(no subject)
I've had my world fairly shaken over the past 24 hours, and I honestly have no idea what to do about it.
For the past two years, I've had a friend named Mike. He's been my best friend, the person I've cried on their shoulder, and I though he was the one person who I could depend on no matter what. There had always been some romantic tension between us, and an understood agreement once we were in a better place in live we'd be together. I was under the impression he was an up and coming screenwriter, and we'd even dreamed about our own little co-op in New York City one day.
He's been a constant source of amusement and joy in my life. Yes, things really suck with my illness and my life in general, but these dreams we shared really made things worthwhile. I knew there was always an out, a tomorrow.
However, about two weeks ago, Mike dropped off the face of the earth. He stopped signing on to AIM, and stopped answering my calls and texts. He missed my birthday, which he never does. Worried, because he has his own health issues, I contacted a mutual friend who informed me his ex-wife had moved back in. The same ex-wife who lied to him and abused him two years ago. According to our mutual friend, they've been back together for at least six months, the same time period that he and I have been making plans.
I feel lost. Here was someone I trusted completely, whom I loved on many levels. Our relationship was both easy and complicated, but it worked. We'd spend hours snarking on bad scifi movies and now tonight when I made a horrible joke about V to myself, since I don't have anyone else to snark to now, I starting bawling. I never thought anyone else would get me like he did, and now I am starting to feel like no one will ever get me because for all I know, everything was a lie. What make it even worse is he was always the person I depended on when I needed someone and now I can't even talk to him about it.
This is now what I needed today, or ever. I swear, I am destined to be alone.
Why do I trust people so easily? Why do I want to believe the best in people?
For the past two years, I've had a friend named Mike. He's been my best friend, the person I've cried on their shoulder, and I though he was the one person who I could depend on no matter what. There had always been some romantic tension between us, and an understood agreement once we were in a better place in live we'd be together. I was under the impression he was an up and coming screenwriter, and we'd even dreamed about our own little co-op in New York City one day.
He's been a constant source of amusement and joy in my life. Yes, things really suck with my illness and my life in general, but these dreams we shared really made things worthwhile. I knew there was always an out, a tomorrow.
However, about two weeks ago, Mike dropped off the face of the earth. He stopped signing on to AIM, and stopped answering my calls and texts. He missed my birthday, which he never does. Worried, because he has his own health issues, I contacted a mutual friend who informed me his ex-wife had moved back in. The same ex-wife who lied to him and abused him two years ago. According to our mutual friend, they've been back together for at least six months, the same time period that he and I have been making plans.
I feel lost. Here was someone I trusted completely, whom I loved on many levels. Our relationship was both easy and complicated, but it worked. We'd spend hours snarking on bad scifi movies and now tonight when I made a horrible joke about V to myself, since I don't have anyone else to snark to now, I starting bawling. I never thought anyone else would get me like he did, and now I am starting to feel like no one will ever get me because for all I know, everything was a lie. What make it even worse is he was always the person I depended on when I needed someone and now I can't even talk to him about it.
This is now what I needed today, or ever. I swear, I am destined to be alone.
Why do I trust people so easily? Why do I want to believe the best in people?