RP logs: winchesterbitch (Because watching any season's finale is bad for Winchesters)
Rule # 22 (yes, the number is deliberate) in the Supernatural 'verse: If you want to stop one Winchester brother from wallowing effectively, let him know that the other one's in need of him.
Sam's mun: ... Okay, I'm turning this off now.
Dean's mun: Sam?
Sam's mun: Sam
can't save his brother from Azazel, can't save his brother from Hell
Can't save his brother from himself
Can't save his brother at all
Dean: *sighs, pulls him in right there for a hug* That's not true. You freakin' well save me from myself.
Sam: *somewhere between clinging and just being limply there*
Sam's mun: (After everything Dean does for him. Everything Dean gives up for him. Ungrateful little shit that he is, he can't do a damn thing for Dean. Over and over and over.)
Dean: I wouldn't have anything to go on without you, okay? And you don't just stick around, though that's a miracle I'm damn grateful for. You make it all matter, what little I have. Make it all worth it, all right, Sammy?
Dean's mun: (*sighs* not that there haven't been times when I haven't gone 'ungrateful little shit' at Sam, but overall, it's not true.)
Sam: *bit of a mouth twitch, faint nod, though the twitch is more of a grimace than a smile of any kind*
Sam's mun: (*wry* Me too, and I think it sticks.)
(He's back to the whole, if it weren't for me none of this would have happened kick)
Dean: C'mon. I'm here now, and you're here, and we can make it together. I'm the big brother. I say so.
Sam's mun: (He's not worth Mom's life, what was traded, can't save anyone, couldn't save Dean, couldn't keep Dean safe, couldn't keep Dad safe.)
Sam: *mouth twitch that, this time, might have been a smile* Sure.
Dean: You gotta trust me on this one, okay? *quietly* You've saved my life more times than I could count, Sammy. And then when I'd kinda given up on myself, made me wanna stay saved too. That's more than anyone ever's done for me. Or anyone ever probably can do. Because.
Sam: *one hand sort of curled against his face, hair over his eyes* And if it weren't for me, we wouldn't be in this shit. If I ...
Sam's mun: (hadn't been born is the rest of that)
Dean: Shh, Sammy. Don't talk like that, alright? That's not your fault. That's somebody setting you up, and then you still make it work. *tighter hold* You make good of some damn shitty crap that you had to work with. You save people. Save me. Make bad things go away. I wouldn't have it otherwise than having you around, pain in the ass little brother that you are.
Sam: *small shrug, small.. laugh. ish* I got Mom killed. I got Jess killed, got Andy killed. Got you killed. *swallows that back* I couldn't get you out of Hell, I couldn't... you're the hunter, Dean, not me. I'm not cut out for this, I never was. Hell, I probably shouldn't even be here. I'm not supposed to be here.
Dean: You didn't get any of 'em killed, Sammy. You didn't, trust me. It was that sonofabitch, and you know it. He made it all, all the freakin' blame, fall to you so he can control you, but it wasn't you. And me... You did good. I should've stopped that kid in time, before he got to you. But you're a good hunter, Sam. You know when there's a case, and you know how to deal with it, and you know when to stop me from flipping overboard with it too. *gathers him tighter in his arms, head against Dean's chest* If you ain't, I ain't either. All or nothing, that's how the Winchesters roll.
Sam's mun: ((Dean should listen to himself. And Iiii shouldn't have watched that episode.))
Dean's mun: ((*snorts* it's different. Dean was there and conscious and armed when he missed that shot at Azazel. He was there and armed when he let Sam be stabbed. And on and on and on. *sighs* But he's trying, he's trying damn hard. And... *snugs Sammy* Dean won't budge an inch out of that 'I wouldn't have it any other way than you beside me' ...))
Sam: *sort of crumples into him, clinging even as he kind of hates himself for it*
Sam's mun: ((*sighs* I think he's out of words for now. But, no, just because Dean happened to be there doesn't mean that what Azazel did is his fault. Azazel made those choices. Not him.))
