if you can't love me, honey, go on just pretend.

[logan_echolls]

I can honestly say that I wasn't in any way looking forward to seeing Dawn Summers again. Personally, I'm sure that I had indulged in her enough the first time. Between the warmer side I'd seen earlier and the true ice cold bitch routine, that I'm sure she could have practiced and gotten a little better at had she consulted her roommate, I'd had my

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[logan_echolls]

Unlike Paul and Corie, I was positive that Dawn and I did have a few things in common. Even though I resented her whole 'ice cold bitch' routine, it didn't mean that I hadn't seen something beforehand. That it was just a shield for whatever reason she told herself that she needed to harden the walls around her and protect herself.

She sighs audibly when I break character. We were practically done the scene anyway and we'd have to rehearse this a couple hundred times anyway to get the proper beat of the words and the real emotion out of the scene. Sure, it was comical, but it wasn't as if our characters didn't feel this certain way.

I saw Paul more as Duncan than anyone else from my life. Paul was passive. He didn't want to start the argument. He didn't want to lose Corie and rationality didn't apply to Corie's opposing hysterics. In a few months it would be a year that he'd be gone for. Yeah, Paul was like Duncan, but D had been so much more. I still missed him, no matter how betrayed I felt by him leaving without a single goodbye.

Dawn makes herself comfortable before answering and I can't help but watch her for a moment before returning my eyes to the script and closing the thin book.

Bingo. I can't help but think as she states that life is just too short to do things that you don't enjoy. Excluding the fact that I more or less didn't enjoy this. If only for the fact that I'd seen what fame and the passion for the job did to people. I'd seen my own mother lost within it. Her disappointment - being crushed - at rejection. Then again there was my father's example which no one even needed to state aloud. There were things that people would do for secrets and that was horrifying sometimes.

"I don't," I state simply. "But, I'm taking it for more behind the scenes work."

It was almost a lie. I enjoyed it. I did. I just wouldn't go beyond enjoying it.

"Well, carpe diem."

[anewdawn]

He says he doesn't enjoy it and I'm not sure I completely believe him but I don't say it. If doesn't then he doesn't. It's not like I could really blame him I mean, his parents were seemingly ruined by this business, which begged the question why would he want anything to do with it at all? Behind the scenes even.

I nodded because as much fun as insulting him could be I didn't feel the need to. It wasn't like he was being a jerk right at this moment.

"Well, if it's any consolation you are pretty good. I'm kind of surprised you don't enjoy it just a little but I hey if it's a means to an end."

I shrugged, I actually found myself hoping that using that phrase wasn't taken as an insult cause it wasn't meant as one. I almost said neccesary evil and I'm pretty sure that would have been taken wrong.

I took a sip of my coke when he said Carpe Diem. Buffy's philosphy that didn't even mean what she thought it did. I smiled slightly.

"Dum loquimur fugerit invida aetas. Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero."

I was impressed we were having an actual conversation, as breif as it seemed to be so far. Though I couldn't actually let my gaurd down completely because I knew the second I did that I'd regret it. Sieze the Day; words to live by. For the most part anyway.

[logan_echolls]

She glances sceptically toward me as I insist in a simple word that I don't enjoy acting and that it's only for something to achieve later. Well, I hadn't believed myself in the statement either, but it wasn't something that mattered to me much. It was a lie, but it was a white lie. I don't go back and correct my mistakes.

"I'm sure it's all just genetics." I replied a hint of sarcasm in my voice, unable to be missed. I paused briefly before continuing, "You're not bad at this yourself, you know. Not like it's hard to miss the actual talent in our class."

I finished my can of Coke and set it aside.

No, Dawn did have some fragments of talent. It had been the reason I noticed her. When she acted in front of class I could see something in her - excitement, passion, anything, but she very nearly became her character and that was more than some of them could do.

"Dum loquimur fugerit invida aetas. Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero."

"As we speak, jealous Time flees. Pluck the day, believing as little as possible in the next," I said, almost surprised that she knew the latin for that despite her taking the class. You could take Latin, but half of them took it for the fact that they should show off that they knew a dead language, whatever.

"So, was that a demand not to waste your time with useless things, or just a justification for pleasure and joy of life with little fear for the future?" I asked with a small smile rising on my cheeks.

[anewdawn]

One thing I was beginning to learn about Logan was that he didn't hide his emotions well, or maybe he hid them better than anyone I'd ever known. It almost seemed that what he was showing to the world was what he wanted them to see; he wanted to appear open and unflappable. God if I couldn't relate to that and how I wish I didn't make that assesment.

"You're dad wasn't that great of an actor. Genetics maybe from your mom's side." I said honestly, because I'd seen 'The Long Haul' and various other Aaron Echolls movies and honestly? The man was kind of pretty but he couldn't act.

