Weak For You -- For helosthisshoe
There was a part of Dean that hadn't wanted to go to Sam at Stanford, even if he hadn't had anyone else, he hadn't wanted to pull him from his life and his girlfriend and drag him back onto the long empty roads. It was the part of him that remembered before he'd left, remembered the touches and kisses and murmured affection. It hurt, having Sam leave, losing more than just his brother. At first he'd tried to tell himself it would be for the best, that he shouldn't have had those feelings anyway, that they'd go away. They didn't.
That's why he doesn't even acknowledge there was ever anything more between them except this, except guns and salt and risking their lives to defend those that don't know how. Even as Dean flirts with every attractive woman that so much as glances his way when Sam's around, grits his teeth and tries way too hard to brazenly prove just how over Sam he is. He smiles at Sam as he sips a drink that's candy sweet and bright green and special from the tender with her red lipstick lips and a sinful smile. Dean makes a comment about the short skirt on the brunette that strolls in, as if they were normal brothers that could comment on pretty girls without there being subtext there; they both know better.
Dean's hurt, hurting, and every small town they somehow make it through, every girly drink or glass of cheap whiskey just makes it sharper. Every warm body that isn't Sam just makes him ache for strong arms that wrap around him, and quiet kisses he wishes he could forget. It's sick and wrong, but it was the one thing that made him happy. Sammy's always been better than him. Always wanted to be normal. Dean doesn't think he's cared for normal since Mary died, since he's had to be mother, big brother, and any role that John wasn't there to be.
He stays at the bar later than Sam, makes a point about how he's staying for the pretty brunette he's been flirting with, though it's a sham, a distraction, something to soothe what he can't admit to. He'd been hoping Sam would be asleep when he got back -- he's alone and with a distinct lack of hickies or lipstick trails. Every day nicks away at the wall between them of Dean's stubborn insistence to not acknowledge this, and being standoffish hardly seems to work.
Admittance would be risking too much, and he's even more vulnerable when it comes to Sammy.
That's why he doesn't even acknowledge there was ever anything more between them except this, except guns and salt and risking their lives to defend those that don't know how. Even as Dean flirts with every attractive woman that so much as glances his way when Sam's around, grits his teeth and tries way too hard to brazenly prove just how over Sam he is. He smiles at Sam as he sips a drink that's candy sweet and bright green and special from the tender with her red lipstick lips and a sinful smile. Dean makes a comment about the short skirt on the brunette that strolls in, as if they were normal brothers that could comment on pretty girls without there being subtext there; they both know better.
Dean's hurt, hurting, and every small town they somehow make it through, every girly drink or glass of cheap whiskey just makes it sharper. Every warm body that isn't Sam just makes him ache for strong arms that wrap around him, and quiet kisses he wishes he could forget. It's sick and wrong, but it was the one thing that made him happy. Sammy's always been better than him. Always wanted to be normal. Dean doesn't think he's cared for normal since Mary died, since he's had to be mother, big brother, and any role that John wasn't there to be.
He stays at the bar later than Sam, makes a point about how he's staying for the pretty brunette he's been flirting with, though it's a sham, a distraction, something to soothe what he can't admit to. He'd been hoping Sam would be asleep when he got back -- he's alone and with a distinct lack of hickies or lipstick trails. Every day nicks away at the wall between them of Dean's stubborn insistence to not acknowledge this, and being standoffish hardly seems to work.
Admittance would be risking too much, and he's even more vulnerable when it comes to Sammy.