blinded by the light
I feel like everything is intertwined by white lies, over reactions, and untruthfulness. It’s a defense mechanism perhaps, or maybe we are all afraid to face the truth, or maybe we’re all confused by the truth, so we choose to ignore it. You know when you turn 13, and you’re just so happy that you’re actually a teenager, or when you turn 16, and if you pass that drivers test (which I did), you can actually drive your own ass around, or how about when you turn 18, and you’re an ‘adult,’ and your parents send you 18 roses to represent 18 years of your life. Then you turn 20 and you say good-bye to those teen years, and can drink legally in Japan. And then there’s the big 21, which ultimately means absolutely nothing in Japan, but I did get 3 amazing parties. But then there’s nothing really more to look forward to, though it’s not like you dread birthdays… they’re still days of celebration and an excuse to have a day. I don’t even know why I am talking about birthdays, it’s not like mine is coming up anytime soon, it’s just I got to thinking about time and what am I looking forward to, now? It’s like my life isn’t bad, it’s really not. I was fortunate enough to go to a great college, I got a good degree, I have a job, I have friends and family who I can depend on, I mean I got much to be grateful for… I just wonder why with all this, and all that I know, why do I let certain things get to me, and at that why do I reach out for something that is not reliable. It’s somewhat like a drug, like you get this high, and it’s great, but then afterwards you feel this sense of lost.
The sad thing is I know I have so much to offer. I know that I can do amazing things, and that truthfully I’m sweet girl. I’m not trying to be conceited, and if you truly knew me you would likely know me as a slightly insecure girl, but the reality is I am my mother’s daughter and my mother is fucking awesome. And despite my father and my differences, he’s honestly a sensitive, caring, individual, and I am proud of who I am today, because of them… And obviously no one is perfect, and I am not claiming to be even close, but there are certain things I deserve and should expect, and ought to feel no shame for it. It’s like I know, I really know… but I can’t control anyone but me.
I had a slightly rough day at work today, and the inconsistencies from my boss, from my work, from my life, from people, are just getting to me. I ought to be more selfish. I unaware what I am talking about anymore, but lingering personal and outside questions should be answered eventually; and if they’re not, then maybe they should have never been asked.
The sad thing is I know I have so much to offer. I know that I can do amazing things, and that truthfully I’m sweet girl. I’m not trying to be conceited, and if you truly knew me you would likely know me as a slightly insecure girl, but the reality is I am my mother’s daughter and my mother is fucking awesome. And despite my father and my differences, he’s honestly a sensitive, caring, individual, and I am proud of who I am today, because of them… And obviously no one is perfect, and I am not claiming to be even close, but there are certain things I deserve and should expect, and ought to feel no shame for it. It’s like I know, I really know… but I can’t control anyone but me.
I had a slightly rough day at work today, and the inconsistencies from my boss, from my work, from my life, from people, are just getting to me. I ought to be more selfish. I unaware what I am talking about anymore, but lingering personal and outside questions should be answered eventually; and if they’re not, then maybe they should have never been asked.