OH SHIT MY BRAIN.
So. You guys. I definitely watched the Lost Boys sequel last night.
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HALP MY BRAIN IS MELTING.
Let me tell you, internets, this movie was pretty crap. Direction? Failtastic! Writing? BLEARGH. Acting? Painful. Soundtrack? BAD "CRY LITTLE SISTER" COVER! NO BISCUIT!
The story was pretty much a rehash of the first film. Chris and Nicole Emerson arrive in Luna Bay, rather than Santa Carla, after the death of their parents, only to fall in with a group of extreme sport loving vampires who enjoy stabbing each other for the lulz. Bizarrely, Team Emerson seems to actually want to hang out with them. Fortunately, Edgar Frog shows up and sets them straight. Also, kills him some vampire ass. And sits around being lonesome because he's the only returning character until, depending on which ending you want to go with:
1.) Sam Emerson shows up and is like "BLEARGH I'M A VAMPIRE" and then they beat the everloving crap out of each other, or
2.) A non-vampire Sam Emerson shows up at Edgar's trailer and mocks his choice in vests. Oh, and informs him that Alan, Edgar's pimptastic vampire brother, is coming to town to kill them. Also, he has apparently been gnawing on Sam.
Either way, Corey Haim is SO not cuddly anymore. Corey Feldman still is, though. Kinda strange, how he hasn't really aged much in the past twenty years. Say, has anyone seen Feldman in direct sunlight lately? I'm just saying.
Anyway, I'd like to take a moment to bitch about characterization. Because there wasn't much of it. Firstly, let's talk about Team Vampire. See, the cool thing about the vampires in the first movie was that they were all pretty fun to watch and you could kind of understand why Michael might want to join them. I can't imagine ANYONE wanting to hang out with the assholes from this movie. Thirty seconds into the movie, I was like "Oh, please, Vampire Tom Savini, kill them now before I have to suffer this asshattery any longer." But he DIDN'T. Tom Savini failed us, you guys. You're supposed to like the vampires, at least a little, because there's got to be a reason why Michael and Sam Chris and Nicole would even consider their offer of eternal life in exchange for eternal damnation.
Moving on to the aformentioned idiots, Team Emerson did not make for a believable family. I kinda thought they maybe wanted to bang each other a few times, but the less said about that, the better. Look, one of the major points of the first movie was the importance of family bonds. Well, that and the concept that mullets are timeless. Anyway, it's good that they observed the first and ignored the second. What's not so good is that they have:
1.) Shitty actors who couldn't portray a convincing family dynamic if it bit them in the ass, and
2.) Writers who apparently thought it would be a good idea to have Nicole NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER BROTHER AT ALL.
Seriously, she gets vampired, and after an understandable panic attack, she just completely gives in and allows the vampires to torment Chris for their amusement. And when she does eventually snap out of it, it's not for her brother's sake, but for the sake of some hot emo dude she barely knows, and actually tried to eat a day earlier. But when she stabs the EXTREEEEME head vamp, she's like "He's family, betch!" Could have fooled me.
And I'd like to wrap it up by rambling about Corey Feldman. Wait, come back! It's important, I swear! Because, seriously, he was the only thing "Lost Boys" about this movie. Nobody else was in it beyond the hidden ending and the alternate. So, yeah, he kind of stuck out in my mind. And, you know, he wasn't terrible. His acting was as solid as you can expect from a film like this. I've seen a lot of people bitching about how terrible his one liners are, to which I say:
1.) They were ALWAYS terrible. That is part of his dorky charm.
2.) Like it's his fault. Frankly, I give him credit for being able to read that crap with a straight face.
Also, people have been bitching about the voice. And, OK, I could see it being annoying to most people. Even though it just causes me to collapse into a fit of hysterical laughter every time I hear it. My point is, the Edgar voice at least made sense in the first movie. He was a comic book geek pretending to be a tough, competent badass, so he affects a gravely voice to make himself seem tougher. Made sense to me. Actually, it's one of the things that endeared the character to me.
I guess it's just weird in this movie because he actually IS a tough, competent badass by this point. Well, sort of. I mean, he's still a total geek, but dude's got a fucking grenade launcher. If he tells you he's badass, you friggin' believe him or you get your legs blown off. Point? What point? OH RIGHT. Well, people have been bitching about the voice, and while I observe that it is both annoying and slightly nonsensical, I kinda dig it anyway, because it's basically a sign that the character is still that fourteen-year-old boy who wanted to be Rambo when he grew up. And who can blame him?
HAWT.
OK, I have no idea what the crap I'm talking about anymore. Quitting while I'm no longer ahead. Bottom line: this movie was not very good. Ciao.
