[Arashi] Utaban 2010.03.02

[wingsonwords]

T/N: This is the first draft and I was doing sneak translations at work, s-so definitely needs an edit. Should have it all corrected after work today. DONE. For now, enjoy~

Arashi @ Utaban
Narrator: On Utaban tonight, Arashi reveals the truth about themselves!

Nino: I mean it makes me feel like I have lots of money in my wallet.

Narrator: Coming up in 60 seconds!

[The Arashi members' inner thoughts will be revealed in tonight's special!

We'll talk about work, love and money... in 60 seconds!]

Narrator: Tonight, Arashi will reveal the truth!

Jun: I won't break up with a girl just because she cheated on me.
Nino: I mean it makes me feel like I have lots of money in my wallet.
Sho: I think I'll blurt it out if I have a drink.

Narrator: It's an explosion of revealing truths! Moreover! We learn shocking results from an emergency palm reading!

[MC Ishibashi Takaaki]

[MC Nakai Masahiro]

Nakai: It has been four months since their last appearance. Please welcome Arashi!

[Arashi]

Sho: Good evening.
Nino: Please take care of us.
Jun: Please take care of us.
Aiba: Please take care of us.
Ohno: Please take care of us.
Jun: Good evening!
Aiba: Please take care of us.

Nakai: It was your tenth anniversary the last time you came.
Arashi: Yes!
Nakai: Right...
Sho: Yep.
Nakai: Time passes really fast, doesn't it? Shall we talk about your current status?
Jun: Current status!
Nakai: You don't really talk about your current status, right? Besides your interviews for Duet.
All: That's true, that's true.
Sho: People don't really ask about our current status on TV.
Nakai: What magazines are you in?
Nino: Wink Up.
Nakai: Wink Up.
All: Duet.
Nakai: Duet.
All: Potato.
Nakai: Potato.
All: Myojo.
Nakai: Myojo!
All: Popolo.
Nakai: What?
All: Popolo.
Nakai: Popolo?
Jun: Yes.
Nakai: You appear in every issue?
Sho: That's right.
Ishibashi: Are you still doing the Gekkan Mail segment?
All: Yes.
Sho: We're listed by alphabet in Myojo now.
Ishibashi: Is a song booklet still included?
All: Yes.
Aiba: It's still included.
Nakai: It's full of songs for young people.
Nino: It's filled with songs for young people now.
Ishibashi: Clearly a magazine you should take with you on a field trip.

Nakai: What have you been up to lately?
Sho: Lately...
Nakai: Well? You're in a drama nowadays, Sakurai?
Sho: Yes. I've been given the opportunity to star in the drama, "Tokujo Kabachi".

[Tokujo Kabachi
Every Sunday, 9pm]

Sho: When we were going to release the new song... how do you memorize your dance choreography, Nakai-san? This time, I couldn't memorize the steps at the dance session, so I got a video to review and redo the entire dance at home.
Nakai: Right, right.
Sho: Do you do that?
Nakai: You know... I... do that a lot.
All: Wow...
Sho: I see.
Nakai: I'm the slowest SMAP member at memorizing choreography.
Nino: What!?
Nakai: I can't remember the steps!
Sho: That's exactly what I was like for this song. Even though they give us free time to practise at the choreography session, we've only practised the steps two or three times so I can't remember them--
Nakai: And you're not feeling it either, right?
Sho: Right.
Nakai: It happens, it happens.
Sho: So I gave up at the session and decided to review the steps on my own at home. You have that problem too, Nakai-san?
Nakai: It can't be helped that each member memorizes the choreography at their own pace. There are members who can remember them quickly and some who can't. Are there different learning speeds within Arashi as well?
Jun: Yes.
Nakai: What are your thoughts on different memorization skills, Ohno?
Ishibashi: What?
Ohno: What?

[Huh?]

Ishibashi: You're fast, aren't you?
Ohno: I'm...
Ishibashi: We concluded he picks up dance steps very quickly. He's good at dancing, after all.
Nakai: That's not what I wanted!!
Jun: Huh?
Nakai: Fine, fine. You're a fast learner, huh.
Ohno: I'm fast.
Ishibashi: Whereas you are... slow?
Nakai: Slow.
Ishibashi: Why?
Ohno: Probably because he's stupid.

Nakai: What was that? What was with that feint?
All: We're sorry, we're very sorry.
Nakai: What the hell was that? Why are you guys all the way over there!?
Ishibashi: Vertical distance.
Nakai: What is with that close-up!?

[Their first fight in the year 2010]

Nakai: Don't pull a feint again!

