why do i always do this?
the way i feel is unexplainable. i want to say lonely, but that is not it. i feel broken, for no apparent reason. sadness falls as day turns to night. it permeates through my aura until it clings to me seeking a way inside. i am overwhelmed. maybe having life throw so many things in my way seems to just build up when i cannot get through my past. still small things will be mentioned or i will just see things that bring back my past and sometimes it just tears down my carefully constructed consciousness. it crumbles and i feel bare again, just like those few years ago. my heart is a blackhole soon to consume me and i will never be found. my consciousness and being lost for eternity. perhaps that is where i belong. in a viod. nothingness. the pressure is building... and i am swallowed by despair.