Trying Times, Desperate Measures
When I was in a healthy relationship I forgot how hard it is to find one. Now that I'm back on the market and arguably lonely, I'm rediscovering the complex nature of human behavior, particularly between men and women. I get to play the game that I missed while I was dating Kayla, but the grass is always greener on the other side, yeah?
We think about our exes after a breakup because going back into the fray reminds us how rare good chemistry is. We meet people who spark our interest, but then we discover traits we don't enjoy and think, man, my ex would have never behaved that way. I wish more people were like him/her.
I can't decide if being single is rancid or if being alone is the problem here. They accentuate each other. I wouldn't feel so alone if Kayla had stayed; that's a given. But I think I would miss her less if I had a group of friends here, someone to call, a place to begin. I still love Oregon and I smile whenever I'm outside, but beyond that I am depressed. My days off are becoming difficult for me.
I miss wearing my heart on my sleeve sometimes. It's probably more effective to be a stone slab, but man it's burning a hole in my chest. I'm in a slump, caught in a snare and slowly bleeding out. Everyone knows wolves are attracted to the scent of fresh blood and weakness.
I've decided I will buy a new journal and use it to write about my move to Oregon in full. While a lot of fucked up things have happened to me since I left Michigan, I have experienced many neat things as well. I ought to document it while it's still fresh in my brain; lord knows I don't retain things as well as I did in my younger days.
I just don't want to get wrapped up in the idea that "things will be better once I'm ______." I don't actually know that moving to a different town will mend the broken pieces of my life, and I don't enjoy chasing assumptions. I'm a newcomer and this is a learning experience. If it were easy, perhaps more people would have the stones to do the things that I do.
We think about our exes after a breakup because going back into the fray reminds us how rare good chemistry is. We meet people who spark our interest, but then we discover traits we don't enjoy and think, man, my ex would have never behaved that way. I wish more people were like him/her.
I can't decide if being single is rancid or if being alone is the problem here. They accentuate each other. I wouldn't feel so alone if Kayla had stayed; that's a given. But I think I would miss her less if I had a group of friends here, someone to call, a place to begin. I still love Oregon and I smile whenever I'm outside, but beyond that I am depressed. My days off are becoming difficult for me.
I miss wearing my heart on my sleeve sometimes. It's probably more effective to be a stone slab, but man it's burning a hole in my chest. I'm in a slump, caught in a snare and slowly bleeding out. Everyone knows wolves are attracted to the scent of fresh blood and weakness.
I've decided I will buy a new journal and use it to write about my move to Oregon in full. While a lot of fucked up things have happened to me since I left Michigan, I have experienced many neat things as well. I ought to document it while it's still fresh in my brain; lord knows I don't retain things as well as I did in my younger days.
I just don't want to get wrapped up in the idea that "things will be better once I'm ______." I don't actually know that moving to a different town will mend the broken pieces of my life, and I don't enjoy chasing assumptions. I'm a newcomer and this is a learning experience. If it were easy, perhaps more people would have the stones to do the things that I do.