A Knife In The Dark
The clouds roll in, the sky turns battleship gray, and I begin to wonder if maybe I shouldn't have come here.
Yesterday my boss asked me to come in early and I assured him I'd be there. When I arrived he greeted me at the bar rail by pushing my paycheck forward a bit and saying "so I think we're just going to end our relationship here. It just didn't really work out for us."
Although a dozen thoughts and feelings passed through my brain and clutched at my guts, all I managed to say was "what is the reason for this?" Normally I know why I'm in trouble at work, but this time I honestly had no clue.
"I'm not here to provide explanations or criticism," he said curtly, never looking me in the eye.
"Wow," I said, grabbing my paycheck.
"Good luck," he replied, but I was already walking out the door.
My mind was buzzing as I walked back to my car while struggling to hold my head high. What the fuck was that? You just got fired and he outright refused to tell you why! Did that really just happen?
First my lady abandons me and now this. I'm not sure Corvallis, OR could scream "Get the fuck out!" any louder. Things started out okay, but degraded quickly. "You're an outsider and we don't want you here. Leave now, never return."
I waited until 11 o'clock at night to start drinking. I had research to do, cover letters to write, resumes to revise, lies to invent. Then I went to the gym. It was supposed to be my off day, but I had hatred to release and fear to beat down, so I pushed weights until I went limp. Only afterward did I go to the bar to brainstorm. None of my new "friends" came out to accompany me, so I talked to strangers about the local color.
So here I am in Oregon, the state of my dreams, and the walls are all crashing down. I am unemployed and utterly alone, and I'm afraid. But I am not fucking done yet. Corvallis may be cursed, but Oregon is beautiful. There is a place for me in PNW and I am going to find it.
Yesterday my boss asked me to come in early and I assured him I'd be there. When I arrived he greeted me at the bar rail by pushing my paycheck forward a bit and saying "so I think we're just going to end our relationship here. It just didn't really work out for us."
Although a dozen thoughts and feelings passed through my brain and clutched at my guts, all I managed to say was "what is the reason for this?" Normally I know why I'm in trouble at work, but this time I honestly had no clue.
"I'm not here to provide explanations or criticism," he said curtly, never looking me in the eye.
"Wow," I said, grabbing my paycheck.
"Good luck," he replied, but I was already walking out the door.
My mind was buzzing as I walked back to my car while struggling to hold my head high. What the fuck was that? You just got fired and he outright refused to tell you why! Did that really just happen?
First my lady abandons me and now this. I'm not sure Corvallis, OR could scream "Get the fuck out!" any louder. Things started out okay, but degraded quickly. "You're an outsider and we don't want you here. Leave now, never return."
I waited until 11 o'clock at night to start drinking. I had research to do, cover letters to write, resumes to revise, lies to invent. Then I went to the gym. It was supposed to be my off day, but I had hatred to release and fear to beat down, so I pushed weights until I went limp. Only afterward did I go to the bar to brainstorm. None of my new "friends" came out to accompany me, so I talked to strangers about the local color.
So here I am in Oregon, the state of my dreams, and the walls are all crashing down. I am unemployed and utterly alone, and I'm afraid. But I am not fucking done yet. Corvallis may be cursed, but Oregon is beautiful. There is a place for me in PNW and I am going to find it.