do i run?
do i run?
krystal/kai, pg-13, au/hurt/comfort/angst
She didn’t hear the door slam when he finally left the house. But she knew that he didn’t look back. That was punishment enough.
She wound up at his porch one gloomy morning of the summer. Her face was stained with rain and salty tears. The sky was spitting after a brutal thunderstorm and it had just let up. The streets were nearly flooded, the roofs leaked and Krystal’s feet were waterlogged.
Jongin allowed her in without a word. They hadn’t exchanged any words in weeks, so neither of them knew how to break the ice. When she didn’t follow him immediately from the welcome mat, he frowned.
She attempted to smother her sniffles. “I’ll get the floors wet.”
“It’s fine,” he sighed, not fully comprehending her attitude. The usual cold front she held up was nowhere to be found. What he did recognize was her vulnerability and he wondered if it was the same vulnerability he had left with her the last time they were involved.
Jongin took her hand and carefully lead her up the stairs. He felt her prune fingers slip out of his grip when they stopped in front of his bedroom.
“The bathroom is down the hall,” he said gently, refusing to meet the unknown sadness in her eyes.
Her dewy lips formed a thin line. “I just want to dry off.”
Krystal stayed in his room as he made a quick trip to the linens closet. He grabbed a clean towel and fresh clothes from the load of laundry sitting in the hallway.
When she took the bundle out of his hands, she mumbled a few words of gratitude. He nodded and stepped back out into the hallway to give her space. He listened as her damp clothes slapped against the floor and the quiet hush of relief as the towel hugged her chilly frame.
A solid chunk of time flew by. Jongin re-entered his territory and found Krystal with the towel over her head. Her eyes flew from the calendar pinned to his wall to him.
“Hey,” he offered kindly.
She smiled weakly and rubbed her hair. “Hi. Thank you.. for this.”
His black oversize shirt covered her thighs. Her clothes and undergarments were stuffed in the corner near the door. She shut her eyes after he noticed.
“I can take it,” he said and she stared, almost horrified. “I can take it to the dryer.”
She wrapped her belongings in the towel and passed it over to him without a hint of embarrassment. He blushed and tried to push the mental image of her being bare in his clothes out of his perverted thoughts.
What was stopping him? He had seen so much before.
When he returned from the laundry room, she was at the edge of his bed. He wheeled his chair out from his desk and sat across from her.
“You wanna talk?”
She shrugged. Bitterness tainted her face. Tears threatened to fall again.
Her older sister boarded a plane to San Francisco a few hours before Krystal arrived at Jongin’s place. She didn’t want her to go. Jessica spent over a year preparing for the move, but Krystal refused to believe her decisions. Jessica tended to be flaky at times, so the idea of her giving up on the idea to move was likely. No such thing occurred. Krystal constantly struck her with questions. Why there? Why now? Why won’t you take me?
“She’s so selfish,” Krystal sobbed into her hands.
Jongin shook his head. “She’s thinking of you.”
“Don’t defend her,” she blubbered.
“Look, we just graduated,” he said. “I know I’m unsure of where I’m heading, but you do. Here, not in the states.”
She wiped her face. “You don’t know. Everything could flop here. Maybe there’s something better out there.”
He had to agree. “Maybe.”
She looked away in ignorance. Her chin tightened and her eyes shut before sputtering out another cry. She kept one hand against her mouth and the other at an arm’s distance to prevent him from getting close.
Jongin held her arm down and crossed the boundary. He sat to her right and stretched his arm behind her for support. She eventually leaned into him with her face pressed against his neck.
He was no good with words. “You wanna eat? We have to fill up that stomach of yours.”
Krystal settled for cereal. She munched quietly as Jongin attempted to make an assortment of eggs by the stove.
They kept the television on in the background as they ate at the kitchen table. The screen door was opened. They listened to the storm over the reality program. Jongin took nibbles here and there. Krystal caught him off guard after mopping a piece of toast in the egg yolk.
She slapped the bread back onto her plate and wiped her sticky fingers. “You didn’t have to do this, you know.”
He said nothing. A tug at his lips sufficed.
She felt too flustered to eat any more. She kissed his cheek and managed to say a proper thank you.
If it were up to Jongin, he wouldn’t have mind spending the rest of his life with her. He was comfortable with the little things they shared despite their last argument. He was sure she didn’t feel the same. He was timid that she might blow again if he said something wrong. It hit him hard that their arrangement was only temporary.
The home line rang, breaking the silence. Krystal held her composure after being startled and Jongin reluctantly got up to check the caller ID.
He came off annoyed. “Wha - why?”
He snatched the wireless phone, told Krystal he would be back in a minute and locked himself in the powder room down the hall.
