Fun For The Kids, But Not For Shawn

[windscryer]

Title: Fun For The Kids, But Not For Shawn
Collection: *Iz Ded* Moments
Rating: T
Characters: Shawn, Gus, Juliet, Lassiter, Buzz, OCs
Warnings: Violence, attack on a beloved childhood institution
Genres: Hurt/Comfort, Humor
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes
Word count: 4485
Disclaimer: See Master Post. I'm probably not allowed in a Chuck E. Cheese after this. I certainly don't own it.
Notes: See Master Post.

Summary: Who would guess that a Chuck E. Cheese could be so dangerous?

“Tell me again why we're here, Shawn?”

“Because, Gus, I can't have a vision of Valerie Thomas as the kidnapper unless I have something to back it up. We don't want to repeat the 'Bradley Street Burglar' incident, do we?”

A shadow crossed Gus' eyes as his expression went flat. “No,” he said darkly. “We don't.”

“Exactly. So I need to get a 'reading' on Valerie to confirm what I already suspect.”

“And how do you expect to do that? You're not really psychic.”

“I don't need to be. I'm looking for something very specific that will tie her to Kaylie Bannock's kidnapping.”

Gus shot his best friend a look. “And you think she's going to have some piece of incriminating evidence that links her to a highly publicized kidnapping with her at work? She works at a Chuck E. Cheese, Shawn. They don't generally let kidnappers work here.”

“They do when they don't know they're kidnappers.”

“But if she has a tattoo on her forehead that says 'Ask me about kidnapping children for fun and profit' I think they'd notice.”

Now it was Shawn's turn to level a look at Gus. “She doesn't have it tattooed on her forehead.”

“Well that's how you made it sound. And how exactly do you expect to be able to get in there without raising suspicions ourselves? I don't want a repeat of the 'Creepy Guys at the Park' incident either.”

Shawn rolled his eyes. “We're not going to be arrested. We're safety inspectors for the state Board of Children's Play Areas.”

“Ohhh. So that's why you dressed up,” Gus said. “Mm-hmm. It's all starting to make sense now.”

Shawn looked down at his clothes, sports jacket over a (permanently) pressed button-down shirt that was actually buttoned and not plaid, and slacks with shoes he'd last worn to a wedding.

“Too much?” he asked.

“No. It looks nice,” Gus said sincerely. “Just not your usual style.”

Shawn smirked. “Thanks.”

“But probably not the best choice for entering a Chuck E. Cheese. You will have a stain on those pants by the time we're done.”

“Nah. I'm not worried,” Shawn said dismissively as he slipped his shades on. “Are we going to do this?”

Gus looked at the sign on the building, repressed an instinctive shudder at the chaos he was about to willingly enter, then inhaled deeply and let the breath out slowly. “Yeah. Let's get it over with.”

“Sweet.”

They exited the car and headed up to the door.

Shawn charmed the girl at the door who only barely saw the documentation he furnished, though she did look at it. She was too busy blushing at Shawn's flirting to really read it though.

They then entered the inner sanctum of the children's play center. It was all the contained chaos Gus had imagined and more.

“Do you know where she's working?” Gus asked quietly as he scanned the room for their target.

“Nope. We'll just have to take a good look around.” With that Shawn set off at an easy stroll, his eyes sweeping over everything as he occasionally took notes on the clipboard he'd brought with him.

For the next two hours Gus followed him as he did a better than decent job of being a fake inspector of children's play areas. Of course, he was a fake psychic for the police on a daily basis.

This was a cakewalk in comparison.

They'd already made the rounds of most of the video and climbing toy areas as well as the concessions area-including the kitchen where Shawn had scammed a couple of slices of pizza. All that was left was the prize distribution area and the stage area in the back.

It was while Shawn was chatting with the girl working the prize counter that Gus spotted Valerie heading back to the kitchen with a tray full of dirty dishes.

He elbowed his partner and when Shawn pulled himself away and the girl busied herself with retrieving a prize he pointed at where Valerie had just reappeared with an empty tray for a second load.

“Excellent, Gus,” he congratulated. “Way to keep a sharp eye out. I'll make a detective out of you yet.”

Gus just glared.

“Let's go talk to her already. I have better things to do than troll for dates at a Chuck E. Cheese.”

“I am not trolling for dates,” Shawn said indignantly. “I'm working the scene. Totally different.”

“Uh huh. Can we go work the scene with Valerie in the stage area now?”

