(no subject)
this should hopefully mark an end to the one-line entries.
see? I did it..
my audition at berklee school of music is on this Saturday. I could have prepared WAY more for it than I currently am, but whatever. It's sort of weird because over the past month, my feelings about my plans for next year have ranged wildly. I'm deleting all these emails I am getting about jobs you can apply for etc, as if I'm certain that I will have one of my preferred options to choose from next year. But it's not nearly a given. Berklee probably won't give me full scholarship, my parents will refuse to pay for it, and I don't know how many gift scholarships I am even eligible for (being as I will already have my bachelor's). And working for Yale (what I'd like to do if Berklee falls through) isn't a given either- because of the shitty economy they've instituted a hiring freeze. Fuck! But at points I've been skeptical about amassing enough money to go to Berklee, assuming I'll work for Yale, and skimping on practice because of it. Now I'm gravitating back over to "want-to-go-to-berklee-at-any-cost" side. One way or another I'll probably be poor as fuck next year - not something I'm happy about, but I can live with it. The thing that's complicated is that going to music school is more than just a financial decision - it's sort of a decision that is the manifestation and synthesis of my past accomplishments, future dreams, and present frustrations. I want to say that all the work I've put into music thus far has meant something. I want to BE a famous, influential musician. And I want to extend a proverbial middle finger to my unsupportive parents by going to music school. I just need to make it work, and a lot of that hinges on my audition this Saturday. I'm not even sure about what pieces I want to play.. I need to call their professor and have a chat with him.
see? I did it..
my audition at berklee school of music is on this Saturday. I could have prepared WAY more for it than I currently am, but whatever. It's sort of weird because over the past month, my feelings about my plans for next year have ranged wildly. I'm deleting all these emails I am getting about jobs you can apply for etc, as if I'm certain that I will have one of my preferred options to choose from next year. But it's not nearly a given. Berklee probably won't give me full scholarship, my parents will refuse to pay for it, and I don't know how many gift scholarships I am even eligible for (being as I will already have my bachelor's). And working for Yale (what I'd like to do if Berklee falls through) isn't a given either- because of the shitty economy they've instituted a hiring freeze. Fuck! But at points I've been skeptical about amassing enough money to go to Berklee, assuming I'll work for Yale, and skimping on practice because of it. Now I'm gravitating back over to "want-to-go-to-berklee-at-any-cost" side. One way or another I'll probably be poor as fuck next year - not something I'm happy about, but I can live with it. The thing that's complicated is that going to music school is more than just a financial decision - it's sort of a decision that is the manifestation and synthesis of my past accomplishments, future dreams, and present frustrations. I want to say that all the work I've put into music thus far has meant something. I want to BE a famous, influential musician. And I want to extend a proverbial middle finger to my unsupportive parents by going to music school. I just need to make it work, and a lot of that hinges on my audition this Saturday. I'm not even sure about what pieces I want to play.. I need to call their professor and have a chat with him.