kocch
in
win_derland
Prompt 110: Hello by solarmoon_
Title: Hello
Author: Sarah (@solarmoon_)
Pairing: SongKim
Length: 7k+ words/ 14 pages
Rating: 15+
Warning: mention of death, angst
Summary: Years passed, but feelings kept lingering. Mino decides to make amends with the past.
Author's Note: Hello! This was my first time challenging myself to write a fanfic and I really tried hard. I hope you guys can look past my grammar errors and spelling mistakes and enjoy reading a newbie's fic. Enjoy~
December 23rd 2015
Mino grabbed his tie and stood in front of the mirror. Thoughts flew through his mind and many scenarios came up while he was staring at his own reflection.
December 23rd.. December 23rd, 2012…
The day it all happened. The day Jinwoo left him.
The last day he ever saw or heard of him.
And it was all his fault…
“Mino! Earth calling Mino, are you still there?” the tanned boy snapped out of his musings and looked at his housemate and best friend, Seunghoon “Sorry, what did you say?”
“Mino are you alright? You’ve been out of it lately.” Seunghoon looked at his friend with a worried face.
“Yeah.. just thinking about what I should wear to the party.” Seunghoon didn’t look convinced, but decided not to say anything. “You should wear your red tie, it looks nicer with this outfit” he said handing said tie to his tanned friend. “Thanks man.”
Mino never used to be so affected by a break up, at least not until he broke up with him. They used to be a really happy couple and he now understood that he made a lot of mistakes, but he never thought that they would end up like this.
He tried everything to get him to talk to him again. He tried so hard to get back what was his or who was his in this case, but nothing seemed to work. Phone calls were ignored, e-mails went unanswered and doors unopened.
“Maybe I didn’t try hard enough,” He thought, “Maybe I should try some more.” He took out his phone and hesitated before dialing his number.
“Hello, this is Jinwoo’s phone! I’m not able to accept this call right now. Please speak after the beep tone and I’ll get back to you, pyong~” Mino couldn’t help but smile at the voicemail. He missed his Jinwoo and would do anything to hear back from him, but a voicemail just wasn’t it. With a bittersweet smile Mino decided not to leave a voicemail behind.
After another failed attempt Mino felt suffocated and decided he needed fresh air to clear his head. “Hey Seunghoon, I’m going out for a bit.. try not to break anything while I’m gone, thanks.”
As he was walking through the empty streets he realized that even a simple walk would remind him of his ex-lover. From the first time they met till they parted. Their relationship lasted for 4 years but Jinwoo and him have known each other for more than two decades.
Meeting Jinwoo was magical and he truly believed he had found an angel. He remembered it like it was yesterday. They were young and Jinwoo was new to the town. He remembered it so well, the smile he had on his face, his cute laugh, his dimple, his beautiful lips.
A smile crept on Mino’s face just by thinking about him and without realizing he arrived at the park where they met.
Mino sat on the bench looking at the children playing around in the park. “We used play here a lot too.” he uttered.
Little Mino was playing in the sandbox making his sandcastle when he noticed a fair skinned boy with doe eyes sitting alone on the swings. Seeing him all sad and alone made Mino feel even more sad. Luckily, thanks to his parents, the boy had already learned how to make new friends fast. “Why are you sad?” or maybe not so fast.
However, he didn’t regret asking the little boy on the swings, because he knew the he would talk to him eventually. “I..I just moved here, but no one wants to play with me” the kid said with a soft voice. “I can play with you” Mino said with a big grin “My name is Mino, Song Mino” The child’s already big eyes turned even bigger when he realized the stranger was serious about wanting to play with him “I’m Jinwoo” he replied, with his voice still so soft.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Mino was once again snapped out of his thoughts “Oh Taehyun, what are you doing here?” He looked at the smiling boy with the droopy eyebrows.
“I was just doing some last minute Christmas shopping and then I saw you here. I greeted you, but it seemed like you were too busy daydreaming.” Taehyun replied showing off his perfect set of white teeth. “So what were you thinking about?” He asked, but before Mino could reply. “Wait does Seunghoon even know you’re here? Shouldn’t you be helping him with the Christmas party preparations? Why aren’t you -“
“Taehyun, relax. Seunghoon knows I’m out and he can handle being on his own for a few hours.” Mino said showing no emotion. “Besides, I needed some fresh air.” The younger male looked at Mino with a worried face.
“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?” The older male didn’t answer him, but he could feel him becoming uncomfortable with the question and decided to change the topic “You know... the stuff I got is pretty heavy, could you help me carry these to Hoonie’s and your apartment?”
“Sure.” Mino responded as he grabbed most of the bags Taehyun had with him and waited for him to start walking.
The walk to the apartment was silent, but not awkward. There were barely any words exchanged, but that was how Mino preferred it at that moment.
Arriving at the apartment, Mino put all the bags in Seunghoon’s room.
“I have to start this conversation somehow.” Taehyun thought, as he poured water in the tea kettle a lightbulb in his head lit up. “Mino do you want something to drink? Water? Tea? Coffee? Vodka?” He asked looking at the man after he came back from Seunghoon’s room and was now busy zapping through channels on the tv trying to find something interesting to watch.
“Do you even know where the alcohol is? Also just a glass of water is fine, thanks.” Taehyun chuckled a little, handing Mino his glass of water. “You do realize that this isn’t my first time here.” He then sat on the other end of the couch with his cup of tea.
“So, what has been weighing down the mind of the great Hugeboy?” Mino started laughing “It’s been awhile since anyone has called me like that,” Taehyun smiled seeing Mino finally laughing like this. “It’s nice hearing you laugh like this, but you still didn’t answer me.” Mino didn’t answer for a while so Taehyun decided to go on, “Were you perhaps thinking about him again?”
“You know it’s been 3 years right? Mino it’s not healthy for you to keep it all in and besides you shouldn’t blame yourself like this.”
Mino used to be a very strong guy. No break up would affect him like this, but all Taehyun saw right now was a vulnerable guy. He never thought he’d see him in this kind of state.
“How can I not? I treated him so badly. I took him for granted, I took his love for granted Taehyun... I hurt him.” Mino shook his head, “I wouldn’t forgive myself either if I were him.” He bit his lip trying to hold back his tears.
Taehyun sighed “Mino listen, I understand that you feel like it’s all your fault and I have to admit, you were a dick to him and he deserved none of what you did to him. However, it’s been 3 years since he left and you haven’t been yourself at all. Have you.. I don’t know.. ever thought of just moving on?” The younger looked over at the man who seemed to already have released few tears.
“I tried” he replied after a minute of silence “I tried so hard.” he continued “but everything I do reminds me of him. Everywhere I go, it’s like I’m going to the places I went with him except I don’t have him anymore.” Mino burst into tears in the end. “I just miss him so much” he finally said it. He finally let it out.
Without saying anything Taehyun walked towards him and held him in his arms for a while.
December 24th , 2015
“Song Mino where the hell are you? Christmas dinner is about to start! My in-laws are going to be here in less than two hours, you better be here soon too!” Seunghoon yelled on phone while his boyfriend was setting the table and trying to hear what was going on.
Seunghoon sighed and turned to his boyfriend who pretended to be busy with the plates he just put on the table. The tall man smirked while walking towards Taehyun. “Don’t even bother pretending, I know you’ve been eavesdropping the whole time.” He said while wrapping his arms around his lover’s waist.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. Is everything alright? He’s coming right?” Seunghoon kissed his cheek “Don’t worry he’ll be fine.” He said and continued leaving kisses on his neck. “While you stop worrying about Mino, let’s have some fun time for ourselves” Taehyun laughed and gave him a teasing slap.
“Your parents are going to be here in few hours for our early Christmas dinner, you really want their second impression of me to be of someone who can’t keep his clothes on around their son?” Seunghoon just laughed.
Meanwhile, Mino was once again driving around, however he had a purpose this time. He was going to Jinwoo’s apartment hoping the man would at least try hearing him out even though he was 3 years too late.
