Full week update
Holy fucking cow has it been a busy week. Thank god it's over.
On Saturday night, just as I was getting ready to leave for Saturday!Salsa, my boss unashamedly called me at 9PM and asked if I could go to one of the schools the book-loaning project works in and promote it, sign people up. It was a junior-high school, and they were signing students up for the school itself, so it was a great opportunity to sign people up for the project, too. I agreed because it's an opportunity to get out of the phone call-center, which I hate. I'm trying to find any reason to not work the phones :P
Unfortunately, going to that school meant I had to come to the offices extraearly (7:00 instead of 8:30) to pick up a banner and a batch of flyers and sign-up slips, and then drive to the school... which is very close to the salsa club. I'm so fucking sick of the road that leads there by now! Twice a week for salsa, if not more; another time to go to the club with K; not to mention 3 weeks of dating Noam, who lived in the next city over so I took the same road. I've been driving it so often that I think I might be able to drive it blindfolded. Seriously.
Anyway, the work at the school was pretty boring, because not a lot of people came. I signed up maybe 4 people in all the 5 hours I was there. But! K, the recent salsa friend, lives really close by and was home that afternoon, so I went to her place to visit :)
Monday and Tuesday I also promoted the project at the school, and things went better then. I stopped at the mall to buy myself lunch and then headed into the office to update some stuff, because I knew I wouldn't be there on Wednesday because I was taking the day off to do a check-up at the Diabetes Clinic. On Tuesday I also got a haircut! :D I really wish I could do before and after pics, but my parents lost our camera on their trip to Spain earlier this month so no pics until they buy a new camera :( But it's short and bouncy and full of volume and everyone likes it, me especially :)
On Tuesday night I went with K to a Beatles-homage performance instead of salsa (which we're both kind of sick of anyway), but we missed most of it so we just sat and ate Chinese food and talked XD On Wedneday the hospical was on srike (nothing new, the doctors have been striking on and off for months now) so my appointment got cancelled - so I went straight back to bed and made up some much-needed hours of sleep. Then in the afternoon I had the last class of my Wednesday!Sketching course, which was a nude model. She was a dancer with a truly stunning body and some pretty impressive poses.
I'm very glad that the course is over, though. The instructor there really got on my nerves the entire two months. She's pretty young and flaky and I just don't like her. She rubs me the wrong way. The previous nude model sketching class we did with her was horrible, and then a week later we had the same class with a different teacher and I had the time of my life. Thankfully, this time she left me to my devices (mostly) so I utilized my favorite sketching technique 3 times - erasing charcoal. Baiscally I cover the whole page with charcoal (rough pigments) and then use a charcoal eraser (which doesn't really erase, it just picks up the pigments so there's "less black" on the page; it also smudges very nicely) to sort of blend and smudge the areas I want to "draw". I also use more black charcoal and sometimes white to shade or highlight things later.
This is the previous nude model sketch I did with erasing charcoal -
- but this week I took it to a whole new level with 3 sketches, one of which was a portrait! I'm very very bad at drawing faces, so I'm pretty damn proud of this one that I did. I'll try and get a friend's camera and upload the latest sketches. We also brought snacks and one of the guys actually brought sparkling wine! XD It was hilarious, but really thoughtful. And tasty :P
Later that night I went out with K again to the gay bar - it's actually not a gay bar, just a gay line (Wednesday nights) one day out of the week. This week was army-inspired, so everyone was wearing olive-green or camouflage. Some actually came wearing their honest-to-god army uniforms XD I wore an olive-green skirt, a white tank top, and my original dogtags from my army service. I knew I'd saved them for a reason :) And K wore black tights and a camouflage top. I told her as we were walking from the parking lot to the club that I wasn't going to come with her every week, since this club/line holds no potential for me - I have no problem with the LGBT community, but I'm just not a real part of it. I'm straight. And I won't find a potential boyfriend at a LGBT night at bars.
Or so I thought. Not only did some guy apparently spring a boner for me when I danced on the bar (...how did I get roped into doing that again? I don't know, K was up there and she's so fun to be around, plus my new haircut had given me a confidence boost) and sent K over to hit on me on his behalf (he didn't get more than a glance and a rasied eyebrow from me) but I also met a normal guy. 'Normal' as in not a loser. And actually straight. He says he and his (also straight) friends come to the bar because it's close to their homes and specifically on the LGBT night because they find it amusing and like the people. Same as me.
