
"Wouldn't want that," she smiled as he took her by the hand.
Suffice to say, if the radio simulcast didn't send poor Pagan into cardiac arrest, the ruckus Heero and Relena intended to cause in the backseat would definitely do the trick.
[8]
"Heero, if you don't help me pick out a dress for Dorothy's gala, I'm going naked," blurted Relena, her exasperation apparent.
She stood in her bathrobe, glaring at Heero as he sat on her bed, already in his suit.
"Is that a promise?" he asked, adjusting his tie. She always made it too tight.
"I'm serious."
"So am I."
"Last I heard, you didn't want other men giving me dirty looks."
He shrugged. "So I'll blind anyone who gives you the eye."
"Dorothy included?"
"I don't have a death wish."
"Then help me pick a dress."
"Can't you wear that blue one?"
She immediately knew what dress he was talking about. Over the course of her short lifetime, she had owned but one blue dress and sworn never to wear another upon its destruction.
"From ten years ago? Are you joking?"
"Why not? Didn't you have it repaired?"
"I threw it out."
He seemed disappointed. "That's a pity."
"Besides, that style's long been out of fashion. Women nowadays- Well, they put a lot more on display."
"As long as it's you, I'll be looking. Anything's fine with me."
"Sweet talk is not going to buy you out of this decision, Heero."
"How about you and I skip the gala and have a party of our own? One where you can go naked and I won't have to blind anybody."
"If that party's in your pants, no."
"I won't be wearing pants."
"Double no."
"Just wear that sexy red thing you wore to dinner last month."
"Dorothy's already seen me in it."
"So have I. I want to see you in it again."
"You really don't get it, do you?"
He shrugged. "Wish you'd kept that dress."
She sighed. "The dress I wore when you first aimed a gun at me? How romantic."
"The safety was on."
She raised an eyebrow. "And you're telling me this now?"
"It's not something you tell a girl you're trying to scare off. Besides, I really liked that dress. You used it to patch me up."
"Before you tried to kill yourself!"
"We were young and foolish."
"More foolish than most."
She retreated to her walk-in closet, smiling to herself.
"Like I'd ever really throw it away," she thought. The torn blue dress rested somewhere Heero would never find it, nestled in a hat box at the heart of her closet. Defeated by his lack of interest in her clothing choices, she opted for a simple strapless black dress. Safe choice.
She stepped out to ask his opinion and saw him hastily stuffing something back into his coat pocket.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. You're beautiful. Meet you downstairs."
"Sure," she replied, ignoring her confusion.
Was it just her imagination or had he been playing with torn blue fabric?
[9]
"Heero, I may have been a princess but you're not a damned knight who needs to defend my honor. For heaven's sake, you already took it!"
"I won, didn't I?" he asked, grimacing in pain as she pressed the ice pack into his bruise with more pressure than was necessary.
"Didn't you think I could handle myself?"
"From what I saw, he was the one doing most of the handling. I promised I would protect you, remember? Nobody touches you like that."
"You do," she pointed out. "All the time."
"I'm the one exception to the rule."
"Lord Ashcroft was out cold, Heero. They had to rush him to the hospital. Can you take this more seriously?"
"That old bat isn't going to die. I also promised you I wouldn't kill anymore. I just took him out of commission for awhile."
"Still, there are legal consequences for your actions. What if he decides to press charges?"
"He won't. Not unless he wants his wife serving him with divorce papers. I have dirt on every guest that was at that gala. You don't have to worry."
"Weaseling your way out of the consequences doesn't make you right. Heero, I could have lost you."
"The old man wasn't a threat."
"If they put you away for this... I wouldn't be able to bear it. I'll be sure they let you know when I die of depression while you're serving ten to twenty-five for manslaughter."
Again, she pressed the ice against his face with a force that was enough to give his bruise a bruise.
"I already told you," he said, wincing but refusing to cry out even as his eyes threatened to tear. "He's not going to die or press charges."
"And Preventer? What are they going to say about this? It's unbecoming."
"They assigned me to protect you. I was simply doing my job."
"Heero, we're not fifteen anymore. I know you act on your emotions but think first!"
"I did. I considered all the worst case scenarios and found ways to avoid them."
