Depression
I have a confession to make: I've been struggling with depression. Which is *not* usual for me. I've had medical issues all my life, and I've always tried to look on the bright side and get out there and live my life. Normally I am a pretty happy, optimistic person.
But, as most of you know, the past year has sucked in bad, bad way. It's hard to "get out there and live my life" when I'm stuck inside in the dark most of the time! Chronic pain, health issues, major job stress. The need to accept that I'm really never going to have children. The continued eroding of my local social circle to moves, and the haunting feeling that it's not worth trying to make new friends when I'll just lose them. The dead zone that is my dating life (four years single :P). Plus, of course, the never-ending cold, darkwinter. Honestly, there hasn't been a lot to feel happy and optimistic about (except all of you! .
I started letting things slide. My house became cluttered. I forgot to do things. Important things. I fell off the Mountain Dew wagon... repeatedly. For the most part, I neglected the friends I have left, instead sitting in my house in the dark watching TV. A lot of TV. It's been pretty bleak.
The good news is that this feels situational. It feels like, if some of these things improve, I will feel better again. I'm already feeling more optimistic with the spring weather and the sunshine. I've reached out for help, and gotten the love and support of friends and family that I need. I've started to go out for walks in the sunshine every day, for much-needed exercise and light. My corneal transplant is scheduled in three weeks, and hopefully that will resolve the eye issues.
So, I'm sorry for whiny posts, for neglecting local friends (except when I needed rides :\). I'm sorry for whatever negativity I've been throwing out there as I struggled. Bear with me. I *will* get through this, because I *do* have walks in the sunshine, and flowers blooming in the spring weather, and friends and family who love me. <3
But, as most of you know, the past year has sucked in bad, bad way. It's hard to "get out there and live my life" when I'm stuck inside in the dark most of the time! Chronic pain, health issues, major job stress. The need to accept that I'm really never going to have children. The continued eroding of my local social circle to moves, and the haunting feeling that it's not worth trying to make new friends when I'll just lose them. The dead zone that is my dating life (four years single :P). Plus, of course, the never-ending cold, darkwinter. Honestly, there hasn't been a lot to feel happy and optimistic about (except all of you! .
I started letting things slide. My house became cluttered. I forgot to do things. Important things. I fell off the Mountain Dew wagon... repeatedly. For the most part, I neglected the friends I have left, instead sitting in my house in the dark watching TV. A lot of TV. It's been pretty bleak.
The good news is that this feels situational. It feels like, if some of these things improve, I will feel better again. I'm already feeling more optimistic with the spring weather and the sunshine. I've reached out for help, and gotten the love and support of friends and family that I need. I've started to go out for walks in the sunshine every day, for much-needed exercise and light. My corneal transplant is scheduled in three weeks, and hopefully that will resolve the eye issues.
So, I'm sorry for whiny posts, for neglecting local friends (except when I needed rides :\). I'm sorry for whatever negativity I've been throwing out there as I struggled. Bear with me. I *will* get through this, because I *do* have walks in the sunshine, and flowers blooming in the spring weather, and friends and family who love me. <3