Fic: Peril in Thine Eye 2/2

[windblownfire]

 Pairing: Mercutio/Romeo (unrequited) 
Rating: R
Length: 9475 words :o 
Warnings: character death (do I have to say angst?)  
Summary: Mercutio's been in love with his best friend for a long time, whether he admits it or not, but some stars cannot be defied, and he will have to confront himself and his fate. The events of the play from Mercutio's

Comments

[windblownfire]

Thank you! ^_^ They are so beautifully tragic. I love them, but it is depressing to write about :/ Glad you enjoyed!

[pargoletta]

Very nicely ended. The only thing I could have wished for was more narration and less paraphrased dialogue. We all know what goes on, but you write these characters so well, I would have loved to know what they were thinking about while they talked.

Interesting choice to have Mercutio aware of Romeo's eye on Juliet. That's one point where I would have loved some narrative elaboration, since it changes the dynamic of the scene with the nurse and the scene with the duel considerably.

I have to say, I really like Maia. Her behavior isn't quite right for a servant/master relationship, but she's such a refreshingly down-to-earth person that it doesn't matter much. She's exactly the kind of friend Mercutio needs in his life. Too bad that Romeo and Benvolio aren't up to it.

Finally, I loved the final paragraph, the way Mercutio dies thinking he's done something right and good. At that moment, he has -- he really has saved Romeo, and it's Romeo's own fault that he throws that chance way.

I like your writing. Shall we be friends?

[windblownfire]

Yeah, one of the big deviations I made from the original was making him aware of Juliet. It would give me a lot of freedom to depart from the script more, and I really like that idea of expanding on Juliet. What's the logical conclusion to that? Hmm, he hates her obviously, and he already hates Tybalt. I think it would make him explode much more violently during the duel scene

[pargoletta]

She totally kicked his butt once when they were kids, and she's been his sister ever since.

What a great relationship they have. She's so good for him. I hope he's good for her as well. His death probably broke her heart.

Romeo is a terrific wuss. He's also an idiot -- most of the other characters in the play, including Juliet, can think circles around him. I tend to write him as one of those guys who's good-looking but dim, is partially aware of it, and relies on his good looks and charm to get him through life. Considerably easier for a wealthy Renaissance teenager than for anyone today!

*dashes off to plunder your fic archives*

Yay! Have fun!

I have a secret fondness for this icon. Made it myself.

[windblownfire]

Romeo annoyed me endlessly but I saw him more as totally swayed by his emotions (to an unhealthy extent- obviously). Having no intervening thought between emotional impulse and action. His exchange of wits with Mercutio in the nurse scene speaks of some intellectual quickness - although possibly not the time of intelligence that matters. Juliet struck me as bright, if painfully naive (I definitely didn't explore her potential in this fic... but Mercutio didn't want anything to do with her and I am helpless in the hands of my narrator).