Dean: *just holds him close* It's gonna be alright, Sammy. We're gonna make it alright.
Dean's mun: ((well no, but Dean could've been faster, better. he just... came short. and it's killing him because it's what he's been doing his whole life and yet he's not good enough. Not fast enough. Not smart enough. Didn't hold on long enough downstairs. Just not enough.))
((which, right now, is academic, he's ... keeping away from it atm))
Sam: *sniffly. despite his best efforts to be all stoic like his big brother, is still sniffly and guilty and shamed and shameful and feeling like he should just.. slink off somewhere and not hurt anyone ever again*
Sam's mun: ((He's enough for Sammy.))
((Moments like this aside.))
Dean: *just holding on tight, still. And Sam knows Dean would hunt for him wherever he went, because he needs him. So badly. The one who knows all, and who can shove him off when he's going overboard, and can humor him when he's manning the flashlight and forgive him for running away too. And... everything. He's not stoic all the time either. And Sam's not hurting him, not by being there. Not even when he's upset.*
Dean's mun: ((*sighs* He's there. He might not feel good enough? But any other option is worse. Just.. the two of them both feel like they're treading a thin rope over a huge abyss, each in his own way.))
Sam's mun: ((Stronger together.))
Dean's mun: ((yea. So very much.))
Sam: *is so very tailspinning. falling down... except where Dean's there to hold on and keep him from falling too far. and he kind of does want to just go off, just hide somewhere and be no trouble to anyone except when Dean holds on like this he can't bring himself to walk away, and he hates himself for that, too. but... for now, it's slowly going away* How the hell d'you put up with me *mumbles*
Dean: *because Sam knows he'll just end up creating more worry and trouble and danger if he does go off like that, because.* *deadpan, but doesn't really let go at all* Practice. *lips twitch now* And, you know. I'd just crumble if you weren't here anyhoo. Can't have that.
Sam: *snorts* You'd do fine without me
Dean: No way. Bitch.
Sam: Jerk. *reflexive, but smiling slightly when he realizes*
Dean: *nods, shoulders relax very slightly, slightly smiling too*
Sam's mun: ... Okay, I'm turning this off now.
Dean's mun: Sam?
Sam's mun: Sam
can't save his brother from Azazel, can't save his brother from Hell
Can't save his brother from himself
Can't save his brother at all
Dean: *sighs, pulls him in right there for a hug* That's not true. You freakin' well save me from myself.
Sam: *somewhere between clinging and just being limply there*
Sam's mun: (After everything Dean does for him. Everything Dean gives up for him. Ungrateful little shit that he is, he can't do a damn thing for Dean. Over and over and over.)
Dean: I wouldn't have anything to go on without you, okay? And you don't just stick around, though that's a miracle I'm damn grateful for. You make it all matter, what little I have. Make it all worth it, all right, Sammy?
Dean's mun: (*sighs* not that there haven't been times when I haven't gone 'ungrateful little shit' at Sam, but overall, it's not true.)
Sam: *bit of a mouth twitch, faint nod, though the twitch is more of a grimace than a smile of any kind*
Sam's mun: (*wry* Me too, and I think it sticks.)
(He's back to the whole, if it weren't for me none of this would have happened kick)
Dean: C'mon. I'm here now, and you're here, and we can make it together. I'm the big brother. I say so.
Sam's mun: (He's not worth Mom's life, what was traded, can't save anyone, couldn't save Dean, couldn't keep Dean safe, couldn't keep Dad safe.)
Sam: *mouth twitch that, this time, might have been a smile* Sure.
Dean: You gotta trust me on this one, okay? *quietly* You've saved my life more times than I could count, Sammy. And then when I'd kinda given up on myself, made me wanna stay saved too. That's more than anyone ever's done for me. Or anyone ever probably can do. Because.
Sam: *one hand sort of curled against his face, hair over his eyes* And if it weren't for me, we wouldn't be in this shit. If I ...
