[fic] This Is How You Do It (Or Not)
Title: This Is How You Do It (Or Not)
Author: windy (win03die )
Genre: Leader's life (I suppose it counts as crack slash humour)
Rating: PG-13? (TOKIO involved. Also alcohol involved)
Pairing: none really. Just many bad (and failed) hit-ons.
Characters: Leader, TOKIO. Read to find out the (surprise) guest
Length: Oneshot, 1600+ words
Summary: Leader wants to get some (!!!)
Disclaimer: Only mistakes are mine.
A/N: For JE rare pair anonymeme. Even if I'd sworn I'd never write anything for any of those public memes because I don't read them in the first place. Jen linked me and so~~
TOKIO in a bar. There's nothing unsual about that, because they've just had a tour-meeting that took way longer than planned and they had tiredly dragged themselves to the closest bar. It was small, filled with cigarette smoke and they only got one booth for themselves since it was a friday night and therefore rather crowded.
"What kind of a place is this if there's no private cadinet?" Taichi whined and pursed his lips.
"Cabinet, Taichi, cabinet" Matsuoka's mutter didn't reach Taichi, who had the devastated-look on.
It was too bad that the poutingtrick didn't work on any of the other three guys sharing the booth with him.
Three? Who was missing? Nagase had stretched his long lengs under the table so, that his heels rested on the bench, only a few centimetres away from Yamaguchi's thighs. Yamaguchi was sipping his beer and glancing at his cell every three seconds, probably trying to think about which of his unsuspecting juniors he should call after a few pints.
Matsuoka had in the beginning been sitting by Nagase, but now he was leaning coolly against the end-wall with his knees drawn up close to his chest. Needless to say, he was resting the menu on the top of them and making notes. It was suspected that the drummer was using every opportunity to try out new recipes just in case they would impress his girlfriend (even more).
So, to the one who was missing. Leader of course. He had seated himself in the booth next to Nagase, but disappeared silently after some drinks. Now he was sitting by the bar counter. No one was really surprised and the three continued drowning alcohol.
After some hours, what had looked like a backdoor behind the bar, opened and a group of young men, approximately ten and approzimately in their 20s stepped into the public bar area. When the lot passed TOKIO's booth, there was an excited squeal:
"Tego-chan! What are you doing here?" Nagase leaped out of the bench to grab the boy's hand and drag him towards the table.
"Ah, Nagase-kun. Other senpais. Good evening. You guys, go without me. No need to glare, they're from my agency. My senpais." The last words were chirped at his friends who were eyeing Nagase suspiciously and obviously would have been ready to attack the tall man had he made a wrong move on Tegoshi.
"No need to be so formal, Tego-chan. Come sit with us." Nagase good-naturely reached out to ruffle the boy's brown strands. The moment he let go, the all hair returned to its previous position, completely styled and unharmed. Too bad TOKIO was too drunk to notice, Tegoshi huffed in his mind.
"I can't believe they gave you the cadinet!?" Taichi shrieked and desperately reached for Yamaguchi's glass of vodka with grabby hands. Gussan ducked under the table. With the drink.
After a little more time and a lot more drinks, the noise from the TOKIO-booth toned down because the four members were passed out cold. Someone tapped Joshima on the shoulder. When Leader turned around, he saw the youngest member of NEWS looking pointedly at him.
"Joshima-senpai, why are you sitting by yourself here? We could have wanted you to join us." Tegoshi frowned. Adorably.
"Shh. I'm thinking about a strategy here, Tegoshi-kun." Leader hissed and motioned Tegoshi to sit next to him.
"A strategy?"
"Duh. I'm going to take a woman with me tonight." Pause. "You're old enough to know about the birds and the bees, right?"
"Oh yes. I even know about the honey. So.. who are you stalking?" The boy told the bartender he wanted a raspberry sorbet.
"S-stalking? I- I'm not stalking anyone!" Leader stuttered and panicked, when he realized that he had said the last sentence out loud. VERY loud. He turned red and looked down to avoid the curious glances.
"Oh. I see. So.. who do you want to hit on?"
"Maybe that one standing in the corner with her friends. She's got nice bumpers."
"Have you thought of a good line?" Tegoshi's eyes scanned the woman briefly.
"Of course. We in TOKIO are known for our outstanding pickup-lines. Just watch."
"If you say so, senpai."
What happened, was that as soon as Leader had reached the corner table and opened his mouth, he got a drink poured over his shiny shirt and the men from the neighbour table stood up offering to throw the unfortunate man out of the bar. Somehow he succeeded in hiding in the midst of the dancers for five minutes before he was sure the men had forgotten him and had the courage to return to Tegoshi.