"You didn't avoid that punch very well."
"I didn't expect you to have such a mean left hook."
[10]
Duo absentmindedly toyed with a paperclip, bending it into a myriad of shapes before shooting it into the wastebasket. Hilde paid him no mind, absorbed in the charts and graphs on her computer screen.
"We're really not going to talk about what we saw?" he asked, taking another unfortunate paperclip and beginning its execution by contortion. The God of Death of Office Supplies was bored out of his wits and itching to discuss something that supposedly never happened.
"We saw nothing," replied Hilde, adjusting the curve on a particularly complex graph for her presentation the following week. "It's really not our business what he does, Duo."
"But-"
"He'll be kicking yours if you don't shut up."
"Relena's been looking for that thing everywhere. She'll kill him if she finds out he-"
"And then he'll rise from the grave to kill us. Not another word."
"But-"
"We saw nothing," she repeated. "Get back to work."
"I mean it's Heero. Who'd have thought?"
Her head collided with the keyboard, filling the screen with a mess of numbers, letters and symbols. "If we talk about this, will you let me finish my presentation?"
"Maybe," he grinned. "Anyway, what do you think?"
"I think what he's doing for Miss Relena is sweet. You'd do a good job by following his lead."
He snickered. "Jealous, babe?"
"Who wouldn't be? The effort he puts into that thing is- I didn't think he had it in him. He's horrid at it but he still manages to deliver."
"You didn't like how I souped up your motorcycle after I crashed it?" he asked, feigning a frown.
She giggled. "Of course, I did. And painting it to look like Deathscythe was a nice touch. Nobody gets in my way. But what Heero's doing for the princess...it's on another level."
A knock was heard on the door, and Heero entered to an unsettling quiet. Walking over to Hilde's desk, he grabbed a folder, but not before Duo made a grab for his wrist.
"That's a lot of band-aids, Heero," commented Duo as blue glared into jovial indigo. "How'd that happen again?"
Heero jerked his hand out of Duo's grasp and stormed off without a word, slamming the door behind him.
"Did you really have to do that?" sighed Hilde.
"The boy needs sewing lessons, babe. The sooner he admits it to himself, the sooner he'll get that damned bear patched up."
Still here? I present to you five more fics from the Nonsensical Nuances ficverse. Pardon me while I wander off and resume my uncontrollable cringing. At least I had fun writing them?
[6]
"Vice Foreign Minister Darlian will see you now," announced the new male secretary, his voice missing the distinct stutter Heero usually inspired in Relena's staff.
"You're new, aren't you?"
"Yes, sir."
"You'll learn."
"Learn wha-"
The office door slammed shut before the bewildered young man could finish his query.
"Are you going to educate my new secretary, Heero?"
She didn't even bother to look up from her computer monitor.
"Just the basics," he replied, walking over to her desk.
"I don't need an assassin for a personal assistant. I certainly don't need to lose another employee thanks to your impromptu training sessions."
He promptly plopped down on the plush seat facing her. There was rarely a point to his daily afternoon visits. He simply felt the need to look in on her whenever the opportunity presented itself. She usually didn't mind. Usually. She had been irritable the past few days.
"What are you doing?" he asked, hoping to change the topic and avoid the inevitable argument about his overzealous observance of safety protocol.
"Playing solitaire," she replied, still refusing to look at him.
He attempted to peer at her screen but she quickly closed the file she was viewing. Judging by the content of the wall of text he'd glimpsed, she wasn't playing with virtual cards.
"What is it, Heero?" she asked, looking utterly flustered as she finally met his eyes.
"That wasn't solitaire. Not the kind I was expecting, anyway..."
"So I like to keep myself entertained in between meetings...what's it to you?"
"All this time?"
"Poker isn't always an option. I hope you understand. Don't worry. You're the only one I play with."
The office was bugged, and they both knew the need for discreet conversation. She had to hand it to him for not immediately freaking out about her reading choices.
He sighed. "As long as you're happy. You're sure you haven't been playing poker with your new secretary?"
She raised an eyebrow. "I don't play poker at work, Heero. Especially not now. Period."
He caught the meaning of her emphasis on that punctuation mark. "I guess we aren't playing when you get home either."