He stopped his car in the parking lot. He looked around “Nothing has changed.” He thought, “Everything still looked like it did 3 years ago.” He smiled at the thought of finally getting to see him again even if Jinwoo never wanted to see his face after their break up. He just needed to see him one more time before he could really move on.
‘001’ He pressed, waiting for the reception to open the door for him. When he heard a clicking noise, he pushed the door open and quietly thanked the person behind the counter and ran upstairs.
“404, 404,404” he kept chanting till he finally reached the fourth floor. Mino raised his fist to knock on the door, but he hesitated for a good minute. “What if he doesn’t open the door? What if he already moved on? What if he already has someone else? What if he just doesn’t want to talk to me?”
Many what if’s were flying in his mind to the point that he wanted to turn around and just walk away. However he needed to do this, he had to and most importantly, he wanted to see him one more time.
“Here goes nothing.” He says, knocking on the door twice before hearing someone walk to the door. “Who is it?” A voice that did not sound like his Jinwoo asked.
“Uh.. this is Mino, I was wondering if I could speak to Jinwoo, Kim Jinwoo.” Mino didn’t hear anything for a solid minute, but that minute felt like hours of silence and it made him feel very nervous.
“Please, I need to talk to him.” After that minute of silence, he heard some shuffling followed by the lock being opened. A boy with messy blond bed hair and thick lips opened the door slightly.
“I knew it.” he thought “I knew he had moved on” Looking up and down trying to figure out how and when Jinwoo might have gotten together with this hipster rocker he saw in front of him.
“Who are you?” He asked unsure if he even wanted to know who this boy was. “Woo Jiho” the boy with the thick lips answered. Mino swallowed and repeated his question “Does Kim Jinwoo live here?” The boy shook his head, “I don’t know a Kim Jinwoo, I’m sorry”
Mino didn’t understand, he was very certain that Jinwoo still lived there. “I’m sorry, but I think you got the wrong house. Whoever you are searching for, doesn’t live here.” The boy revealed more of his face, he was clearly confused about what was going on.
“No, I’m sorry. I thought someone I knew lived here, but they moved I guess.” Being upset was an understatement, Mino was beyond disappointed in himself. “Look it’s alright man, wish you luck finding your friend.” He nodded and walked away.
With a heavy disappointed feeling, he walked to his car and drove back home.
Back at the apartment Taehyun was still very busy preparing their Christmas dinner, but a lot of things didn’t feel well. He looked at Seunghoon hesitating if he should even talk to him about this heavy feeling he had and since was also Seunghoon’s friend he felt even more dejected about this.
“My dear Taehyun, what’s gotten you so sad today? We’re about to have dinner with my mom and dad, you love my mom and dad. Oh did I tell you your mom and brother are coming too?”
Taehyun raised an eyebrow at Seunghoon. “You do realize I was the one sending out the invitations right?” He sighed hoping the man wouldn’t get mad at him after the topic he was about to start talking about.
“Seunghoon… I need to tell you something” Seunghoon lowered the volume and looked over at Taehyun.
“What’s wrong honeybunch?” The younger bit his lip and walked over to where his boyfriend was seated. He took a deep breath before starting to talk. “You know how Mino’s been trying to reach Jinwoo, but they all ended up in failed attempts?” Seunghoon nodded slowly “yeah, what about it?” Taehyun closed his eyes for a moment “I know why they are all failing, I know why he’s never had an answer.”
Seunghoon sat straight and looked at his boyfriend in confusion “Taehyun, what do you mean?” The man’s breath started to quicken and tears started to well up in his eyes. “Seunghoon, the reason why he never answers the phone is because -“ Taehyun’s sentence was cut short by the door opening and Mino walking in the living room.
“Oh! Awkward..” he had gotten himself a glass of water and sat at the kitchen counter looking through his phone “You guys know you have a bedroom for yourselves right?” he said smiling at the couple.
“Ha ha, very funny.” Seunghoon said raising a pillow before Taehyun gave him a warning glare. “You know what... You should go change, dinner is starting soon.” The older looked over at him and the latter gave him a peck as a small ‘thank you’.
“You’re right. I will let you lovebirds alone then, see you guys at the dinner.” Mino gave a quick wave which was responded by a ‘see you’ from Taehyun and a wave from Seunghoon.
“I have to go back to the cooking, our parents will be here soon and I don’t want them to see me like this.” The youngest gave his boyfriend a kiss and walked back to their open kitchen.
An hour passed quickly and Taehyun’s Mom and brother were the first to arrive and Seunghoon’s parents soon quickly arrived afterwards. When everyone was settled in the dining room the man pulled Mino with him in the kitchen. Hesitating how to tell his friend he instead pulled a velvet box out of his pocket and showed him.
Confused as to why he was pulled to the kitchen Mino was about to ask his tall friend until he saw him pull out the velvet box “no way”. It was hard to keep the big smile off of his face, but being happy for his friend was just an understatement.
“Tonight, during this dinner I want to ask him to marry me and I didn’t want to do it without telling my best friend and hopefully my best man.” Seunghoon confessed. “This is amazing. Hyung I’m so happy for you.” Mino pulled the older one in for a hug.
For Seunghoon, hearing the younger one call him. ‘hyung’ was very rare and special. After explaining to him how he wanted to propose and getting his friend’s approval. Both left the kitchen to join the others at the dinner table.
Seunghoon, being the ‘amazing’ host he was, took his glass of champagne and stood up.
“May I have your attention, please?”
When he got everyone’s attention on him, he continued. “First I want to thank everyone for coming. My parents who came all the way from Busan and Mrs. Nam thank you for taking the day off to be here with us. Mino, thank you for being here too even though we all know this is actually your house.”
After few snorts, giggles and chuckles, he turned to his lovely boyfriend and continued “And last but not least I want to thank Taehyun. For being my other half. It’s almost our 7th anniversary and since I’m going to be on a business trip when that happens… I want to give my gift to you now.”
Taehyun couldn’t help but blush. He had absolutely no idea what was going on and Seunghoon’s speech wasn’t part of the plan he made for the dinner either.
However his boyfriend wasn’t done with his speech yet. Seunghoon put his glass back on the table and walked towards his very confused looking boyfriend. “I was blessed to be loved by someone as wonderful as you. I felt very happy these past 7 years and I want to continue being happy and making you feel happy. I want to continue giving my love to you and I want to be together with you for as long as I can, but not as your boyfriend.” The taller one shook his head and Taehyun was still confused as ever.
“I want to be able to wake up to your face every day. I want to be able to kiss you before bed, have you live with me and start a family with you. I want my future children to call you daddy and I want you to raise them.”
Seunghoon took out the velvet box and took a deep breath before going down on one knee “Nam Taehyun, will you do me the honor of marrying me?” He ended with a smile. Meanwhile, Taehyun was speechless, in tears and way too happy to be able to respond with words so he only nodded his head.
Not knowing what to do now Seunghoon looked at his friend for help. Mino laughed at his reaction and made kissy faces. “Cool” was Seunghoon’s only reply before slipping the ring on his now fiancé’s finger and giving him a kiss.
Later that night when dinner was over and everyone left. Seunghoon being the gentleman he was, offered his fiancé’s mother and brother a ride back home.
“So, how does it feel to be engaged now?” Mino sat next to the newly engaged Taehyun on the couch. “Surreal” He laughed and touched the ring on his finger.
“You know I always knew I was going to get married to Seunghoon.” The younger let out a happy sigh. “And now that he really proposed it feels like it’s all a dream.”
“Taehyun, if there is anyone who deserves to be happy then it’s you two. I’ve been friends with Seunghoon for over a decade now and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him as happy as I saw him be whenever he’s around you”
Despite all the bad things that happened to him, Mino felt extremely happy for his friends.
December 25th 2015
Finally the day of the party arrived. As expected Taehyun was very excited, while Seunghoon was bummed he couldn’t help his fiancé out and Mino. Well he was feeling less sad than usual.