Nakai: What about you, Ninomiya-kun?
Nino: I'm working on movies...
Nakai: You're doing movies now.
Nino: Yep.
Nakai: "Gantz"?
Nino: "Gantz".
Ishibashi: You're not working on "Oh-oku"?
Nino: I'll be in "Oh-oku" too.
Ishibashi: Ah! You're working on different movies!
Nino: Yes.
Nakai: Wait, you're in two movies?
Nino: Actually, there's a first and second half to the "Gantz" movies, so I'm technically working on three.
Nakai: What? Do you like movies?
Nino: Well, yes...
Nakai: You like movies.
Nino: Yes, since I've been given the chance to appear in them.
Nakai: You're so amazing, always working on movies or dramas... what about you, Matsumoto-san?

Jun: I've been relaxing lately. I went to New York to watch a musical--
Nakai: How cool.
Nakai: "On my off days, I went to New York to watch a musical." That's really cool!
Ishibashi: What's wrong with that? He IS cool.
Nakai: Well he shouldn't say it in such a cool way, it's annoying! Why are you so composed?

Nakai: Ohno-kun... no, not Ohno-kun. Umm...
Aiba: I'm Aiba.
Nakai: Aiba-kun.
Aiba: Nakai-san.
Nino: Why can't you remember his name!?
Nakai: What did you do, Aiba-kun?
Aiba: A few days ago, I went on a golf course.
Ishibashi: What? At 27-years-old, you're already playing golf!?
Aiba: Yes.
Ishibashi: Goodness.
Aiba: When I started playing, Itsuki Hiroshi-san came up behind me.

[He was with Itsuki-san at a golf course...]

Aiba: Because he took care of us at Kohaku, I decided to say hello to him. So I buttoned the collar of my suit, straightened my clothes and--
Ishibashi: Why were you wearing a suit on the golf course?
Aiba: Not a suit, sorry, a polo shirt. A polo shirt. I'm sorry, I meant a polo shirt!
Ohno: I thought you played golf in a suit.
Aiba: I'm sorry, I meant a polo shirt! Anyway, I went to greet him, and he very kindly remembered who we were. He also asked if all of us played golf and I was so nervous, I said yes. Then he told me to get Arashi together for a round on the golf course with him. I said, "I will! Thank you very much!" But... these guys don't really play golf.
Nakai: We do say strange things when we're nervous.
Aiba: Exactly!

Nakai: And you, Ohno-kun?
Ohno: Fishing, basically.
Nakai: Why is fishing the only thing you ever talk about? It's always fishing! Myojo must be having a difficult time with you.

Nakai: "Member Classification! Arashi's Which Side Are You!"

Nakai: Okay, you have to answer two-choice questions, which will in turn reveal your life values.

[We'll ask Arashi two-choice questions to squeeze out the truth!]

Nakai: I would like all of you to answer truthfully.
Arashi: Okay!
Nakai: Our analyst for today is the entertainment world's Mr. Classification, Ishibashi Takaaki-san.
Ishibashi: What's wrong with being number two in the world?
Sho: He's imitating Ren Hou-san! (*note: Ren Hou is a member of the House of Councillors and she has rather radical views.)
Ishibashi: Must we always be number one?

Nakai: Okay, let's move onto the questions! The first one reflects your social skills.

[Arashi's Social Skills]

Nakai: If someone at work invites you out for a meal, will you...
Nakai: A: definitely go?
Nakai: B: see it as a perfunctory gesture and not go?

Nakai: All right, please sort yourselves!
Jun: It's one or the other, right?
Nakai: Choose one. A: you'll go. B: you won't go.
Ishibashi: This happens often in our busi-- ow ow ow!
Sho: Are you all right?

[An accident occurred]

Aiba: Are you okay?
Nino: Taka-san!
Aiba: Are you okay?
Nino: Taka-san?
Jun: I think he lost consciousness.
Nakai: Good god. Ishibashi-kun.
Ishibashi: Yes...?
Nakai: What are you doing?
Nakai: Look at you, surrounded by Johnny's!
Nakai: Seriously, Grandpa, get a hold of yourself!
Ishibashi: This happens often in our business, doesn't it? "How about nerdin? I'll call you about nerdin sometime!" (*note: Ishibashi purposely switched "meshi ikou" to "shimeikou", so I switched "dinner" too.)

Ishibashi: Where should I go... I guess I'm over here.
Nakai: Okay, so Ishibashi-kun is going for B. B's my choice, too. First, let's start with the people who picked A: definitely go. Aiba-kun.
Aiba: Yes. I'll go...
Nakai: But you don't know if they really mean it! You don't know if they were sincere, you know?
Aiba: That's true, but I'll go if we exchange phone numbers.
Nakai: Um...
Aiba: If they'll tell me their phone number...
Nakai: So if someone said, "Let's grab a bite together sometime," can you ask the person for their contact number?
Aiba: I can't.
Nakai: You can't?
Aiba: I can't! Can you? It's pretty hard to ask for someone's phone number, don't you think?
Nakai: I definitely can't ask.
Aiba: On the other hand, if they initiated an exchange...
Nakai: I don't think I'll give out my number even if they gave me theirs.
Aiba: Ah, really?