Sam's mun: (hadn't been born is the rest of that)
Dean: Shh, Sammy. Don't talk like that, alright? That's not your fault. That's somebody setting you up, and then you still make it work. *tighter hold* You make good of some damn shitty crap that you had to work with. You save people. Save me. Make bad things go away. I wouldn't have it otherwise than having you around, pain in the ass little brother that you are.
Sam: *small shrug, small.. laugh. ish* I got Mom killed. I got Jess killed, got Andy killed. Got you killed. *swallows that back* I couldn't get you out of Hell, I couldn't... you're the hunter, Dean, not me. I'm not cut out for this, I never was. Hell, I probably shouldn't even be here. I'm not supposed to be here.
Dean: You didn't get any of 'em killed, Sammy. You didn't, trust me. It was that sonofabitch, and you know it. He made it all, all the freakin' blame, fall to you so he can control you, but it wasn't you. And me... You did good. I should've stopped that kid in time, before he got to you. But you're a good hunter, Sam. You know when there's a case, and you know how to deal with it, and you know when to stop me from flipping overboard with it too. *gathers him tighter in his arms, head against Dean's chest* If you ain't, I ain't either. All or nothing, that's how the Winchesters roll.
Sam's mun: ((Dean should listen to himself. And Iiii shouldn't have watched that episode.))
Dean's mun: ((*snorts* it's different. Dean was there and conscious and armed when he missed that shot at Azazel. He was there and armed when he let Sam be stabbed. And on and on and on. *sighs* But he's trying, he's trying damn hard. And... *snugs Sammy* Dean won't budge an inch out of that 'I wouldn't have it any other way than you beside me' ...))
Sam: *sort of crumples into him, clinging even as he kind of hates himself for it*
Sam's mun: ((*sighs* I think he's out of words for now. But, no, just because Dean happened to be there doesn't mean that what Azazel did is his fault. Azazel made those choices. Not him.))
Dean: *just holds him close* It's gonna be alright, Sammy. We're gonna make it alright.
Dean's mun: ((well no, but Dean could've been faster, better. he just... came short. and it's killing him because it's what he's been doing his whole life and yet he's not good enough. Not fast enough. Not smart enough. Didn't hold on long enough downstairs. Just not enough.))
((which, right now, is academic, he's ... keeping away from it atm))
Sam: *sniffly. despite his best efforts to be all stoic like his big brother, is still sniffly and guilty and shamed and shameful and feeling like he should just.. slink off somewhere and not hurt anyone ever again*
Sam's mun: ((He's enough for Sammy.))
((Moments like this aside.))
Dean: *just holding on tight, still. And Sam knows Dean would hunt for him wherever he went, because he needs him. So badly. The one who knows all, and who can shove him off when he's going overboard, and can humor him when he's manning the flashlight and forgive him for running away too. And... everything. He's not stoic all the time either. And Sam's not hurting him, not by being there. Not even when he's upset.*
Dean's mun: ((*sighs* He's there. He might not feel good enough? But any other option is worse. Just.. the two of them both feel like they're treading a thin rope over a huge abyss, each in his own way.))
Sam's mun: ((Stronger together.))
Dean's mun: ((yea. So very much.))
Sam: *is so very tailspinning. falling down... except where Dean's there to hold on and keep him from falling too far. and he kind of does want to just go off, just hide somewhere and be no trouble to anyone except when Dean holds on like this he can't bring himself to walk away, and he hates himself for that, too. but... for now, it's slowly going away* How the hell d'you put up with me *mumbles*
Dean: *because Sam knows he'll just end up creating more worry and trouble and danger if he does go off like that, because.* *deadpan, but doesn't really let go at all* Practice. *lips twitch now* And, you know. I'd just crumble if you weren't here anyhoo. Can't have that.
Sam: *snorts* You'd do fine without me
Dean: No way. Bitch.
Sam: Jerk. *reflexive, but smiling slightly when he realizes*
Dean: *nods, shoulders relax very slightly, slightly smiling too*