THE REAL WORLD.....RENNSELAER

Jan 15, 2007 00:44

dan and i visiting coz this past weekend was very memorable
heres a rundown:

trying to figure out how to enter the one mcdonalds in town without getting t boned by someone in drive thru
the cheap DVDs at walmart
going to some pretty hoppin parties for a school of a little over 1000
and the ladies...damn
i looked but did not touch
coz does not disappoint

and of course....the quotable coz:
his directions began with "get on a freeway..."
(referring to dan) "dude dude dance with that chick so he'll(coz's roommate) get jealous"
THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR STEALING A PIMPS HAT
THIS CARPET LOOKS RETARDED

it was a really great time
coz even gave up his bed...saying that he wanted to try out his new sleeping bag
what a stand up guy
and he basically paid for all our food too

i dont think im going to go to a frat or house party again
i never do anything there...i just sit around and listen to music
and if anyone asks...of course i say im having a good time...which isnt totally false...since i do enjoy the music...but if i said "no im not having a good time"..what the hell would happen?
especially at coz's where the nearest movie theatre or anything else of interest for that matter was 45 minutes away
but in general...saying id rather be playing playstation or watching a game wouldnt accomplish much
so i think im just going to avoid parties altogether
that goes for clubs too

another quote from coz over the weekend...about why i wont make it in the CIA
"dude...youre not gonna make a good CIA agent...youre gonna be spying on some arabs (since im minoring in japanese)....and they'll be like ALALALALALAALALALALA and youd start giggling...then theyd jump out of their hole and go SHOOT HIM and theyd kill you
(it took me about 5 minutes to stop laughing from that one)

but au contrare my bespectacled friend....
i am very good at hiding emotions
a conversation i had with molly on NYE:
molly: wow...i didnt know your grandma died in september
me: mission accomplished

see...i can keep a secret
and i do lie to get out of things
or try to get out if them for that matter
its generally worked in the past....but when its backfired...baaad things have happened
like....fallout from the bomb bad things

but...bottom line...i can lie and i can hide my feelings
i can be totally open and share vulgar jokes with ppl i dont know (which i did)...or slip into the background and become an observer like i did too
its some sort of schizophrenia
i also can use ppl and then forget they exist
sounds like CIA material to me

i hide my feelings because i feel i have to deal with them myself
if i spill my guts to ppl....they still cant take my place
take when my grandma died in the middle of first semester
yes it was great to be able to cry and have britt give me a hug...but i still had to face 18 hours of being in a funeral home the next 2 days and seeing my uncle and dad cry for the first time together ever
when my dad cries...i immediately feel totally vulnerable and unprotected...because he has been the strongest individual in my life
and i had to deal with it
as im writing this...it feels like im prying open a door thats been rusted shut
because like i said...im a private person
some people only see the outgoing side of me...esp coz...since i just act that way around him..but im mainly private

so thats who i am
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