"Did you see that? Outrageous, absolutely..."
"What did you say to her?" the younger one interrupted while trying to catch the ice-glaced raspberries with his tongue.
Leader tore his gaze away from the sight, shook his head to clear it and mumbled something.
"What?"
"Do you want to see me naked?"
Tegoshi promptly burst out laughing.
Leader didn't give up.
"You see that woman on the dance floor with purple skirt? Her friend whose back is towards us. A very fine back, I might add..."
"Umm. Not my type. I didn't know that was Joshima-senpai's type either. But I must have been mistaken, nee?" The second pink sorbet arrived.
Leader blinked, not really understanding, but.. Aaah, the boy's taste wasn't matured yet. That must have been it. He left the bar counter and headed for the dance floor, closing in on the figure clad in flowery shirt, black mini skirt and indian boots. When Leader in his sparkly jacket was almost glued to the woman's back, he lowered his voice and decided to use the big weapons.
"Hey you, where have you been all my life?" And when the other spun around, Leader looked at her to notice that the girl.. was not a girl to begin with.
"Ooh I dunno. Your line is so last century, but I like your clothes so maybe..." HE drawled and let his manicured nails scrape Leader's chest.
Leader fled to the bathrooms.
Joshima returned to his stool by Tegoshi, who was eating his nth dessert.
"You won't believe what just happened" the tone of his voice was devastated.
"Believe what?"
"That she.. that she was a he. Oh gosh. It was a man, that girl."
"Oh. I knew it from the start."
Leader groaned and let his head hit the table. Hard.
The next woman he wanted to approach, was coming to the bar. To get some drinks, Leader thought. He prepared his attack and when she had placed her order:
"So... you're a girl, huh?"
What he received was a scandalized stare that turned into a glare, and then she kicked him in the shin before retreating to her table.
Leader whimpered. Tegoshi didn't spare him a glance and ordered a smoothie.
"Fine, maybe I'll end up going alone home tonight. But so will you." Leader huffed and drowned his glass in two huge gulps.
"But senpai, I never said I wanted to get laid tonight." Tegoshi smiled sweetly and tilted his head.
"Oh. Right. How about we make a bet then? I'll pick you a girl and I bet you can't make her swoon."
"Sure, anything senpai thinks is fun." the boy's attention was back in his cellphone.
Leader gave himself a high-five in his mind. Even if it was mean to plot against such an adorable kouhai as Tegoshi-kun (and he knew that the rest of his group would not be happy with him if the kid ever ratted him out), he needed to see someone else out of luck too. The sooner the better.
So when a really beautiful, foreign woman with curly blonde hair, clad in a blue dress and spike heels entered, Leader's apologetic smile turned into a slight smirk.
"Tegoshi-kun. That woman." he pointed, not too discreetly.
Tegoshi stood up, straightened his silken button-up shirt, dusted his thighs clad in clingy light jeans and took some tentative steps towards the table where the woman and her three male friends had seated themselves. Then he stopped dead on his tracks and turned back.
Leader couldn't believe he was winning even without trying, and his lips twitched. He was, however, very confused when Tegoshi didn't come to him but instead went past him to the discjockey.
He talked to him for a while, made "thumbs up", took a microphone and began walking his way back. On the way he passed a table where there were flowers in a vase. The boy flashed the older women sitting a charming smile and politely asked a permission to take the white rose. He got it, accompanied by whispers of "adorable, polite, handsome" and some giggles.
Tegoshi walked straight to the blonde woman, stopped in front of her and gave the DJ a signal. The familiar melody of Kimi wo omou toki started to play and the NEWS-singer began to sing. It was not Nagase-style, but even in his dazed state, Leader had to admit that the boy's voice was.. special.
The English words "Yes, two of us, yes we can fall in love." were totally not wasted on the girl. When Tegoshi ended his performance, knelt down and handed her the white rose, she was in some kind of a shock.
Leader was sure that Tegoshi did it just to spite him, when the boy cast a sideway glance to him, then looked at the girl and said softly to the microfone in English:
"I'd have a million things to tell you, but your eyes are holding me captive and not letting me say anything."
The whole bar applaused, the girl blushed and glued herself to Tegoshi's side.
When leaving some time later, the pair walked past Leader.
"Oh, senpai. Don't worry about it. Shige never succeeds either and has to go home alone." And Tegoshi was out of the door with his blonde.
A moment. Then:
"Who?"
__________
I ended it like that because I'm not mean enough to let Leader fail alone. Because I love him. With or (preferably) without the perm.
