people

[windcriesmegan]

Why are there so many A-Holes in the world?

Really?
I do my best and I still get shit on, and when I try to explain the situation I get told "you need to start taking responsibility"

I don't understand people. Actually.......I might. Every thing is my fault. That last earthquake? my fault. That person tripping over that huge crack in the

Comments

Re: People

[windcriesmegan]

I get where you're coming from, but I don't think my livejournal goes into all depths to understand the situations I come across and and feelings I have about them.
I am extremely hard on myself. For everything. and Just lately I've been making strides to put my foot down on injustices and when I feel I am being treated wrongly or unfairly.
I get upset that my feelings are not being acknowledged, even after trying to express them. My voice isn't heard or even considered. And I can't feel validated. (this is a constant theme in my therapy, me wanting validation for my feelings)

and this person that I'm talking about, this isn't the first time. I have talked to my family and my therapist about these situations, and it comes back the same way. this "a-hole" is on a power trip and likes to tear me down, because it makes them feel more important. They are in all senses of the word, a bully.
And to be clear, when talking I try to be unbiased. Most of the time I'm the one putting blame on myself and it is my therapist that says, "You did everything right, you took the steps you needed to"- like when I felt like a bad person for staying home when I had strep throat. it's a terrible feeling to put on oneself, "you are a incompetent employee for staying home when you're sick, for making people aware of your sickness, for NOT spreading a contagious sickness at the office"
it doesn't matter that I did take all the right steps. because the pressure, not challenges, this person puts on me, I am expected to be a perfect little robot. You know 1984, when I read that book, I started calling the a-hole "big brother" in my private journal, because that's how I felt. I felt I couldnt even take bathroom breaks without evil glances.
And this "Big Brother" person does want me to be one of the Outer party people. Just become an unemotional robot that does whatever bidding is given and asks for nothing in return.

I have meticulously gone through the events and there are time stamps, on computer files and and emails that PROVE I was never made aware of the brewing-problem.

I have gone through every possible way that it could have been a slip up by me, and really, my only fault was that I can't read minds.
or making sure that other people do their jobs correctly (which by the way, isn't in my job description, its in Big Brother's)