Yay, LJ's back! Full-week update.
Yay, LJ's back! And here I thought the problem was with my browser...
Anyway, fuck has a lot happened in a week. Even Friday and Saturday were enough for an entire week. I won't go too much into it because I've rehashed it so many times with family and RL friends, but whatever, just so it's here for the record, eh? :)
Friday night I went out with Ori, the Ledgendary Ex. We had fun at first, sat at some place and had a (non-alcoholic) drink, and then I missed a stop sign and was pulled over by police O_____O (hence the 'adventures on the road' and the 'fuck my life' tags) I'd honestly thought it was a yield sign, so I slowed down, checked there were no cars coming, and then went on! It was really awful, I totally panicked. I was with my mom's car, and thank fucking GOD I'd taken the registration papers with me, because sometimes when I take my mom's car I don't bother. Thank god I did this time. Anyway the cops let me off with just a warning, no report and no points on my record. Gah. I was a mess driving back to Ori's place.
Which was a mistake in itself. We watched a movie, during which he fell asleep, and when it ended we cuddled and went right back to the last blow-up point, which was getting naked, touching each other, and in the end not having sex. I got all screwed up and disappointed, again, and it was even worse than the first almost-sex time because this time he got off. And I didn't.
Fuck it, never mind. He still thinks my first time should be 'with someone I love' and I'm so over that. Ori and I were never meant to be anything but good friends. Not a couple, not friends with benefits - just friends. That night last week will be the last time I get into bed with him, and the last time I stay with him for more than 4 hours, because after that everything just goes downhill and I get angry and we both get upset. We settled it over text - no more getting into bed together. We're just forgetting that night ever happened. So we're cool.
The next day was Saturday!Salsa, and Noam finally showed up. The day after he dumped me, he went to a different lesson than me, but on Saturday he went to LA 4 like me, and I went "Aww, fuck my life" internally. I kept stealing glances over at him, and I could feel him glancing at me too. Finally after about half an hour I couldn't resist, and I gave him a long good look. Probably like 5 seconds or more. Not an angry look, or a hurt look, just ... just a look. Then we went on with the lesson, each with different partners. We very carefully avoided being paired with each other.
Now, when the lesson had started, two other guys fought over who'd get to dance with me. I didn't know if I should be flattered or humiliated - one of them yelled "Dibs!" and the other just pulled me over to his side, so then the first one grabbed my other hand from across the circle and they just pulled me between them!! It actually hurt, and I was sort of laughing-crying and yelling for help. It was so weird... these two guys are both great dancers, and I dance with them both almost every night. I know they both like me. One is the photographer, who I used to think had a crush on me - I guess he still does.
Anyway, after the lesson ended, I was taking a break, sitting on one of the couches, and Noam came up and sat next to me. He said, "Can I say hello? Or is it not allowed?"
I gave him a look like, "What?"
"You were staring at me earlier, you gave me this death glare," he said. "I just wanted to say hi, make sure everything's all right. I'm sorry if I hurt you."
And that made me really mad, because of course he'd hurt me! He' basically told me he wanted to like me but couldn't make himself, and that there was no passion between us. Of course it hurt. So I told him, "You didn't hurt me. After all, you weren't the one who nearly tore my arms out of my shoulders tonight, those were Alex and Ron fighting for me." Then I realized what I'd said and nodded. "Yeah, that fits. You didn't fight for me." And I stood up and walked away.
When I told all this to K, she said I was a drama queen. She's right. When I'm hurting, I like everyone to know it. It comes with being a youngest child, and having a chronic illness, and just generally being 'Polish'. It's a major character flaw, but it's part of who I am.
Later in the night I went back to Noam and asked, "If I hadn't reacted so dramatically earlier, what would you have done? I mean, what could you possibly have to say to me?"
He said, "I just didn't like the way you were glaring at me. I wanted to see if things were okay."
And I was like, aww, fuck you, inside my head but I was kind of embarrassed of the drama I'd caused, so I just said, "Yeah, fine." and left again. I didn't stay long at the club after that. The next morning I apologized over text, said I might have overreacted. I asked if we could be friends again, and he said "yep".
Honestly, if I can make it work with Ori after all our drama (and if we manage to keep our hands off each other, then we can make it work as just friends) then it should be okay with Noam too. He was fun to hang out with before we became a couple, and if I can't have him as a boyfriend then at least I should be able to enjoy him as a friend. It might sound pathetic, but I don't mind. I'm pathetic in many ways, this can be just another one.
At Tuesday!Salsa we met again - I didn't come for the lesson, just for the party, and he was already there. We saw each other, smiled, said a neutral 'hi' and that was it. I danced with other guys and 3 different girls warily asked me if Noam and I were still together. I replied with my usual self-deprecating humor, that he'd dumped me 3 weeks earlier. They all said it was his loss, and I laughed and said they were welcome to tell him so. Not that they will. Still, at least I could bear to be there at the club with him and not burst into tears. I actually had a pretty good time, and finally got some pictures in!