After hours and hours of decorating the room, the first group of guests arrived including Taehyun’s good friend Seungyoon. Mino looked at the boy with thick lips and curly bed hair. He had a feeling he met this guy before, but couldn’t remember when and where.
“Seungyoon, I want you to meet Mino. He’s the guy I have been talking about.” Taehyun pulled the guy named Seungyoon towards him. “Hello, I’m Seungyoon. Taehyun has indeed told me a lot about you” The man said.
“I’m Mino, oddly enough Taehyun hasn’t told me anything about you yet.” Mino teasingly smiled at Taehyun. The younger not wanting to be teased, defended himself quickly “Well you two are here. Now you can talk to each other instead of letting me do all the talking, bye!”
After roughly half an hour of talking about business Seungyoon decided to ask him more about his private life. “This may sound like a weird question, but are you seeing someone?” The tanned man stayed silent for a minute “It’s not that weird.” he answered “but I’m not seeing anyone, at least not anymore”.
Seungyoon pitied the guy. Mostly because he knew already knew about his break up thanks to a certain friend with droopy eyebrows. “Bad break up?” he decided to still ask. No matter how angry he was at the guy in front of him for hurting his first love, he still pitied him.
“Bad break up… more like all my fault” Mino took a sip of his drink. He was feeling bad for his newly made friend too. He felt bad for ruining the mood, so instead of making things even more awkward, he asked him about his love life.
The curly haired boy took few minutes to reply. However Mino didn’t expect such an answer from him. “I haven’t really been seeing anyone. I’m not really good at dating and the only time I did date was because I wanted to feel less affectionate of this certain person I loved.”
For some reason Mino felt curious about this certain person, but he was glad he didn’t have to ask about it because Seungyoon continued “The person I had a crush on for a really long time, my first love… He used to be in love with someone else. After a few years of chasing the guy he liked they finally got together and that of course meant my crush on him had to end.”
The bittersweet smile that creeped up the curly haired boy’s face was enough for Mino to understand that the crush he had on the boy wasn’t just a simple crush. He loved the boy.
“What happened afterwards? Did you still get to tell him you liked him?” Seungyoon simply shook his head “It wasn’t that easy. The guy I liked, he loved his boyfriend no matter how much of a jerk he was. His boyfriend cheated on him multiple times, he would always cry on my shoulder, but would leave to go back to him.”
‘Sounds like a certain someone I know’ Mino thought and the more he heard of Seungyoon’s story, the more he hated himself for hurting Jinwoo.
“He loved his boyfriend so much. One day he did decide he had enough of the pain he was going through and he left him.” Mino was shocked how much Seungyoon’s story about the guy he loved sounded like his and Jinwoo’s story. He decided to change the topic before the boy started to sound even more somber.
“Your crush, what was he like?” He was glad to see Seungyoon smile again. “He was an amazing person. His smile could light up the world, he had the nicest doe eyes I had ever seen, his skin was pale but not sickly pale. His voice sounded like an angel.”
“What was his name?” Mino asked without a single thought “You sound really in love with him! You should tell him, I think he’d love to hear that from you.”
Seungyoon smiled, but couldn’t hide his sorrow. “Kim Jinwoo, his name was Kim Jinwoo. He was my everything. Unfortunately, I can’t tell him that anymore.”
Mino’s heart stopped beating for a moment and without realizing he had held in his breath. ‘Kim Jinwoo.. it can’t be...’ he thought “What did you say?”
The boy gave him a sad smile. “Jinwoo finally had enough of the pain he felt. One day he ended his life and left this world.”
After realizing that he had tears in his eyes Mino excused himself to find Taehyun. ‘You’re not as stupid as I thought you’d be Song Mino.’ Seungyoon thought as he left.
Not able to think straight, Mino desperately tried to find his friends. He couldn’t believe his own ears. He wasn’t even sure if the guy was talking about his Jinwoo, but it did all make sense and was what terrified him. Losing him because of a break up was already painful, he wasn’t sure how he was going to be like if Jinwoo had really left the world.
Finally finding his friends, he grabbed Seunghoon’s sleeve. He wasn’t even sure how much he was shaking. Tears ran over his cheeks and all that came out of his mouth was “Jinwoo’s dead.” in a shaky whisper.
Taehyun had an idea of how Mino would take the news, but this was not what he thought would happen.
“Seunghoon he’s dead, no wonder he never took my any of my calls. No wonder someone else was in his house. He hasn’t moved on he left. He took his own life.” Mino couldn’t stop shaking. His words started to be less and less coherent and his tears couldn’t stop.
Seunghoon felt bad for his friend. However, he only knew about what happened thanks to his fiancé. He wasn’t sure about what to do but he knew he had to get Mino out of there before he passed out.
“Mino calm down, let’s get you out of here first.” he held his trembling friend, afraid he might collapse right there at the party. “Taehyun, tell Miyoung to take over the party and drive home immediately.” He told him.
Panic struck Taehyun as he was searching for the girl named Miyoung.
Meanwhile in the car, Mino hadn’t stopped crying since they left the venue. His sobbing had stopped, but his tears did not. He wanted this nightmare to end. He appreciated how his friend was trying to keep him calm, but how could he? How could he stay calm when not even 30 minutes ago he indirectly found out the person he was trying to reach out to was dead and it was all his fault.
“Mino, please don’t be like this. Mino, it’s not your fault. Listen-“ The man however didn’t let him finish. “You knew about this.” He said with no emotion.
Seunghoon was of course shocked. His best friend had never been like this, for him it was scary to see him in this state but right now the last thing he had to do was panic. “Mino… I only found out yesterday. Taehyun told me.”
“And what? He told you not to tell me about it so that I kept on making myself look like a fool, didn’t he?” Mino snapped at him.
“Are you kidding me? Taehyun was crying blood when he heard about his death. I understand that you are devastated, but for you to put the blame on Taehyun is too much. He didn’t want to hurt you and neither did I.”
Arriving at their apartment, Mino left Seunghoon alone in the car. He opened their locked door and ran straight to his room and turned on his nightstand. The only thing he kept after years of trying to move on, a picture of a smiling Jinwoo holding his arm while posing like the angel he was. Mino still couldn’t believe it. Choking on the sob he had been holding back the whole ride. That night he held the picture close to his heart and cried himself to sleep.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, but Mino had yet to leave his room. His friends tried taking him out to a New Year’s party, take him with them every time they went out for dinner, tried to get him watch movies with them on the couch, but they failed to get him out of his room. Most of the time, he refused to eat and when he didn’t, was not more than one bite.
For that whole period Taehyun barely got any rest. He was disappointed in himself. He had the chance to tell Mino, but he never did. He thought just maybe if he did, Mino wouldn’t be in this state. His fiancé tried to get his mind off of everything by trying to talk to him about the wedding preparations, but even then all he could think of was how guilty he really felt for not telling Mino.
Just as he stood up to talk to Mino, he opened his door and stepped out of his room. The evidence of crying and lack of sleep was showing on his face. Both Seunghoon and Taehyun looked at the man shocked that he even took more than 3 steps outside of his room. Not to put his plate in the kitchen or to use the toilet, but really just to step outside.
“Mino..hyung.” Mino could see the confusion on their faces. “Before I leave, I want to apologize to you guys. I hadn’t been fair. The other day, I snapped at both of you and you guys didn’t deserve that.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Taehyun, I just want to say you’re an absolutely sweet guy and I hope you don’t feel guilty for not telling me.” He looked at the younger, “You’re like a little brother I never had and I understand why you didn’t tell me and I promise I don’t blame you at all.”
Taehyun couldn’t hold back his tears anymore “Hyung..” He hugged Mino as tight as he could, sobbing into his shirt. “Taehyunie, it’s alright, don’t cry.” Despite his attempt to calm the younger down, the latter was still crying in his arms.
