ukiss ; only you
only you
alexander/kiseop ; pg ; 613w
the past tense of loving
ukiss fic challenge ; prompt 004. past tense
kiseop wonders if they will ever be something more. something more than this, something that isn't undefined, something that alexander and kevin were. something that he desperately wants to be, but that alexander isn't giving him.
“you loved him.” kiseop stares at the stain on the opposite wall. he wonders if that stain will ever be erased.
“loved him, yes. you do notice the past tense in that, right?”
kiseop knows that he'll meet alexander's eyes if he looks up. kiseop knows that alexander'll have a hurt look, bottom lip pouting. kiseop knows, because he knows all about alexander's habits.
“you do notice the word love in that, right?” he answers bitterly.
he hears alexander sigh and it's silent for a while. they've had these silences for a while now; uncomfortable silences which kiseop so desperately wants to break.
“why are you doing this to me?” kiseop almost doesn't hear the whisper.
“I could ask you the same question.” he knows he isn't being fair, because alexander does try. it just isn't enough for him. “when did you stop loving him?”
“...when I realized that he changed, we changed. we had a great time being together, but the spark just wasn't there anymore. and then I met you.”
“is that why you stopped loving him? because you met me?” kiseop feels alexander grabbing his hand.
“you're a big part of it, kiseop. you know you are.”
“maybe i don't know. maybe I don't know and that's why I'm asking you.”
“kevin's out of my life. you know that, so why do you keep worrying about it?”
“I...don't know.”
kiseop feels his head being turned and his eyes meet alexander's.
“why can't you forget?”
kiseop thinks that maybe alexander really has forgotten about kevin. that it is all past tense, that there's no loving anymore, just loved.
“because you loved him. you really loved him. I've been there on the sidelines, listening to you, supporting you. and I'm not sure if you will ever love me like that, talk about me like that. who knows, maybe you won't even have loved me like that in a few years.”
“yeah, who knows. maybe I won't love you like I loved him. maybe I will love you. maybe, just maybe, I'll love you even more. but maybe we'll break up after this. who knows.”
kiseop swallows back the tears that are treating to spill. he asked for this, so he needs to face the consequences. no matter how much they hurt him.
“so you admit we're never going to be like that?”
hands are finding their way into kiseop's hair and he's pulled closer, until their lips are almost touching.
“no. because maybe doesn't matter. we haven't come this far to just break up. we haven't come this far to define love or loved. we've come this far because we like each other. I like you, kiseop. I've never liked anyone like this before. I don't wanna like anyone like this either. things between us are different, they always will be. and yeah it's possible, that maybe, after a week, a month, a year, we'll break up. but what about now? we're happy now, aren't we? we're together right now. why don't you think about that?”
leaning forward, kiseop brings their lips together. he melts into the kiss, enjoying the warmth that's spreading across his body.
“alright.”
alexander laughs and strokes kiseop's hair, all the while muttering about how silly kiseop is.
“so, past is past.” kiseop mutters.
alexander kisses his cheek. “and now is now.”
alexander/kiseop ; pg ; 613w
the past tense of loving
ukiss fic challenge ; prompt 004. past tense
kiseop wonders if they will ever be something more. something more than this, something that isn't undefined, something that alexander and kevin were. something that he desperately wants to be, but that alexander isn't giving him.
“you loved him.” kiseop stares at the stain on the opposite wall. he wonders if that stain will ever be erased.
“loved him, yes. you do notice the past tense in that, right?”
kiseop knows that he'll meet alexander's eyes if he looks up. kiseop knows that alexander'll have a hurt look, bottom lip pouting. kiseop knows, because he knows all about alexander's habits.
“you do notice the word love in that, right?” he answers bitterly.
he hears alexander sigh and it's silent for a while. they've had these silences for a while now; uncomfortable silences which kiseop so desperately wants to break.
“why are you doing this to me?” kiseop almost doesn't hear the whisper.
“I could ask you the same question.” he knows he isn't being fair, because alexander does try. it just isn't enough for him. “when did you stop loving him?”
“...when I realized that he changed, we changed. we had a great time being together, but the spark just wasn't there anymore. and then I met you.”
“is that why you stopped loving him? because you met me?” kiseop feels alexander grabbing his hand.
“you're a big part of it, kiseop. you know you are.”
“maybe i don't know. maybe I don't know and that's why I'm asking you.”
“kevin's out of my life. you know that, so why do you keep worrying about it?”
“I...don't know.”
kiseop feels his head being turned and his eyes meet alexander's.
“why can't you forget?”
kiseop thinks that maybe alexander really has forgotten about kevin. that it is all past tense, that there's no loving anymore, just loved.
“because you loved him. you really loved him. I've been there on the sidelines, listening to you, supporting you. and I'm not sure if you will ever love me like that, talk about me like that. who knows, maybe you won't even have loved me like that in a few years.”
“yeah, who knows. maybe I won't love you like I loved him. maybe I will love you. maybe, just maybe, I'll love you even more. but maybe we'll break up after this. who knows.”
kiseop swallows back the tears that are treating to spill. he asked for this, so he needs to face the consequences. no matter how much they hurt him.
“so you admit we're never going to be like that?”
hands are finding their way into kiseop's hair and he's pulled closer, until their lips are almost touching.
“no. because maybe doesn't matter. we haven't come this far to just break up. we haven't come this far to define love or loved. we've come this far because we like each other. I like you, kiseop. I've never liked anyone like this before. I don't wanna like anyone like this either. things between us are different, they always will be. and yeah it's possible, that maybe, after a week, a month, a year, we'll break up. but what about now? we're happy now, aren't we? we're together right now. why don't you think about that?”
leaning forward, kiseop brings their lips together. he melts into the kiss, enjoying the warmth that's spreading across his body.
“alright.”
alexander laughs and strokes kiseop's hair, all the while muttering about how silly kiseop is.
“so, past is past.” kiseop mutters.
alexander kisses his cheek. “and now is now.”