Calia's diary goes walkabout
Hur hur hur
Just found (and read) Calia's diary.
She hasn't written anything in it for the last day or two, probably busy with her husbands, so I may as well put in what we have been doing, I'm sure she will be pleased.
Captain's log, stardate erm... tuesday.
These are the voyages of the flying ship the Enola Gay on its continuing mission to find out just how we killed everyone on the moon? Why Vixxter keeps killing people and then calls us evil? And what exactly is the strange crystal that Rod swallowed?
* Special FX shot of our ship flying by really fast *
Starring Me
* Picture of me, Rik Wikibile, the suavest damn half orc that ever lived, looking heroic *
My bro Rod
* Picture of Rod Wikibile cleaving something really scary in half *
That odd Knight Bloke
* Picture of Vixxter climbing out of a sewer covered in something unmentionable *
Sarflex
* Picture of Sarflex and Stripy looking into the distance *
Calia
* Picture of Calia shooting something really scary *
Merick the Wizard
* Picture of Merick dictating to his bored looking wives *
And introducing (Ensign Red Shirt) Yoyo
* Picture of yoyo jumping into combat and getting withered to a husk by a clawed hand *
And the wives and husbands
* Happy family shot of all the starring characters with their significant others smiling (except Vixxter's who are crying) *
The other day we came up with an idea that we should have a crew for our ship in case we ever actually needed to sail it anywhere, or in case we run out of "fuel" thinking about it they could be handy in two different ways if we run out of fuel. There was a bit of consternation when we took off, but I informed them that I would curse them blue unless they stopped panicking. Two blue crewmen later they stopped panicking and got to the job of rigging the sales, we just figured it would look cool but it did actually seem to help. After a bit of scrying we had located the guy who was responsible for us killing everyone on the moon (the git) and decided that we should probably go and have a word to discover exactly what we had done, and if there was a way to undo it. Unfortunately he was on another planet so we checked the fuel source and set sail.
* Special FX shot of our ship flying by really fast *
After a couple of days travel we came across a ship floating in space, it looked like the back half of it had been torn off and dead bodies littered the deck, as we flew closer to see if there was anything worth looting, erm I mean salvaging. As we got closer we saw that one of the crew wasn't completely dead and was waving at us, being valiant adventuring types we pulled alongside and clambered over using a rope. The ship was Tadiran in design which was odd; I thought we would see much more impressive things out here. The guy looked really unwell and probably was contagious so I left the others chatting to him and borrowed Rods throwing falchion to cut the heads off the dead bodies on the deck (spot the adventurer with experience).
While the others were chatting it occurred to me that the guy might actually be the one that did this so I cast a cure light wounds and whacked him in the back with it. Sure enough rather than turning to thank me for the kind healing he instead screamed in agony (damn I am good) and grabbed Vixxter's wrist turning it into a desiccated claw. I jumped back out of the way (heroically of course) but he caught me a glancing blow and sucked some of the life out of me, not being one to put up with that I drained his strength using one of my most powerful spells, Yoyo also sensible jumped back but then ran in again with his spear drawn (less sensibly it turns out) as the creature struck him a mighty blow and he fell to the floor a twitching, desiccated husk.
It was then Vixxter and Rod's turns to step up to the plate, and they both womped him pretty hard. I started unleashing curses on him while it struck out with devastating blows but he wasn't a match for my bro - as I cursed it to immobility Rod cut its head off. Rummaging through the dust it left behind I found a nice silver badge which I put on. We did a bit of rummaging and found some good wool which we transferred to our ships and some charts which showed that there was a big ring of rocks between where we were and where we were going.