“Hyung, does this mean you’re going to leave forever?” Mino couldn’t help but laugh a little. “No of course not, I won’t leave you like that.”
After Taehyun calmed down, Seunghoon took the opportunity to ask what he was going to do now. The man hadn’t thought of what he was going to do, but what he knew he had to do first before moving on was visiting Jinwoo. He had to see with his own eyes that his Jinwoo was really gone. “I don’t know what I’m going to do afterwards… all I know is that I want to see him” The two lovers nodded their heads and Mino took this as a sign to leave.
Before driving to the cemetery, the man stopped at a flower shop. The ride to the cemetery was quiet except for Adele coming back on the radio. Mino turned up the volume a little bit, deciding that listening to music might help him with his nerves.
“Hello, it’s me.”
“I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet,
To go over everything”
“they say that time’s supposed to heal ya,
But I ain’t done much healing”
“How ironic” Mino thought. “It sounds like this song was made for my situation.”
“Hello, can you hear me
I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet”
“There’s such a difference between us
And a million miles”
“Hmm I did go to the park we met for the first time.”
“Hello from the other side
I must have called you a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home”
Mino held his breath, but didn’t touch the radio at all.
“Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore”
Mino turned off the radio and exhaled. He was finally going to see Jinwoo after years. He was finally going to see him. This mighy have not been his way of meeting someone he loved and cared for after years, but he had to see him and ‘talk’ to him before he could try moving on.
When arriving at the cemetery, the tall and tanned guy hesitated for a moment. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.” He thought. He closed his eyes for a moment, but after a minute he opened them again. With great determination, He took the flowers and left his car.
Searching for a caretaker who could help him find his lover’s grave, he recognized a certain curly haired boy sitting in front of a grave. He slowly walked towards him.
Seungyoon heard Mino’s last few steps before turning his head “I was already wondering when you were going to come.” Shocked would be an understatement of how Mino felt right now. “You knew who I was even before the party.” It wasn’t a question, but the younger one still decided to answer. “I did. When Taehyun told me about this friend he had who was in need of a new flame, he also told me the reason why you needed a new flame. That’s also when I told him that I knew Jinwoo.”
Mino couldn’t help but feel tears prickling in his eyes. Seeing as how he got no reply from him Seungyoon continued. “I didn’t lie to you. I did love Jinwoo and I still do. He was my everything, until he got together with you.”
The boy turned his head back towards Jinwoo’s grave and continued talking. “You know Mino-ssi, whenever you played around with other girls, boys, whoever at all... Jinwoo would come crying to me.” The boy bit his thick lips and was silent for a minute. “I saw every single tear he shed, I had to reassure him that it would all be fine even when I knew you wouldn’t change. He moved in with you yet you were with other people more than him. You’d lie to him saying you had a business trip while in reality you were busy getting into someone else’s pants.”
Seungyoon wiped the tears that had escaped his eyes. “That’s not the worst part however, Jinwoo finally got the courage to leave you, you know? He thought he could handle it. For a whole year he didn’t complain, didn’t cry. At least he thought I couldn’t see him cry, but his puffy red eyes would tell me otherwise every time I saw him. One day we made plans to eat dinner together, but when I came back from the groceries. He -“
A loud sob had escaped his throat and he couldn’t bear to hear it anymore. Mino hated himself. He knew he was the reason for of this, but hearing it from someone else felt even worse.
“He hung himself.” Seungyoon finally said and Mino broke down completely. His flowers fell on the floor just like him on his knees.
“He left a few letters. One of them was for you.” he took out the letter from his pocket and gave it to the older without looking at him. “I did my story and I hope you can forgive me for not telling you immediately. I didn’t think you’d care.” He stood up as he ended his sentence.
Seungyoon didn’t have the heart to even be angry at Mino after seeing him break down like that. He patted his shoulder and left the cemetery.
Mino was alone now in front of Jinwoo’s grave. He looked at the envelope the younger gave him. He took a deep breath before opening the envelope.
Dear Mino,
When you read this, it will probably means I am no longer here. Before you start blaming yourself, I want to tell you that it’s not all your fault.
Yes I was extremely hurt when you repeatedly cheated on me and yes I was really hurt when you chose others over me, but I also made the best memories when I was with you.
Remember when we were kids? You were the one approaching me. You made sure I had someone to play with.
Or remember when I first moved to your school? I was bullied almost immediately but you were there to protect me and tell me they all were jealous of my fair skin and big eyes. I was really moved by your actions and flattered by your words.
Do you also remember when you were still so into hip hop and did a lot of rap shows? You took me with you to your shows and even freestyle rapped for me? That was one of my sweetest memories, because that was when you told me that you liked to have me around.
I remember having the biggest crush on you from then on, but I was so afraid of ruining our friendship.
We went to high-school together. I remember you always being with me, afraid of leaving me alone and letting history repeat itself. I was so happy, honestly. Going to school had never felt this great.
Senior year came and you confessed to me. You confessed that you saw me as much more than just a friend you wanted to protect. I was so happy Song Mino, could you hear my heartbeat?
However things drastically changed when we started college. You started to get new friends, you went out more and forgot about me. We didn’t live together back then, but it felt like I was chained. I felt like I couldn’t make a move without your permission.
I barely had any friends because I was afraid to lose you. When you came to me one day crying telling me how you wanted to change, how you didn’t want me to leave you.. my heart broke. I gave you a second chance. This went so well that at the end of the second year, you asked me to move in with you. I happily did. The first few months were a bliss. Just you and me.
I got the chance to wake up to your handsome face. Did I ever tell you that your eyes were my favorite facial part of you? Because whenever you looked at me with affection I could feel It and whenever you’d lie I could see it.
Thinking back I was really naïve and I should have noticed that you were going back to your old drinking habits. You started again going out more and you started to get more and more annoyed by me. I never understood why you would always be so angry.
I wasn’t sure if it was because I was boring in bed or maybe it was because you got tired of my face and my voice.
When you came home one day, you weren’t as angry as you normally would be. This time however.. you had a big red lipstick stain on your neck and you smelled like perfume, a woman’s perfume. I was devastated. That night I cried myself to sleep wondering what I possibly could have done wrong.
I gave you chance after chance and all you did was waste them. I was hurt, till finally I got the courage to leave. I wasn’t sure if me leaving would even leave an impact, but I couldn’t stay anymore. I was in too much pain and I endured too much.
I thought I could be fine not being with you anymore. I even let a friend of mine move in with me, because I was scared of getting lonely. He was really good at distracting me, but these distractions didn’t help for a long time.
After lots of thinking and more pain, I couldn’t handle it anymore. So I decided to take my own life.
Song Mino, I’m ending my letter by letting you know that the pain I felt when we were together may have been caused by you, but my most precious memories also include you.
I loved you and I have never stopped loving you, not even after our break up. I don’t want you to keep on blaming yourself for my decision, I know what kind of person you are.
I want you to be able to move on, I want you to smile, I want you to laugh and live. I want you to be able to love again, but this time I want you to treat your lover right.
After this letter, please live your life happily and meet good people.
Remember Mino, I might be watching you from above because now I’m a real angel and not one like in those stories!
I loved you once and I will love you forever,
- Kim Jinwoo.
Mino’s tears streamed down his face and some of it fell on the letter, Mino then tried his best to contain his emotions. “Kim Jinwoo you silly guy. I can’t even stay angry because of you.” he whispered.
He folded the letter and put it back in its envelope. Mino picked up flowers and put them in the vase next to Jinwoo’s grave before sitting down in front of him. “I was wrong. I was a horrible person and you didn’t deserve any of it. Kim Jinwoo I hope you can forgive me up there. I love you and I miss you so much.” He said as he wiped his tears. “I’m going to live my life to the fullest. I’m going to live my life right this time, for you.” Mino bit his lip and closed his eyes.
He felt a soft breeze and he took this as a sign that Jinwoo had heard him. His Jinwoo may no longer be by his side, but Mino still had him and the memories of him in his heart
And for the first time in a long time, Mino felt ready to finally let go and move on.
