Random Thoughts
So, why is it that one can mourn for a failed relationship for months and then one day be done with it? Is it timing? I've heard that for every year of a relationship, you mourn one month after it ends. Coincidentally, we were together for 8 1/2 years and it has now been just over 8 months since the break-up and I'm over it. "It" being the mourning, the anger, the frustration, the depression, the lack of motivation to do anything. I need to move on with my life. I need to get my shit together, because the last few months have been self-destructive and it has to end.
Anyway, Sunday we (the ex and I) drove to Chicago to see his family. Being together in a car for 5 hours with very little conversation makes it very apparent that things are over. When I got home, it was like this wave of reality hit me. I have to find a way of releasing him and the relationship. I decided at 10:45 pm that I needed to go out for awhile, so went to the local gay bar. In my mind I had thought that I would love to pick someone up at the bar. I needed to do this act as part of the process. I guess it must have been written on my forehead, because it happened. I was scared shitless about the possibility, but after a little coaxing, I agreed. It was nice and necessary.
One thing I did on Monday was to do a purging of the apartment. I packed away all of the things that were "us" - the wedding pictures, the communion set used at the service, other pictures. It's all packed away now. I also started taking boxes down to the storage locker that have been sitting around taking up space and dust for months. It's a start.
So, I'm looking very forward to 2005 being over and starting fresh in 2006.
Anyway, Sunday we (the ex and I) drove to Chicago to see his family. Being together in a car for 5 hours with very little conversation makes it very apparent that things are over. When I got home, it was like this wave of reality hit me. I have to find a way of releasing him and the relationship. I decided at 10:45 pm that I needed to go out for awhile, so went to the local gay bar. In my mind I had thought that I would love to pick someone up at the bar. I needed to do this act as part of the process. I guess it must have been written on my forehead, because it happened. I was scared shitless about the possibility, but after a little coaxing, I agreed. It was nice and necessary.
One thing I did on Monday was to do a purging of the apartment. I packed away all of the things that were "us" - the wedding pictures, the communion set used at the service, other pictures. It's all packed away now. I also started taking boxes down to the storage locker that have been sitting around taking up space and dust for months. It's a start.
So, I'm looking very forward to 2005 being over and starting fresh in 2006.