*
*
*
HALP MY BRAIN IS MELTING.
Let me tell you, internets, this movie was pretty crap. Direction? Failtastic! Writing? BLEARGH. Acting? Painful. Soundtrack? BAD "CRY LITTLE SISTER" COVER! NO BISCUIT!
The story was pretty much a rehash of the first film. Chris and Nicole Emerson arrive in Luna Bay, rather than Santa Carla, after the death of their parents, only to fall in with a group of extreme sport loving vampires who enjoy stabbing each other for the lulz. Bizarrely, Team Emerson seems to actually want to hang out with them. Fortunately, Edgar Frog shows up and sets them straight. Also, kills him some vampire ass. And sits around being lonesome because he's the only returning character until, depending on which ending you want to go with:
1.) Sam Emerson shows up and is like "BLEARGH I'M A VAMPIRE" and then they beat the everloving crap out of each other, or
2.) A non-vampire Sam Emerson shows up at Edgar's trailer and mocks his choice in vests. Oh, and informs him that Alan, Edgar's pimptastic vampire brother, is coming to town to kill them. Also, he has apparently been gnawing on Sam.
Either way, Corey Haim is SO not cuddly anymore. Corey Feldman still is, though. Kinda strange, how he hasn't really aged much in the past twenty years. Say, has anyone seen Feldman in direct sunlight lately? I'm just saying.
Anyway, I'd like to take a moment to bitch about characterization. Because there wasn't much of it. Firstly, let's talk about Team Vampire. See, the cool thing about the vampires in the first movie was that they were all pretty fun to watch and you could kind of understand why Michael might want to join them. I can't imagine ANYONE wanting to hang out with the assholes from this movie. Thirty seconds into the movie, I was like "Oh, please, Vampire Tom Savini, kill them now before I have to suffer this asshattery any longer." But he DIDN'T. Tom Savini failed us, you guys. You're supposed to like the vampires, at least a little, because there's got to be a reason why Michael and Sam Chris and Nicole would even consider their offer of eternal life in exchange for eternal damnation.
Moving on to the aformentioned idiots, Team Emerson did not make for a believable family. I kinda thought they maybe wanted to bang each other a few times, but the less said about that, the better. Look, one of the major points of the first movie was the importance of family bonds. Well, that and the concept that mullets are timeless. Anyway, it's good that they observed the first and ignored the second. What's not so good is that they have:
1.) Shitty actors who couldn't portray a convincing family dynamic if it bit them in the ass, and
2.) Writers who apparently thought it would be a good idea to have Nicole NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER BROTHER AT ALL.
Seriously, she gets vampired, and after an understandable panic attack, she just completely gives in and allows the vampires to torment Chris for their amusement. And when she does eventually snap out of it, it's not for her brother's sake, but for the sake of some hot emo dude she barely knows, and actually tried to eat a day earlier. But when she stabs the EXTREEEEME head vamp, she's like "He's family, betch!" Could have fooled me.
And I'd like to wrap it up by rambling about Corey Feldman. Wait, come back! It's important, I swear! Because, seriously, he was the only thing "Lost Boys" about this movie. Nobody else was in it beyond the hidden ending and the alternate. So, yeah, he kind of stuck out in my mind. And, you know, he wasn't terrible. His acting was as solid as you can expect from a film like this. I've seen a lot of people bitching about how terrible his one liners are, to which I say:
1.) They were ALWAYS terrible. That is part of his dorky charm.
2.) Like it's his fault. Frankly, I give him credit for being able to read that crap with a straight face.
Also, people have been bitching about the voice. And, OK, I could see it being annoying to most people. Even though it just causes me to collapse into a fit of hysterical laughter every time I hear it. My point is, the Edgar voice at least made sense in the first movie. He was a comic book geek pretending to be a tough, competent badass, so he affects a gravely voice to make himself seem tougher. Made sense to me. Actually, it's one of the things that endeared the character to me.
I guess it's just weird in this movie because he actually IS a tough, competent badass by this point. Well, sort of. I mean, he's still a total geek, but dude's got a fucking grenade launcher. If he tells you he's badass, you friggin' believe him or you get your legs blown off. Point? What point? OH RIGHT. Well, people have been bitching about the voice, and while I observe that it is both annoying and slightly nonsensical, I kinda dig it anyway, because it's basically a sign that the character is still that fourteen-year-old boy who wanted to be Rambo when he grew up. And who can blame him?
HAWT.
OK, I have no idea what the crap I'm talking about anymore. Quitting while I'm no longer ahead. Bottom line: this movie was not very good. Ciao.