(no subject)
I got mildly drunk last night. I was toasting Kath with a glass of Johnny Walker Black, which has become my habit on the anniversary of her death. Forgot that twelve year old scotch on an empty stomach is not a good idea for someone my size.
Yesterday was a beautiful spring day, with a bright blue sky and a crisp wind blowing. I worked in the garden, and had afternoon tea with my stepmother. It was lovely and peaceful and my brain kept saying, "You can't be happy today. You're not allowed."
To which I replied, "Why the hell not?"
With the trip to Arizona coming up, Kath has been on my mind constantly. I've already told Keith that there will be a visit to Mt Lemmon where her ashes were scattered. I've even been thinking about going to Fairbank, and the spot along the San Pedro where she died.
I miss Kath, but I will not let her suicide overshadow the beauty that is still in this world. I will not let it define me. She called me a survivor in her letter to me, and she was right. But I want to do more than just survive. I want to live and be happy and enjoy my life.
So, yesterday was a beautiful day and I enjoyed every minute of it. I planted baby collard greens. I laughed with Paddy. I had a glass of scotch and managed to not burn my dinner while three sheets to the wind. I cheered the Sharks with tersa on AIM. aithine designed gorgeous business cards for me and then talked my still-tipsy self through the process of resetting the margins on my word processor to print them out. And through it all I remembered Kath and how much I loved her.
Yesterday was a beautiful spring day, with a bright blue sky and a crisp wind blowing. I worked in the garden, and had afternoon tea with my stepmother. It was lovely and peaceful and my brain kept saying, "You can't be happy today. You're not allowed."
To which I replied, "Why the hell not?"
With the trip to Arizona coming up, Kath has been on my mind constantly. I've already told Keith that there will be a visit to Mt Lemmon where her ashes were scattered. I've even been thinking about going to Fairbank, and the spot along the San Pedro where she died.
I miss Kath, but I will not let her suicide overshadow the beauty that is still in this world. I will not let it define me. She called me a survivor in her letter to me, and she was right. But I want to do more than just survive. I want to live and be happy and enjoy my life.
So, yesterday was a beautiful day and I enjoyed every minute of it. I planted baby collard greens. I laughed with Paddy. I had a glass of scotch and managed to not burn my dinner while three sheets to the wind. I cheered the Sharks with tersa on AIM. aithine designed gorgeous business cards for me and then talked my still-tipsy self through the process of resetting the margins on my word processor to print them out. And through it all I remembered Kath and how much I loved her.