(no subject)
[private]
That's what he taught me... At the end of the day, I'm just an empty place that needs to be filled.
Fuck.
Hate feeling like a rag, hate what I did, hate Alastair and all the fucking demons, hate not being up to the whole fucking thing. Hate thinking that it is all I am. An empty place. Never good enough for anything else.
Need to get a grip on myself. Obviously. But fuck. How does one ever stop hating himself over such stuff? Can I not hate myself if I stopped hating myself over it? Should I?
Yeah. Start lugging at least some of your damned weight again, Dean. Daddy's good little daughter.
...
Need freaking momentum. And to stop running from shit because I can't do it. There's... no other way to get out of this but putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward, is there. Unless if I do that, I get things even more messed up. I mean, what've I done about the big mess? Besides starting it? We kept one seal from breaking - and that at the cost of a friend's life. Brilliant.
Fuck. [/private]
A/N: Quote from Turn Coat by Jim Butcher.
That's what he taught me... At the end of the day, I'm just an empty place that needs to be filled.
Fuck.
Hate feeling like a rag, hate what I did, hate Alastair and all the fucking demons, hate not being up to the whole fucking thing. Hate thinking that it is all I am. An empty place. Never good enough for anything else.
Need to get a grip on myself. Obviously. But fuck. How does one ever stop hating himself over such stuff? Can I not hate myself if I stopped hating myself over it? Should I?
Yeah. Start lugging at least some of your damned weight again, Dean. Daddy's good little daughter.
...
Need freaking momentum. And to stop running from shit because I can't do it. There's... no other way to get out of this but putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward, is there. Unless if I do that, I get things even more messed up. I mean, what've I done about the big mess? Besides starting it? We kept one seal from breaking - and that at the cost of a friend's life. Brilliant.
Fuck. [/private]
A/N: Quote from Turn Coat by Jim Butcher.