Author: Sarah (@solarmoon_)
Pairing: SongKim
Length: 7k+ words/ 14 pages
Rating: 15+
Warning: mention of death, angst
Summary: Years passed, but feelings kept lingering. Mino decides to make amends with the past.
Author's Note: Hello! This was my first time challenging myself to write a fanfic and I really tried hard. I hope you guys can look past my grammar errors and spelling mistakes and enjoy reading a newbie's fic. Enjoy~
December 23rd 2015
Mino grabbed his tie and stood in front of the mirror. Thoughts flew through his mind and many scenarios came up while he was staring at his own reflection.
December 23rd.. December 23rd, 2012…
The day it all happened. The day Jinwoo left him.
The last day he ever saw or heard of him.
And it was all his fault…
“Mino! Earth calling Mino, are you still there?” the tanned boy snapped out of his musings and looked at his housemate and best friend, Seunghoon “Sorry, what did you say?”
“Mino are you alright? You’ve been out of it lately.” Seunghoon looked at his friend with a worried face.
“Yeah.. just thinking about what I should wear to the party.” Seunghoon didn’t look convinced, but decided not to say anything. “You should wear your red tie, it looks nicer with this outfit” he said handing said tie to his tanned friend. “Thanks man.”
Mino never used to be so affected by a break up, at least not until he broke up with him. They used to be a really happy couple and he now understood that he made a lot of mistakes, but he never thought that they would end up like this.
He tried everything to get him to talk to him again. He tried so hard to get back what was his or who was his in this case, but nothing seemed to work. Phone calls were ignored, e-mails went unanswered and doors unopened.
“Maybe I didn’t try hard enough,” He thought, “Maybe I should try some more.” He took out his phone and hesitated before dialing his number.
“Hello, this is Jinwoo’s phone! I’m not able to accept this call right now. Please speak after the beep tone and I’ll get back to you, pyong~” Mino couldn’t help but smile at the voicemail. He missed his Jinwoo and would do anything to hear back from him, but a voicemail just wasn’t it. With a bittersweet smile Mino decided not to leave a voicemail behind.
After another failed attempt Mino felt suffocated and decided he needed fresh air to clear his head. “Hey Seunghoon, I’m going out for a bit.. try not to break anything while I’m gone, thanks.”
As he was walking through the empty streets he realized that even a simple walk would remind him of his ex-lover. From the first time they met till they parted. Their relationship lasted for 4 years but Jinwoo and him have known each other for more than two decades.
Meeting Jinwoo was magical and he truly believed he had found an angel. He remembered it like it was yesterday. They were young and Jinwoo was new to the town. He remembered it so well, the smile he had on his face, his cute laugh, his dimple, his beautiful lips.
A smile crept on Mino’s face just by thinking about him and without realizing he arrived at the park where they met.
Mino sat on the bench looking at the children playing around in the park. “We used play here a lot too.” he uttered.
Little Mino was playing in the sandbox making his sandcastle when he noticed a fair skinned boy with doe eyes sitting alone on the swings. Seeing him all sad and alone made Mino feel even more sad. Luckily, thanks to his parents, the boy had already learned how to make new friends fast. “Why are you sad?” or maybe not so fast.
However, he didn’t regret asking the little boy on the swings, because he knew the he would talk to him eventually. “I..I just moved here, but no one wants to play with me” the kid said with a soft voice. “I can play with you” Mino said with a big grin “My name is Mino, Song Mino” The child’s already big eyes turned even bigger when he realized the stranger was serious about wanting to play with him “I’m Jinwoo” he replied, with his voice still so soft.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Mino was once again snapped out of his thoughts “Oh Taehyun, what are you doing here?” He looked at the smiling boy with the droopy eyebrows.
“I was just doing some last minute Christmas shopping and then I saw you here. I greeted you, but it seemed like you were too busy daydreaming.” Taehyun replied showing off his perfect set of white teeth. “So what were you thinking about?” He asked, but before Mino could reply. “Wait does Seunghoon even know you’re here? Shouldn’t you be helping him with the Christmas party preparations? Why aren’t you -“
“Taehyun, relax. Seunghoon knows I’m out and he can handle being on his own for a few hours.” Mino said showing no emotion. “Besides, I needed some fresh air.” The younger male looked at Mino with a worried face.
“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?” The older male didn’t answer him, but he could feel him becoming uncomfortable with the question and decided to change the topic “You know... the stuff I got is pretty heavy, could you help me carry these to Hoonie’s and your apartment?”
“Sure.” Mino responded as he grabbed most of the bags Taehyun had with him and waited for him to start walking.
The walk to the apartment was silent, but not awkward. There were barely any words exchanged, but that was how Mino preferred it at that moment.
Arriving at the apartment, Mino put all the bags in Seunghoon’s room.
“I have to start this conversation somehow.” Taehyun thought, as he poured water in the tea kettle a lightbulb in his head lit up. “Mino do you want something to drink? Water? Tea? Coffee? Vodka?” He asked looking at the man after he came back from Seunghoon’s room and was now busy zapping through channels on the tv trying to find something interesting to watch.
“Do you even know where the alcohol is? Also just a glass of water is fine, thanks.” Taehyun chuckled a little, handing Mino his glass of water. “You do realize that this isn’t my first time here.” He then sat on the other end of the couch with his cup of tea.
“So, what has been weighing down the mind of the great Hugeboy?” Mino started laughing “It’s been awhile since anyone has called me like that,” Taehyun smiled seeing Mino finally laughing like this. “It’s nice hearing you laugh like this, but you still didn’t answer me.” Mino didn’t answer for a while so Taehyun decided to go on, “Were you perhaps thinking about him again?”
“You know it’s been 3 years right? Mino it’s not healthy for you to keep it all in and besides you shouldn’t blame yourself like this.”
Mino used to be a very strong guy. No break up would affect him like this, but all Taehyun saw right now was a vulnerable guy. He never thought he’d see him in this kind of state.
“How can I not? I treated him so badly. I took him for granted, I took his love for granted Taehyun... I hurt him.” Mino shook his head, “I wouldn’t forgive myself either if I were him.” He bit his lip trying to hold back his tears.
Taehyun sighed “Mino listen, I understand that you feel like it’s all your fault and I have to admit, you were a dick to him and he deserved none of what you did to him. However, it’s been 3 years since he left and you haven’t been yourself at all. Have you.. I don’t know.. ever thought of just moving on?” The younger looked over at the man who seemed to already have released few tears.
“I tried” he replied after a minute of silence “I tried so hard.” he continued “but everything I do reminds me of him. Everywhere I go, it’s like I’m going to the places I went with him except I don’t have him anymore.” Mino burst into tears in the end. “I just miss him so much” he finally said it. He finally let it out.
Without saying anything Taehyun walked towards him and held him in his arms for a while.
December 24th , 2015
“Song Mino where the hell are you? Christmas dinner is about to start! My in-laws are going to be here in less than two hours, you better be here soon too!” Seunghoon yelled on phone while his boyfriend was setting the table and trying to hear what was going on.
Seunghoon sighed and turned to his boyfriend who pretended to be busy with the plates he just put on the table. The tall man smirked while walking towards Taehyun. “Don’t even bother pretending, I know you’ve been eavesdropping the whole time.” He said while wrapping his arms around his lover’s waist.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. Is everything alright? He’s coming right?” Seunghoon kissed his cheek “Don’t worry he’ll be fine.” He said and continued leaving kisses on his neck. “While you stop worrying about Mino, let’s have some fun time for ourselves” Taehyun laughed and gave him a teasing slap.
“Your parents are going to be here in few hours for our early Christmas dinner, you really want their second impression of me to be of someone who can’t keep his clothes on around their son?” Seunghoon just laughed.
Meanwhile, Mino was once again driving around, however he had a purpose this time. He was going to Jinwoo’s apartment hoping the man would at least try hearing him out even though he was 3 years too late.