On Wednesday I went to the graduates' exhibition at Bezalel Academy of Arts and Design in Jerusalem. I have no intention of studying there (no way am I living in Jerusalem. I don't like the city. And the school itself is a whole underground maze, it made me really uncomfortable...) but it was very interesting to see their exhibition. The Industrial Design and Glass and Ceramics were best.
On Thursday I had my first meeting with an Industrial Design teacher at 6B. He looked at all my work from the whole prep program and the sketching course and said I had potential. He said I was talented with sketching and various 2D arts, but I really have to work hard on 3D, because that's what both Industrial and Interior Design are all about. Sketching talent will get me through the very first entrance exam at most places, but 3D is where I really need to expand my experience because I honestly have none. We've settled on trying 2 pieces this week - one on Japan and the other on Diabetes. God only knows what I'll do with that...
Then in the evening we had another Salsa Mob volunteer event - this time at a youth center where a group of American Jewish kids were spending the summer in Israel. We danced a few Rueda circles for them, several LA and line dancing-songs, and tried to teach them a little bit of salsa. It was kind of a mess, because we're not really qualified to teach, plus what 16-year-old wants to be taught to dance latin dance? :P But it was still fun, and the camp's instructors really loved us and appreciated the effort. We got a plastic trophy full of chocolate bars for our efforts and it was just ... so much fun :)
After the Mob event some of us went to the Mob's dance studio and had our own after-party! :D It was just 6-7-8 of us but it was fucking awesome. Noam came and it didn't even bother me. We finally got over the awkwardness and danced together - it was still slightly awkward, because I'm no longer used to dancing with him, and he claimed to have not danced for a while (which sounds legit, seeing as he had a week's worth of guard duty and then I still didn't see him at salsa for a full other week). The dancing at the youth center was from 7:30 til 9:30, and then at the dance studio we danced from 10 til 11:30 - or at least, I left at 11:30, I was so tired I could hardly lift my feet.
My entire body ached the next morning - but most of all? My head, at the back of my neck, under my ears. Why? Because I'd smiled so damn hard for 4 straight hours. I hadn't had such a good time in months, it was so awesome. I'm so completely in love with this group, I want to go to every single event they do from now on. Last time, at the Marina, was really fun too, but this time was just ... whoo. Incredible :D
Aaaaaaand today we had lunch at my sister's place down in Be'er-Sheva, the food was delicious, her boyfriend (they're going on vacation to Italy together next week, then he's moving in next month!) was charming, Omer and Alon were ridiculously cute, and now it's 7:30PM and Saturday is almost over. Tomorrow a new week begins - I don't know if I want it to be as eventful as this one was. It'd be nice to have a calm, quiet week for a change.
... but that would be boring ;)
Anyway, fuck has a lot happened in a week. Even Friday and Saturday were enough for an entire week. I won't go too much into it because I've rehashed it so many times with family and RL friends, but whatever, just so it's here for the record, eh? :)
Friday night I went out with Ori, the Ledgendary Ex. We had fun at first, sat at some place and had a (non-alcoholic) drink, and then I missed a stop sign and was pulled over by police O_____O (hence the 'adventures on the road' and the 'fuck my life' tags) I'd honestly thought it was a yield sign, so I slowed down, checked there were no cars coming, and then went on! It was really awful, I totally panicked. I was with my mom's car, and thank fucking GOD I'd taken the registration papers with me, because sometimes when I take my mom's car I don't bother. Thank god I did this time. Anyway the cops let me off with just a warning, no report and no points on my record. Gah. I was a mess driving back to Ori's place.
Which was a mistake in itself. We watched a movie, during which he fell asleep, and when it ended we cuddled and went right back to the last blow-up point, which was getting naked, touching each other, and in the end not having sex. I got all screwed up and disappointed, again, and it was even worse than the first almost-sex time because this time he got off. And I didn't.
Fuck it, never mind. He still thinks my first time should be 'with someone I love' and I'm so over that. Ori and I were never meant to be anything but good friends. Not a couple, not friends with benefits - just friends. That night last week will be the last time I get into bed with him, and the last time I stay with him for more than 4 hours, because after that everything just goes downhill and I get angry and we both get upset. We settled it over text - no more getting into bed together. We're just forgetting that night ever happened. So we're cool.
The next day was Saturday!Salsa, and Noam finally showed up. The day after he dumped me, he went to a different lesson than me, but on Saturday he went to LA 4 like me, and I went "Aww, fuck my life" internally. I kept stealing glances over at him, and I could feel him glancing at me too. Finally after about half an hour I couldn't resist, and I gave him a long good look. Probably like 5 seconds or more. Not an angry look, or a hurt look, just ... just a look. Then we went on with the lesson, each with different partners. We very carefully avoided being paired with each other.
Now, when the lesson had started, two other guys fought over who'd get to dance with me. I didn't know if I should be flattered or humiliated - one of them yelled "Dibs!" and the other just pulled me over to his side, so then the first one grabbed my other hand from across the circle and they just pulled me between them!! It actually hurt, and I was sort of laughing-crying and yelling for help. It was so weird... these two guys are both great dancers, and I dance with them both almost every night. I know they both like me. One is the photographer, who I used to think had a crush on me - I guess he still does.
