digging out the demons in my head
It's like being hit in the chest with a rock.
the moment your world is spinning and nothing in it looks familiar anymore. The ground has slipped away from me again I think.
There is nothing to tether myself to, except the idea of a better me. Somewhere in here. Somewhere in me.
Where are you hiding little girl?
Nothing is enough. Everything is too much. I don't think I'll ever be still. Or at rest or satisfied. There will always be cravings and desires and possbilities never explored.
I don't want to limit myself . But lately , not limiting myself has been less about exploring so much as clinging desperatly to something that can steady me against the current. It feels like my hands are slipping.
There was a women i saw glimpses of when i got out. For a week or two she hung around and carried me and was trying to show me the world the way it ought to be seen.
And oh my god, was it beautiful . So perfectly flawed and beautiful.
But now, it's harsh again. It's full of things i see that tear me apart. Parts of the life i want.
I'm trying to get back to being comfortable in my skin.
But i feel like the best of me is stuck somewhere inside, hiding away, afraid to come out.
I'm trying. Dear God, I'm trying.
the moment your world is spinning and nothing in it looks familiar anymore. The ground has slipped away from me again I think.
There is nothing to tether myself to, except the idea of a better me. Somewhere in here. Somewhere in me.
Where are you hiding little girl?
Nothing is enough. Everything is too much. I don't think I'll ever be still. Or at rest or satisfied. There will always be cravings and desires and possbilities never explored.
I don't want to limit myself . But lately , not limiting myself has been less about exploring so much as clinging desperatly to something that can steady me against the current. It feels like my hands are slipping.
There was a women i saw glimpses of when i got out. For a week or two she hung around and carried me and was trying to show me the world the way it ought to be seen.
And oh my god, was it beautiful . So perfectly flawed and beautiful.
But now, it's harsh again. It's full of things i see that tear me apart. Parts of the life i want.
I'm trying to get back to being comfortable in my skin.
But i feel like the best of me is stuck somewhere inside, hiding away, afraid to come out.
I'm trying. Dear God, I'm trying.