“Yes, Impatient McAntsy-Pants. We can go to the stage area. I just want to establish one thing before we go.”

“What's that?”

“You're not anxious to go back there because you still want an autograph from Chucky, are you? Sissy Richards' eighth birthday was a long time ago. You need to get past it.”

“Shawn-”

“If you can't though, I'll understand,” he continued, completely ignoring Gus and holding his hands up placatingly. “Dreams are important and you can't let them die just because a little girl who thinks you have the chicken pox uninvited you to her birthday party. I just want to know now if I'm going to lose you at some point. I need to be able to make an excuse and that may take time.”

“She thought I had chicken pox? Why did she think that Shawn?”

“I don't know,” Shawn said, all innocence. Gus didn't buy it for a second. “She was obviously misinformed-”

“And I wonder who might have misinformed her?” he interrupted with a pointed look.

Shawn stopped, then leveled his best hurt expression at his friend.

“You think I did that? Gus, I am appalled that you think I'd stoop so low as to lie about you having a very contagious and uncomfortable disease just because she didn't invite me.”

“She didn't invite you because you brought a live mouse to Sherrie Dukenot's pool party and let it loose.”

That took Shawn by surprise. “Really? Why would that matter to her? I wasn't going to do that at her party. She wasn't a snob like Sherrie.”

Gus rolled his eyes. “They were best friends, Shawn. If she invited you, Sherrie would never have spoken to her again.”

“Really?” Shawn repeated, his brow furrowing as he processed this. “How did I never know that they were friends, let alone best friends?”

“I don't know. Can we go now?”

“Sure. And we'll even get you that autograph since it means so much.”

Gus didn't bother to respond to that beyond a glare and stalking off.

“Let the anger go, buddy,” Shawn called. “Twenty-two years is long enough.”

o.o

Gus was waiting for him just inside the large room that was filled with rows of tables leading up to a stage on the far side. At the moment curtains covered it and a ridiculously large sign to the right of it informed anyone but those who were truly blind that the next show started in ten minutes.

How you'd be able to hear it, Shawn didn't know, since at the moment there were thirty-six children currently seated at the tables, each and every one of them trying to out-scream or out-talk their neighbor.

There were several partial-to-empty pizza pans spread out among the groups and even one birthday cake that had somehow managed to remain untouched-probably thanks to the eagle-eyed mother sitting next to it.

However, Valerie had yet to make her reappearance.

When another employee dressed in bold primary colors came in to continue the busing of the tables Shawn began to suspect they'd been made.

“Stay here and keep an eye out for her. I'm going to check the kitchens.”

“What? Why?” Gus demanded, eying the copious amounts of grease, tomato sauce, and red icing that were in ready supply, available, and very capable of staining his clothes.

“Because I think she might have figured out who we are and is trying to escape right now.”

Gus pulled his gaze away to look at his partner. “You're serious?”

“They only have one person scheduled to wait tables back here right now. And that's not Valerie,” he said pointing to the young man clearing plates from an empty table, “despite this being her assigned shift.”

Gus' eyebrows lowered. “How do you know that, Shawn?”

“I saw the schedule in the kitchen.”

“You what?” he hissed.

“What?” Shawn asked in genuine confusion. “It was posted next to the door.”

“So you've know for-” Gus checked his watch, “-an hour and fifteen minutes that Valerie was back here?”

“Yes. Why is this a big deal?”

“Because we spent the last hour and fifteen minutes playing state board inspectors when you knew where she was.”

Shawn rolled his eyes. “Well, yeah, I knew where she was, but if we came straight here that would have been suspicious. We have to stay in character.”

“This isn't a play or a movie, Shawn. There is no 'character' to stay in.”

“Sure there is. And right now, you're blowing it-not to mention that your insistence on arguing about this now has given Valerie time to escape. Can I go see if you just eliminated any chance of me solving this case?”

Anger-and the desire to not get beaten up by a mother who heard the language that would certainly have escaped his mouth if he did-kept Gus from being able to speak, so Shawn took advantage of that and clapped him on the shoulder.

“I'll be right back. Sit tight and if she comes through here stop her. Tackle her if you have to.”

Gus' commentary on the likelihood of that happening was cut off before it began as Shawn jogged away and disappeared out the door.

Silently Gus turned back to the room, a scowl etched into his face.

Shawn was going to pay for this and dearly too.

o.o

Shawn reentered the kitchen area, his eyes immediately scanning for any sign of the petite brunette named Valerie Thomas.