"Not this week," she sighed. "Solitaire's the one thing that's keeping me sane."
"I understand. You wouldn't mind if I found someone else to play poker with then?"
"Heero Yuy, don't you dare!" she glared, hitting him with a folder.
"I was joking."
"You don't joke."
"I'm learning."
"Well, that was cruel. You know I want to play. I just can't..."
"I know."
"I haven't won all day. Also, my head hurts like hell and heels are murder."
He understood her frustration. She wasn't the only one who liked to play solitaire. Being unable to win did not make for a happy player.
Throwing caution to the wind, he kissed her ear. "I'll help you win tonight. How's that sound?"
"How could you possibly-"
"I'll show you how I play."
He could already see the effect his words had on her, how her entire body seemed to tingle, how her face turned bright red...
"Promise?"
"Promise. I'll see you in a few hours. I need to be back on duty in a bit."
"All right," she replied, her voice strangely breathy.
"Hope you can win before then," he smirked before he walked out the door.
"That's a sure bet," she thought to herself, turning to her computer screen to begin another round of solitaire.
[7]
"I'm not saying that on live television," stated Relena bluntly. "This is not a point up for discussion."
Relena walked down the hall at as rapid a pace as she could muster. She needed to put some distance between her and Dorothy before-
"Don't be such a prude," chided Dorothy, as she met Relena step for step in walking speed. "It's not like there won't be anything in it for you. I'll make a hefty donation to that orphanage on L-1. Looking at how Heero turned out, that colony cluster needs as much help as it can get."
Relena stopped dead in her tracks.
Here we go again.
The wicked witch was using yet another "charitable cause" to manipulate the princess's bleeding heart.
"But-"
Don't fall for it, Relena. Keep walking. You can't agree to this.
"Think about it, Miss Relena. You won't be doing it to fulfill my selfish little whim. You'll be doing it for those poor war orphans, those innocent souls tragically ripped from-"
Run!
"You're not going to let this go, are you?"
Of course, she isn't going to let this go! Scram! Move!
"No," smirked Dorothy, aware of what was going to happen next.
Wipe that smirk off her face. Ignore her. Leave!
"What do you want me to say?"
Relena Darlian, you are now officially the biggest idiot in this solar system.
Dorothy grinned as she whispered in her friend's ear. Relena's mouth fell agape.
"No way in hell! I can't- Dorothy, I'll be ruined!"
"Orphans, Miss Relena. Remember? Hungry children looking to you for their next meal? Besides, if you're creative enough, it might very well be a quote for the history books."
"I highly doubt that," she growled. "How is it that I'm doing this? Again? You'd think I'd have learned my lesson..."
"You did an excellent job last time. Thanks to you, those destitute but bright young students from Lake Victoria are now debt-free and assured of an education. Aren't you proud?"
"It's hard to be proud considering I said nipples at a televised ESUN assembly."
"You practically cheated. Quoting someone else... That was a rip-off."
"Production and consumption are the nipples of modern society. Thus suckled, humanity grows in strength and beauty; rising standard of living, all modern conveniences, distractions of all kinds, culture for all, the comfort of your dreams," laughed Relena. "Got to thank Raoul Vaneigem for being so eloquent."
"No quoting this time. Make history with your own words."
"You mean your words," scoffed Relena. "I'll agree but I have my own conditions. If I do this, you have to swear to me that this is the last time you'll use children to play on my sympathy or, God help me, I'm adopting every orphan I can get my hands on and asking you and Quatre to babysit. Deal?"
Dorothy took Relena's hand and shook it. "I'm looking forward to your interview."
"I'm not," she sighed as she parted ways with Dorothy, walking slowly to delay her political demise. Pagan met her at the door and escorted her to the car. As she got in, she was pleasantly surprised to see Heero already in the backseat, waiting for her.
"Nipples?" he asked, noticing her worried expression. He could read her like a book.
She bowed her head in shame. "Yes. Again..."
"What is it this time?"
"You'll hear it in a few hours," she said, gently banging her head against the glass window.
"You'll hurt yourself if you keep doing that," he scolded, pulling her close and pressing her head against his shoulder.
