Clean-up, aisle mind..
Went rifling through some old crap down here in the basement. I found a dozen old drawings and more than a handful of old letters from when I lived with Jake. I also found The Letter; the one Cody'd written me prior to my leaving. I read it aloud to Julia once then tore it in half and threw it out. I also did likewise to anything relating to Scott, Jake, or anyone else not worth remembering. No remorse, no hesitation. Just a lot of ripping and tossing. I kept a few things, like some accounts of my departure from St. Louis and other such. A lot of the artwork I kept was ParaG-related, a lot of original crap and some fanart. I found a few of the ones I'd done of Shadowtiger for Hayden when we were together and junked the originals since I have digital copies in archives. They were not disposed of out of malice, I assure you. Just nowhere to put them.
Seeing all of those old dates and the things I'd said in my journals, I realized one thing: I never listened to myself. Not once. If I had a dime for everytime I wrote to myself to not do something and to look back on the entry in question to reaffirm that decision, I'd be rich. I either forget it's there or something happens to make it suddenly better again. I'll never know, really. Not incredibly important now, either. Even if, heaven forbid, Peter and I don't work out in the end, I'll remember him always as the one who saved me from a fate worse than death. A fate named Scott. :p I no longer feel that pang of sadness. I only know the sensation of disappointment (mostly in myself) and a small, bittersweet affection for the whole thing. It was annoying, painful, and trying, but it was something I figure had to happen. I think everyone pines at one point in their lives for the single, unreachable person. I'm glad mine is over with and I can continue.
Eh. I'm tired. I may sleep.
Seeing all of those old dates and the things I'd said in my journals, I realized one thing: I never listened to myself. Not once. If I had a dime for everytime I wrote to myself to not do something and to look back on the entry in question to reaffirm that decision, I'd be rich. I either forget it's there or something happens to make it suddenly better again. I'll never know, really. Not incredibly important now, either. Even if, heaven forbid, Peter and I don't work out in the end, I'll remember him always as the one who saved me from a fate worse than death. A fate named Scott. :p I no longer feel that pang of sadness. I only know the sensation of disappointment (mostly in myself) and a small, bittersweet affection for the whole thing. It was annoying, painful, and trying, but it was something I figure had to happen. I think everyone pines at one point in their lives for the single, unreachable person. I'm glad mine is over with and I can continue.
Eh. I'm tired. I may sleep.