Ishibashi: It seems he really doesn't tell people his number.
Aiba: Really?
Ishibashi: Can I tell them your phone number?
Nakai: No!
Nino: (overlap) Please do!
Nakai: You can't do that!
Nino: (overlap) Please give it to us after the recording.
Nakai: No, you can't do that!

Nakai: You know, I had a meal with Nino once before.
Nino: That's precisely why I'm sitting on this side.
Ishibashi: Because you ate with him?
Nino: I had a meal with Nakai-san before.
Ishibashi: It was a coincidental meeting, right?

[Nakai and Nino
had drinks together before]

Nakai: I was having dinner with some people and one of them knew Nino, so he came after his Tokyo Dome concert. You came right after your concert, didn't you?
Nino: Yes. When I got there, it went well, with Nakai-kun teasing me as he always does with his juniors, so we had a lot of fun. Later, we ended the party in high spirits. Then Nakai-kun said, "Let's have a drink again sometime!" I said, "Definitely!" and offered my phone number. But he said, "Forget it." We really had a great time, so great that he kept saying, "Let's have a drink again sometime!" But the minute I offered my number, he said, "Forget it."
Nino: "It's okay. It's fine." He totally said it as an obligation. In that case, you should be more clear of your true intentions, instead of trying to be polite.
Nakai: I always toss that in at the end.
Nino: I see.
Nakai: In an attempt to be polite.

Nakai: Who do you usually have drinks with? Within the Johnny's?
Aiba: Matsuoka-kun invites me to his house
Nakai: (overlap) Ah, you mentioned that before.
Aiba: for drinks sometimes...
Nakai: That's great.
Aiba: With Leader, right?

[Ohno & Aiba
go to Matsuoka's home...]

Ishibashi: He has a bar in his house, doesn't he?

[Our image]

Aiba: Ah, that's right.
Ohno: All the alcohol...
Ishibashi: It's all lined up with things like bourbon and stuff. All he has to do is press against them and they flow like a tap.
Aiba: And for the meal, he'll prepare a hot pot that's forty percent meat... Matsuoka-kun does all the work. Then he'll ask us to eat.
Nakai: So what, when Matsuoka-kun goes, "Hey Ohno! Aiba! Let's go!" You're like, "Yes, Sir~! We're ready to go!" Or, "For real!? Can we really go to your house!?" "Of course you can!"
Aiba: We're not that enthusiastic!
Nakai: Then when the alcohol flows out from the bottles, you're all, "Whoa that's AWESOME, man!!"
Aiba: We're not that enthusiastic! We're not that enthusiastic!
Ohno: We react in a more normal way!
Aiba: Normal!

Ishibashi: Why are you sitting over here?
Ohno: Well...
Nakai: You don't usually go to these things, Ohno?
Ohno: Not really... it depends on your mood too, doesn't it?
Nakai: Mood, right. How you feel at the time, you mean?
Ohno: Yeah, how I feel at the time.
Nakai: Uh huh.
Nino: For Leader, he may agree to it the day before, but when he wakes up the next morning, his mood will be different.
Ishibashi: Is your blood type B?
Ohno: I'm A.
Ishibashi: Really?
Nakai: That does happen, though.

Nakai: What about you, Matsumoto?
Jun: I... usually try to go.
Sho: I often hear from people that they've recently gone out for drinks with him. Like at some stage play or something...
Nakai: There's always one in every group.
Jun: I hang out with people quite often.
Nakai: You probably have many friends, then. Comparatively.
Jun: That's right. I become good friends with quite a few people after talking to them at some point.
Nakai: Don't you get nervous when a big-shot actor shows up?

[These three are curious about something]

Jun: I do! But I really like the kind of communication we have at a bar, and we also meet people we don't usually meet, so...
Nakai: Were you listening!? You gotta be kidding!
Ishibashi: No, see--
Nakai: I'm doing my best in the middle over here!!
Ishibashi: Look, we were just talking about how small your feet were...
Nakai: Shut up!!
Nino: I'm sorry!
Ohno: Sorry!
Nakai: I'm a 24.5cm!
All: What!?
Nakai: I knew people would say I have small feet with 24.5cm, so I'm wearing a very loose 25cm right now! You don't have to talk about my feet anyway!
Nino: I'm sorry!
Ishibashi: You know, when we asked Ohno-kun what he thought of your feet, he thought they were small too and he added, "He's also pretty short."