"Maybe if my brain's addled enough, I won't have to do the interview."
He smiled, a gentle expression he hardly revealed to anyone else. "Then who would help the charity Dorothy used to drag you into this?"
"Orphanage, actually." She didn't mention to him that the orphanage was on L1. Her reluctance to help might hurt him.
"I'm sure it's not that bad. You managed "nipples" just fine."
"How can you say that with a straight face?"
"It's a gift. What is it that Dorothy wants you to say?"
"If you insist..."
She pulled his head down and whispered in his ear.
"That is...bad," he remarked.
"Any pointers you could give me?"
"Have you considered a career outside politics?"
She shoved him away and resumed banging her head against the window.
Fortunately, they arrived at the venue soon after she became a masochist, and no lasting damage was done. Relena's staff came at her like a tidal wave and spirited her away to her dressing room leaving Heero to find himself a seat amongst the live studio audience. As the host began addressing his viewers and introducing the show, Heero settled in and began scoping the audience for potential assasins. Satisfied that there were no immediate visible threats, Heero waited intently as the host, a well-dressed man in his mid-thirties by the name of George Wesley, introduced Relena.
She came onstage, dressed in a pair of crisp black slacks with a simple but feminine white blouse. It immediately became clear to Heero what the newspapers meant when they described her as "beautiful even when she meant business." All traces of nerves were absent from the facade she used to face the public. Was this the same girl who'd been banging her head against the window roughly an hour ago?
She gave Wesley's hand a firm shake before almost tripping on her own feet as she took her seat.
"Definitely the same girl," concluded Heero.
"Good evening, Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlian," began Wesley, having gone through this same process with thousands of guests. "Welcome to Counterpoint with George Wesley."
"Good evening, Mr. Wesley," she replied, a well-calculated smile in place to disarm her potential verbal sparring partner. "Please call me Relena. I'm just another member of the public doing her job. There's no need for formalities. I never did understand the need for me to always have my occupation said alongside my name."
"Target acquired," mused Heero.
"Well then, Relena," declared the host, mildly surprised at how down to earth she was. "And you can just keep calling me Mr. Wesley."
Mild chortles issued from the audience.
Clearing his throat, Wesley effectively silenced them. It was apparent that this man meant business.
"Let's get started, shall we? As we all know, the Earth Sphere Unified Nations has nothing but good things to say about the way you handled the crisis concerning the embezzlement of funds on the new spaceport project. Could you give us your insight on how you remained stable under all that pressure from your more experienced peers?"
Heero noted how Wesley praised then mildly condescended to Relena by implying that she was less experienced. This was a dangerous man. Then again, judging by the fire in Relena's eyes, there was nothing to worry about.
"I wouldn't call them more experienced, per se," she stated. "They're older but most of them are in their political infancy. I was raised in a household that was fed on politics and, quite literally, I had the world at my feet even as a child of fifteen. I'm not saying I did a wonderful job as queen but that qualifies as political work experience my peers could not even imagine having. On the matter of stability, that aspect of me is second nature considering the time I've spent in the political arena."
"Flawless," smirked Heero.
Wesley never quite recovered from Relena's first blow. Every loaded question he threw simply bounced off her. The only problem Relena had now was throwing in Dorothy's damned phrase.
"Well, Relena," said Wesley with badly hidden spite. "It seems we're almost out of time. One last question before we hit the road?"
"Go right ahead."
And now it was time. Wesley was going to use the last weapon in his arsenal. For the first time that night, Heero saw trepidation in Relena's eyes.
"If you don't mind us asking about your personal life..."
"I don't."
"Excellent call," thought Heero. "Non-disclosure is as big a no-no as full disclosure. Play this right..."
"Is it true that you've been dating one of your bodyguards?"
Heero was not expecting this scenario to play out. They had been discreet, hadn't they? In public, they did the best they could to avoid fueling the rumors. Was Relena ready for this? He looked at her and noticed a smile playing upon her lips.
"I would hardly call the top security officer in Preventer's roster a mere bodyguard, Mr. Wesley. Especially considering he's a war hero who can opt for any other occupation he pleases. He's not my bodyguard. He protects me as a hobby. He just happens to receive a salary for it. So, no, I'm not dating a subordinate. Is that what you were trying to imply?"
