(no subject)
As I sit in cafe, I have a pile of napkins in my lap from sopping up the now cold chocolate that runs down my half numb face. I awoke with sun blaring into the window (it should soon be springing forward) to race to an appointment with drill. You would think they'd come up with a way to keep the numb in one spot by now. The baristas I'm sure found me unfriendly, but it is hard to smile at all if only half of it works.
I have ereased an email address, and all the memories that are attached to it. How weird it is to read things written in the past, to know the feelings were so tangible but now are just empty words, how hard it is to forget the storms from the past. Just last night I had a dream of being in High School... how it is I haven't let go of all those insecurities yet? It's startling that there are things I have to get past still. I am puzzled as to how to face them.
I am plowing along in my two year relationship. This has been the nicest 2 years, very stable and secure, and as I face moving across the country with him I fear that I am waning again in my passion. Last time when this happened, there would be a dramatic break and I would tumble off the train, exhilerated by the crash, and reminded of the strong bond. So how do I now rekindle my feelings without the drama? For as we all know, the on and off becomes exhusting and catching the conenctions eventually fails.
They say that if you feel something missing from your life, it is likely something to do with you and not the other person. So today I am visiting a sclupture park, and am trying to tear him away from the world of cars to join me. I am so tired of hearing 5 minute speeches of how things work in cars, how he is repairing yada yada, and hurt his feelings when I told him to "shut up" last night. I have love and interest in many things, but as for passion about anything I am lacking- therefore I allow myself to fall into things I don't love and eventually annoy me. Maybe I should find a passion for amusment parks so I can get a rush every month without tearing apart my life.
If you have any need for my new email address, let me know.
I have ereased an email address, and all the memories that are attached to it. How weird it is to read things written in the past, to know the feelings were so tangible but now are just empty words, how hard it is to forget the storms from the past. Just last night I had a dream of being in High School... how it is I haven't let go of all those insecurities yet? It's startling that there are things I have to get past still. I am puzzled as to how to face them.
I am plowing along in my two year relationship. This has been the nicest 2 years, very stable and secure, and as I face moving across the country with him I fear that I am waning again in my passion. Last time when this happened, there would be a dramatic break and I would tumble off the train, exhilerated by the crash, and reminded of the strong bond. So how do I now rekindle my feelings without the drama? For as we all know, the on and off becomes exhusting and catching the conenctions eventually fails.
They say that if you feel something missing from your life, it is likely something to do with you and not the other person. So today I am visiting a sclupture park, and am trying to tear him away from the world of cars to join me. I am so tired of hearing 5 minute speeches of how things work in cars, how he is repairing yada yada, and hurt his feelings when I told him to "shut up" last night. I have love and interest in many things, but as for passion about anything I am lacking- therefore I allow myself to fall into things I don't love and eventually annoy me. Maybe I should find a passion for amusment parks so I can get a rush every month without tearing apart my life.
If you have any need for my new email address, let me know.