. . .pass the torch. . .
I spent a long time yesterday looking at old pictures. I was strangely calm, and feeling really ok.
i thought, i was ok now. but this morning i'm kind of a wreck.
it's so hard to me to understand how a person can feel so uncomfortable in their own skin as I do sometimes.
I woke up several times last night...maybe I am just tired there for feeling down...
something really strange happened. I woke up at somepoint and I couldnt move or breathe. I clearly remember gathering all my will power to speak and ask Li for help. I clearly remember the pain on my chest that was keeping me from breathing. I clearly remember Li pulling my shoulder to lay me on my back and finally being able to breathe when he did. I still felt the soreness on my chest this morning...Li says that didnt happened. . .but I do VERY clearly remember him helping me...
...i cant believe that concert is this weekend, like in 2 days. ACK
Finally found Dark Light after misplacing it when I moved. I only found the version without "The cage" though. Anyway, I praticed a couple of songs. Working on my metal growl and its coming along fine, but Ville's gargoyle sounds are hard to do cause they are so high pitched. . .listened a bit to REM too and wondered how the heck I ended up with a Tenor. . .I love Li anyway, and his voice is gorgeous, but I often tease him about being a tenor..i usually fall for the bass, if you got those bass notes you got me by the balls, thats just the way. . .i guess it further proves that Li is so wonderful. he doesnt need to be a bass. . .
SIGH SIGH SIGH I try too hard to be ok sometimes, i think. I wish I could be not ok without people worrying about me. . .i guess thats also why I inevitably end up without any friends. who wants a friend whom you have to worry about ALL the time.
i think sometimes trying to be ok, or in other words, trying not to be me brings me down even more than whats troubling me. cant I just be me even if I am not "ok"? I will be back to the pace of the world in a while, i just need a freaking moment!
but no sale, always around someone, always on stage, always with a camera on my fucking face, always HAVE TO be ok. . .
i thought, i was ok now. but this morning i'm kind of a wreck.
it's so hard to me to understand how a person can feel so uncomfortable in their own skin as I do sometimes.
I woke up several times last night...maybe I am just tired there for feeling down...
something really strange happened. I woke up at somepoint and I couldnt move or breathe. I clearly remember gathering all my will power to speak and ask Li for help. I clearly remember the pain on my chest that was keeping me from breathing. I clearly remember Li pulling my shoulder to lay me on my back and finally being able to breathe when he did. I still felt the soreness on my chest this morning...Li says that didnt happened. . .but I do VERY clearly remember him helping me...
...i cant believe that concert is this weekend, like in 2 days. ACK
Finally found Dark Light after misplacing it when I moved. I only found the version without "The cage" though. Anyway, I praticed a couple of songs. Working on my metal growl and its coming along fine, but Ville's gargoyle sounds are hard to do cause they are so high pitched. . .listened a bit to REM too and wondered how the heck I ended up with a Tenor. . .I love Li anyway, and his voice is gorgeous, but I often tease him about being a tenor..i usually fall for the bass, if you got those bass notes you got me by the balls, thats just the way. . .i guess it further proves that Li is so wonderful. he doesnt need to be a bass. . .
SIGH SIGH SIGH I try too hard to be ok sometimes, i think. I wish I could be not ok without people worrying about me. . .i guess thats also why I inevitably end up without any friends. who wants a friend whom you have to worry about ALL the time.
i think sometimes trying to be ok, or in other words, trying not to be me brings me down even more than whats troubling me. cant I just be me even if I am not "ok"? I will be back to the pace of the world in a while, i just need a freaking moment!
but no sale, always around someone, always on stage, always with a camera on my fucking face, always HAVE TO be ok. . .