He's 25 and actually dating a girl, but it's not serious between them (at least not on his side, though he claims she's already said she loves him, after 3 weeks of dating. Wtf, woman?) and he's leaving for school in the south come October. I'm not planning anything serious with him either, but we talked a lot and flirted a little and I let him buy me a drink (he sugessted Bad Apple and my jaw dropped... how did he know?!?!) and we danced. By the end of the night K had pronounced us married, so we had to at least exchange phone numbers. He texted me later saying he hoped I got home safely and good night. I didn't reply.
I'm honestly not planning on dating him. He's in a (sort of) relationship and he won't be here in 3 months and he's not my type, physically. I'm not ashamed to say that I want someone better-looking than him. He's not ugly, in fact his face is pretty cute, but in a friend-way, not a boyfriend-way. Plus he's a bit chubby. I've dated chubby before, and again, I'm not ashamed to say that it's no fun and that I can do better. I'm finally, after 20 years, reaching a stage where I'm physically comfortable with my body and like the way I look. I'm hot and I know it. I can get good-looking guys. I deserve good-looking guys.
So this guy, while nice to talk to, is not going to become anything but a friend. So far we haven't even spoken since Wednesday night. I haven't thought about him since then.
... I have still been thinking of Noam. He's finished his guard duty yesterday, I think, and he's showing more FB activity so I'm sure he's home. I'm embarrassed to say that I'm still checking his page even before his statuses show up on my feed. *sigh* Tomorrow is Saturday!Salsa, and I'm going to go, and wear a sexy dress, and hopefully nothing bad will happen.
I spent all of my afternoon nap (while I was trying to fall asleep) imagining what might happen tomorrow. What to do if he asks me to dance. What are the chances he'll even approach me? I so want him to. I want him to want me. But if he does, then how can I speak to him without falling apart? What on earth can I say to him? Well that depends on what he says first. Even if he wants me back, I wouldn't know how to do it. I know I want to say to him that he'll have to work harder this time, and to make him really understand how much he hurt me by not saying earlier that he didn't feel the emotional connection. He basically led me on, and I got attached, and when he said "I don't want you to get attached to me and get hurt if this ends," it was already too late.
This is all bullshit. It's irrelevant, all this speculation, because he's not going to approach me tomorrow. He doesn't want to be with me. I'm just torturing myself by thinking of him.
On Saturday night, just as I was getting ready to leave for Saturday!Salsa, my boss unashamedly called me at 9PM and asked if I could go to one of the schools the book-loaning project works in and promote it, sign people up. It was a junior-high school, and they were signing students up for the school itself, so it was a great opportunity to sign people up for the project, too. I agreed because it's an opportunity to get out of the phone call-center, which I hate. I'm trying to find any reason to not work the phones :P
Unfortunately, going to that school meant I had to come to the offices extraearly (7:00 instead of 8:30) to pick up a banner and a batch of flyers and sign-up slips, and then drive to the school... which is very close to the salsa club. I'm so fucking sick of the road that leads there by now! Twice a week for salsa, if not more; another time to go to the club with K; not to mention 3 weeks of dating Noam, who lived in the next city over so I took the same road. I've been driving it so often that I think I might be able to drive it blindfolded. Seriously.
Anyway, the work at the school was pretty boring, because not a lot of people came. I signed up maybe 4 people in all the 5 hours I was there. But! K, the recent salsa friend, lives really close by and was home that afternoon, so I went to her place to visit :)
Monday and Tuesday I also promoted the project at the school, and things went better then. I stopped at the mall to buy myself lunch and then headed into the office to update some stuff, because I knew I wouldn't be there on Wednesday because I was taking the day off to do a check-up at the Diabetes Clinic. On Tuesday I also got a haircut! :D I really wish I could do before and after pics, but my parents lost our camera on their trip to Spain earlier this month so no pics until they buy a new camera :( But it's short and bouncy and full of volume and everyone likes it, me especially :)
On Tuesday night I went with K to a Beatles-homage performance instead of salsa (which we're both kind of sick of anyway), but we missed most of it so we just sat and ate Chinese food and talked XD On Wedneday the hospical was on srike (nothing new, the doctors have been striking on and off for months now) so my appointment got cancelled - so I went straight back to bed and made up some much-needed hours of sleep. Then in the afternoon I had the last class of my Wednesday!Sketching course, which was a nude model. She was a dancer with a truly stunning body and some pretty impressive poses.