She wasn't there and he was weighing the merits of the two escape routes he could see, one leading out back to the dumpster and the other leading to the dressing room area where the performers suited up for the show.

He hadn't yet decided when Marie Robenstein, the manager, spotted him and came over.

“Mr. McDonald, was there something else you needed?” she asked politely.

“Call me Ronald, please,” he said, turning the charm on like a hot water tap. “And there is, in fact, something that I think you can help me with. “I've got some questions about the performance room. I saw one of your employees in there earlier who seemed to be quite knowledgeable. She was about this tall,” he said, putting his hand up at the appropriate height. “Brown hair, blue eyes, a very chipper smile.”

“Oh you mean Valerie. Yes, she's very knowledgeable about the performance room. Normally that would be the best place to find her, but right now she's offered to fill in for one of our performers who is out with the flu. Right now you'll find her back in the dressing area getting ready for the next show in five minutes.”

Shawn doubted that, but it narrowed his choice down and gave him somewhere to start looking.

“Thanks,” he said with another charming smile. “You've been so very helpful.”

“You're welcome,” Marie said and smiled back.

Threading his way through the busy kitchen, he made as decent time as he could without looking like he was hurrying. The hallway leading to the dressing rooms, one male and one female, was empty and he entered and tried not to look out of place.

The door to the female dressing room opened and voices floated out.

“Come on. No one's going to be able to see your face.”

“I'm coming!” a voice called.

Shawn ducked back into the kitchen and pretended to jot down some notes while he waited for the two of them to walk past.

A sidelong glance as they reached the door he was standing next to made him do a double take at the sight of a giant, fuzzy, purple monster walking with a chicken in a cheerleader's outfit.

“Are you going out with Jared tonight?” the monster asked.

“Not tonight,” the chicken replied. “I have something else planned. But tomorrow we're going to the Southern Sunset Grill.”

“Oooh. Nice.”

Laughter faded as they got further away. He counted to five, then followed, resolutely ignoring his father's voice in his head that was reminding him that he didn't have a plan and going in without a plan was stupid-with a capital 'S'.

Besides, he had a plan.

Sort of.

Okay not really.

But winging it was his specialty. He'd think of something.

Stepping out onto the stage he paused, taking a moment to scan the area.

The chicken was at the back and to his right by a control console where she was setting things up for the show it seemed.

The monster was standing by an appropriately sized keyboard, looking down at it.

“So do you think he's going to ask you-” it started to ask as it swung its head up to look at the chicken.

Unfortunately Shawn was in the line of sight in between.

“Who are you?”

The chicken laughed.

“Why would he ask me who I am?” she asked as she turned. Then she spotted Shawn and uttered a curse.

“Val?” the monster asked.

Val the Chicken just turned and sprinted for the door on the opposite side of the stage.

Okay this wasn't part of his non-existent plan, but Shawn really didn't have a choice at that point.

He took off, catching up and tackling her in the middle of the stage.

She rolled over and launched a feather covered fist at his jaw which he managed to avoid.

He needed to get her costume head off so he could see if she was wearing the necklace . . .

“Val!” the monster yelled, though it didn't get any closer. “Get off of her, you-”

“Stop twitching!” Shawn snarled as he tried to work his fingers under the edge at her neck.

“Denise!” Val shouted. “Open the curtains! Rod and Adam are out on the floor already!”

“Got it!” the monster yelled and ran over, yanking on the cords that controlled the big curtains.

They split open with a loud shushing sound as they were ripped back and Shawn and Val both froze.

Slowly he turned his head to see a full audience yelling and screaming with joy.

Until, that is, they realized that Shawn was apparently trying to strangle their beloved Helen Henny.

“What the-” Chuck E. said, finishing out the phrase with a word that got him several glares and a “Watch your language!” from the parents in the crowd.

But before he or Jasper T. Jowls the hound dog could get to the stage and help her, one of the kids in the crowd yelled, “LET HER GO!” and followed it up by firing a shot from the Nerf Gun he'd gotten for his birthday.

Shawn was deeply disturbed by the resemblance it bore to a sniper rifle.

That train of thought was quickly derailed when the foam and rubber tipped bullet hit him in the nose and actually hurt.

“Ow!” He let go of Valerie with one hand and reached up to rub the smarting appendage.

That was the only thing that allowed him to have his arm up in time to avoid a handful of cake in his eyes, though not on his sleeve.