Nakai: You can't let me reach him!
Nino: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Nakai: He wasn't the one who said the insult so he wasn't ready. Taka-san made the insult for him.
Nakai: What's up with the Fall In Love pose?

Narrator: After the break, Arashi will go wild with their thoughts on love!

Ishibashi: He's lying~! Matsujun is lying~!
Jun: No I'm not. I'm not lying.

Nakai: Okay, let's go to the next one! The next question pertains to Arashi's views on love.

[Arashi's Views on Love]

Nakai: If your girlfriend cheated on you, will you...
Nakai: A: break up with her?
Nakai: B: not break up with her?

Nakai: Okay, which one will you choose? A is break up, B is no break up.

Nakai: Whoaaa...
Nakai: Ishibashi-kun, you're going with B too? Will you break up--
Ishibashi: Aaah.
Nakai: You'll break up with her.
Nakai: You won't?
Nino: Nope.
Nakai: You won't? You won't? You won't?

Nakai: Let's start from this side, shall we?
Aiba: Yes, let's ask them first.
Nakai: Okay, let's figure out what stage you consider cheating. For example, the girl you like, your girlfriend, or your wife... she went out for a dinner and movie with a guy.
Ohno: That's... That's... perfectly all right.
Nakai: Perfectly all right. You, Ninomiya?
Nino: I'm fine with that.
Nakai: And Matsumoto?
Jun: I'm okay with it, I think.
Nakai: You're okay. Sakurai?
Sho: I'm fine with it.
Nakai: You're fine with it!?
Jun: See, basically, it's not the action... I think the problem lies in her emotions for the other guy.
Ishibashi: Why are you so mature?
Jun: In other words, although I said I wouldn't break up with her, what I mean is that I wouldn't break up with her just because she cheated. I want to have a discussion with her to clarify the situation first, so I won't break up with her just for the action of cheating.
Nakai: So what, if she said, "I'm so sorry~!!"
Audience: Whaaat?
Ishibashi: Whaaat? He's lying~! Matsujun is lying~!
Jun: No I'm not. I'm not lying.
Nakai: (overlap) He looks so ugly like that! So ugly!!
Ishibashi: He's definitely lying. He's trying to raise his appeal points.
Nakai: I don't think that's his motive.

Nakai: What about you, Ninomiya-kun?
Nino: For me, um... I'm a bit strange, actually.
Nakai: Uh huh.
Nino: I'd get upset at myself for making her do it.
Audience: Huh!?
Ishibashi: Even so, you won't break up with her?
Nino: Exactly. Because I'm the one who made her cheat on me...
Nakai: You feel that part of the fault lies with yourself.
Nino: Once I start thinking that I might have been the one who created a reason for her to cheat on me...
Nakai: That's usually a convenient excuse for a woman.
Nino: Are you serious? That's something a woman would say?
Nakai: That's something a woman would say. And you, Ohno?
Nino: (overlap) That's probably my way of thinking, though...
Ohno: I think my opinion may be pretty close to Nino's.
Nakai: Oh, really?
Audience: What!?
Nakai: You believe you're at fault for giving her a reason?
Nino: See, her actions reflect how you treat her.
Ohno: I'd think it was my fault.
Nakai: But, seriously! Don't you hate cheating?

Nakai: What about you, Sakurai? You're totally okay with it?
Sho: No,
Nakai: (overlap) You're not okay with it?
Sho: what I mean is that I won't break up with her immediately after finding out. I think my view is pretty close to Matsumoto's.
Nakai: Okay, let's say in her cellphone mailbox, you see a message from a guy. It says, "I had a lot of fun yesterday. ♥ I hope your boyfriend didn't find out." What would you do? You saw it by accident!
Jun: Man, that's--
Nakai: This could turn into a drama.
Jun: Oh man...
Nakai: If you saw that message, would you bring it up?
Nino: I would. I'd bring it up.
Jun: (overlap) If I saw it, I would.
Nakai: What would you say?
Nino: But you know, the fact that we saw that message already makes it a minus point for us, doesn't it?
Jun: (overlap) Right. I agree.
Nino: You know what I mean, right?
Jun: If you tell her that you saw it...
Nino: It's highly possible that she would steer away the conversation by asking, "Why were you looking through my mailbox!?"
Nakai: Well imagine she's waiting to hear what you have to say, instead of accusing you of reading her messages.
Nino: I would ask, "What was so fun?" I'd want to know the background behind that message.
Ishibashi: You're lying, you're lying~ That's definitely a lie!
Nino: Why!?
Ishibashi: That's definitely a lie.
Nino: Wait, what's the right answer!?
Ishibashi: What if you get a message like, "That guy may be in Arashi, but I'm a hurricane!" (*note: Arashi = storm)
Nino: No one would send a message like that!
Nakai: He's totally sucks at that sort of thing.