Wesley was shocked into silence.
"Mr. Wesley, contrary to popular belief, I'm not the perfect political child prodigy. Call me what you will. Actually, let me give the tabloids their headline now. Relena Darlian is a bad, bad girl with a thing for bad, bad boys. That's what you wanted to hear, wasn't it?"
She walked off the set to thunderous applause.
Heero immediately rose from his seat and followed her backstage. He found her in her dressing room, slumped against a wall with her head in her hands.
"I can't believe you actually said that," he stated, staring at her in wonder.
"Any career suggestions, Heero? Father always said I had a lovely singing voice. Maybe I can take up piano again and pitch in at that orphanage on L-1. Live off Dorothy's money..."
"You're fine as a politician. Did you hear that applause? You successfully destroyed one of television's biggest douchebags on his own show. And you did it with Dorothy's damned bet phrase. Wait, what's this talk about L-1?"
She peeped at him between her fingers. "Oh, Heero, you'll think it's stupid."
"Dorothy used me to get to you, didn't she? She knows I'm from L-1."
Sheepishly, Relena nodded. "But I would have helped them no matter what colony cluster they were from. It just really hit home when she said L-1. When I was younger, St. Gabriel's took in some children from L-1 and there was this boy- You remind me so much of him, Heero. I never wanted to see a child suffer like that again."
"Relena, you're a great politician. Keep at it and, one day, you'll get your dream."
"I suppose so. But I let the whole Earth Sphere know about us in the process. I confirmed all the gossip about me dating someone serving under me."
"Relena, whether I'm a Preventer or not, I will always enjoy serving under you."
She caught his meaning and finally put her hands down as she snickered. "What did I do to deserve you?"
"I should be asking you that. Come on, bad girl. After all this, I have a feeling you'll want me serving under you all night. Besides, listening to that broadcast in the car may very well have given Pagan a heart attack."
"Wouldn't want that," she smiled as he took her by the hand.
Suffice to say, if the radio simulcast didn't send poor Pagan into cardiac arrest, the ruckus Heero and Relena intended to cause in the backseat would definitely do the trick.
[8]
"Heero, if you don't help me pick out a dress for Dorothy's gala, I'm going naked," blurted Relena, her exasperation apparent.
She stood in her bathrobe, glaring at Heero as he sat on her bed, already in his suit.
"Is that a promise?" he asked, adjusting his tie. She always made it too tight.
"I'm serious."
"So am I."
"Last I heard, you didn't want other men giving me dirty looks."
He shrugged. "So I'll blind anyone who gives you the eye."
"Dorothy included?"
"I don't have a death wish."
"Then help me pick a dress."
"Can't you wear that blue one?"
She immediately knew what dress he was talking about. Over the course of her short lifetime, she had owned but one blue dress and sworn never to wear another upon its destruction.
"From ten years ago? Are you joking?"
"Why not? Didn't you have it repaired?"
"I threw it out."
He seemed disappointed. "That's a pity."
"Besides, that style's long been out of fashion. Women nowadays- Well, they put a lot more on display."
"As long as it's you, I'll be looking. Anything's fine with me."
"Sweet talk is not going to buy you out of this decision, Heero."
"How about you and I skip the gala and have a party of our own? One where you can go naked and I won't have to blind anybody."
"If that party's in your pants, no."
"I won't be wearing pants."
"Double no."
"Just wear that sexy red thing you wore to dinner last month."
"Dorothy's already seen me in it."
"So have I. I want to see you in it again."
"You really don't get it, do you?"
He shrugged. "Wish you'd kept that dress."
She sighed. "The dress I wore when you first aimed a gun at me? How romantic."
"The safety was on."
She raised an eyebrow. "And you're telling me this now?"
"It's not something you tell a girl you're trying to scare off. Besides, I really liked that dress. You used it to patch me up."
"Before you tried to kill yourself!"
"We were young and foolish."
"More foolish than most."
She retreated to her walk-in closet, smiling to herself.