I looked at him when he complimented my talent, which I was somewhat sure of but still a little insecure about. It wasn't the compliment so much that made me pause, it was the way he said it.

"Thanks. I think."

And then, he translated the latin. Logan Echolls, knew that phrase, I just stared at him for a few minutes as he kept talking, asking if I was demanding him to stop wasting my time but I couldn't get over the fact that he just translated Latin. It didn't mean he knew the language or anything but the fact that he knew the quote in-itself was surprising. He raised his brow at me waiting a response and that little smirk reappeared on his face.

"A little bit of both actually. Of course you should definately fear the future you just shouldn't let that fear rule you. Whatever that means."

Ok, I was a little freaked out. Here was that bit of him that I hadn't really wanted to know. I was fine thinking of him on the surface, below that was territory I didn't want to delve in. I did smile back at him a little bit though cause despite everything this wasn't as painful as I'd expected. Of course that could change, he was the moody type.

"So do you actually know some Latin or just a few phrases here and there?"

I asked because I was actually interested, I didn't care how dorky it was, I loved Latin even though it was hard. Besides it had totally saved my life a few times.

[logan_echolls]

It's not as if I had intended for Dawn to take my line about genetics seriously. It was sarcasm based, if only, on the fact that if genetics ruled me I'd probably do exactly was Cassidy had done with the school bus. Mass murder and a suicide. Despite some moments that I could stop and see parts of my mother of father in me (those rare moments that I didn't bother thinking about), I knew that what ever seemed like it was them, it was me. I ruled my future and no one else.

Some things were all about control.

Still, I'm stuck here listening to Dawn's assessment on how my father wasn't that great of an actor. The truth was that he was better than anyone knew. He had affairs, he killed Lilly. He appeared to everyone as an amazing all around great person when he was really just the reason that mom was dead today - and probably the reason for his own death. My father played a non-psycho to a fucking T. He was fucking amazing at acting.

I don't reply to her comment, but I don't linger either.

She looks almost shocked that I complimented her acting following by knowing her quote, where ever she had learned it herself. It takes her more than a moment to respond and it's mostly prompted by me raising an eyebrow questioningly to her.

"A little bit of both actually. Of course you should definitely fear the future you just shouldn't let that fear rule you. Whatever that means."

I take a moment myself before responding. "How do you fear the future without letting that fear rule you?" I couldn't get around that concept. Either you feared something or you didn't. You could get over your fear of course, but you weren't spending time being afraid of things to come in the end.

"I know phrases mostly. Amor est vitae essentia, advocatus diaboli, aequam memento rebus in arduis servar mentem." I continued. "I've never studied. It's a dead language. What am I going to need Latin for other than root words and requiems?"

I caught the small smile on her face and again I was seeing the passion she was trying to hide inside. She loved Latin, she really adored it.

[anewdawn]

It was my turn to raise my brow when he asked how you feared the future without letting it rule you. It was something I thought about a lot actually, fear - I guess it came with the territory of living in Sunnydale and being the Slayer's little sister. But I didn't think that he'd accept that explination.

"Fear is a tricky thing you know? It's healthy to fear things, otherwise you'd be in some real trouble. That twinge in the back of your mind when you're walking alone at night. Fear keeps you safe but being overcome by it is just wrong I guess. I mean it's ok to be afraid of the dark but are you going to sleep with the lights on all the time?"

I shook my head, "Not the best example but it's better than saying don't let the fear of falling keep you from making the jump."

Which was some advice I probably needed follow but whatever. I followed it in my life just not with people. People were no better than demons most of the time. Whenever I thought about trusting someone and letting them close I thought about Ben, a human with a soul who gave up a little girl to die, I thought about RJ who used people for his own purposes and those were just my expieriences, not even Buffy's or Spike's. People sucked and I had a really hard time trusting them.

He supplied some Latin phrases and I smiled again.

"Love is the essence of life, devil's advocate, Remember when life's path is steep to keep your mind even."

I was still floored that he knew any latin at all but I was slowly starting to remember that I'd known from the beginning there was more to him; I just hadn't expected to see it. I didn't want to see it.

I laughed to myself when he rhetorically asked what he'd need a dead language for.

"Nothing if you're lucky."

Which was true, I needed it because I got called on for translations from half the slayers in the states. I needed it because I was in the middle of translating a prophecy for Wesley because he was too busy and I needed it because well it saved my life on occasion when I was out patrolling with Leslie; but me needing it was different from anyone else needing it. Most people in my class took it for for pre-med or pre-law, I took it because I loved it and I wanted to improve. If UCLA had a Turkish class I'd be in heaven. Not like they'd offer any demon languages so I tended to study those on my own.

