Exhaustion breeds madness. Fear me.
*I actually wrote this in an e-mail to Taryn, and thought I'd copy and paste it in here, because it's pretty much what I was going to update about anyway. Just got off the phone with Joel; we spent about 3 hours talking tonight. I can talk to him. About so much. I love him. I love this. I asked him why he followed me home from the protest that day. He said he didn't know. That he thought I was pretty and he wanted to ask me out, and at that point he didn't know I had a boyfriend. And he also said that he didn't ask me out because most girls tell him no, and that's what he thought would happen, and he just spent the next little while trying to figure out a way to get me to go out with him. I said "So that's where biting me at wal-mart came in, isn't it?" I told him I was glad he got me to go out with him. He said "Well that's good. Goodnight, baby. I love you." I love this man. My e-mail to Taryn:*
My little update - Charlie and I = completely nothing. Apparently he wants to erase every scrap of evidence that I was in his life. Long story. Maybe I'll get to tell you all about it. The main thing is - I'm sorry I hurt him, but I'm not sorry for meeting Joel. I am so in love with Joel. I don't know why. I don't know why he has such a hold on me. But he does. I see no one but him. If he asked me to marry him I would. I knew I'd never marry Charlie, I'd known that for a few months, but I'd marry Joel, whose middle name I still don't know, and I'd go through hell to be with him. I don't understand why, all I can say is that this feeling has completely overtaken me. I spend hours on the phone with him every day, and we can talk to each other about so many things that Charlie and I could never talk about... I just adore him. I want to be with him so badly right now it physically hurts, in my heart, that I'm not with him. I've rarely felt that before. I feel it now. I'm going to visit him in July. I miss him so much.
My little update - Charlie and I = completely nothing. Apparently he wants to erase every scrap of evidence that I was in his life. Long story. Maybe I'll get to tell you all about it. The main thing is - I'm sorry I hurt him, but I'm not sorry for meeting Joel. I am so in love with Joel. I don't know why. I don't know why he has such a hold on me. But he does. I see no one but him. If he asked me to marry him I would. I knew I'd never marry Charlie, I'd known that for a few months, but I'd marry Joel, whose middle name I still don't know, and I'd go through hell to be with him. I don't understand why, all I can say is that this feeling has completely overtaken me. I spend hours on the phone with him every day, and we can talk to each other about so many things that Charlie and I could never talk about... I just adore him. I want to be with him so badly right now it physically hurts, in my heart, that I'm not with him. I've rarely felt that before. I feel it now. I'm going to visit him in July. I miss him so much.