Once back on the ship I engaged the engines and we set off again on our journey. Vixxter had earned himself a new nickname, "The Claw," which Rod and I thought was really cool, but he didn't seem impressed, there's no understanding humans some times, I would love a nickname like "The Claw". Rod also complained that he wanted to be called the claw but since we couldn't come up with any good reasons why we should also be called "The Claw" left it with Vixxter. Vixxter's wives are still crying, mine on the other hand seem reasonably happy, but then they have snagged the best looker on the ship, and I bought an extra large bed for my room when we were in Tadir. Calia seems happy too, Merick's seem bored, Rod's seem worried (probably something to do with the whole him being undead thing), and Sarflex's wives seem erm entertained. From the animal noises that come from his room at night I can't imagine what they are doing and I have a filthy mind...
Anyway, back to the voyage, we arrived at this ring of large rocks floating in space, it went off as far as we could see in every direction so I thought what the hell and took the ship in where we were, after some damn fine flying from me, and some inspiring singing from Rod we made it out the other side and set off again. We stopped again a couple of days later.
Floating in front of us was a large pyramid surrounded by white spheres. Getting closer we could see that they seemed to be about 20' across and made from bones. By my reckoning there were around 1000 spheres with around 500 to 1000 skeletons in each making 500,000 to 1,000,000 skeletons. Had to admit I was a bit curious about the pyramid so we edged closer until a couple of the spheres started to move towards us, at which point I backed off fast. We (Rod and I) wanted to have a look inside the pyramid for "salvage" and no-one else objected so we tried to decide what to do.
Then I had a Cunning Plan (notice the capital C and P). If we went really fast we could get through and the spheres would go back to where they started and we would be on the inside, I consulted with Rod and he agreed that it was a great idea. No-one objected so we set off, diving through the gap with ease I looked behind to see 3 of the spheres chasing us, but we were faster. Firing a few ballista shots at the spheres we came to the conclusion that they were doing nothing, then I had A CUNNING PLAN (all capitals, that's how just how damn cunning it was). I would fly really fast at the pyramid then duck over it and down the other side so the spheres would crash into the pyramid thus ridding us of our chasers and if we were lucky it would smash the pyramid and we could see inside. Full speed ahead I flew towards the pyramid ready to perform my piloting stunt, and then disaster! The ship stopped moving! "Aaaaaaaargh!!!! The ships stopped!!!" I calmly yelled, Rod ran down to check on the "fuel" - he had woken up and seemed distressed, so Rod hit him and told him to make the ship go again. The ship lurched forward a bit so I yelled to him to keep going, but we stopped again. I ran down and cut "the fuel" with my control knife and he screamed (almost seems inhumane when they scream) but the ship still wouldn't go.
There was a call to abandon ship so Rod ripped up the "Happy chair" and I started ushering wives and husbands to the front of the ship where Calia started throwing them towards the pyramid. Above us we saw the three spheres split into hundreds of skeletons with a large skeleton in the centre, as they started raining down on the ship we jumped clear and landed on the pyramid and slid down it's smooth surface. I cast spider climb while flying through the air ready for the landing, at this point I discovered we were in an anti-magic field. I started to wonder aloud why we could still breathe, but was told to shut up in case reality noticed.
We found a large door with a big silver seal on it (not the swimming kind), a bit stuck for anything else to do we pulled the seal off and went inside. Rod reckoned that this was a tomb for a big leader, I was quite glad of this since if they killed 500,000 people to defend a plumbers tomb this was not a race I wanted to meet. There were statues lining the walls, all identical, they were each a naked woman, kneeling with her hair covering her face, and her hands chained behind her back. You'd think that if you were an evil bad guy who wanted some porn in your tomb you'd do it properly, but it takes all kinds I suppose. We wandered along and found some steps going up, Rod cleverly found a swinging axe trap and saved YoYo by stepping in front of it. He's quite a hero for an undead. We continued up and YoYo found the next trap with his face, a swinging grate fell down and knocked him a long way down the steps. Being a human, he couldn't see what he was doing so I went down and got him.
