sunny came home with a list of names
Is there something about me that makes men freak out? or scares them? Am i seriously not the girl you get into a relationship with? I understand that I'm intense at times, but you know what, I'm proud of that. It's who I am. But does that intenseness put people off? What directly the fuck is it about me that always makes me fall just short of being good enough? Honestly, just what the fuck?
"I don't want to hurt you. "
Oh for fucks sake! I can handle it ! God that is such a bullshit cop out. Here's some others I've been told:
I'm just confused.
I need to get myself together first.
You need someone better than me.
You're just too much sometimes ( that one will always be my faviorite , I think, because when i asked what it was about me that made him feel that way , he just shrugged)
Okay, so here's the impression i have now. I am not in fact worth staying around for. I am the girl that will give you a blow job on the first date, who want to buy you dinner for a change. I get excited by little things ( like ice cream) I can go from classy to ghetto in three seconds, and then act childish . I can be petty , jealous and impatient. I don't just want your respect, I fucking demand it.
I play by my rules. I live my truth. I'm vocal about the things that I don't agree with, and I'm strong in my opinions. I like to talk: about books, movies and history. I like debate. I like to stretch my brain instead of spreading my legs for a change.
And trust me on this, either one will get you off.
So what. What is this ...thing...or phermone or energy or look that i radiate that says " fuck her. But don't stay with her. Don't love her."
I'm radical sometimes, and passionate. I read fem literature, am pro-choice and support the GLBT community. I've been through, i carry the scars to prove it.
But in all of that, I have alot of love. Alot. The kind of love that someone who has stared death in the eye, who almost lost it all, who gave up, but came back can have. I want to love someone in ways that they never believed someone could love them. I don't ask that you be home every night. I don't ask that you don't watch porno, don't have your friends over. I don't expect you to want to shopping with me, and see every movie i want to see or even agree with me all the fucking time.
I just want my space to be respected, my way of living to be respected, myself respected.
Too intense for you?
Jesus. What the fuck.
I know I'm reading too much into shit right now, but you know what? I'm a little fucking tired too. I'm tired of walking the line between happy and miserable and living in fear that my ground will collapse beneath me and i will end up back in the hospital. I'm tired of always hearing the same shit from guys.
okay. now i'm ranting. and ranting is starting to sound like whining. Eddie Izzars and Sylvia Plath tonight, i think.
Night.
"I don't want to hurt you. "
Oh for fucks sake! I can handle it ! God that is such a bullshit cop out. Here's some others I've been told:
I'm just confused.
I need to get myself together first.
You need someone better than me.
You're just too much sometimes ( that one will always be my faviorite , I think, because when i asked what it was about me that made him feel that way , he just shrugged)
Okay, so here's the impression i have now. I am not in fact worth staying around for. I am the girl that will give you a blow job on the first date, who want to buy you dinner for a change. I get excited by little things ( like ice cream) I can go from classy to ghetto in three seconds, and then act childish . I can be petty , jealous and impatient. I don't just want your respect, I fucking demand it.
I play by my rules. I live my truth. I'm vocal about the things that I don't agree with, and I'm strong in my opinions. I like to talk: about books, movies and history. I like debate. I like to stretch my brain instead of spreading my legs for a change.
And trust me on this, either one will get you off.
So what. What is this ...thing...or phermone or energy or look that i radiate that says " fuck her. But don't stay with her. Don't love her."
I'm radical sometimes, and passionate. I read fem literature, am pro-choice and support the GLBT community. I've been through, i carry the scars to prove it.
But in all of that, I have alot of love. Alot. The kind of love that someone who has stared death in the eye, who almost lost it all, who gave up, but came back can have. I want to love someone in ways that they never believed someone could love them. I don't ask that you be home every night. I don't ask that you don't watch porno, don't have your friends over. I don't expect you to want to shopping with me, and see every movie i want to see or even agree with me all the fucking time.
I just want my space to be respected, my way of living to be respected, myself respected.
Too intense for you?
Jesus. What the fuck.
I know I'm reading too much into shit right now, but you know what? I'm a little fucking tired too. I'm tired of walking the line between happy and miserable and living in fear that my ground will collapse beneath me and i will end up back in the hospital. I'm tired of always hearing the same shit from guys.
okay. now i'm ranting. and ranting is starting to sound like whining. Eddie Izzars and Sylvia Plath tonight, i think.
Night.