Alex/Olivia, Re-entry Process Part 1
Re-entry Process Part 1
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Rating: Mature
Spoilers: S10E15 Lead
Disclaimer: They belong to Dick, I'm just fantasizing.
Author's Note: My idea of the night after Alex's arrival and before the morning of interrogation with that weird black blouse.
“I don’t think you should be here.”
As the door started to close Alex slammed her hand against it. “If you shut this door now, you will regret it for the rest of your life.”
Inside her apartment, Olivia stood, one had braced against the door and the other against the door frame. Her body tense with anger and emotions she had sealed away for so long, “I am NOT ready to talk to you yet.”
“Liv.” Olivia sucked in a breath at the endearment. “Let me in,” Alex commanded. Then, softening as she looked straight at Olivia, “Baby, look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want me to be here and I’ll go.”
Olivia’s head snapped up at the comment. “YOU don’t get to call me that,” she growled. “It’s been three fucking years, Alex!” her voice rising with each word and with the last she turned on her heal and headed towards the living room window.
Alex hesitated outside the door that had been left standing open. She had been expecting anger and rejection. She had expected the door to be slammed in her face. She had expected it to take more than one try to be let into her lover’s home.
Alex sighed. One of the many changes in Olivia. This new Olivia had lost her fiery passion. She had replaced it with an angry, wounded soul. The darkness Olivia had once held in her eyes had been replaced with a new darkness, one of loss, heartbreak, and walls.
Slowly stepping into the room, taking in her surroundings as she moved closer to the brunette she noticed not much had changed since they had last shared the space. The same tan couch and the same dark rug gave her a sense of security Alex wasn’t aware she had been lacking. Her eyes traced the walls. Most of the pictures she had been in were gone, but that one was still on the mantle. That one had started endless arguments; Olivia was safely to home base but Alex had insisted Liv had been tagged. A smile tugged at Alex’s lips before Olivia’s voice brought her thoughts back.
“I couldn’t bear to put it in a box.”
Alex turned towards Olivia who was still at the window, staring out over the skyline.
“Look Liv,” Alex stepped a foot closer, “I want to explain how hard it was for me.” She paused when she heard Olivia take in a deep breath then continued, “I thought about you every day I was gone. You are what got me through. And then,” she trailed off.
Olivia turned her head, the fading light glinting off unfallen tears, “Then what?” she asked, almost bitterly.
Alex bit her bottom lip, “Then I came back. It was so intense, like a whirlwind with reporters and people asking me the same questions wanting to know the same answers. Answers I wasn’t sure I had.”
Running her left hand along the back of the loveseat, Alex whispered, “I was scared.”
Olivia huffed but she didn’t interrupt. “I was scared that I wouldn’t be regarded as a professional, that I wouldn’t remember how to be a professional.” Standing only three feet behind Olivia now, Alex was getting nervous. “I wanted to call. Hell, I wanted to use the key I still had, but every time I did, every time I thought about what I would say or how I would look you in the eye, I’d crumble.”
Alex saw the older woman’s controlled breathing. A soft admission. “I started counseling,” the crack in Alex’s voice confessed her shame in her own weakness. “I told myself to wait a few weeks which turned into months while the goddamn phone taunted me,” the blonde added with a hint of irritation.
Alex took another step towards Olivia, “Your deep brown eyes taunted me.” With another tiny step closer, another admission, “The memory of your eyes as they bore into mine that night. The feel of you weight against mine. The cry in your voice begging me to live.”
A final step placed Alex right behind Olivia, “Every time I looked at that phone, the memories came flooding back. And as much as I wanted to see your eyes again, I wanted reminders of that night even less.”
The silence that hung between the women after Alex uttered her final confession; her final plea for understanding, for forgiveness was both deafening and suffocating to Olivia simultaneously. The anger and hurt still evident in her voice, she uttered, “Remember what Elliot said today?” She turned slowly until she was face to face with Alex. “We were there that night too.”