Author: windy (win03die )
Genre: Leader's life (I suppose it counts as crack slash humour)
Rating: PG-13? (TOKIO involved. Also alcohol involved)
Pairing: none really. Just many bad (and failed) hit-ons.
Characters: Leader, TOKIO. Read to find out the (surprise) guest
Length: Oneshot, 1600+ words
Summary: Leader wants to get some (!!!)
Disclaimer: Only mistakes are mine.
A/N: For JE rare pair anonymeme. Even if I'd sworn I'd never write anything for any of those public memes because I don't read them in the first place. Jen linked me and so~~
TOKIO in a bar. There's nothing unsual about that, because they've just had a tour-meeting that took way longer than planned and they had tiredly dragged themselves to the closest bar. It was small, filled with cigarette smoke and they only got one booth for themselves since it was a friday night and therefore rather crowded.
"What kind of a place is this if there's no private cadinet?" Taichi whined and pursed his lips.
"Cabinet, Taichi, cabinet" Matsuoka's mutter didn't reach Taichi, who had the devastated-look on.
It was too bad that the poutingtrick didn't work on any of the other three guys sharing the booth with him.
Three? Who was missing? Nagase had stretched his long lengs under the table so, that his heels rested on the bench, only a few centimetres away from Yamaguchi's thighs. Yamaguchi was sipping his beer and glancing at his cell every three seconds, probably trying to think about which of his unsuspecting juniors he should call after a few pints.
Matsuoka had in the beginning been sitting by Nagase, but now he was leaning coolly against the end-wall with his knees drawn up close to his chest. Needless to say, he was resting the menu on the top of them and making notes. It was suspected that the drummer was using every opportunity to try out new recipes just in case they would impress his girlfriend (even more).
So, to the one who was missing. Leader of course. He had seated himself in the booth next to Nagase, but disappeared silently after some drinks. Now he was sitting by the bar counter. No one was really surprised and the three continued drowning alcohol.
After some hours, what had looked like a backdoor behind the bar, opened and a group of young men, approximately ten and approzimately in their 20s stepped into the public bar area. When the lot passed TOKIO's booth, there was an excited squeal:
"Tego-chan! What are you doing here?" Nagase leaped out of the bench to grab the boy's hand and drag him towards the table.
"Ah, Nagase-kun. Other senpais. Good evening. You guys, go without me. No need to glare, they're from my agency. My senpais." The last words were chirped at his friends who were eyeing Nagase suspiciously and obviously would have been ready to attack the tall man had he made a wrong move on Tegoshi.
"No need to be so formal, Tego-chan. Come sit with us." Nagase good-naturely reached out to ruffle the boy's brown strands. The moment he let go, the all hair returned to its previous position, completely styled and unharmed. Too bad TOKIO was too drunk to notice, Tegoshi huffed in his mind.
"I can't believe they gave you the cadinet!?" Taichi shrieked and desperately reached for Yamaguchi's glass of vodka with grabby hands. Gussan ducked under the table. With the drink.
After a little more time and a lot more drinks, the noise from the TOKIO-booth toned down because the four members were passed out cold. Someone tapped Joshima on the shoulder. When Leader turned around, he saw the youngest member of NEWS looking pointedly at him.
"Joshima-senpai, why are you sitting by yourself here? We could have wanted you to join us." Tegoshi frowned. Adorably.
"Shh. I'm thinking about a strategy here, Tegoshi-kun." Leader hissed and motioned Tegoshi to sit next to him.
"A strategy?"
"Duh. I'm going to take a woman with me tonight." Pause. "You're old enough to know about the birds and the bees, right?"
"Oh yes. I even know about the honey. So.. who are you stalking?" The boy told the bartender he wanted a raspberry sorbet.
"S-stalking? I- I'm not stalking anyone!" Leader stuttered and panicked, when he realized that he had said the last sentence out loud. VERY loud. He turned red and looked down to avoid the curious glances.
"Oh. I see. So.. who do you want to hit on?"
"Maybe that one standing in the corner with her friends. She's got nice bumpers."
"Have you thought of a good line?" Tegoshi's eyes scanned the woman briefly.
"Of course. We in TOKIO are known for our outstanding pickup-lines. Just watch."
"If you say so, senpai."
What happened, was that as soon as Leader had reached the corner table and opened his mouth, he got a drink poured over his shiny shirt and the men from the neighbour table stood up offering to throw the unfortunate man out of the bar. Somehow he succeeded in hiding in the midst of the dancers for five minutes before he was sure the men had forgotten him and had the courage to return to Tegoshi.
