(no subject)
Well, sometimes I start to feel like I felt during the Tempest, when I was convinced that everyone hated me. I don't know why I start to feel this way - it could be something very small and unrelated, but it triggers sensations that make me feel unwanted. I don't even know what I'm talking about, because I don't totally understand the whole situation... but it is (was?) basically one person leading a crusade against me. I don't even know what I did to deserve that, but things aren't the same and I'm intimidated and afraid to even speak up. I'm not the bitch here, I'm really not. I don't know why I'm unearthing these old feelings that haven't been able to surface since Tempest-time, and I don't know why the prospect of discussing it in any forum other than a vague livejournal entry is so terrifying. But it is. And I just wish I could say something, or try to fix things. But I am so intimidated that I borderline on pathetic. So, congratulations.
I guess it's worth it, because with Michael I found love. I'd rather have that than a friendship that apparently didn't mean very mcuh, but I still miss it sometimes. Like now.
I just need to stop thinking about it, and move on, and realize that I am accepted in a lot of other places.
Tomorrow is the mock car crash. I am going to be bloodied up and taken away in a body bag. It's kind of terrifying.
I guess it's worth it, because with Michael I found love. I'd rather have that than a friendship that apparently didn't mean very mcuh, but I still miss it sometimes. Like now.
I just need to stop thinking about it, and move on, and realize that I am accepted in a lot of other places.
Tomorrow is the mock car crash. I am going to be bloodied up and taken away in a body bag. It's kind of terrifying.