He stopped his car in the parking lot. He looked around “Nothing has changed.” He thought, “Everything still looked like it did 3 years ago.” He smiled at the thought of finally getting to see him again even if Jinwoo never wanted to see his face after their break up. He just needed to see him one more time before he could really move on.
‘001’ He pressed, waiting for the reception to open the door for him. When he heard a clicking noise, he pushed the door open and quietly thanked the person behind the counter and ran upstairs.
“404, 404,404” he kept chanting till he finally reached the fourth floor. Mino raised his fist to knock on the door, but he hesitated for a good minute. “What if he doesn’t open the door? What if he already moved on? What if he already has someone else? What if he just doesn’t want to talk to me?”
Many what if’s were flying in his mind to the point that he wanted to turn around and just walk away. However he needed to do this, he had to and most importantly, he wanted to see him one more time.
“Here goes nothing.” He says, knocking on the door twice before hearing someone walk to the door. “Who is it?” A voice that did not sound like his Jinwoo asked.
“Uh.. this is Mino, I was wondering if I could speak to Jinwoo, Kim Jinwoo.” Mino didn’t hear anything for a solid minute, but that minute felt like hours of silence and it made him feel very nervous.
“Please, I need to talk to him.” After that minute of silence, he heard some shuffling followed by the lock being opened. A boy with messy blond bed hair and thick lips opened the door slightly.
“I knew it.” he thought “I knew he had moved on” Looking up and down trying to figure out how and when Jinwoo might have gotten together with this hipster rocker he saw in front of him.
“Who are you?” He asked unsure if he even wanted to know who this boy was. “Woo Jiho” the boy with the thick lips answered. Mino swallowed and repeated his question “Does Kim Jinwoo live here?” The boy shook his head, “I don’t know a Kim Jinwoo, I’m sorry”
Mino didn’t understand, he was very certain that Jinwoo still lived there. “I’m sorry, but I think you got the wrong house. Whoever you are searching for, doesn’t live here.” The boy revealed more of his face, he was clearly confused about what was going on.
“No, I’m sorry. I thought someone I knew lived here, but they moved I guess.” Being upset was an understatement, Mino was beyond disappointed in himself. “Look it’s alright man, wish you luck finding your friend.” He nodded and walked away.
With a heavy disappointed feeling, he walked to his car and drove back home.
Back at the apartment Taehyun was still very busy preparing their Christmas dinner, but a lot of things didn’t feel well. He looked at Seunghoon hesitating if he should even talk to him about this heavy feeling he had and since was also Seunghoon’s friend he felt even more dejected about this.
“My dear Taehyun, what’s gotten you so sad today? We’re about to have dinner with my mom and dad, you love my mom and dad. Oh did I tell you your mom and brother are coming too?”
Taehyun raised an eyebrow at Seunghoon. “You do realize I was the one sending out the invitations right?” He sighed hoping the man wouldn’t get mad at him after the topic he was about to start talking about.
“Seunghoon… I need to tell you something” Seunghoon lowered the volume and looked over at Taehyun.
“What’s wrong honeybunch?” The younger bit his lip and walked over to where his boyfriend was seated. He took a deep breath before starting to talk. “You know how Mino’s been trying to reach Jinwoo, but they all ended up in failed attempts?” Seunghoon nodded slowly “yeah, what about it?” Taehyun closed his eyes for a moment “I know why they are all failing, I know why he’s never had an answer.”
Seunghoon sat straight and looked at his boyfriend in confusion “Taehyun, what do you mean?” The man’s breath started to quicken and tears started to well up in his eyes. “Seunghoon, the reason why he never answers the phone is because -“ Taehyun’s sentence was cut short by the door opening and Mino walking in the living room.
“Oh! Awkward..” he had gotten himself a glass of water and sat at the kitchen counter looking through his phone “You guys know you have a bedroom for yourselves right?” he said smiling at the couple.
“Ha ha, very funny.” Seunghoon said raising a pillow before Taehyun gave him a warning glare. “You know what... You should go change, dinner is starting soon.” The older looked over at him and the latter gave him a peck as a small ‘thank you’.
“You’re right. I will let you lovebirds alone then, see you guys at the dinner.” Mino gave a quick wave which was responded by a ‘see you’ from Taehyun and a wave from Seunghoon.
“I have to go back to the cooking, our parents will be here soon and I don’t want them to see me like this.” The youngest gave his boyfriend a kiss and walked back to their open kitchen.
An hour passed quickly and Taehyun’s Mom and brother were the first to arrive and Seunghoon’s parents soon quickly arrived afterwards. When everyone was settled in the dining room the man pulled Mino with him in the kitchen. Hesitating how to tell his friend he instead pulled a velvet box out of his pocket and showed him.
Confused as to why he was pulled to the kitchen Mino was about to ask his tall friend until he saw him pull out the velvet box “no way”. It was hard to keep the big smile off of his face, but being happy for his friend was just an understatement.
“Tonight, during this dinner I want to ask him to marry me and I didn’t want to do it without telling my best friend and hopefully my best man.” Seunghoon confessed. “This is amazing. Hyung I’m so happy for you.” Mino pulled the older one in for a hug.
For Seunghoon, hearing the younger one call him. ‘hyung’ was very rare and special. After explaining to him how he wanted to propose and getting his friend’s approval. Both left the kitchen to join the others at the dinner table.
Seunghoon, being the ‘amazing’ host he was, took his glass of champagne and stood up.
“May I have your attention, please?”
When he got everyone’s attention on him, he continued. “First I want to thank everyone for coming. My parents who came all the way from Busan and Mrs. Nam thank you for taking the day off to be here with us. Mino, thank you for being here too even though we all know this is actually your house.”
After few snorts, giggles and chuckles, he turned to his lovely boyfriend and continued “And last but not least I want to thank Taehyun. For being my other half. It’s almost our 7th anniversary and since I’m going to be on a business trip when that happens… I want to give my gift to you now.”
Taehyun couldn’t help but blush. He had absolutely no idea what was going on and Seunghoon’s speech wasn’t part of the plan he made for the dinner either.
However his boyfriend wasn’t done with his speech yet. Seunghoon put his glass back on the table and walked towards his very confused looking boyfriend. “I was blessed to be loved by someone as wonderful as you. I felt very happy these past 7 years and I want to continue being happy and making you feel happy. I want to continue giving my love to you and I want to be together with you for as long as I can, but not as your boyfriend.” The taller one shook his head and Taehyun was still confused as ever.
“I want to be able to wake up to your face every day. I want to be able to kiss you before bed, have you live with me and start a family with you. I want my future children to call you daddy and I want you to raise them.”
Seunghoon took out the velvet box and took a deep breath before going down on one knee “Nam Taehyun, will you do me the honor of marrying me?” He ended with a smile. Meanwhile, Taehyun was speechless, in tears and way too happy to be able to respond with words so he only nodded his head.
Not knowing what to do now Seunghoon looked at his friend for help. Mino laughed at his reaction and made kissy faces. “Cool” was Seunghoon’s only reply before slipping the ring on his now fiancé’s finger and giving him a kiss.
Later that night when dinner was over and everyone left. Seunghoon being the gentleman he was, offered his fiancé’s mother and brother a ride back home.
“So, how does it feel to be engaged now?” Mino sat next to the newly engaged Taehyun on the couch. “Surreal” He laughed and touched the ring on his finger.
“You know I always knew I was going to get married to Seunghoon.” The younger let out a happy sigh. “And now that he really proposed it feels like it’s all a dream.”
“Taehyun, if there is anyone who deserves to be happy then it’s you two. I’ve been friends with Seunghoon for over a decade now and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him as happy as I saw him be whenever he’s around you”
Despite all the bad things that happened to him, Mino felt extremely happy for his friends.
December 25th 2015
Finally the day of the party arrived. As expected Taehyun was very excited, while Seunghoon was bummed he couldn’t help his fiancé out and Mino. Well he was feeling less sad than usual.