"Did you see that? Outrageous, absolutely..."
"What did you say to her?" the younger one interrupted while trying to catch the ice-glaced raspberries with his tongue.
Leader tore his gaze away from the sight, shook his head to clear it and mumbled something.
"What?"
"Do you want to see me naked?"
Tegoshi promptly burst out laughing.
Leader didn't give up.
"You see that woman on the dance floor with purple skirt? Her friend whose back is towards us. A very fine back, I might add..."
"Umm. Not my type. I didn't know that was Joshima-senpai's type either. But I must have been mistaken, nee?" The second pink sorbet arrived.
Leader blinked, not really understanding, but.. Aaah, the boy's taste wasn't matured yet. That must have been it. He left the bar counter and headed for the dance floor, closing in on the figure clad in flowery shirt, black mini skirt and indian boots. When Leader in his sparkly jacket was almost glued to the woman's back, he lowered his voice and decided to use the big weapons.
"Hey you, where have you been all my life?" And when the other spun around, Leader looked at her to notice that the girl.. was not a girl to begin with.
"Ooh I dunno. Your line is so last century, but I like your clothes so maybe..." HE drawled and let his manicured nails scrape Leader's chest.
Leader fled to the bathrooms.
Joshima returned to his stool by Tegoshi, who was eating his nth dessert.
"You won't believe what just happened" the tone of his voice was devastated.
"Believe what?"
"That she.. that she was a he. Oh gosh. It was a man, that girl."
"Oh. I knew it from the start."
Leader groaned and let his head hit the table. Hard.
The next woman he wanted to approach, was coming to the bar. To get some drinks, Leader thought. He prepared his attack and when she had placed her order:
"So... you're a girl, huh?"
What he received was a scandalized stare that turned into a glare, and then she kicked him in the shin before retreating to her table.
Leader whimpered. Tegoshi didn't spare him a glance and ordered a smoothie.
"Fine, maybe I'll end up going alone home tonight. But so will you." Leader huffed and drowned his glass in two huge gulps.
"But senpai, I never said I wanted to get laid tonight." Tegoshi smiled sweetly and tilted his head.
"Oh. Right. How about we make a bet then? I'll pick you a girl and I bet you can't make her swoon."
"Sure, anything senpai thinks is fun." the boy's attention was back in his cellphone.
Leader gave himself a high-five in his mind. Even if it was mean to plot against such an adorable kouhai as Tegoshi-kun (and he knew that the rest of his group would not be happy with him if the kid ever ratted him out), he needed to see someone else out of luck too. The sooner the better.
So when a really beautiful, foreign woman with curly blonde hair, clad in a blue dress and spike heels entered, Leader's apologetic smile turned into a slight smirk.
"Tegoshi-kun. That woman." he pointed, not too discreetly.
Tegoshi stood up, straightened his silken button-up shirt, dusted his thighs clad in clingy light jeans and took some tentative steps towards the table where the woman and her three male friends had seated themselves. Then he stopped dead on his tracks and turned back.
Leader couldn't believe he was winning even without trying, and his lips twitched. He was, however, very confused when Tegoshi didn't come to him but instead went past him to the discjockey.
He talked to him for a while, made "thumbs up", took a microphone and began walking his way back. On the way he passed a table where there were flowers in a vase. The boy flashed the older women sitting a charming smile and politely asked a permission to take the white rose. He got it, accompanied by whispers of "adorable, polite, handsome" and some giggles.
Tegoshi walked straight to the blonde woman, stopped in front of her and gave the DJ a signal. The familiar melody of Kimi wo omou toki started to play and the NEWS-singer began to sing. It was not Nagase-style, but even in his dazed state, Leader had to admit that the boy's voice was.. special.
The English words "Yes, two of us, yes we can fall in love." were totally not wasted on the girl. When Tegoshi ended his performance, knelt down and handed her the white rose, she was in some kind of a shock.
Leader was sure that Tegoshi did it just to spite him, when the boy cast a sideway glance to him, then looked at the girl and said softly to the microfone in English:
"I'd have a million things to tell you, but your eyes are holding me captive and not letting me say anything."
The whole bar applaused, the girl blushed and glued herself to Tegoshi's side.
When leaving some time later, the pair walked past Leader.
"Oh, senpai. Don't worry about it. Shige never succeeds either and has to go home alone." And Tegoshi was out of the door with his blonde.
A moment. Then:
"Who?"
__________
I ended it like that because I'm not mean enough to let Leader fail alone. Because I love him. With or (preferably) without the perm.