We got to the top and found a room with two sets of steps going up, we set off up, one side and came to a room with a funny green glow, still no magic so no healing for our skilled trap locators, there was a worrying hissing sound so we set off down the steps and went up the other side leaving the wives at the bottom. Again we found a glowing green room decorated with glowing mushrooms, and again heard a hissing sound. We stepped into the room and discovered that the hissing sound was actually a (very) large reptile thing that was running towards us. Time for yet another CUNNING PLAN (lots of capitals, being 0 for 2 on cunning plans I felt sure I was due a winner this time). We retreated a couple of steps down and as the creature got close I threw a smoke stick at it and ducked to one side, confused the creature hit the top step and tripped. We ran past it as it started to fall down the stairs. Unfortunately, the creature was more dextrous than YoYo when it came to recovering while falling down stairs and though battered and bruised it set off after us.
Running down the corridor we came to another sealed door. YoYo and I started working on the seal while Rod and Vixxter turned to hold the creature off, behind us we heard the sound of combat but were unable to assist, finally we got the seal off and I turned in time to see Vixxter's legs disappearing down the lizards throat. The rest of us dived inside the room and slammed the door. The room was filled with a bright light, huzzah magic had returned. I spread a few healing spells around and we advanced into the chamber, in the centre there was a large treasure pile with a "colossal" gold dragon lying on it. It had an adamantite collar on and seemed to be chained down, Rod said he knew what to do in these situations so he tiptoed up the treasure pile, stepped on a large gold plate at the top and slid all the way down making a lot of noise. The dragon moved in its sleep and Rod set off up again, and when he got to the top he drew his adamantite spear and smashed the collar as hard as he could. The creature seemed to stir so Rod hit it again and again, and the dragon reared up with Rod hanging on with one hand and smashing at the collar with the other. With one last mighty blow he smashed the collar and it fell to the ground...
Oh hell Calia is coming, better hide this diary again...
Panic over! My husbands don't have my diary. I'm not going to get murdered in my sleep. I don't recognise some of this writing though. Looks like Rik Wikibile's been scribbling in it...
It's a good thing I didn't say anything nasty about Rod.
Just found (and read) Calia's diary.
She hasn't written anything in it for the last day or two, probably busy with her husbands, so I may as well put in what we have been doing, I'm sure she will be pleased.
Captain's log, stardate erm... tuesday.
These are the voyages of the flying ship the Enola Gay on its continuing mission to find out just how we killed everyone on the moon? Why Vixxter keeps killing people and then calls us evil? And what exactly is the strange crystal that Rod swallowed?
* Special FX shot of our ship flying by really fast *
Starring Me
* Picture of me, Rik Wikibile, the suavest damn half orc that ever lived, looking heroic *
My bro Rod
* Picture of Rod Wikibile cleaving something really scary in half *
That odd Knight Bloke
* Picture of Vixxter climbing out of a sewer covered in something unmentionable *
Sarflex
* Picture of Sarflex and Stripy looking into the distance *
Calia
* Picture of Calia shooting something really scary *
Merick the Wizard
* Picture of Merick dictating to his bored looking wives *
And introducing (Ensign Red Shirt) Yoyo
* Picture of yoyo jumping into combat and getting withered to a husk by a clawed hand *
And the wives and husbands
* Happy family shot of all the starring characters with their significant others smiling (except Vixxter's who are crying) *
The other day we came up with an idea that we should have a crew for our ship in case we ever actually needed to sail it anywhere, or in case we run out of "fuel" thinking about it they could be handy in two different ways if we run out of fuel. There was a bit of consternation when we took off, but I informed them that I would curse them blue unless they stopped panicking. Two blue crewmen later they stopped panicking and got to the job of rigging the sales, we just figured it would look cool but it did actually seem to help. After a bit of scrying we had located the guy who was responsible for us killing everyone on the moon (the git) and decided that we should probably go and have a word to discover exactly what we had done, and if there was a way to undo it. Unfortunately he was on another planet so we checked the fuel source and set sail.