I'm very glad that the course is over, though. The instructor there really got on my nerves the entire two months. She's pretty young and flaky and I just don't like her. She rubs me the wrong way. The previous nude model sketching class we did with her was horrible, and then a week later we had the same class with a different teacher and I had the time of my life. Thankfully, this time she left me to my devices (mostly) so I utilized my favorite sketching technique 3 times - erasing charcoal. Baiscally I cover the whole page with charcoal (rough pigments) and then use a charcoal eraser (which doesn't really erase, it just picks up the pigments so there's "less black" on the page; it also smudges very nicely) to sort of blend and smudge the areas I want to "draw". I also use more black charcoal and sometimes white to shade or highlight things later.
This is the previous nude model sketch I did with erasing charcoal -
- but this week I took it to a whole new level with 3 sketches, one of which was a portrait! I'm very very bad at drawing faces, so I'm pretty damn proud of this one that I did. I'll try and get a friend's camera and upload the latest sketches. We also brought snacks and one of the guys actually brought sparkling wine! XD It was hilarious, but really thoughtful. And tasty :P
Later that night I went out with K again to the gay bar - it's actually not a gay bar, just a gay line (Wednesday nights) one day out of the week. This week was army-inspired, so everyone was wearing olive-green or camouflage. Some actually came wearing their honest-to-god army uniforms XD I wore an olive-green skirt, a white tank top, and my original dogtags from my army service. I knew I'd saved them for a reason :) And K wore black tights and a camouflage top. I told her as we were walking from the parking lot to the club that I wasn't going to come with her every week, since this club/line holds no potential for me - I have no problem with the LGBT community, but I'm just not a real part of it. I'm straight. And I won't find a potential boyfriend at a LGBT night at bars.
Or so I thought. Not only did some guy apparently spring a boner for me when I danced on the bar (...how did I get roped into doing that again? I don't know, K was up there and she's so fun to be around, plus my new haircut had given me a confidence boost) and sent K over to hit on me on his behalf (he didn't get more than a glance and a rasied eyebrow from me) but I also met a normal guy. 'Normal' as in not a loser. And actually straight. He says he and his (also straight) friends come to the bar because it's close to their homes and specifically on the LGBT night because they find it amusing and like the people. Same as me.
He's 25 and actually dating a girl, but it's not serious between them (at least not on his side, though he claims she's already said she loves him, after 3 weeks of dating. Wtf, woman?) and he's leaving for school in the south come October. I'm not planning anything serious with him either, but we talked a lot and flirted a little and I let him buy me a drink (he sugessted Bad Apple and my jaw dropped... how did he know?!?!) and we danced. By the end of the night K had pronounced us married, so we had to at least exchange phone numbers. He texted me later saying he hoped I got home safely and good night. I didn't reply.
I'm honestly not planning on dating him. He's in a (sort of) relationship and he won't be here in 3 months and he's not my type, physically. I'm not ashamed to say that I want someone better-looking than him. He's not ugly, in fact his face is pretty cute, but in a friend-way, not a boyfriend-way. Plus he's a bit chubby. I've dated chubby before, and again, I'm not ashamed to say that it's no fun and that I can do better. I'm finally, after 20 years, reaching a stage where I'm physically comfortable with my body and like the way I look. I'm hot and I know it. I can get good-looking guys. I deserve good-looking guys.
So this guy, while nice to talk to, is not going to become anything but a friend. So far we haven't even spoken since Wednesday night. I haven't thought about him since then.
... I have still been thinking of Noam. He's finished his guard duty yesterday, I think, and he's showing more FB activity so I'm sure he's home. I'm embarrassed to say that I'm still checking his page even before his statuses show up on my feed. *sigh* Tomorrow is Saturday!Salsa, and I'm going to go, and wear a sexy dress, and hopefully nothing bad will happen.
I spent all of my afternoon nap (while I was trying to fall asleep) imagining what might happen tomorrow. What to do if he asks me to dance. What are the chances he'll even approach me? I so want him to. I want him to want me. But if he does, then how can I speak to him without falling apart? What on earth can I say to him? Well that depends on what he says first. Even if he wants me back, I wouldn't know how to do it. I know I want to say to him that he'll have to work harder this time, and to make him really understand how much he hurt me by not saying earlier that he didn't feel the emotional connection. He basically led me on, and I got attached, and when he said "I don't want you to get attached to me and get hurt if this ends," it was already too late.
This is all bullshit. It's irrelevant, all this speculation, because he's not going to approach me tomorrow. He doesn't want to be with me. I'm just torturing myself by thinking of him.