Thankful
My life has been pretty crazy lately. I don't believe I really have to explain "why" for the most part.
One thing I have to say is I feel very thankful for my friends. One of the things my pastor said to me was that after my mothers memorial service a lot of people would move on. That it would be their goodbye to her and closure for them but it would be important for me to let others know that I'm still greiving. To be honest I haven't had to let other people know that. Everyone I know, weather at work, church, just random friends I have, everyone has been checking up on me and asking how I'm doing, and how the family is doing. And I've been thankful for that, because I still do cry and think of mom, I still get sad. And I've had some people just listen to me and let me cry and comfort me and that's been very meaningful to me.
I remember someone posted, I believe on my DA account, that in my jornals I had been very open about everything with mom. The only thing I could think was how closed off I was in writing anything. For me it was more of getting facts out and letting people know what was going on with her. To very few had I really let myself be open about my mothers oncoming death. I think the hardest for me was the last two weeks of her life. I just remember her having one great day and there seemed like there was such great hope and then she had more seizures and then it was all down hill from there.
I remember when she was put on hospice and my father said that she wouldn't make it for a whole week and not believing him. But he was right in the end. For me it just seems like everything is just one day at a time. There is so much of life that I'm still trying to get in order. So much I am still trying to get back on track with. So many people I have to reconnect with and call and see how they're doing because it has been far too long. So much life I have to start living again.
What to do with leftover hope. That's what I wondered all of December. I was so hopefull that mom was going to make it, even when she was laying before me unmoving, unbreathing... So what do do with leftover hope... I've decided it use it. All the hope I had for my mom, I'll turn around and use for hope for my own future. I've written a list of things I need to get done, and I'm going to start holding myself to it. No sense in holding off on the things I really want to accoplish in life. My mother had a lot of hope for my life. I may as well honor her by becoming the woman she has helped mold me to be. God gave me one amazing role model in my mom.
It's time to use the strength and perserverance she's taught me to go after my own goals and dreams.
.red.
One thing I have to say is I feel very thankful for my friends. One of the things my pastor said to me was that after my mothers memorial service a lot of people would move on. That it would be their goodbye to her and closure for them but it would be important for me to let others know that I'm still greiving. To be honest I haven't had to let other people know that. Everyone I know, weather at work, church, just random friends I have, everyone has been checking up on me and asking how I'm doing, and how the family is doing. And I've been thankful for that, because I still do cry and think of mom, I still get sad. And I've had some people just listen to me and let me cry and comfort me and that's been very meaningful to me.
I remember someone posted, I believe on my DA account, that in my jornals I had been very open about everything with mom. The only thing I could think was how closed off I was in writing anything. For me it was more of getting facts out and letting people know what was going on with her. To very few had I really let myself be open about my mothers oncoming death. I think the hardest for me was the last two weeks of her life. I just remember her having one great day and there seemed like there was such great hope and then she had more seizures and then it was all down hill from there.
I remember when she was put on hospice and my father said that she wouldn't make it for a whole week and not believing him. But he was right in the end. For me it just seems like everything is just one day at a time. There is so much of life that I'm still trying to get in order. So much I am still trying to get back on track with. So many people I have to reconnect with and call and see how they're doing because it has been far too long. So much life I have to start living again.
What to do with leftover hope. That's what I wondered all of December. I was so hopefull that mom was going to make it, even when she was laying before me unmoving, unbreathing... So what do do with leftover hope... I've decided it use it. All the hope I had for my mom, I'll turn around and use for hope for my own future. I've written a list of things I need to get done, and I'm going to start holding myself to it. No sense in holding off on the things I really want to accoplish in life. My mother had a lot of hope for my life. I may as well honor her by becoming the woman she has helped mold me to be. God gave me one amazing role model in my mom.
It's time to use the strength and perserverance she's taught me to go after my own goals and dreams.
.red.