Been a couple days, eh?
AHAHHA!! WHEE! I'm feelin' a lil happier!! ^___________^!! But, I could be in a more normal, happy mood, I have to admit. I guess it's because of a couple things.. For one, I had a lil heart-to-heart with my mom last night, which made me more than half an hour late to bed.. Made it very hard to get up at 7:30 this mornin', but I finally got up before 8. Hope it goes better tomorrow... Yeah, there's a reason right there. School starts, and Dave is sure to be there. I found out he has the same lunch hour. Whoopdie-freakin-DUUU!!
I went to a Monty Python party Friday night, and saw the end of my favorite one (Meaning Of Life) when I got there late. (Yes, I said I'd be a couple hours late, thank ya very much. I knew Dave wouldn't be there, as he's grounded, but I knew they'd talk about 'im.. need to be prepared, hehe.) I also saw The Yellow Submarine. What were the producers ON, dude? They MUST've been on somethin'! Still, it was amusin', but I coulda payed better attention. I was drawin', hehe. So anyway, we start playin' Truth or Dare when we sleep over there, and they ask me outta all the guys I had a crush on, if they all wanted me, who I'd choose. It actually took me a while, but eventually, I decided on Dave. Go figure, eh? Well, one thing lead to another, and we got to one o' the reasons he didn't want me back. Ya know, the fact I made 'im depressed? Apparently, our friends Brian and Chris thought the same thing!!! WHAT THE EFF, DUDE?! I make 'em depressed TOO? What the frick's wrong with me, then? Am I a regular clown portrait er somethin'? Anyway, they said that I didn't make them depressed, but teen guys tend to look at faces and eyes more than girls, and I may have been doin' somethin' subconsciously. Anyway, it got pretty intense, and naturally I got very frustrated, angry, and upset. So I told 'em I wanted to be alone, and that maybe I should forget about a relationship if I seemed to have some sorta perfume that made all these guys around me get a raincloud over their heads just by freakin' standin' there. I heard some things while I was in another room... touchin' more on the subject, but I heard them say somethin' like, I was definately ready for a relationship and was very mature, but lots of guys wouldn't be able to handle it. Oh, geeze. Well, I was flattered by that, but I was still upset. Anyway, Stef and I had a frustrated talk then a while later when I finished the piccy I was workin' on, I guess she decided to come down. I appreciated it, and she seemed helpful, and I'm pretty sure I thanked 'er. But she was sayin' stuff like, maybe I should watch more carefully what I do and practice, train myself and my eyes to look a certain way so I don't do things subconciously and try to hide my feelings more. She was pretty harsh, stunnin' even, but that's really just 'er nature. I don't wanna hide my feelings though! But she was sayin' that it's okay if I do, just not at certain times. Well, that's understandable, I wouldn't bum out at a party or anythin', so I told 'er I didn't think I did that. "Well, maybe you just THINK that, but you could be doing it subconciously." Noo, I'm pretty sure I don't. But well, sensative me, though somehow grateful, I said I wanted to go to bed early. I got upstairs, said hi (groggily, they knew I was upset now.. trust me, ya wouldn't blame me, it was really intense shit), gathered my stuff, and told 'em sulkingly that I wanted to go to bed a lil earlier (1:00 am). I also said, "Don't be surprised if I decide to leave early tomorrow, I apologize." That was when I got to the basement door, and when I was on the first step down, Stef popped outta no where like some sorta magician and said, "See, that's exactly what I was talking about." Umn, WHAT? Dude, I'm UPSET for a damn good reason! This turned into a very small fight, and that was the last I spoke to 'em before I hit the hay.
Next mornin' was all right. We apologized, it was in the past and everyone was okay again. I left the earliest, I think, but who cares. But I told my mom about this last night, and planned to call Brian and Chris today about it. She basically told me that I shouldn't do it confrontingly, but why would I? I'm just really curious, I don't wanna make my friends depressed on accident. I asked 'er if she thought I was depressed in general, and well, good thing, she said no. But I AM bein' treated for depression, but I mean, it's just a chemical thing! And I've been goin' through a LOT! Hell, my last entry was 6 pages on Word, and that's not even all of it! There's my leg that's been numb for over a year, the neurosurgery I had in January for it, lotsa stuff! But... she told me that I was a lot more mature than most people my age, and that I was serious. WHAT? I'm HYPER! "No," she said, "You're not hyper, not like your brother." Okay, my brother's hyper in a bad, annoyin' way. He's a nut. But I guess in my mom's eyes, I'm just very energetic. She seemed to agree with me on that. But I act differently around adults, ya know? Generally I do, 'cause they're socially higher than me, so I act more reserved outta respect. It's kind of an instinct I have, unless the adult is fairly young. In any other case, I act like myself, and there's a reason why "WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!" is my catch phrase.. xDD But yeah. I'm gonna have to find out why they think this... My mom thinks I have a serious face. Sorry for bein' born that way, mom. In fact, if that is the reason, I'm not about to tape my eyebrows up or get plastic surgery to make people happy! I am made the way I was made and that's all there is to it, pal!
