why can't my life work like everybody else's
so i don't know if i really want to get married anymore...
does anyone think they can help me figure this one out?
it just seems what he wants is something i feel is gonna cheapen it and he suggested a joined bacholette/bachelor party claiming it's so i won't worry but when questioned why i would even need to it's because his friends would get him so drunk that he would just agree to doing things
i don't know i just have a bad feeling
i mean plenty of people go get married at the courthuse no big deal but he knows my family is religious and keeps trying to suggest going to vegas instead of the whole church/reception thing and getting married at some rinky dink place there with like one or two witnesses and done....call me old fashioned but that doesn't sound much like he really wants a serious marriage
like what are we gonna do...take a trip to vegas...oh hey btw we got married...and then now what
i mean c'mon where's the thought process in that
where are we gonna live
if we go do the vegas thing am i suppose to just not acknowledge my family anymore
how are we gonna pay for bills
cuz i'm not gonna get a good job anytime soon
i have a theatre major for christs sake what the hell am i gonna do with a theatre degree in a low key part of the state of pa
cuz we aren't gonna be moving anywhere most likely because of his wrestling which seems like it usually takes precedence over me
and i know it shouldn't bother me because it's his friends not necessarily him but most of his close friends are people who are not the most faithful to the ones they are with if you catch my drift
so i'm just suppose to accept that he's not like that when i'm not around
what's that saying...oh yea birds of a feather flock together
his friends talk about things they do or would like to do right infront of my face all the time and more often then not it's something i tend to disagree with morality wise
i mean i don't chastise them for anything but i don't want to go have some on the fly wedding, live in some crappy apartment in a state i hate, be working at wal-mart or potentially have two jobs just to pay the bills, and then come home one day and find that i rushed into some cheap ass marriage with some guy who's a complete jackass and has been cheating on me with some chick from wrestling, be a fan or some girl who is also in the organization or some random chick he met at the club one night
if i wanted to do something like that i would have gotten married to keith two and half years ago
and i would've been in maryland
where my friends are
so it still wouldn't have been that bad because if i wanted to run away and fix my life after a disaster like that i still could have because i wouldn't have no one like here
and keith is goin to school now and getting a degree after he talked to me about some things last year whereas andrew won't even pick up a damned booklet of the local community college and try to find somwthing he likes so that he doesn't have to keep working at wal-mart
it would be one thing if he liked his job but i know he doesn't so why wouldn't someone who hates their job at wal-mart try to get a college degree in something and attempt to get a different job
things just are not making sense anymore to me at all
or am i just doing the whole "jen is overthinking everything" thing that i tend to do
i'm just a bundle of nerves and i'm confused and i'm stressed out and i don't have a place where i can just go and relax and clear my head
does anyone think they can help me figure this one out?
it just seems what he wants is something i feel is gonna cheapen it and he suggested a joined bacholette/bachelor party claiming it's so i won't worry but when questioned why i would even need to it's because his friends would get him so drunk that he would just agree to doing things
i don't know i just have a bad feeling
i mean plenty of people go get married at the courthuse no big deal but he knows my family is religious and keeps trying to suggest going to vegas instead of the whole church/reception thing and getting married at some rinky dink place there with like one or two witnesses and done....call me old fashioned but that doesn't sound much like he really wants a serious marriage
like what are we gonna do...take a trip to vegas...oh hey btw we got married...and then now what
i mean c'mon where's the thought process in that
where are we gonna live
if we go do the vegas thing am i suppose to just not acknowledge my family anymore
how are we gonna pay for bills
cuz i'm not gonna get a good job anytime soon
i have a theatre major for christs sake what the hell am i gonna do with a theatre degree in a low key part of the state of pa
cuz we aren't gonna be moving anywhere most likely because of his wrestling which seems like it usually takes precedence over me
and i know it shouldn't bother me because it's his friends not necessarily him but most of his close friends are people who are not the most faithful to the ones they are with if you catch my drift
so i'm just suppose to accept that he's not like that when i'm not around
what's that saying...oh yea birds of a feather flock together
his friends talk about things they do or would like to do right infront of my face all the time and more often then not it's something i tend to disagree with morality wise
i mean i don't chastise them for anything but i don't want to go have some on the fly wedding, live in some crappy apartment in a state i hate, be working at wal-mart or potentially have two jobs just to pay the bills, and then come home one day and find that i rushed into some cheap ass marriage with some guy who's a complete jackass and has been cheating on me with some chick from wrestling, be a fan or some girl who is also in the organization or some random chick he met at the club one night
if i wanted to do something like that i would have gotten married to keith two and half years ago
and i would've been in maryland
where my friends are
so it still wouldn't have been that bad because if i wanted to run away and fix my life after a disaster like that i still could have because i wouldn't have no one like here
and keith is goin to school now and getting a degree after he talked to me about some things last year whereas andrew won't even pick up a damned booklet of the local community college and try to find somwthing he likes so that he doesn't have to keep working at wal-mart
it would be one thing if he liked his job but i know he doesn't so why wouldn't someone who hates their job at wal-mart try to get a college degree in something and attempt to get a different job
things just are not making sense anymore to me at all
or am i just doing the whole "jen is overthinking everything" thing that i tend to do
i'm just a bundle of nerves and i'm confused and i'm stressed out and i don't have a place where i can just go and relax and clear my head