Nakai: You, Sakurai?
Sho: I'll hold it in for as long as I can.
Audience: Really...?
Sho: I'll keep it to myself for as long as possible. But I think I'll blurt it out if I have a drink.
Nino: It'll be fast then! It'll come out really fast.
Nakai: That's fast! You'll be drinking on that day.
Nino: He'll drink that night.
Sho: I might blurt it out, yeah.

Nakai: Well anyway, this side is the break up team.
Aiba: That's right.
Nakai: At what stage would you consider it cheating? What if she watched a movie, had a meal and some drinks with the guy?
Aiba: That's okay.
Nakai: Hand holding?
Aiba: You know, when you're all pumped up, you might go with the flow and grab a person's hand to be all, "Yayyy!"
Nakai: What kind of "flow" is that?
Aiba: That happens, doesn't it? Doesn't it happen?
Nakai: No it doesn't!
Aiba: If it's something like a "Yayy!" on the streets after a reunion party...
Nakai: Why does this sound like an American comedy series!?
Nakai: Japanese people don't do that!
Aiba: Really? Well if they're holding hands really tight, I wouldn't like it. For example, like this... or...
Nakai: Like a cross-ty?
Aiba: Yeah, a cross-ty.
Nino: (overlap) Cross-ty... so that's called a cross-ty.
Aiba: I can't take that.
Nakai: You don't like that?
Aiba: I'd be a little shocked.

Nakai: And you, Ishibashi-san? Please recall your past. When you were in your twenties like Arashi or maybe your late teens...
Ishibashi: Ahh, my twenties, huh...
Nakai: Yep.
Ishibashi: I'd send her packing!
Nino: Your face is scary! Really scary!
Nakai: How far would you allow her to go? If she held hands--
Ishibashi: Hands!? No way I'd allow that.

Nakai: Okay, next question! It relates to your money sense.

[Arashi's Money Sense]

Nakai: If you heard that a restaurant is guaranteed to have delicious food, even if the prices are a little high, you'll drop by anyway. If the prices are high, you won't go.
Nakai: Okay, please choose your side!
Nakai: A is you'll go to the restaurant even if the prices are a little high.
Jun: You're on this side, Leader!? Leader's actually on this side!
Nakai: All right, let's do this.
Ishibashi: There's two over there. How much are you willing...
Nakai: What's your limit? For example, an expensive restaurant where a group of four has to pay 25,000 yen each--
Nino: I'm not going, definitely not going.
Ishibashi: That was fast.
Nakai: Really fast.
Nino: 10,000 yen is the limit...
Aiba: Yeah, 10,000 yen. I agree, I agree. 10,000 yen is a good place to stop.
Nakai: Huh? What if it's 100,000 yen split between four people?
Nino: No, no. It has to be 10,000 yen each.
Ishibashi: Huh!?
Jun: But if you order a drink,
Nakai: It'll get expensive.
Jun: the price will go up immediately. For example, if you order a bottle of wine or a bottle of shochuu...
Aiba: We won't order a good bottle, will we?
Nino: Nope.
Aiba: We won't. We won't order a good bottle. One glass is enough.
Nakai: Even a glass could get expensive if you refill a lot.
Nino: That's why I never take large gulps.
Nakai: What!? You actually conserve your alcohol!? If I drink anymore than this, it'll get expensive, so I should hold back?
Nino: Exactly. Think about it. Okay? Even if you asked for a drink on the rocks, if you gave it a few minutes, it'll turn into a mix diluted with water. Drink half of it, wait for a bit, and it'll revive as a mix diluted with water.
Aiba: That's true, yes. Yes.

Nakai: What's with that? You can't have a good chug of your drink, then! What do you do when you're out with your juniors?
Nino: I, um...
Nakai: What?
Nino: I don't go out with juniors.
Nakai: What?
Aiba: It's true. When we went drinking together with our juniors, I was the one who paid.
Audience: Whaat?
Aiba: For everything, in fact.
Nakai: You didn't pay?
Nino: Huh?
Nakai: Don't give me "huh". Why didn't you pay?
Nino: He invited me. If I had asked him out, I might have paid. But Aiba-san was the one who asked me to join them for a meal...
Nakai: "Ninomiya-kun, since you and all our juniors are here too, let's go out together!"
Nino: So I said, "Ah, okay, I'll intrude on your little party then."
Nakai: Because Aiba was the one who invited you, your agreement to join them showed that you were just going with his mood that day.
Nino: That's right, that's exactly right.
Aiba: Wait, can I move to that side? I think I should be over here!
Nakai: You treat people after all!
Aiba: I do!
Nakai: Though it's not really about whether you pay for people's meals or not.
Aiba: Yes, but in retrospect, I think I should be over here.