I'm not gonna go to Dave's house. Cornerin' 'im would be pointless. If he wants to talk, I'll listen. I'm seein' 'im tomorrow for sure... And, I was told at the party, he apparently hasn't been able to contact ANYONE lately. Like, for the past month or more. I'll put that into account, after all, ya gotta have fair play. But man, I still think there's no excuse for 'im talkin' behind my back and that other crap. Seriously.
Still haven't asked about the whole 'department' thing, 'cause I figured I best save that for tomorrow. First day of school is tomorrow anyway, this is the last day of summer. Summer's over. School is tomorrow... Sorry, I'm tryin' to soak it in. It totally blows. AHAHAHHA!! And and and it's startin' earlier than normal AND AND *EXPLODIE!!* EEEEEEE!! But yeah, it'd be more convenient if I took care of it tomorrow. I'm not procrastinatin' though, I'm just sayin', it'd be better. If there's one thing I've been procrastinatin' for over half a year now, though, it's the book I'm writin'. Centerbang is the title. I need to get crackin' again, but I'm desperate for motivation.
I gotta call Karen, Brian, and Chris today. I better remember. Hopefully I'll work on Centerbang today too. I wanna finish the book by the time my Junior year is over.
Junior year... Oh, cripes.
Oh yeah, at registration... I saw the first guy I had a crush on, and the first 'failure' outta... 7 of 'em in a row since the end of 8th grade. Yep, that sum up my whole love life, 7 'failures.' I put 'em in quotes 'cause I can't call one of 'em a real total bust. I had so much fun, and it lasted for a year and 2 months, but I realized I just never felt that way about 'im. Don't get me wrong, I loved the guy, just not in that way. It took me that long to realize I only loved 'im as a friend. But anyway, the first guy.. he totally crushed me. Beforehand, we were friends, or very good acquaintances. But after that, we never really exchanged any words, and he went to the other high school. His name was Mark, for the record.
Well, I saw 'im there. He's goin' to my school now. Craptastic! xDDD WHEE! It'll be a lil awkward, I'm sure, but I was this close to goin' up to 'im and askin' if he remembered me and maybe I could see how he was doin'. Did he change over the years? Is he single? Will he be in any of my classes? Maybe I can introduce 'im to my friends and invite 'im to sit with us, or help 'im get on his feet. That would be nice. Yeah, if I see 'im I'll do that. But I was tugged away by my friends before I could get to 'im. Round of applause to Rachel and Natasha, the spoil sports. Heh heh heh! xDD!!
Went shoppin' with Caitlin, and I finally met John. Nice guy! 2 of their friends came with too, Dustin and Paul, I think. Caitlin asked me if I could see myself goin' out with 'em.. Well, I think so. They're both a year younger, but who cares? I woulda been after Matt if it weren't for the distance! Maybe if this guy Karen was talkin' about 2 months ago doesn't work out, I can look into it. Though, that conversation I was talkin' about earlier, with my mom.. she was sayin' that it's okay not to have a boyfriend. I know. But I wanna go for it, 'cause when I wanna stop my heart won't seem to let me...
So, to sum it up and make it easier for myself...
1) Don't wait on Dave, let 'im come to me. Except, I'll see 'im tomorrow, so all I'll do is ask for an explaination. Gotta be prepared for this one.
2) Call Karen about that guy...
3) Call Brian and Chris... Eep. I'll do this in a couple hours. Don't worry about what impressions I give, just ask. Relax.. hehe.
4) Talk to the principal about the 'department' thing for the movie, but there's no rush. Ask about doin' it for credit, though. But, I can't worry about it today.
5) If I have the time, I'll work on Centerbang.
That about wraps it up.. Later!! Hehehe!!
.~!Gillian!~.