After hours and hours of decorating the room, the first group of guests arrived including Taehyun’s good friend Seungyoon. Mino looked at the boy with thick lips and curly bed hair. He had a feeling he met this guy before, but couldn’t remember when and where.
“Seungyoon, I want you to meet Mino. He’s the guy I have been talking about.” Taehyun pulled the guy named Seungyoon towards him. “Hello, I’m Seungyoon. Taehyun has indeed told me a lot about you” The man said.
“I’m Mino, oddly enough Taehyun hasn’t told me anything about you yet.” Mino teasingly smiled at Taehyun. The younger not wanting to be teased, defended himself quickly “Well you two are here. Now you can talk to each other instead of letting me do all the talking, bye!”
After roughly half an hour of talking about business Seungyoon decided to ask him more about his private life. “This may sound like a weird question, but are you seeing someone?” The tanned man stayed silent for a minute “It’s not that weird.” he answered “but I’m not seeing anyone, at least not anymore”.
Seungyoon pitied the guy. Mostly because he knew already knew about his break up thanks to a certain friend with droopy eyebrows. “Bad break up?” he decided to still ask. No matter how angry he was at the guy in front of him for hurting his first love, he still pitied him.
“Bad break up… more like all my fault” Mino took a sip of his drink. He was feeling bad for his newly made friend too. He felt bad for ruining the mood, so instead of making things even more awkward, he asked him about his love life.
The curly haired boy took few minutes to reply. However Mino didn’t expect such an answer from him. “I haven’t really been seeing anyone. I’m not really good at dating and the only time I did date was because I wanted to feel less affectionate of this certain person I loved.”
For some reason Mino felt curious about this certain person, but he was glad he didn’t have to ask about it because Seungyoon continued “The person I had a crush on for a really long time, my first love… He used to be in love with someone else. After a few years of chasing the guy he liked they finally got together and that of course meant my crush on him had to end.”
The bittersweet smile that creeped up the curly haired boy’s face was enough for Mino to understand that the crush he had on the boy wasn’t just a simple crush. He loved the boy.
“What happened afterwards? Did you still get to tell him you liked him?” Seungyoon simply shook his head “It wasn’t that easy. The guy I liked, he loved his boyfriend no matter how much of a jerk he was. His boyfriend cheated on him multiple times, he would always cry on my shoulder, but would leave to go back to him.”
‘Sounds like a certain someone I know’ Mino thought and the more he heard of Seungyoon’s story, the more he hated himself for hurting Jinwoo.
“He loved his boyfriend so much. One day he did decide he had enough of the pain he was going through and he left him.” Mino was shocked how much Seungyoon’s story about the guy he loved sounded like his and Jinwoo’s story. He decided to change the topic before the boy started to sound even more somber.
“Your crush, what was he like?” He was glad to see Seungyoon smile again. “He was an amazing person. His smile could light up the world, he had the nicest doe eyes I had ever seen, his skin was pale but not sickly pale. His voice sounded like an angel.”
“What was his name?” Mino asked without a single thought “You sound really in love with him! You should tell him, I think he’d love to hear that from you.”
Seungyoon smiled, but couldn’t hide his sorrow. “Kim Jinwoo, his name was Kim Jinwoo. He was my everything. Unfortunately, I can’t tell him that anymore.”
Mino’s heart stopped beating for a moment and without realizing he had held in his breath. ‘Kim Jinwoo.. it can’t be...’ he thought “What did you say?”
The boy gave him a sad smile. “Jinwoo finally had enough of the pain he felt. One day he ended his life and left this world.”
After realizing that he had tears in his eyes Mino excused himself to find Taehyun. ‘You’re not as stupid as I thought you’d be Song Mino.’ Seungyoon thought as he left.
Not able to think straight, Mino desperately tried to find his friends. He couldn’t believe his own ears. He wasn’t even sure if the guy was talking about his Jinwoo, but it did all make sense and was what terrified him. Losing him because of a break up was already painful, he wasn’t sure how he was going to be like if Jinwoo had really left the world.
Finally finding his friends, he grabbed Seunghoon’s sleeve. He wasn’t even sure how much he was shaking. Tears ran over his cheeks and all that came out of his mouth was “Jinwoo’s dead.” in a shaky whisper.
Taehyun had an idea of how Mino would take the news, but this was not what he thought would happen.
“Seunghoon he’s dead, no wonder he never took my any of my calls. No wonder someone else was in his house. He hasn’t moved on he left. He took his own life.” Mino couldn’t stop shaking. His words started to be less and less coherent and his tears couldn’t stop.
Seunghoon felt bad for his friend. However, he only knew about what happened thanks to his fiancé. He wasn’t sure about what to do but he knew he had to get Mino out of there before he passed out.
“Mino calm down, let’s get you out of here first.” he held his trembling friend, afraid he might collapse right there at the party. “Taehyun, tell Miyoung to take over the party and drive home immediately.” He told him.
Panic struck Taehyun as he was searching for the girl named Miyoung.
Meanwhile in the car, Mino hadn’t stopped crying since they left the venue. His sobbing had stopped, but his tears did not. He wanted this nightmare to end. He appreciated how his friend was trying to keep him calm, but how could he? How could he stay calm when not even 30 minutes ago he indirectly found out the person he was trying to reach out to was dead and it was all his fault.
“Mino, please don’t be like this. Mino, it’s not your fault. Listen-“ The man however didn’t let him finish. “You knew about this.” He said with no emotion.
Seunghoon was of course shocked. His best friend had never been like this, for him it was scary to see him in this state but right now the last thing he had to do was panic. “Mino… I only found out yesterday. Taehyun told me.”
“And what? He told you not to tell me about it so that I kept on making myself look like a fool, didn’t he?” Mino snapped at him.
“Are you kidding me? Taehyun was crying blood when he heard about his death. I understand that you are devastated, but for you to put the blame on Taehyun is too much. He didn’t want to hurt you and neither did I.”
Arriving at their apartment, Mino left Seunghoon alone in the car. He opened their locked door and ran straight to his room and turned on his nightstand. The only thing he kept after years of trying to move on, a picture of a smiling Jinwoo holding his arm while posing like the angel he was. Mino still couldn’t believe it. Choking on the sob he had been holding back the whole ride. That night he held the picture close to his heart and cried himself to sleep.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, but Mino had yet to leave his room. His friends tried taking him out to a New Year’s party, take him with them every time they went out for dinner, tried to get him watch movies with them on the couch, but they failed to get him out of his room. Most of the time, he refused to eat and when he didn’t, was not more than one bite.
For that whole period Taehyun barely got any rest. He was disappointed in himself. He had the chance to tell Mino, but he never did. He thought just maybe if he did, Mino wouldn’t be in this state. His fiancé tried to get his mind off of everything by trying to talk to him about the wedding preparations, but even then all he could think of was how guilty he really felt for not telling Mino.
Just as he stood up to talk to Mino, he opened his door and stepped out of his room. The evidence of crying and lack of sleep was showing on his face. Both Seunghoon and Taehyun looked at the man shocked that he even took more than 3 steps outside of his room. Not to put his plate in the kitchen or to use the toilet, but really just to step outside.
“Mino..hyung.” Mino could see the confusion on their faces. “Before I leave, I want to apologize to you guys. I hadn’t been fair. The other day, I snapped at both of you and you guys didn’t deserve that.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Taehyun, I just want to say you’re an absolutely sweet guy and I hope you don’t feel guilty for not telling me.” He looked at the younger, “You’re like a little brother I never had and I understand why you didn’t tell me and I promise I don’t blame you at all.”
Taehyun couldn’t hold back his tears anymore “Hyung..” He hugged Mino as tight as he could, sobbing into his shirt. “Taehyunie, it’s alright, don’t cry.” Despite his attempt to calm the younger down, the latter was still crying in his arms.
“Hyung, does this mean you’re going to leave forever?” Mino couldn’t help but laugh a little. “No of course not, I won’t leave you like that.”