* Special FX shot of our ship flying by really fast *
After a couple of days travel we came across a ship floating in space, it looked like the back half of it had been torn off and dead bodies littered the deck, as we flew closer to see if there was anything worth looting, erm I mean salvaging. As we got closer we saw that one of the crew wasn't completely dead and was waving at us, being valiant adventuring types we pulled alongside and clambered over using a rope. The ship was Tadiran in design which was odd; I thought we would see much more impressive things out here. The guy looked really unwell and probably was contagious so I left the others chatting to him and borrowed Rods throwing falchion to cut the heads off the dead bodies on the deck (spot the adventurer with experience).
While the others were chatting it occurred to me that the guy might actually be the one that did this so I cast a cure light wounds and whacked him in the back with it. Sure enough rather than turning to thank me for the kind healing he instead screamed in agony (damn I am good) and grabbed Vixxter's wrist turning it into a desiccated claw. I jumped back out of the way (heroically of course) but he caught me a glancing blow and sucked some of the life out of me, not being one to put up with that I drained his strength using one of my most powerful spells, Yoyo also sensible jumped back but then ran in again with his spear drawn (less sensibly it turns out) as the creature struck him a mighty blow and he fell to the floor a twitching, desiccated husk.
It was then Vixxter and Rod's turns to step up to the plate, and they both womped him pretty hard. I started unleashing curses on him while it struck out with devastating blows but he wasn't a match for my bro - as I cursed it to immobility Rod cut its head off. Rummaging through the dust it left behind I found a nice silver badge which I put on. We did a bit of rummaging and found some good wool which we transferred to our ships and some charts which showed that there was a big ring of rocks between where we were and where we were going.
Once back on the ship I engaged the engines and we set off again on our journey. Vixxter had earned himself a new nickname, "The Claw," which Rod and I thought was really cool, but he didn't seem impressed, there's no understanding humans some times, I would love a nickname like "The Claw". Rod also complained that he wanted to be called the claw but since we couldn't come up with any good reasons why we should also be called "The Claw" left it with Vixxter. Vixxter's wives are still crying, mine on the other hand seem reasonably happy, but then they have snagged the best looker on the ship, and I bought an extra large bed for my room when we were in Tadir. Calia seems happy too, Merick's seem bored, Rod's seem worried (probably something to do with the whole him being undead thing), and Sarflex's wives seem erm entertained. From the animal noises that come from his room at night I can't imagine what they are doing and I have a filthy mind...
Anyway, back to the voyage, we arrived at this ring of large rocks floating in space, it went off as far as we could see in every direction so I thought what the hell and took the ship in where we were, after some damn fine flying from me, and some inspiring singing from Rod we made it out the other side and set off again. We stopped again a couple of days later.
Floating in front of us was a large pyramid surrounded by white spheres. Getting closer we could see that they seemed to be about 20' across and made from bones. By my reckoning there were around 1000 spheres with around 500 to 1000 skeletons in each making 500,000 to 1,000,000 skeletons. Had to admit I was a bit curious about the pyramid so we edged closer until a couple of the spheres started to move towards us, at which point I backed off fast. We (Rod and I) wanted to have a look inside the pyramid for "salvage" and no-one else objected so we tried to decide what to do.
Then I had a Cunning Plan (notice the capital C and P). If we went really fast we could get through and the spheres would go back to where they started and we would be on the inside, I consulted with Rod and he agreed that it was a great idea. No-one objected so we set off, diving through the gap with ease I looked behind to see 3 of the spheres chasing us, but we were faster. Firing a few ballista shots at the spheres we came to the conclusion that they were doing nothing, then I had A CUNNING PLAN (all capitals, that's how just how damn cunning it was). I would fly really fast at the pyramid then duck over it and down the other side so the spheres would crash into the pyramid thus ridding us of our chasers and if we were lucky it would smash the pyramid and we could see inside. Full speed ahead I flew towards the pyramid ready to perform my piloting stunt, and then disaster! The ship stopped moving! "Aaaaaaaargh!!!! The ships stopped!!!" I calmly yelled, Rod ran down to check on the "fuel" - he had woken up and seemed distressed, so Rod hit him and told him to make the ship go again. The ship lurched forward a bit so I yelled to him to keep going, but we stopped again. I ran down and cut "the fuel" with my control knife and he screamed (almost seems inhumane when they scream) but the ship still wouldn't go.