Krystal didn’t bother eavesdropping. She stared around the room, listening to the lull of the television set. She scratched the back of her ear and started cleaning up whatever was on the table. She gulped down the rest of her orange juice before piling the sticky plates into her hands.
She felt some sort of wanted responsibility in the home, yet she didn’t know why. It was only her second time being in the house, but she loved it. She had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from breaking out into a grin. She felt happy since the incident at home.
That was until she entered the house.
“Jongin, I’m home.”
The keys hit the table.
“Since when do you call the house?”
Chanyeol laughed on the other end as a provoked Jongin sat down on the toilet seat.
“Take a pill. Geez,” the older boy simmered down to a low chuckle. “Why are you in such a huff?”
Jongin rolled his eyes. “It’s nothing.”
“Bullshit. C’mon, now.”
Jongin flushed the toilet purposely and told him who had shown up in the past few hours.
“I thought you wanted nothing to do with her.”
He shrugged. “She’s sad.”
Chanyeol scoffed. “I didn’t know she had a heart.”
“Fuck off,” he breathed angrily, glancing nervously at the door as if Krystal would pop it open at any moment.
“I’m kidding,” Chanyeol said, although neither of them believed it. He let out a sigh and Jongin shifted uncomfortably. “Just don’t be surprised if shit hits the fan.”
He hung up without a goodbye. Jongin put up with Krystal before and he could do it again.
Krystal had seen the woman once in her lifetime and that was a week prior at her high school graduation. She sat a few rows behind the Jungs.
The lady looked a little stunned by the stranger in her kitchen. It took no time before a smile crept onto her face. “Hi. Are you one of Jongin’s friends?”
“Sure,” Krystal answered with very little confidence. She tugged at Jongin’s shirt, afraid that something was showing.
She didn’t know what they were. Friends? She felt unworthy of his affection.
“I was just cleaning up,” she said. “Let me finish and I’ll get out of your hair.”
The lady waved her hand carelessly. “Please, let me. You’re our guest. Watch some television. I’ll clean up. Do you want a cup of coffee?”
Krystal felt her left eye twitch. She shook her head and sat back down at the kitchen table. She drummed her fingers against the surface anxiously as she waited on Jongin.
“I’m guessing he hasn’t told you about me.”
Krystal chewed the inside of her cheek. “No, sorry.”
“Well, I’m not his mother. He moved out last year. I’m his sister.”
Krystal’s heart stopped momentarily at the last word. It was hard to push the image of Jessica out of her mind.
Jongin’s sister turned to her. “You can call me Cindy.”
Her pet name even reminded her of Jessica. The anger and resentment she tried to discard from earlier that morning started to churn back into her system again.
“Nice to meet you, Cindy,” she murmured, trying her best not to sound rude. She grinded her teeth and her eyes diverted to the back door. The storm was picking up again.
“”I know it’s not my place to tell you, but I know how Jongin is,” Cindy said, drying her hands. “He’s very present with people, but he never takes the opportunity to open up.”
That was false. He tried for Krystal. She was just too stubborn to listen.
“We let him move in when he turned eighteen,” Cindy continued, breaking Krystal’s guilty thoughts. “Our parents are a handful.”
Krystal smiled sourly to herself. Not once did Jessica even offer to take her to San Francisco. “He’s lucky to have you.”
She excused herself due to the sudden nausea erupting in her stomach. All at once, she felt the green monster slowly coming alive. She felt that if she stayed any longer, she would lash out on both Kims.
As she paced down the hallway, she took note of the small portrait resting on the front table. Not only did Jongin have Cindy, but he had two other sisters. They had all welcomed him into their home, much to her knowledge.
Krystal was on the verge of tears when Jongin finally exited the powder room. She let out a yelp as she tripped over Cindy’s heels by the welcome mat.
Jongin grabbed her hands before she stumbled back. She let out a loud gasp and attempted to cover her face. “Oh, god.”
He reached out to her. “Hey, hey. What’s the matter?”
She raised her shaky vision on him as Cindy called out to her from the kitchen. “Sweetie, are you okay?”
She blinked in response, not saying anything at first.
“Krystal,” Jongin said, shaking her. He embraced her and she exhaled. Her eyes closed and her cheek pressed against his chest. She backed away reluctantly after a beat, angry at him for all the wrong reasons.
Everything she wanted was in his possession and even though it was evident that he and Cindy wanted some part in her life, she couldn’t allow it. She didn’t want to deal with it because she didn’t know how to.
“I... I have to go,” Krystal breathed, slipping back into her damp flip flops.
Cindy stared in confusion. “Jongin-”
His heart hurt. He pulled at her almost desperately. “Krystal, Krystal. Whatever it is, we can talk about it.”