Nakai: Do you guys go out for meals?
Sho: Yes... see, when you think about how many dinners you can have in one lifetime, you realize that the number is actually quite small...
Nakai: What?
Jun: That's true.
Nakai: Hang on. Where are you going with this? Can you elaborate?
Sho: Well, I don't really have a hobby. So after I considered where I should spend my money, I decided to use it on the essentials we need for living.
Nakai: What's with that, Zero? What's with that? You turned a simple question into such a profound speech.
Sho: In that case, if we focus on dinner as an essential requirement for living,
Nakai: If we focus on that?
Sho: we can't eat as much as we want in one lifetime. So I decided to invest my money there, and that's why I always use all my effort to eat dinner.
Jun: It's amazing, you know. When the five of us are together for our regular TV shows, he would plan our dinner the day before.
Nakai: You mean like what restaurant to go to...
Jun: Yes, or what take-out would make us happy. Apparently he comes up with these plans the day before.
Nakai: Wow...
Sho: And when everyone enjoys their meal, I'm really happy.
Nino: Because you spent the day before thinking about it, right?

Nakai: Ohno, you're the type to eat properly?
Ohno: I... um... I'd be curious to find out just how delicious the food is.
Nakai: Since everyone keeps saying it's delicious...
Ohno: Yes. That's why I'd like to try it.
Jun: Leader, how much are you willing to spend?
Ohno: I don't know, I--
Nakai: Do you even have a wallet?
Ohno: Yes I do!
Nakai: How much do you have in your wallet? About how much? Give a rough estimate.

[What's inside an idol's wallet...?]

Nakai: How much would make you panic? The amount of money in your wallet that would make you panic, I mean. For me, the minute I have less than 30,000 yen, I panic. Seriously.

[What's inside Arashi's wallets?]

Nakai: I always need to have 50,000 yen in there. What's your limit, Ohno? Your panic limit.
Ohno: I also need 30,000 yen, but... I tend to fold two of my 10,000 yen notes to about this size. I would fold 20,000 yen worth and put it in my wallet. Once I use up 10,000 yen, I'd panic, but since the 20,000 yen is...
Nakai: I see! You always carry 20,000 yen as your insurance.
Ohno: Yes, it's my insurance. So once I use up 10,000 yen, I can pull out the folded notes and be like, "Ah, that's right. I had a folded note in here."
Jun: You put that in yourself, didn't you!? You inserted them yourself.
Nakai: You put it in yourself, didn't you?
Ohno: Yep.

Nakai: What about you, Sakurai? How much do you need?
Sho: I'll panic if I have less than 20,000 yen on the weekend.
Nino: Ah, that's understandable.
Nakai: And you, Matsumoto?
Jun: I can work with 5,000 yen.
Nakai: You're okay with 5,000 yen?
Jun: Yes.
Nakai: You can stick to that amount?
Jun: Yep, I can.
Nakai: I'll totally freak out with just 5,000 yen!
Jun: It makes me happy to know that I can go through a day with just 5,000 yen.
Nakai: It feels like you're saving money, huh. You, Aiba?
Aiba: I don't really check, so I only realize I've run out when I take my wallet out. I'd be like, "Crap, I'm out of money!" But I guess my panic limit would be 10,000 yen, because I have the impression that I can get by with 10,000 yen.
Nakai: Ninomiya?
Nino: I need 40,000 yen. Out of that 40,000 yen, 10,000 yen must be in 1,000 yen notes.
Nakai: What?
Nino: 30,000 yen will be in three 10,000 yen notes, but the last 10,000 yen will be in 1,000 yen notes.
Ishibashi: Why?
Nino: To increase the bulk of my wallet.
Ishibashi: Huh?
Nino: By that, I mean it makes me feel like I have lots of money in my wallet.
Jun: You're so petty!
Nino: (overlap) It's a source of motivation.
Ishibashi: Why don't you just put 130,000 yen in your wallet?
Nino: That's not the issue. I'll get depressed the next time I withdraw money if I take out so much.
Nakai: Actually, while I have no intention of beefing up my wallet, I do want to have about ten pieces of 1,000 yen notes in there.
Nino: Look, when I put in 1,000 yen notes and close the wallet, it feels really thick. That's when I can think to myself, "This is how far I have come."
Jun: How far HAVE you come with that!?
Nakai: You should just make them all 1,000 yen notes!!

Narrator: After the break, we'll hear shocking results on Arashi's palm readings!

[An Emergency Palm Reading for Arashi

Palm-Reading Entertainer
Shimada Shuuhei]

Narrator: Sorry for the wait! It's time for Arashi's palm reading! The surprising results send the studio audience into an uproar!