After Taehyun calmed down, Seunghoon took the opportunity to ask what he was going to do now. The man hadn’t thought of what he was going to do, but what he knew he had to do first before moving on was visiting Jinwoo. He had to see with his own eyes that his Jinwoo was really gone. “I don’t know what I’m going to do afterwards… all I know is that I want to see him” The two lovers nodded their heads and Mino took this as a sign to leave.
Before driving to the cemetery, the man stopped at a flower shop. The ride to the cemetery was quiet except for Adele coming back on the radio. Mino turned up the volume a little bit, deciding that listening to music might help him with his nerves.
“Hello, it’s me.”
“I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet,
To go over everything”
“they say that time’s supposed to heal ya,
But I ain’t done much healing”
“How ironic” Mino thought. “It sounds like this song was made for my situation.”
“Hello, can you hear me
I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet”
“There’s such a difference between us
And a million miles”
“Hmm I did go to the park we met for the first time.”
“Hello from the other side
I must have called you a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home”
Mino held his breath, but didn’t touch the radio at all.
“Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore”
Mino turned off the radio and exhaled. He was finally going to see Jinwoo after years. He was finally going to see him. This mighy have not been his way of meeting someone he loved and cared for after years, but he had to see him and ‘talk’ to him before he could try moving on.
When arriving at the cemetery, the tall and tanned guy hesitated for a moment. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.” He thought. He closed his eyes for a moment, but after a minute he opened them again. With great determination, He took the flowers and left his car.
Searching for a caretaker who could help him find his lover’s grave, he recognized a certain curly haired boy sitting in front of a grave. He slowly walked towards him.
Seungyoon heard Mino’s last few steps before turning his head “I was already wondering when you were going to come.” Shocked would be an understatement of how Mino felt right now. “You knew who I was even before the party.” It wasn’t a question, but the younger one still decided to answer. “I did. When Taehyun told me about this friend he had who was in need of a new flame, he also told me the reason why you needed a new flame. That’s also when I told him that I knew Jinwoo.”
Mino couldn’t help but feel tears prickling in his eyes. Seeing as how he got no reply from him Seungyoon continued. “I didn’t lie to you. I did love Jinwoo and I still do. He was my everything, until he got together with you.”
The boy turned his head back towards Jinwoo’s grave and continued talking. “You know Mino-ssi, whenever you played around with other girls, boys, whoever at all... Jinwoo would come crying to me.” The boy bit his thick lips and was silent for a minute. “I saw every single tear he shed, I had to reassure him that it would all be fine even when I knew you wouldn’t change. He moved in with you yet you were with other people more than him. You’d lie to him saying you had a business trip while in reality you were busy getting into someone else’s pants.”
Seungyoon wiped the tears that had escaped his eyes. “That’s not the worst part however, Jinwoo finally got the courage to leave you, you know? He thought he could handle it. For a whole year he didn’t complain, didn’t cry. At least he thought I couldn’t see him cry, but his puffy red eyes would tell me otherwise every time I saw him. One day we made plans to eat dinner together, but when I came back from the groceries. He -“
A loud sob had escaped his throat and he couldn’t bear to hear it anymore. Mino hated himself. He knew he was the reason for of this, but hearing it from someone else felt even worse.
“He hung himself.” Seungyoon finally said and Mino broke down completely. His flowers fell on the floor just like him on his knees.
“He left a few letters. One of them was for you.” he took out the letter from his pocket and gave it to the older without looking at him. “I did my story and I hope you can forgive me for not telling you immediately. I didn’t think you’d care.” He stood up as he ended his sentence.
Seungyoon didn’t have the heart to even be angry at Mino after seeing him break down like that. He patted his shoulder and left the cemetery.
Mino was alone now in front of Jinwoo’s grave. He looked at the envelope the younger gave him. He took a deep breath before opening the envelope.
Dear Mino,
When you read this, it will probably means I am no longer here. Before you start blaming yourself, I want to tell you that it’s not all your fault.
Yes I was extremely hurt when you repeatedly cheated on me and yes I was really hurt when you chose others over me, but I also made the best memories when I was with you.
Remember when we were kids? You were the one approaching me. You made sure I had someone to play with.
Or remember when I first moved to your school? I was bullied almost immediately but you were there to protect me and tell me they all were jealous of my fair skin and big eyes. I was really moved by your actions and flattered by your words.
Do you also remember when you were still so into hip hop and did a lot of rap shows? You took me with you to your shows and even freestyle rapped for me? That was one of my sweetest memories, because that was when you told me that you liked to have me around.
I remember having the biggest crush on you from then on, but I was so afraid of ruining our friendship.
We went to high-school together. I remember you always being with me, afraid of leaving me alone and letting history repeat itself. I was so happy, honestly. Going to school had never felt this great.
Senior year came and you confessed to me. You confessed that you saw me as much more than just a friend you wanted to protect. I was so happy Song Mino, could you hear my heartbeat?
However things drastically changed when we started college. You started to get new friends, you went out more and forgot about me. We didn’t live together back then, but it felt like I was chained. I felt like I couldn’t make a move without your permission.
I barely had any friends because I was afraid to lose you. When you came to me one day crying telling me how you wanted to change, how you didn’t want me to leave you.. my heart broke. I gave you a second chance. This went so well that at the end of the second year, you asked me to move in with you. I happily did. The first few months were a bliss. Just you and me.
I got the chance to wake up to your handsome face. Did I ever tell you that your eyes were my favorite facial part of you? Because whenever you looked at me with affection I could feel It and whenever you’d lie I could see it.
Thinking back I was really naïve and I should have noticed that you were going back to your old drinking habits. You started again going out more and you started to get more and more annoyed by me. I never understood why you would always be so angry.
I wasn’t sure if it was because I was boring in bed or maybe it was because you got tired of my face and my voice.
When you came home one day, you weren’t as angry as you normally would be. This time however.. you had a big red lipstick stain on your neck and you smelled like perfume, a woman’s perfume. I was devastated. That night I cried myself to sleep wondering what I possibly could have done wrong.
I gave you chance after chance and all you did was waste them. I was hurt, till finally I got the courage to leave. I wasn’t sure if me leaving would even leave an impact, but I couldn’t stay anymore. I was in too much pain and I endured too much.
I thought I could be fine not being with you anymore. I even let a friend of mine move in with me, because I was scared of getting lonely. He was really good at distracting me, but these distractions didn’t help for a long time.
After lots of thinking and more pain, I couldn’t handle it anymore. So I decided to take my own life.
Song Mino, I’m ending my letter by letting you know that the pain I felt when we were together may have been caused by you, but my most precious memories also include you.
I loved you and I have never stopped loving you, not even after our break up. I don’t want you to keep on blaming yourself for my decision, I know what kind of person you are.
I want you to be able to move on, I want you to smile, I want you to laugh and live. I want you to be able to love again, but this time I want you to treat your lover right.
After this letter, please live your life happily and meet good people.
Remember Mino, I might be watching you from above because now I’m a real angel and not one like in those stories!
I loved you once and I will love you forever,
- Kim Jinwoo.
Mino’s tears streamed down his face and some of it fell on the letter, Mino then tried his best to contain his emotions. “Kim Jinwoo you silly guy. I can’t even stay angry because of you.” he whispered.
He folded the letter and put it back in its envelope. Mino picked up flowers and put them in the vase next to Jinwoo’s grave before sitting down in front of him. “I was wrong. I was a horrible person and you didn’t deserve any of it. Kim Jinwoo I hope you can forgive me up there. I love you and I miss you so much.” He said as he wiped his tears. “I’m going to live my life to the fullest. I’m going to live my life right this time, for you.” Mino bit his lip and closed his eyes.
He felt a soft breeze and he took this as a sign that Jinwoo had heard him. His Jinwoo may no longer be by his side, but Mino still had him and the memories of him in his heart
And for the first time in a long time, Mino felt ready to finally let go and move on.