so lets end this call and end this conversation
"so,how are you feeling? " my mom asks me. Parry, parry, block block.
But this sort of why I called, so I figure we might as well get it over with. My choice: break mama's heart, or just let her be ignorant.
I'm a dumb kid. Part of me wants to run to my mother with everything. I never do, but this time, I decided to roll the dice.
"Better than I was. "
She's quiet. I tell her. In subtle, dancing around ways, I tell her. But my mother is smart, and wise to my game. So she catches on pretty quick. But she doesn't say anything right away. when she talks, her words are tight and I know she's crying.
"Mom, I'm fine. "
" I can't talk about this right now. "
I sigh. Here we go. " Mom, listen, I'm ok. Everything is fine. I realized what I can and can't handle , and did something about it. I have a solid plan and a good doc - " I don't tell her its the same one she sees. " I'm good. "
" I have to call you back. Okay. I'll talk to you about this later. "
and she hangs up.
I close my phone and toss it a little roughly on the table. As much as I hate talking about this, I'm just finding a comfort with it. Acceptance and all that.
Some days are better.The nausea hasn't stopped-but I keep food down now. I went to a diner with a friend last night and ate and didn't get sick. That's a step in the right direction.
So, she's calling me back later. I guess.Maybe. Guess we'll wait and see.