kid, you've paid your dues
http://www.wilwheaton.net/#003246
So there are these Star Wars fans Übernerds who are lining up in front of Grauman's for the premiere of "Revenge of the Sith" in a couple of months.
The only problem is, "Return of the Sith" isn't going to screen at Graumans. For reasons that are best left to the shadowy corners of The Film Distribution World, it will be playing at the Arclight, which is about a half-mile away. (The Arclight, by the way, is the best theater in Los Angeles. Nobody else even comes close.)
When they found out about this unfortunate turn of events, the Star Wars Nerds naturally packed up their stuff, and walked down the block to Arclight.
Except they didn't.
They're keeping the line right where it is . . . as a self-described act of protest.
Before I go any further, I'd like to make something crystal clear: Camping out for a couple of months before the opening of a movie is a little weird . . . but essentially cool. That kind of passion is what makes it so much fun to be a Nerd. But camping out at the wrong theater and refusing to move in protest is hilarious, and it's what makes it embarrassing to be a Nerd.
We've been covering this story pretty heavily over at blogging.la. In fact, my friend Sean was the very first person to break this dramatic story, long before the rest of the media got on board:Since I know everyone is dying to find out what's going on with the Star Wars line I've taken it upon myself to read through the entire thread at liningup.net as well as call them several times now and here's the facts of the moment:
- The Star Wars line is still outside of Graumans.
- Graumans has confirmed that Star Wars will not be playing at Graumans.
- Arclight has confirmed that Star Wars will be playing at Arclight.
- The Star Wars line is pissed because they think Star Wars should be at Graumans, not at Arclight, so they are not moving the line in protest.
I thought that was so hilarious (see my points, above) that I left a comment on that entry, using the dreaded phrase, "Get A Life."
Oops. Turns out some of The Star Wars Nerds have no sense of humor about themselves. I got some upset e-mail, and while I composed a reply, the saga continued to unfold:OK, who would have guessed that in the very small group of people who are willing to line up months in advance of a movie to get tickets, in front of a theater where the movie isn't going to be playing, there would be room for cliques and infighting between the popular super nerds and the unpopular super nerds? I wouldn't. And I would have been wrong. A post in this thread by "certified instigator" has just confirmed the existence of said infighting. Read on...
"No one is talking about leaving the line. The popular clique has flat out refused to be open minded about where we see the movie as a group. They insist that no matter what we - as a group - decide they will not see it it at the Arclight.
They make it very clear here on the boards and in line. That splitting up the group is better than seeing the movie at a theater the popular clique doesn't like.
Many people I've spoken to are willing to see it at a theater they don't prefer in order to keep the group together. But they are less popular and way less vocal."
OMFG.
OK, so some waiters in line want to keep the line together no matter what theater it's shown at, and other linesters don't give a crap about the line and only care what theater they see it at - and this is shaking the foundation of the line to it's core. TO IT'S CORE!
There were cliques in the line? There's a popular clique, which implies that there are unpopular Nerds who are lining up at the wrong theater?! This new information took an already hilarious story and exploded it into the surreal realm of Terry Gilliam-esque humor. I couldn't help myself, and I posted that they should have taken my advice (about getting a life, I mean.).
My little quip ended up pouring even more gasoline on what was now a full-blown Nerd War between the Nerds at Blogging.la, and the Star Wars Nerds. The upset e-mail I'd received was followed-up with some honest-to-goodness hate mail, so I tried to smooth things over with an open letter of my own:Dear Star Wars Line,
I'm really sorry that you're so offended. I was just playing around. I learned a long time ago that I have to be able to laugh at myself. (I'm the guy who had not one, but *two* newsgroups dedicated to hating him, remember?) I think it's awesome that you guys are raising money for charity, but I hope you can see the humor in a bunch of people waiting in line at the wrong theatre, refusing to move to the theatre a couple of blocks away that *is* showing the movie. And framing it as an act of protest . . . well, that's really funny. Movies are not the sort of thing that one generally associates with protests. Civil rights? Sure. Anti-war? Sure. Clean up this toxic waste dump? Sure.
But we're not moving until you put the movie here? We're not moving in protest? And look at the drama surrounding the whole thing: There are "cliques" of people, and "cool kids" and "factions" waiting in line at the wrong theatre, refusing to move in protest? And the self-righteous indignation? If you can't see the humor in this, you're really missing out.
[. . .]
Again, I am truly sorry that you and other lining-up-ers are so offended . . . but I wish you could see the humor, also. I didn't intend to put you all down. I'm sure you're all great people who believe they're doing the right thing for the children. I was just enjoying the absurdity and humor.
I sincerely hope that you all enjoy your time in line, and I hope that the final movie doesn't suck as much as Episode One.
May The Force be with you,
Wil
As an olive branch, Sean and I designed some T-Shirts for the Star Wars Nerds, so they'd have something to pass down to their own children, years from now:
Sadly, our peace offering was viewed as further ridicule, and I got yet another angry e-mail.
Heartbroken that the Star Wars Nerds were more interested in feeling persecuted and righteously indignant, and saddened that they just couldn't see the humor in the whole thing, I vowed to just let it go.
And I did, until yesterday, when my favorite secret Ninja, Jessica Mae Stover asked me if I wanted to go with her to take pizza to the Star Wars Nerds, who still inexplicably refuse to move to a theatre where they'll actually be able to see the movie:Hey WW,
I'm going to visit the Star Wars nerds on Thursday evening-ish.
Link: http://www.jessicastover.com/blog.php?id=275
You should come along and bring your family. Pop culture history and such,
not to mention excellent material for blog writing.
I mean, seriously, they need our help.
And pizza.
Plus, you'll probably be their king or something.
I replied, "You know the Star Wars nerds hate my guts, right?"
She did not, but after reviewing the entire turgid story, we agreed that it would probably be best if she went without me.
When she blogged about her self-described "Nerd Outreach", I broke my vow of silence, and wrote an entry about it at blogging.la:Jessica (the cutest ninja who will ever kick your ass) has updated her site:Jessica: Do you hate them because of something Wil Wheaton wrote?
Female Nerd: Yes! I used to stick up for him to all these guys, then he went and, and --
Jessica: I read the column. It was only a bit of loving mockery. He's a nerd. He's allowed.
Female Nerd: I even asked him to come down here, to meet me face to face and he wouldn't do it.
Jessica: Were you going to challenge him to a duel or something?
Female Nerd: It's not just that. It's the shirts they made and everything -- I mean, Argh!
[. . .]
Maybe I should have offered a duel, or a The Force Off, or a Pod Race, or something like that. I'm pretty crushed, but I'm getting therapy, and I should be in a good emotional space right around the time the movie opens at the Arclight.
It's too bad that the Star Wars Nerds - who are in line at the wrong theater and refusing to move in protest - are unable or unwilling see the humor in the whole situation. Until their Alpha Nerd decided that it was more important to be persecuted and self-righteous, and wouldn't accept my apology, I actually felt bad for offending them. Now? Not so much. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that the average WWdN reader has a good sense of humor, and you should take a couple of minutes to go read my last post on the subject at blogging.la. Jessica's entry (linked in my b.la post) is one of the funniest things I've read on the Internets in a long, long time.