"I like languages," I said at the look he gave me, "I had to learn Itlian in two weeks when I moved to Rome with my sister. It's weird, I'm aware." I shrugged.

[logan_echolls]

I understood what Dawn was trying to say about fear and living for the moment. Personally, last year, going through everything like a stone wall and not letting any of it effect me was doing more damage than anything in the end. It was still a technique I used. There were some things that you just couldn't let others see and other things that you wouldn't let them see.

Things in my life were almost always extremes. I could learn to bounce back from the impact, but every action taken was never subtle. It was always a scene. Always something more. There was no in between and there was no grey area.

Saying these things, implying the philosophy, had always been easier than actually doing it yourself. People used other people. Situations changed things. Hell, I'd been involved in more than one messy situation. Human nature was essentially fucked. In the end it would always be some form of survival of the fittest. Though living for the moment meant you were supposed to have lived instead of merely existing. I can't help but think of those in my life who lived for the moment and ended up with a deadly blow to the head. Lilly, for example, lived and died too young to the point I had wondered if she had lived at all.

I mirrored her smile briefly as she translated the Latin I had spoken. Nodding towards her briefly, I had a feeling that there was something major that I was missing when it came to her. "Words to live by," I said, though quietly and mostly to myself. Maybe not 'devil's advocate' so much.

I could tell that she liked languages. It wasn't a stretch to think that she loved words. There was a reason she was in drama and dance, they were just other languagues - other ways to communicate.

"I heard you lived in Rome," I said. I had never been, but my mom and dad had been. "Out any kind of move, that's pretty huge," I commented. My biggest move was Los Angeles to Neptune and back again.

[anewdawn]

I nodded slighty then paused, "Well maybe not devil's advocate."

Though in my life maybe it was, who knew. I'd escaped hell demensions on more than one occasion and was sincerly happy about that. As much as I would have loved to be a child bride of a demon - not so much. I'd been doing alternate research on my own about my origins, but so far there was nothing I didn't know already. It was frustrating as hell.

I nodded when he said he'd heard I'd lived in Rome, I'd gotten used to it being a hot topic around campus. I was almost a celebrity, which was really strange to me.

"I'm originally from L.A. then Sunnydale before the big earthquake two years ago. My sister and I just decided we needed out of California and then I realized I missed it. Oxford, Harvard Yale, Stanford and I choose UCLA."

I shrugged not really caring that I'd just told him more than I usually did. I rarely told people I'd given up Oxford, Harvard and Yale to go to UCLA. I still questioned my choice.

"UCLA has one of the best Dance instructors in the country. I was less into Academics and more into just going to school. I figured it was an easy choice."

I responded because he gave me a look at the mention of those schools. Which is what I'd expected. Madison told me never to tell guys I'd been accepted to Oxford, they'd think I was boring and lifeless and a nerd - which I was all of those things so whatever.

Why I'd told him though I wasn't sure.

[logan_echolls]

I couldn't help but crack a small smile as she vocalized my thoughts. Maybe not devil's advocate, but sometimes that work needed to be done. I knew that more than anyone sometimes. We'd all done questionable things, but to play devil's advocate was another thing entirely. I shook my head briefly towards her, the smile still wearing on my face.

There'd only really been one reason that I knew of Dawn - other than the fact that she was the only other good actress within our drama class - and it was because of her Rome trip. I'm sure she was sick of a multitude of questions about her life there and what things were like. I wasn't so very curious other than the fact that she'd gone with her sister, making her sister sound like her guardian. Maybe her sister was.

"I was born in L.A. too," I told her, nodding for a moment. "Then we moved to Neptune when I was like twelve and I moved back here for school." I'm not sure why I informed her of any of it. I remember hearing that news about the big earthquake the obliterated the whole town of Sunnydale when it left other towns without damage.

Weirder things have happened.

She lets out this soft sigh concerning the schools she was accepted to and the school she ended up going to - this school. Part of me almost wondered why she hadn't picked something like Oxford or Stanford. She almost sounds like she'd enjoy it more.

"UCLA has one of the best Dance instructors in the country. I was less into Academics and more into just going to school. I figured it was an easy choice."

I'd been accepted to Stanford, Berkeley and, though I hadn't applied to Oxford, Harvard or Yale, I was sure that I could have gotten in alone on my SAT scores.

"After school finished, I considered just putting my finger on a map and going where ever I landed," I started. It was something I still planned on doing one day, but I knew if I had done it then some sort of diaster would strike or I would end up alone and a hermit. "So, I just mixed up the acceptance letters and picked one instead. Life takes you different places," I said with a small shrug.