Another emotion I dont understand....

[windkeeper13]

Today and yesterday I'm still feeling the same emotion inside and i dont know why... What's wrong with me? Why do I feel this way... To be honest I dont know why myself. I just cant shake this feeling... Part of me is saying, "Yay! A new friend... I cant wait to meet him.. maybe we'll be the kinds of friends that when you see eachother, even if your not best friends, you can still hug and talk." But then another side of me is saying, "Why a new friend? It's just suppose to be the 5 of us and no one else... I dont want another person in our circle... I wont let it happen." God.. I dont like this... this isnt me. I love everyone but why am I feeling like this... Am I afraid that he'll take me place? Am I afraid that bringing a new person in our group will destroy us all? I dont know... but you know what I have to deal with it... it's my problem and if i'm the only one who feels like this and everyone else likes him... I'll be happy. I'll be happy because my friends are happy and that's all I ever wanted... I guess I just have some things I still have to work at... I'm not perfect, I am human... and it scares me to say that I actually felt a different emotion then love for this person I never meet... (which isnt normal for me) I guess I really I'm evil inside... inside I'm really a bad person, who pretends to be good and righteous but I'm not.... I'm not fit to call myself a good person. I can no longer be Haruka, not like this... ::cries:: God will someone tell me what's wrong with me... please someone help me... Michiru, Hotaru, Setsuna, Usagi... ::hugs herself:: I'm so scared... and I dont understand why. I dont understand... who I am anymore. Who am I... really? Are these feeling I have inside of me my true self... Am I just faking about being nice... Am I only just pretending? Is my life a lie? I dont know... I just dont know anymore.

Forever yours,
V-ruka... The wynd chaser