There was a call to abandon ship so Rod ripped up the "Happy chair" and I started ushering wives and husbands to the front of the ship where Calia started throwing them towards the pyramid. Above us we saw the three spheres split into hundreds of skeletons with a large skeleton in the centre, as they started raining down on the ship we jumped clear and landed on the pyramid and slid down it's smooth surface. I cast spider climb while flying through the air ready for the landing, at this point I discovered we were in an anti-magic field. I started to wonder aloud why we could still breathe, but was told to shut up in case reality noticed.
We found a large door with a big silver seal on it (not the swimming kind), a bit stuck for anything else to do we pulled the seal off and went inside. Rod reckoned that this was a tomb for a big leader, I was quite glad of this since if they killed 500,000 people to defend a plumbers tomb this was not a race I wanted to meet. There were statues lining the walls, all identical, they were each a naked woman, kneeling with her hair covering her face, and her hands chained behind her back. You'd think that if you were an evil bad guy who wanted some porn in your tomb you'd do it properly, but it takes all kinds I suppose. We wandered along and found some steps going up, Rod cleverly found a swinging axe trap and saved YoYo by stepping in front of it. He's quite a hero for an undead. We continued up and YoYo found the next trap with his face, a swinging grate fell down and knocked him a long way down the steps. Being a human, he couldn't see what he was doing so I went down and got him.
We got to the top and found a room with two sets of steps going up, we set off up, one side and came to a room with a funny green glow, still no magic so no healing for our skilled trap locators, there was a worrying hissing sound so we set off down the steps and went up the other side leaving the wives at the bottom. Again we found a glowing green room decorated with glowing mushrooms, and again heard a hissing sound. We stepped into the room and discovered that the hissing sound was actually a (very) large reptile thing that was running towards us. Time for yet another CUNNING PLAN (lots of capitals, being 0 for 2 on cunning plans I felt sure I was due a winner this time). We retreated a couple of steps down and as the creature got close I threw a smoke stick at it and ducked to one side, confused the creature hit the top step and tripped. We ran past it as it started to fall down the stairs. Unfortunately, the creature was more dextrous than YoYo when it came to recovering while falling down stairs and though battered and bruised it set off after us.
Running down the corridor we came to another sealed door. YoYo and I started working on the seal while Rod and Vixxter turned to hold the creature off, behind us we heard the sound of combat but were unable to assist, finally we got the seal off and I turned in time to see Vixxter's legs disappearing down the lizards throat. The rest of us dived inside the room and slammed the door. The room was filled with a bright light, huzzah magic had returned. I spread a few healing spells around and we advanced into the chamber, in the centre there was a large treasure pile with a "colossal" gold dragon lying on it. It had an adamantite collar on and seemed to be chained down, Rod said he knew what to do in these situations so he tiptoed up the treasure pile, stepped on a large gold plate at the top and slid all the way down making a lot of noise. The dragon moved in its sleep and Rod set off up again, and when he got to the top he drew his adamantite spear and smashed the collar as hard as he could. The creature seemed to stir so Rod hit it again and again, and the dragon reared up with Rod hanging on with one hand and smashing at the collar with the other. With one last mighty blow he smashed the collar and it fell to the ground...
Oh hell Calia is coming, better hide this diary again...
Panic over! My husbands don't have my diary. I'm not going to get murdered in my sleep. I don't recognise some of this writing though. Looks like Rik Wikibile's been scribbling in it...
It's a good thing I didn't say anything nasty about Rod.