"Like I'd ever really throw it away," she thought. The torn blue dress rested somewhere Heero would never find it, nestled in a hat box at the heart of her closet. Defeated by his lack of interest in her clothing choices, she opted for a simple strapless black dress. Safe choice.
She stepped out to ask his opinion and saw him hastily stuffing something back into his coat pocket.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. You're beautiful. Meet you downstairs."
"Sure," she replied, ignoring her confusion.
Was it just her imagination or had he been playing with torn blue fabric?
[9]
"Heero, I may have been a princess but you're not a damned knight who needs to defend my honor. For heaven's sake, you already took it!"
"I won, didn't I?" he asked, grimacing in pain as she pressed the ice pack into his bruise with more pressure than was necessary.
"Didn't you think I could handle myself?"
"From what I saw, he was the one doing most of the handling. I promised I would protect you, remember? Nobody touches you like that."
"You do," she pointed out. "All the time."
"I'm the one exception to the rule."
"Lord Ashcroft was out cold, Heero. They had to rush him to the hospital. Can you take this more seriously?"
"That old bat isn't going to die. I also promised you I wouldn't kill anymore. I just took him out of commission for awhile."
"Still, there are legal consequences for your actions. What if he decides to press charges?"
"He won't. Not unless he wants his wife serving him with divorce papers. I have dirt on every guest that was at that gala. You don't have to worry."
"Weaseling your way out of the consequences doesn't make you right. Heero, I could have lost you."
"The old man wasn't a threat."
"If they put you away for this... I wouldn't be able to bear it. I'll be sure they let you know when I die of depression while you're serving ten to twenty-five for manslaughter."
Again, she pressed the ice against his face with a force that was enough to give his bruise a bruise.
"I already told you," he said, wincing but refusing to cry out even as his eyes threatened to tear. "He's not going to die or press charges."
"And Preventer? What are they going to say about this? It's unbecoming."
"They assigned me to protect you. I was simply doing my job."
"Heero, we're not fifteen anymore. I know you act on your emotions but think first!"
"I did. I considered all the worst case scenarios and found ways to avoid them."
"You didn't avoid that punch very well."
"I didn't expect you to have such a mean left hook."
[10]
Duo absentmindedly toyed with a paperclip, bending it into a myriad of shapes before shooting it into the wastebasket. Hilde paid him no mind, absorbed in the charts and graphs on her computer screen.
"We're really not going to talk about what we saw?" he asked, taking another unfortunate paperclip and beginning its execution by contortion. The God of Death of Office Supplies was bored out of his wits and itching to discuss something that supposedly never happened.
"We saw nothing," replied Hilde, adjusting the curve on a particularly complex graph for her presentation the following week. "It's really not our business what he does, Duo."
"But-"
"He'll be kicking yours if you don't shut up."
"Relena's been looking for that thing everywhere. She'll kill him if she finds out he-"
"And then he'll rise from the grave to kill us. Not another word."
"But-"
"We saw nothing," she repeated. "Get back to work."
"I mean it's Heero. Who'd have thought?"
Her head collided with the keyboard, filling the screen with a mess of numbers, letters and symbols. "If we talk about this, will you let me finish my presentation?"
"Maybe," he grinned. "Anyway, what do you think?"
"I think what he's doing for Miss Relena is sweet. You'd do a good job by following his lead."
He snickered. "Jealous, babe?"
"Who wouldn't be? The effort he puts into that thing is- I didn't think he had it in him. He's horrid at it but he still manages to deliver."
"You didn't like how I souped up your motorcycle after I crashed it?" he asked, feigning a frown.
She giggled. "Of course, I did. And painting it to look like Deathscythe was a nice touch. Nobody gets in my way. But what Heero's doing for the princess...it's on another level."
A knock was heard on the door, and Heero entered to an unsettling quiet. Walking over to Hilde's desk, he grabbed a folder, but not before Duo made a grab for his wrist.
"That's a lot of band-aids, Heero," commented Duo as blue glared into jovial indigo. "How'd that happen again?"
Heero jerked his hand out of Duo's grasp and stormed off without a word, slamming the door behind him.
"Did you really have to do that?" sighed Hilde.
"The boy needs sewing lessons, babe. The sooner he admits it to himself, the sooner he'll get that damned bear patched up."