(no subject)
That's two cities I have alienated myself from. Can't randomly hang out in Bonney Lake or Puyallup anymore.
But that's absolutely fine because I miss Seattle and I should just go there when I am feeling like being out in public again.
For now, alone and not knowing where I should go or what I should be doing with myself.
It definitely seems like I wasted a lot of energy to be thrown away like that... And I would feel weird asking for my things and time back... So I guess I'll just sit around awkwardly until the time comes where I can be comfortable in public again.
Fucking sucks!!!
I planned my entire future around that man... No, he most likely didn't know that... He was a touchy fella and needed a lot of easing into the idea of any sort of commitment... And yes, I realized I completely scared him away and I can be blamed for this event in my life. But did he really have to give up so easily? Doesn't matter now I suppose.
I even begged (which I still feel sick about cause I know he was waiting for it) for him to try one last time. I'm a mess... A Jess Mess and will be processing everything over and over in my head until any of it makes a bit of sense. The hurt needs to go away.
So, until then...
'd rather hide and wait for the dust to settle and then... Rise up, up through the ashes like a majestic pheonix. Born again, stronger, and better than ever before...
Or rather, slowly crawl out of the mud like a decrepit zombie looking to devour another living soul. Either way... I have buried myself.
But that's absolutely fine because I miss Seattle and I should just go there when I am feeling like being out in public again.
For now, alone and not knowing where I should go or what I should be doing with myself.
It definitely seems like I wasted a lot of energy to be thrown away like that... And I would feel weird asking for my things and time back... So I guess I'll just sit around awkwardly until the time comes where I can be comfortable in public again.
Fucking sucks!!!
I planned my entire future around that man... No, he most likely didn't know that... He was a touchy fella and needed a lot of easing into the idea of any sort of commitment... And yes, I realized I completely scared him away and I can be blamed for this event in my life. But did he really have to give up so easily? Doesn't matter now I suppose.
I even begged (which I still feel sick about cause I know he was waiting for it) for him to try one last time. I'm a mess... A Jess Mess and will be processing everything over and over in my head until any of it makes a bit of sense. The hurt needs to go away.
So, until then...
'd rather hide and wait for the dust to settle and then... Rise up, up through the ashes like a majestic pheonix. Born again, stronger, and better than ever before...
Or rather, slowly crawl out of the mud like a decrepit zombie looking to devour another living soul. Either way... I have buried myself.