Innocence is Bliss
Lately life for me has been much like the cliché saying like a rollercoaster. There’s moments of joy and happiness followed by moments of low-spirits and sadness. It’s not like an extreme bipolar happening, more like a gentle up and down wave, though at that, it’s terribly annoying.
I went to NYC for a 4-day getaway. Compared to Tokyo the city is very dirty, but I don’t think it’s fair to compare the cleanness of a large city to Tokyo. The Japanese people’s respect for their little space is truly powerful. While I was in the big apple, I shopped, saw touristy things, and drank a bit. People were extremely nice there, which is very contradictory to the New Yorkers suck rumors. It’s odd too… I kept receiving stuff. I talked to a guy for 1 minute and he went and bought me a rose, I didn’t have enough money for more than one donut, so I ordered one for Kristen and I to share, and the guy gave us 6. I got two sandwiches when I ordered one. I paid for a carriage ride, and the guy put 13 dollars back into my pocket. And that, on top of free drink after free drink.
I’ve been on a work out craze lately…. And I actually can feel muscle build up in my body. I’m getting tone which is pretty cool. Working out has been the only thing that consistently makes me feel good and I’m starting to also enjoy the results.
I’m drawing again, or trying to. My roommate the other day is like I didn’t know you could draw… when he saw some of my pictures, I was like yeah, I forgot I could. I wish I could just draw though… I have to have something to look at or reference to, otherwise the picture is a mess. It’s another therapeutic outlet.
Ugh, then there’s the boy drama… Well before I went to NY I had a talk with Tim and basically said we need to take a step back, that we aren’t on the same page, and I’m uncomfortable, etc. Since then we haven’t really seen each other much. I think he’s frustrated with me as well. I think I’m hard to figure out. Like I’m really innocent, but at times I come off as the opposite - which in reality is just an act… I don’t know, I believe in connections, I don’t believe in one-time things or just cause it’s there. That’s not compromised - and though I have faltered here and there because no one is perfect, I think I’ve been successful being true to that. It’s really gotten to be not in my nature to judge though, minus human reaction / human default, so other’s thoughts/actions, etc. aren’t really my concern nor do I try to care.
My independence has been naturally growing obviously partly being on my own, having money, a job, a life, friends, & answering to no one. Then on top of that just growing into adulthood, which months ago when I was graduating from college, was terrifying, and now it’s not 100% awesome, but it’s surely something I wouldn’t want to give up for anything or anyone. Perhaps that is why I am so odd when it comes to Tim or a couple of my guy friends who expressed interest in me; I just don’t ever want to lose who I am ever again. It’s certainly possible to keep that & pursue relationships etc. and become greater/better. I guess I’m just scared though. Not exactly sure why. I’m really not even certain what I am looking for or reaching for, which is frustrating cause life is too short to sit around and confused but yeah I guess sometimes it’s unavoidable. Sigh, one thing that does make sense though is that I can only control myself, and although hope and faith are awesome possessions w/in the heart, they’re not always reliable.
I went to NYC for a 4-day getaway. Compared to Tokyo the city is very dirty, but I don’t think it’s fair to compare the cleanness of a large city to Tokyo. The Japanese people’s respect for their little space is truly powerful. While I was in the big apple, I shopped, saw touristy things, and drank a bit. People were extremely nice there, which is very contradictory to the New Yorkers suck rumors. It’s odd too… I kept receiving stuff. I talked to a guy for 1 minute and he went and bought me a rose, I didn’t have enough money for more than one donut, so I ordered one for Kristen and I to share, and the guy gave us 6. I got two sandwiches when I ordered one. I paid for a carriage ride, and the guy put 13 dollars back into my pocket. And that, on top of free drink after free drink.
I’ve been on a work out craze lately…. And I actually can feel muscle build up in my body. I’m getting tone which is pretty cool. Working out has been the only thing that consistently makes me feel good and I’m starting to also enjoy the results.
I’m drawing again, or trying to. My roommate the other day is like I didn’t know you could draw… when he saw some of my pictures, I was like yeah, I forgot I could. I wish I could just draw though… I have to have something to look at or reference to, otherwise the picture is a mess. It’s another therapeutic outlet.
Ugh, then there’s the boy drama… Well before I went to NY I had a talk with Tim and basically said we need to take a step back, that we aren’t on the same page, and I’m uncomfortable, etc. Since then we haven’t really seen each other much. I think he’s frustrated with me as well. I think I’m hard to figure out. Like I’m really innocent, but at times I come off as the opposite - which in reality is just an act… I don’t know, I believe in connections, I don’t believe in one-time things or just cause it’s there. That’s not compromised - and though I have faltered here and there because no one is perfect, I think I’ve been successful being true to that. It’s really gotten to be not in my nature to judge though, minus human reaction / human default, so other’s thoughts/actions, etc. aren’t really my concern nor do I try to care.
My independence has been naturally growing obviously partly being on my own, having money, a job, a life, friends, & answering to no one. Then on top of that just growing into adulthood, which months ago when I was graduating from college, was terrifying, and now it’s not 100% awesome, but it’s surely something I wouldn’t want to give up for anything or anyone. Perhaps that is why I am so odd when it comes to Tim or a couple of my guy friends who expressed interest in me; I just don’t ever want to lose who I am ever again. It’s certainly possible to keep that & pursue relationships etc. and become greater/better. I guess I’m just scared though. Not exactly sure why. I’m really not even certain what I am looking for or reaching for, which is frustrating cause life is too short to sit around and confused but yeah I guess sometimes it’s unavoidable. Sigh, one thing that does make sense though is that I can only control myself, and although hope and faith are awesome possessions w/in the heart, they’re not always reliable.