Shimada: I have read 20,000 palms thus far. Recently, it was just a photograph, but I've read Tiger Wood's palm. He had very beautiful lines indicating all his love affairs. I've read the palms of many, many stars, but...
Nakai: You've read quite a few.
Shimada: Arashi has such great lines, it feels like all the premium lines have gathered on your very palms!
Jun: Really?
Sho: What does that mean?
Aiba: We have premium lines!
Shimada: They were magnificent!
Jun: Premium?
Shimada: Every one of you has the Popularity Line that all entertainers crave, as well as the Humour Line that makes people laugh! You have many of those!
Nakai: Humour and Popularity...
Shimada: Yes. Within the group, Aiba-san has the greatest number!
Nakai: What line?
Shimada: The Humour Line.
Nakai: The Humour Line!
Shimada: By the way, the Humour Line runs along the start of this line, which is called the Emotion Line. They're the tiny lines over here. The more you have, the funnier you are.
Jun: Wow, you really do have a lot.
Shimada: You're all as amazing as I expected, but I'd like to do an individual analysis because they're all very rare...
Nakai: You're going straight into the analysis?
Shimada: May I begin?
Nakai: Go ahead!

Shimada: Okay! Please take a look at these pictures! First off, I would like to begin with Sakurai-san.
Sho: Okay.

[Arashi's Palm Reading
(1) Sakurai Sho]

Shimada: This is incredibly rare!
Nakai: Sakurai's palm is rare?
Shimada: Very rare! Sakurai-san has not one, but two Head Lines in the middle of his palm.
Ishibashi: What?
Nakai: Whoa, you're right! It's disgusting!
Sho: No it's not!!
Nakai: Show them!
Shimada: Having two lines is very rare and these lines, called the Two-Layered Head Line, signify that he has a brain that's double the size of a regular person's. It's the greatest Head Line a person can have.
All: Ohh...

Shimada: In addition to that, at the start of his Emotion Line, he has a few tiny circles. This is called the See-Through Line, which only intelligent people with excellent problem-solving abilities possess.
Sho: Wow...
Shimada: And at the end of his Emotion Line, it divides nicely into two.
Nakai: Right.
Shimada: This is called the Consideration Line, a sign that the person is very generous and considerate of other people's feelings. Actually, Ninomiya-san has that line as well.
Nino: Yes, I do.
Shimada: It's called the Consideration Line. Well, as a talkshow host, you have to take note of many things, so most famous talkshow hosts have this line.
Nino: We're considerate.
Shimada: The thing is, although it's called the Consideration Line, there's a dark side to it. For some reason, it's quite common amongst gay men. I've seen this line on nearly all the gay men I've analyzed. For example, IKKO-san, Haruna Ai-san, Osugi&Piiko-san... and the folks on Nichome... (*note: Shinjuku nichome has a few crossdresser clubs)
Nakai: Ahh... now that you mention it...
Nino & Sho: No no no!
Sho: What do you mean by that?
Nino: There's nothing new to learn here.

Shimada: Next, Aiba-san. For Aiba-san, you have one, two, three semi-circle lines on your palm.

[Arashi's Palm Reading
(2) Aiba Masaki]

Aiba: Yes.
Shimada: These are called the Pervert Lines.
Nino: That's not normal, is it?
Shimada: That's right, you're at the level of Tenshin Kimura. (*note: Tenshin Kimura is the comedian in the pink haori who sings perverted poems.)
Aiba: You're kidding! Really?
Nakai: Are you a pervert, Aiba?
Aiba: No, I'm not...
Nakai: Are you?
Aiba: I'm a pervert...? I don't think I'm a pervert!
Shimada: It's also called the Charming Line,
Aiba: Okay.
Shimada: so you have a shining presence and good fashion sense.
Nakai: But he's also a pervert.
Aiba: Hey!
Shimada: Here, you have lines near your ring finger. They're called the Bizarro Lines. It means you're a bit of an airhead and you live in a slightly different world from everyone else.
Nakai: A perverted airhead is the most problematic character type.
Sho: That's true!
Nakai: Makes you wonder what a perverted airhead is like, doesn't it?
Aiba: Yeah.
Shimada: But he does have good lines as well. There's a line between his Head Line and Emotion Line, connecting the two of them. This is the head and this is the emotion, the heart, so the line that connects them is called the Fighting Line. It's a line that indicates now is the best time to work hard.
All: Ohh...
Shimada: Yes.
Nakai: This year is important, then.
Shimada: Doing his best this year may give him another fantastic ten years.
Nakai: Wow.
Shimada: Please work hard this year.
Nakai: Indeed.