With the second volley as successful as the first, the rest of the ranks opened fire, an assortment of pizza, cake, glasses of soda, and various toys and toy parts filling out their arsenal.

Shawn hadn't forgotten Valerie, but self-preservation kicked in and he let go of her completely to shield himself as he tried to stand to make his escape.

Which was really hard to do with pizza grease, soda, and icing everywhere, not to mention the little toy pieces that were excellent trip hazards.

Valerie, was hampered by the same mess, but crawling away gained her an advantage in that the rain of food and plastic didn't follow her.

“Stop it!” Shawn shouted. “Come on! I wasn't trying to- OW! Who threw that?” he demanded when a plate hit him hard on the thigh, daring a look from behind his arms. An angry little league mom was winding up for a second pitch and he had to drop to the ground again to avoid a second strike.

“What kind of an example is that for the kids?!” he yelled.

“He's down!” a small voice yelled. “GET HIM!”

Shawn's head popped up and panic infused his features at the sight of the roomful of kids stampeding his way, intent on climbing up on the stage and beating the crap out of him.

“Oh no . . .” he breathed and pushed to his feet again. He only got two steps before he went down hard on one knee, but he refused to let the pain that caused stop him from escaping.

A flash of white feathers disappearing out the door on the other side of the stage reminded him of why he was here and with gritted teeth and pure stubborn determination he rose and went after her, arms only occasionally flying out comically to help him keep his balance.

The advancing horde had reached the stage and were in the process of vaulting up with an ease that would make any Olympic gymnast jealous.

“Gus!” Shawn yelled, “It's her! She's getting away! Stop her!”

Gus, still standing against the back wall, debated for a moment before shaking his head and pulling out his cell phone.

He was not getting in on this one. Not when there were better ways to help.

“Santa Barbara Police Department.”

“I'd like to speak with Detective Lassiter.”

o.o

When Juliet and Lassiter arrived at the Chuck E. Cheese, four uniforms at their backs, it was to a scene of carnage and destruction that rivaled that caused by some large scale natural disasters.

Food and remnants thereof coated the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and everyone in sight.

The prize area had been ransacked and the prizes lay in pieces and parts all over, mingling with a rainbow colored assortment of balls that had been liberated from the ball pits.

Dishes were also added into the mix, some whole, but most no longer. A few brightly colored scraps of what seemed to be wrapping paper and decorations torn down from the walls added a kind of festive touch to the whole thing.

The doorway to the back area where the stage was located was barricaded with chairs, through which children's faces were visible.

“What in the name of sweet justice-” Lassiter said just as someone else shouted.

“GIVE IT UP, VALERIE!” The voice was familiar and, even though Lassiter knew he was here, he still closed his eyes in resignation and swallowed the prayer for mercy from the heavens above. It wouldn't be answered anyway.

All other eyes went to the game area where, with a few steps in past the abandoned greeter's podium and turnstile, one could see Shawn crouched behind the overturned ice hockey table.

But where was Gus?

“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, SHAWN!”

Like spectators at a tennis tournament, attention shifted to the climbing area where they could now see two people-in a very loose sense of the word considering that faux feathers were visible-were huddled.

“Not if I kill you first,” a third voice said, then the volume was kicked up a notch. “BACK OFF, SPENCER! IF I DON'T GET OUT OF HERE, NEITHER DOES HE!”

Juliet gasped, not quite managing to smother it before it escaped.

Shawn glanced over and did a double take, then grinned. Glancing at the cage where Valerie had holed up with Gus he judged the angles and chuckled softly.

She couldn't see them. Perfect. And they'd brought back- Whoa.

The cop behind Buzz stepped to the side, a worried expression on his face before he cleared it, and Shawn had a sudden flash of insight.

//“Are you going out with Jared tonight?” the monster asked.

“Not tonight,” the chicken replied. “I have something else planned. But tomorrow we're going to the Southern Sunset Grill.”

“Oooh. Nice.”//

Now that was interesting indeed.

His grin stretching he put a finger to his lips to indicate silence, then reached down to snag a bean bag. Bouncing it in his hands a few times he rose up suddenly and pitched it at the side of the cage before dropping down again.

“SHAWN!” Gus said in a slightly higher register than before.

“Getting out of here won't help you, Val. It's too late. Your secret is blown already.”

“You don't have any proof of anything,” she shot back.

“I'm a psychic. I don't need the proof. That's for the detectives to find. Although when I tell them about your necklace-”

“I TOLD YOU! I LOST THAT CHARM HERE!”

