(no subject)
So its thursday. I look around, and my vision seems rather hazy. I hear everything, but the sounds seem rather muffled. I open my mouth to speak, but the voice that comes out is far too timid to be me. Ive never been able to remember my own voice, or how it sounds. I dont reckognize it, and ive never been able to pose for pictures either. Candids always come out the best.
Tomorrow is the junior prom... i'll have to put pics in here... and ive got my dress, and all available makeup.
Im wearing red lipstick and pink makeup... even though thats my everyday look, it'll look good. It wont match my dress, but hey at least I'll look good.
I want to bleach my hair again tonite, the roots are already visible, and its not light enough yet.
I also want to go to that little pavillion at the mall and buy a glittery hair clip
I want to get a camera, and buy Nati flowers
I'm sorry that no'one has asked Nati... when she says it, and then states she wouldnt have been able to anyway.. I know exactly how she feels.
Ive been there, and now that Im not Im struggling to survive. She's probably going to prove stronger than me no matter what happens, just as i proved stronger than anthony.
I think she's so great though, like i never imagined getting ready for somethin like this wit another girl... and doing makeup, and giggling, and doing hair and whatnot...
ive never had anyone from school invite to there house unless it was an attempt to get drugs or sex.. and ive never been friends wit a girl like her. She's definately the coolest though and im super psyched to be goin wit her and theres no way on the planet i could explain it.
goodluck wit ur dress nati... no matter what i guarentee you'll look super cute though.
so how am i feeling? scared. I dont want anthony to ruin my prom tomorrow night. he is unaware that vince will be there, and today i dont know which one to hang out with, but anthony will embarass me sooo fuckiin much if he were to show up tomorrow.
yesterday i guess he texted my fone all day, but i lost it for a while. then he texted vince withe all these obscene things... i guess its understandable becuz of what happened... but it gave me so much anxiety.. and everytime i call him he just makes me feel like dying because its like everything in his life has gone dead wrong or something.
He makes me feel soo fuckiin guilty though, and allegedly doesnt even try to do so....
but im scurred.. like i want to hangout withe him today just so maybe, just maybe he'll leave me the fuck alone tomorrrow night. Vinc eis goin to prom withe another girl,and then theres a party at his house. i really want to go but if ant shows up.. he would completely ruin everything for me. i hate him when he does that, and hes soooo fuckiin dependant on me... its killin me and he doesnt even care.
i gotta make him understand but chances are he wont. this guy is like ruining my life and i hate it
yesterday he parked outside vinces house n honked and screamed obscenities and scared me a lot.
he doesnt fuckiing care.
and he'll just keep making me feel horrible til i just go over the edge. i really gotta get away from this.. im not worth making happy.. i dont deserve it. anthony has proven that to me a million and one times,
and now.. i dont even really want to go to prom. id rather just get lost downtown, and walk around, all sad and alone. at least then anthony couldnt ruin everything.
i dont know how i feel about vince taking barbara.. shes gettign the authentic pprom experience.. he bought her ticket, they discussed dressing, and dancing, and hes wearing a madd nice suit or tux, and gettting her nice flowers, theyre partying after n shes gonna sleep there... i hate that.
i cant help it... owel though.. he always gets into the swing of things when im not around... and tunes me out when i am. im crazy.. i gotta go itll be fun... please goddess... i beg unto thee.. dont let anthony make me feel horrible.. just for tomorrow.. please.
Tomorrow is the junior prom... i'll have to put pics in here... and ive got my dress, and all available makeup.
Im wearing red lipstick and pink makeup... even though thats my everyday look, it'll look good. It wont match my dress, but hey at least I'll look good.
I want to bleach my hair again tonite, the roots are already visible, and its not light enough yet.
I also want to go to that little pavillion at the mall and buy a glittery hair clip
I want to get a camera, and buy Nati flowers
I'm sorry that no'one has asked Nati... when she says it, and then states she wouldnt have been able to anyway.. I know exactly how she feels.
Ive been there, and now that Im not Im struggling to survive. She's probably going to prove stronger than me no matter what happens, just as i proved stronger than anthony.
I think she's so great though, like i never imagined getting ready for somethin like this wit another girl... and doing makeup, and giggling, and doing hair and whatnot...
ive never had anyone from school invite to there house unless it was an attempt to get drugs or sex.. and ive never been friends wit a girl like her. She's definately the coolest though and im super psyched to be goin wit her and theres no way on the planet i could explain it.
goodluck wit ur dress nati... no matter what i guarentee you'll look super cute though.
so how am i feeling? scared. I dont want anthony to ruin my prom tomorrow night. he is unaware that vince will be there, and today i dont know which one to hang out with, but anthony will embarass me sooo fuckiin much if he were to show up tomorrow.
yesterday i guess he texted my fone all day, but i lost it for a while. then he texted vince withe all these obscene things... i guess its understandable becuz of what happened... but it gave me so much anxiety.. and everytime i call him he just makes me feel like dying because its like everything in his life has gone dead wrong or something.
He makes me feel soo fuckiin guilty though, and allegedly doesnt even try to do so....
but im scurred.. like i want to hangout withe him today just so maybe, just maybe he'll leave me the fuck alone tomorrrow night. Vinc eis goin to prom withe another girl,and then theres a party at his house. i really want to go but if ant shows up.. he would completely ruin everything for me. i hate him when he does that, and hes soooo fuckiin dependant on me... its killin me and he doesnt even care.
i gotta make him understand but chances are he wont. this guy is like ruining my life and i hate it
yesterday he parked outside vinces house n honked and screamed obscenities and scared me a lot.
he doesnt fuckiing care.
and he'll just keep making me feel horrible til i just go over the edge. i really gotta get away from this.. im not worth making happy.. i dont deserve it. anthony has proven that to me a million and one times,
and now.. i dont even really want to go to prom. id rather just get lost downtown, and walk around, all sad and alone. at least then anthony couldnt ruin everything.
i dont know how i feel about vince taking barbara.. shes gettign the authentic pprom experience.. he bought her ticket, they discussed dressing, and dancing, and hes wearing a madd nice suit or tux, and gettting her nice flowers, theyre partying after n shes gonna sleep there... i hate that.
i cant help it... owel though.. he always gets into the swing of things when im not around... and tunes me out when i am. im crazy.. i gotta go itll be fun... please goddess... i beg unto thee.. dont let anthony make me feel horrible.. just for tomorrow.. please.