“You never told me. Never,” she hissed furiously before storming out of the residence and back into the dreary storm of July.
krystal/kai, pg-13, au/hurt/comfort/angst
She didn’t hear the door slam when he finally left the house. But she knew that he didn’t look back. That was punishment enough.
She wound up at his porch one gloomy morning of the summer. Her face was stained with rain and salty tears. The sky was spitting after a brutal thunderstorm and it had just let up. The streets were nearly flooded, the roofs leaked and Krystal’s feet were waterlogged.
Jongin allowed her in without a word. They hadn’t exchanged any words in weeks, so neither of them knew how to break the ice. When she didn’t follow him immediately from the welcome mat, he frowned.
She attempted to smother her sniffles. “I’ll get the floors wet.”
“It’s fine,” he sighed, not fully comprehending her attitude. The usual cold front she held up was nowhere to be found. What he did recognize was her vulnerability and he wondered if it was the same vulnerability he had left with her the last time they were involved.
Jongin took her hand and carefully lead her up the stairs. He felt her prune fingers slip out of his grip when they stopped in front of his bedroom.
“The bathroom is down the hall,” he said gently, refusing to meet the unknown sadness in her eyes.
Her dewy lips formed a thin line. “I just want to dry off.”
Krystal stayed in his room as he made a quick trip to the linens closet. He grabbed a clean towel and fresh clothes from the load of laundry sitting in the hallway.
When she took the bundle out of his hands, she mumbled a few words of gratitude. He nodded and stepped back out into the hallway to give her space. He listened as her damp clothes slapped against the floor and the quiet hush of relief as the towel hugged her chilly frame.
A solid chunk of time flew by. Jongin re-entered his territory and found Krystal with the towel over her head. Her eyes flew from the calendar pinned to his wall to him.
“Hey,” he offered kindly.
She smiled weakly and rubbed her hair. “Hi. Thank you.. for this.”
His black oversize shirt covered her thighs. Her clothes and undergarments were stuffed in the corner near the door. She shut her eyes after he noticed.
“I can take it,” he said and she stared, almost horrified. “I can take it to the dryer.”
She wrapped her belongings in the towel and passed it over to him without a hint of embarrassment. He blushed and tried to push the mental image of her being bare in his clothes out of his perverted thoughts.
What was stopping him? He had seen so much before.
When he returned from the laundry room, she was at the edge of his bed. He wheeled his chair out from his desk and sat across from her.
“You wanna talk?”
She shrugged. Bitterness tainted her face. Tears threatened to fall again.
Her older sister boarded a plane to San Francisco a few hours before Krystal arrived at Jongin’s place. She didn’t want her to go. Jessica spent over a year preparing for the move, but Krystal refused to believe her decisions. Jessica tended to be flaky at times, so the idea of her giving up on the idea to move was likely. No such thing occurred. Krystal constantly struck her with questions. Why there? Why now? Why won’t you take me?
“She’s so selfish,” Krystal sobbed into her hands.
Jongin shook his head. “She’s thinking of you.”
“Don’t defend her,” she blubbered.
“Look, we just graduated,” he said. “I know I’m unsure of where I’m heading, but you do. Here, not in the states.”
She wiped her face. “You don’t know. Everything could flop here. Maybe there’s something better out there.”
He had to agree. “Maybe.”
She looked away in ignorance. Her chin tightened and her eyes shut before sputtering out another cry. She kept one hand against her mouth and the other at an arm’s distance to prevent him from getting close.
Jongin held her arm down and crossed the boundary. He sat to her right and stretched his arm behind her for support. She eventually leaned into him with her face pressed against his neck.
He was no good with words. “You wanna eat? We have to fill up that stomach of yours.”
Krystal settled for cereal. She munched quietly as Jongin attempted to make an assortment of eggs by the stove.
They kept the television on in the background as they ate at the kitchen table. The screen door was opened. They listened to the storm over the reality program. Jongin took nibbles here and there. Krystal caught him off guard after mopping a piece of toast in the egg yolk.
She slapped the bread back onto her plate and wiped her sticky fingers. “You didn’t have to do this, you know.”
He said nothing. A tug at his lips sufficed.
She felt too flustered to eat any more. She kissed his cheek and managed to say a proper thank you.
If it were up to Jongin, he wouldn’t have mind spending the rest of his life with her. He was comfortable with the little things they shared despite their last argument. He was sure she didn’t feel the same. He was timid that she might blow again if he said something wrong. It hit him hard that their arrangement was only temporary.
The home line rang, breaking the silence. Krystal held her composure after being startled and Jongin reluctantly got up to check the caller ID.
He came off annoyed. “Wha - why?”
He snatched the wireless phone, told Krystal he would be back in a minute and locked himself in the powder room down the hall.