“An argument I'm sure your lawyer will employ, but with no more success,” Shawn retorted. “It was a custom made charm, Val. And being found in possession of a kidnapping victim who never came to this particular franchise location doesn't look good for you. Especially when she's already told the police that she took it from her kidnapper.”

“SHUT UP!”

“Is that how you and your boyfriend are planning to pay for your big dinner tomorrow night at the Southern Sunset Grill?”

“I SAID- Wait. How do you know about that?”

Shawn rolled his eyes.

“I'm psychic. We've been over this.” He paused, then asked, “So what are you and Jared celebrating? The successful commission of a felony? I mean, it's a pretty big accomplishment. Especially since he's a cop,” he added looking at the silent witnesses-and no longer unidentified suspect. “Pretty impressive.”

Lassiter and Juliet exchanged a look, then both turned to look at the pale officer standing behind them.

He started to take a step back, but Lassiter reached out and grabbed his arm. A nod to Buzz had his other side flanked and he visibly deflated.

Valerie snorted. “Not really. They never even suspected him. And it was so easy for him to get rid of any evidence that implicated me.”

“They do now,” Shawn said and stood up.

“What?” Valerie asked, then her eyes moved over to where Lassiter and Juliet had stepped into view.

She paled, her jaw working. “But . . . I . . .”

“Valerie Thomas,” Lassiter said, “you're under arrest for the kidnapping of Kaylie Bannock.”

Her mouth snapped shut and she tightened her grip on Gus, the knife in her hands shaking as she held it close to his throat.

“STAY BACK! I'LL DO IT! I SWEAR I WILL!”

Tension swept the room at the desperate threat.

It was Jared who broke it.

“Val, give up.”

“NO! You have to let me and Jared go. And I want a car. And . . . and money. Twenty-thousand dollars.”

“Val, don't,” Jared plead. “You're just making it worse.”

“But-”

Their eyes met and after a long moment she lowered her hand and let Gus go.

As soon as the knife touched the floor of the cage he scooted away, crawling on his elbows and stomach through the tiny tube that led to the stairs down.

Lassiter issued directions to the uniforms to secure the area and Valerie, and check on the kids in the other room. Buzz was told to escort Jared outside and call for more support.

Shawn limped over to join the two detectives, Gus staggering over a minute later, his shaken and furious expression aimed squarely at Shawn.

Juliet, however, spoke first, her eyes traveling up and down Shawn's ruined clothes and disheveled appearance.

“What happened to you?”

Shawn looked himself over and then shrugged. “A little misunderstanding with the kids.”

“They thought he was trying to strangle Valerie-only she was Helen Henny at the time,” Gus supplied.

Shawn grinned and Lassiter rolled his eyes.

“Are you seriously injured?” he asked.

The question was not at all what Shawn was expecting so it took a moment for him to catch up. When he did it was with a huge grin. “Why, Lassie! I didn't know you cared!”

Lassiter just leveled an unamused stare. “Are you?”

Shawn waved it away. “Nah. I'm fine.”

“Are you sure?” Juliet asked, concern still obvious in her eyes.

“Well,” Shawn said as he took a step and 'stumbled' towards her. She caught him and he very carefully hid the grin that prompted. “Now that you mention it, I could use some help getting out to the car.”

“Guster, you can take him. O'Hara, go start getting statements from the parents.”

Shawn frowned, but he couldn't really protest lest Juliet see through his ruse.

“Gus?” Shawn said.

Gus just glared, then walked away without a word.

“Gus?” Shawn said. “Gus!”

The three of them clearly saw Gus climb into the Psychmobile, turn it on, and pull away, staring pointedly at Shawn the entire time.

There was a beat, then Shawn grinned once more. “Well, I guess I'll be needing a ride.”

Lassiter rolled his eyes again. “Whatever. O'Hara, find him a seat and then go get statements.”

She nodded and helped him limp over to a booth that was covered in less food than the others.

“Do you need anything?”

“Well, now that you mention it-”

“O'Hara!”

She winced and gave him an apologetic look. He chuckled and shooed her away.

“Go. I'll be fine.”

She started to leave, then stopped when he called her name.

“If you get a chance, can you tell Chuck E. to come see me?”

She arched an eyebrow and he smiled crookedly. “Don't ask.”

She just nodded and turned to leave. “I wasn't going to,” she breathed as she walked away. “Some things not even I want to know.”