Anyway, after the lesson ended, I was taking a break, sitting on one of the couches, and Noam came up and sat next to me. He said, "Can I say hello? Or is it not allowed?"
I gave him a look like, "What?"
"You were staring at me earlier, you gave me this death glare," he said. "I just wanted to say hi, make sure everything's all right. I'm sorry if I hurt you."
And that made me really mad, because of course he'd hurt me! He' basically told me he wanted to like me but couldn't make himself, and that there was no passion between us. Of course it hurt. So I told him, "You didn't hurt me. After all, you weren't the one who nearly tore my arms out of my shoulders tonight, those were Alex and Ron fighting for me." Then I realized what I'd said and nodded. "Yeah, that fits. You didn't fight for me." And I stood up and walked away.
When I told all this to K, she said I was a drama queen. She's right. When I'm hurting, I like everyone to know it. It comes with being a youngest child, and having a chronic illness, and just generally being 'Polish'. It's a major character flaw, but it's part of who I am.
Later in the night I went back to Noam and asked, "If I hadn't reacted so dramatically earlier, what would you have done? I mean, what could you possibly have to say to me?"
He said, "I just didn't like the way you were glaring at me. I wanted to see if things were okay."
And I was like, aww, fuck you, inside my head but I was kind of embarrassed of the drama I'd caused, so I just said, "Yeah, fine." and left again. I didn't stay long at the club after that. The next morning I apologized over text, said I might have overreacted. I asked if we could be friends again, and he said "yep".
Honestly, if I can make it work with Ori after all our drama (and if we manage to keep our hands off each other, then we can make it work as just friends) then it should be okay with Noam too. He was fun to hang out with before we became a couple, and if I can't have him as a boyfriend then at least I should be able to enjoy him as a friend. It might sound pathetic, but I don't mind. I'm pathetic in many ways, this can be just another one.
At Tuesday!Salsa we met again - I didn't come for the lesson, just for the party, and he was already there. We saw each other, smiled, said a neutral 'hi' and that was it. I danced with other guys and 3 different girls warily asked me if Noam and I were still together. I replied with my usual self-deprecating humor, that he'd dumped me 3 weeks earlier. They all said it was his loss, and I laughed and said they were welcome to tell him so. Not that they will. Still, at least I could bear to be there at the club with him and not burst into tears. I actually had a pretty good time, and finally got some pictures in!
On Wednesday I went to the graduates' exhibition at Bezalel Academy of Arts and Design in Jerusalem. I have no intention of studying there (no way am I living in Jerusalem. I don't like the city. And the school itself is a whole underground maze, it made me really uncomfortable...) but it was very interesting to see their exhibition. The Industrial Design and Glass and Ceramics were best.
On Thursday I had my first meeting with an Industrial Design teacher at 6B. He looked at all my work from the whole prep program and the sketching course and said I had potential. He said I was talented with sketching and various 2D arts, but I really have to work hard on 3D, because that's what both Industrial and Interior Design are all about. Sketching talent will get me through the very first entrance exam at most places, but 3D is where I really need to expand my experience because I honestly have none. We've settled on trying 2 pieces this week - one on Japan and the other on Diabetes. God only knows what I'll do with that...
Then in the evening we had another Salsa Mob volunteer event - this time at a youth center where a group of American Jewish kids were spending the summer in Israel. We danced a few Rueda circles for them, several LA and line dancing-songs, and tried to teach them a little bit of salsa. It was kind of a mess, because we're not really qualified to teach, plus what 16-year-old wants to be taught to dance latin dance? :P But it was still fun, and the camp's instructors really loved us and appreciated the effort. We got a plastic trophy full of chocolate bars for our efforts and it was just ... so much fun :)
After the Mob event some of us went to the Mob's dance studio and had our own after-party! :D It was just 6-7-8 of us but it was fucking awesome. Noam came and it didn't even bother me. We finally got over the awkwardness and danced together - it was still slightly awkward, because I'm no longer used to dancing with him, and he claimed to have not danced for a while (which sounds legit, seeing as he had a week's worth of guard duty and then I still didn't see him at salsa for a full other week). The dancing at the youth center was from 7:30 til 9:30, and then at the dance studio we danced from 10 til 11:30 - or at least, I left at 11:30, I was so tired I could hardly lift my feet.
My entire body ached the next morning - but most of all? My head, at the back of my neck, under my ears. Why? Because I'd smiled so damn hard for 4 straight hours. I hadn't had such a good time in months, it was so awesome. I'm so completely in love with this group, I want to go to every single event they do from now on. Last time, at the Marina, was really fun too, but this time was just ... whoo. Incredible :D
Aaaaaaand today we had lunch at my sister's place down in Be'er-Sheva, the food was delicious, her boyfriend (they're going on vacation to Italy together next week, then he's moving in next month!) was charming, Omer and Alon were ridiculously cute, and now it's 7:30PM and Saturday is almost over. Tomorrow a new week begins - I don't know if I want it to be as eventful as this one was. It'd be nice to have a calm, quiet week for a change.
... but that would be boring ;)