Shimada: Next, Ninomiya-san!
Nino: Yes!
Shimada: Actually, you have the best XXX Line in the group!

Shimada: Next, Ninomiya-san!
Nino: Yes!

[Arashi's Palm Reading
(3) Ninomiya Kazunari]

Shimada: Are you ready? Actually, Ninomiya-san...you have a line that I've found on Taka-san's palm. You have the best Money Line in the group.
Nino: All right~!
Jun: The best huh.
Shimada: This is amazing.
Nino: All right~!!
Nakai: Stop saying that!
Shimada: Please take a look at this. The line that goes vertically down from the ring finger is the Money Line. The longer this line is, the stronger your luck with money.
Aiba: Whoa, that's amazing.
Shimada: Also, the line running vertically down the last finger is called the Wealth Line, and his line stretches all the way down here.
Nakai: Whose, whose?
Shimada: Ninomiya-san.
Nino: Right.
Shimada: This is a line that indicates his finances and assets, so the fact that it runs all the way to the bottom proves that he has saved up quite a bit.
Nakai: You should treat me to something!
Nino: Nope, I always make sure seniors treat me.
Shimada: And the line in the middle is the Fate Line.
Nakai: Uh huh.
Shimada: These lines form a triangle. Taka-san, I found that on your palm the last time, too.
Taka: Yes.
Shimada: You were delighted to learn about it. This is called the General's Line, found on the palms of billionaires.
Nino: Cool! Is this true?
Shimada: Yes! I talked about the greatest Head Line earlier. Well, this is the strongest Money Line. You're truly a person blessed with money.
Jun: Lend us some!
Ishibashi: Let's form a partnership and establish a bank.

Shimada: Next!
Ishibashi: Yep.
Shimada: Matsumoto-san.
Jun: Please do the honours.

[Arashi's Palm Reading
(4) Matsumoto Jun]

Shimada: Matsumoto-san, you have two Emotion Lines.
Nakai: So he's very sensitive? What does that mean?
Shimada: This doesn't signify that he has a split personality. Rather, he has twice as much emotions and consideration for others. He's indeed a man of character! He cares very much for his group members, juniors and family. It's said that people with this line will never betray others, so he's always thinking about others. One line does concern me, however. Over here. Here, there's a line poking out on the side, right? This is the Never Apologize Line. Although he has a strong sense of justice, even if he's in the wrong, he will seldom apologize.
Nakai: I see. You can't apologize?
Jun: I'm bad at it.
Nakai: Are you embarrassed to do it?
Jun: It's not that I'm embarrassed... more like I can't accept that it's my fault. I tend to see things in black and white.
Nakai: There are things you can accept and things you can't.
Jun: Yes.

Shimada: Last of all! Ohno!
Nino: We're all curious about his reading.
Shimada: Indeed! This is his Emotion Line, and--

[Arashi's Palm Reading
(5) Ohno Satoshi]

Nakai: What the hell!? You have lots of wrinkles! What is this!?
Shimada: People who have a lot of wrinkles on their palms are said to have great sensitivity. Plus, each line is spread out proportionately, so it indicates that he's tolerant of all character types.
Shimada: Anyway, this is his Emotion Line over here... and it curves a little at the end. A curved Emotion Line is a typical indication of a Love Postponement Line. That means he's a person who puts his work and hobbies before love. His family may not be his first priority even after marriage.
Nakai: You have to keep fishing after marriage, don't you?
Ohno: Yes.
Nino: I knew it, so it shows up on his palm too.
Shimada: Over here is his Life Line, and on the inside, there's a line protruding upwards. There's a line going upwards from the inside of your Life Line. Can you find it?
Ohno: Ah, here it is!
Shimada: Yes. This is called the Upcoming Popularity Period Line.
Nakai: What?
Shimada: It's a line which alerts you to the periods when you'll be popular in your lifetime. It also signifies that you'll meet many wonderful people this year.
Jun: Leader, that's great!
Ohno: I'm popular this year?
Shimada: If you miss your timing for popularity this year.. if you procrastinate and miss this period...
Nakai: He'll slide down a slippery slope.
Shimada: That's right. You may find yourself in lonely solitude. Also--
Nakai: There really are fixed periods of popularity.
Shimada: Yes. Near the end of your Head Line, you have a separate line. This is called the Writer Line or Literary Talent Line. People with a strong grasp on literature have this line. If you're up to it, I suggest you publish a book or some form of writing...
Nakai: Why don't you be a lyricist?
Ohno: A lyricist?
Nakai: Yeah. Go write song lyrics or something. Maybe you can compose the next song.
Ohno: Nahhh... I don't wanna!

Nakai: You know, you've never read my palm before. C'mon, find something on my palm.
Shimada: May I have a look? Um... you have more luck than most people.