Krystal didn’t bother eavesdropping. She stared around the room, listening to the lull of the television set. She scratched the back of her ear and started cleaning up whatever was on the table. She gulped down the rest of her orange juice before piling the sticky plates into her hands.
She felt some sort of wanted responsibility in the home, yet she didn’t know why. It was only her second time being in the house, but she loved it. She had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from breaking out into a grin. She felt happy since the incident at home.
That was until she entered the house.
“Jongin, I’m home.”
The keys hit the table.
“Since when do you call the house?”
Chanyeol laughed on the other end as a provoked Jongin sat down on the toilet seat.
“Take a pill. Geez,” the older boy simmered down to a low chuckle. “Why are you in such a huff?”
Jongin rolled his eyes. “It’s nothing.”
“Bullshit. C’mon, now.”
Jongin flushed the toilet purposely and told him who had shown up in the past few hours.
“I thought you wanted nothing to do with her.”
He shrugged. “She’s sad.”
Chanyeol scoffed. “I didn’t know she had a heart.”
“Fuck off,” he breathed angrily, glancing nervously at the door as if Krystal would pop it open at any moment.
“I’m kidding,” Chanyeol said, although neither of them believed it. He let out a sigh and Jongin shifted uncomfortably. “Just don’t be surprised if shit hits the fan.”
He hung up without a goodbye. Jongin put up with Krystal before and he could do it again.
Krystal had seen the woman once in her lifetime and that was a week prior at her high school graduation. She sat a few rows behind the Jungs.
The lady looked a little stunned by the stranger in her kitchen. It took no time before a smile crept onto her face. “Hi. Are you one of Jongin’s friends?”
“Sure,” Krystal answered with very little confidence. She tugged at Jongin’s shirt, afraid that something was showing.
She didn’t know what they were. Friends? She felt unworthy of his affection.
“I was just cleaning up,” she said. “Let me finish and I’ll get out of your hair.”
The lady waved her hand carelessly. “Please, let me. You’re our guest. Watch some television. I’ll clean up. Do you want a cup of coffee?”
Krystal felt her left eye twitch. She shook her head and sat back down at the kitchen table. She drummed her fingers against the surface anxiously as she waited on Jongin.
“I’m guessing he hasn’t told you about me.”
Krystal chewed the inside of her cheek. “No, sorry.”
“Well, I’m not his mother. He moved out last year. I’m his sister.”
Krystal’s heart stopped momentarily at the last word. It was hard to push the image of Jessica out of her mind.
Jongin’s sister turned to her. “You can call me Cindy.”
Her pet name even reminded her of Jessica. The anger and resentment she tried to discard from earlier that morning started to churn back into her system again.
“Nice to meet you, Cindy,” she murmured, trying her best not to sound rude. She grinded her teeth and her eyes diverted to the back door. The storm was picking up again.
“”I know it’s not my place to tell you, but I know how Jongin is,” Cindy said, drying her hands. “He’s very present with people, but he never takes the opportunity to open up.”
That was false. He tried for Krystal. She was just too stubborn to listen.
“We let him move in when he turned eighteen,” Cindy continued, breaking Krystal’s guilty thoughts. “Our parents are a handful.”
Krystal smiled sourly to herself. Not once did Jessica even offer to take her to San Francisco. “He’s lucky to have you.”
She excused herself due to the sudden nausea erupting in her stomach. All at once, she felt the green monster slowly coming alive. She felt that if she stayed any longer, she would lash out on both Kims.
As she paced down the hallway, she took note of the small portrait resting on the front table. Not only did Jongin have Cindy, but he had two other sisters. They had all welcomed him into their home, much to her knowledge.
Krystal was on the verge of tears when Jongin finally exited the powder room. She let out a yelp as she tripped over Cindy’s heels by the welcome mat.
Jongin grabbed her hands before she stumbled back. She let out a loud gasp and attempted to cover her face. “Oh, god.”
He reached out to her. “Hey, hey. What’s the matter?”
She raised her shaky vision on him as Cindy called out to her from the kitchen. “Sweetie, are you okay?”
She blinked in response, not saying anything at first.
“Krystal,” Jongin said, shaking her. He embraced her and she exhaled. Her eyes closed and her cheek pressed against his chest. She backed away reluctantly after a beat, angry at him for all the wrong reasons.
Everything she wanted was in his possession and even though it was evident that he and Cindy wanted some part in her life, she couldn’t allow it. She didn’t want to deal with it because she didn’t know how to.
“I... I have to go,” Krystal breathed, slipping back into her damp flip flops.
Cindy stared in confusion. “Jongin-”
His heart hurt. He pulled at her almost desperately. “Krystal, Krystal. Whatever it is, we can talk about it.”
“You never told me. Never,” she hissed furiously before storming out of the residence and back into the dreary storm of July.