Alex ducked her head, “I know.”
Olivia needed space to think, space to breathe so she wiggled around Alex and moved back in front of the couch to the middle of the room. Her voice raised a little as she repeated her mantra, “We were there too, Al. You’re not the only one suffering from nightmares. You’re not the only one who lost the one you loved.”
Olivia’s tears finally fell, her shouting mixed with gasps for air. “Why didn’t you just call me? We could have worked it out together! We didn’t have to suffer alone!”
What was left of Alex’s heart broke again as she watched Olivia’s face turn red from anger and her cheeks shine with falling tears. She walked over to the brunette and wrapped her arms around Olivia tightly, willing the woman to take the love and strength she was offering. Of course Olivia struggled against her. She threw a hand against Alex’s chest in an attempt to push her away but her body had already relented. All that was left was her pride so Olivia kept shouting, “We were there too!”
Alex used one had to grasp the back of Olivia’s head and hold her still. She placed a series of kisses along the brown hair in front of her. Olivia’s shouts turned to sobs as she uttered “I was there too,” against Alex’s neck. Her entire body defeated, Olivia sagged against Alex. Neither woman said a word as Alex held Olivia tightly.
XXXXXXXX
An hour later Alex woke up on the couch, her head rested against Liv’s neck and her arm remained tightly wrapped around Olivia’s waist. Reveling the weight of Olivia’s arms holding her Alex lay still, replaying the words of their fight in her head. Five years ago a fight of that tenure would have landed them in bed, struggling for dominance over each other. The memory brought a smile to Alex’s face and she wondered if she would even need the black high neck blouse she brought for tomorrow.
“Is sex all you think about?” Olivia muttered playfully, her eyes still closed as her head rested against the back of the couch.
Alex groaned and buried her head further into Olivia’s neck. “I’d forgotten that you could read my mind. Lovely.”
Olivia chuckled, “Maybe I can read your mind but right now it’s your heart beating a hundred miles an hour against my breast that gave you away.”
Alex pulled back to look Olivia in the eye. Their communication was silent, a lover’s language, before Olivia leaned forward and captured Alex’s lips with her own. The first kiss was tentative before Olivia pulled a millimeter away. Alex opened her eyes at the loss of contact, smiling as she met Liv’s gaze. Quickly Olivia caught her lips again, this time harder, her walls starting to crumble.
Alex ran her tongue, almost hesitantly, along Olivia’s bottom lip, requesting entry and forgiveness in one simple gesture. Hearts had been broken, feelings had been beaten and nothing would heal overnight, but neither woman could fight the chemistry between them. This morning when Alex had arrived at the crime scene the air around them thickened instantly, everyone had felt it. The girls stood too close, looked to long, and everyone knew things were far from over.
Olivia slid her hands down to Alex’s hips and opened her mouth to Alex who instantly rewarded her with a small moan. The sound, so intense in its desire, triggered Olivia’s brain. She pulled Alex to straddle her lap and broke the kiss. Alex rested her forehead against Olivia’s as they caught their breaths together.
Alex sat up and ran her right-hand fingertips along the length of Olivia’s hair. “It’s so much longer,” she said softly.
Olivia simply nodded, too afraid to ask if Alex liked it or not. Olivia lifted her hand to Alex’s own long blonde hair, entangling her fingers deep into the locks, “So is yours.” She pulled her fingers through the length of it before bringing her hand up to cup Alex’s face, “But I think it looks absolutely gorgeous.”
They kissed again. With one hand Olivia pulled Alex’s mouth closer, the blonde’s tongue teasing her own in a friendly battle. Olivia’s other hand slid around her lover’s hip, fingers settling just inside Alex’s waistband at the small of her back.
The pressure was light but Alex’s hips got the hint. She ground her center against Olivia’s hips causing both women to break apart gasping. Alex whispered huskily, “I think we have to make a decision right now.”