Emo rant tl;dr
I honestly think that I'm starting to lose my mind. Right now I'm currently trying to finish a fic (still) and agonizing over an idea for another one, which after much thought, I've convinced myself that the storyline I have for it might make a decent Lifetime movie special type novel. Then there's the fact that I'm going to start community college in a couple weeks and I'm unable to gain a job (A problem that only complicates my wish to move out of my parent’s house.) Sims 2 keeps on crashing on me; I'm losing sleep, money, motivation, and my ability to resist watching stupid shit on TV. Today I found myself watching Cash in the Attic. Why?! I have no interest in old British women and their desire to sell a pile of junk at auction so they can earn enough money to remodel their dining room, but yet I watched it!
Stephen King's book On Writing is a good read; I suggest it to everyone who wants to write. I've read a good 3/4 of it by now and I don't think that doing so has helped the problem I have with finishing Sugar. It most likely has stalled it even further because I look back on the whole story and realize that it might be a competent story to some existent, but on the whole I'm really not as happy with it as I was when I was in the middle of writing it. In Stephen's book he says that spending more than 3 months writing a story can sometimes cause a writer to grow bored with their work and I think that's what has happened, because I know I've spent a hell of a lot longer than 3 months writing it. It's stale on my mind. Another thing that came up in his book is the idea that a story has always existed, the writer just has to use their writing tools to extract it. Like an archeologist digging up a dinosaur. Once the writer finds the tip of their story's skull sticking out of the ground he/she has to pull a brush from his/her belt and dust away the dirt to get to the rest of the fossil. And most of the time the writer doesn't know what kind of fossil is hidden beneath the sand; they discover just what it is as they dig it out. The tools that they use to do this are things like vocabulary, grammar, knowledge of sentence structure, and their ability to convey the right idea to their audience.
Now that I've read On Writing I don't know what I'm going to do about Sugar from now on. My ideas about writing, and thought processes when it comes to picking up a pen, or opening Word, are completely different than they were when I first started Sugar. I don't know what to do with it, I'm not really as motivated to finish it as I was before, but I can't just leave it hanging, that leaves just as much guilt as the guilt I've generated by not finishing it.
There's another good book, Heart Shaped Box, by Joe Hill (Stephen King's son, which is something I found interesting.) It's a great book and I couldn't put it down (I read it in 2 days) and it's full of suspense and humor and horror and logical life truths. But honestly, the only reason why I'm mentioning it right here, right now, is because MCR was mentioned in it. The fangirl in me that I had been putting a damper on for quite a long time now for fear of embarrassment, was giggling uncontrollably.
The hero of the story is an old rock star, roughly in his mid 50’s, who had been contemplating his band, which had been broken up for quite a few years, and how his rhythm guitarist and bass player died (one of them of AIDS and the other suicide by the way of crashing is car into a tree at like 80-100 mph while he was stone cold sober.) The hero, Jude, was bedding down and watching TV with his girlfriend when the book describes MCR on Late Night with Conan; “Rings in their lips and eyebrows, hair done up in spikes, but beneath the white pancake makeup and black lipstick they looked like a collection of chubby kids who had probably been in their high-school marching band a few years earlier.” “They played frantically, pissing themselves with fear. Jude liked them. He wondered which of them would die first.” I seriously was rolling around on my bed, laughing, when I read that.
I went to go pay for my classes at the community college yesterday. Doing so made me feel like I was actually doing something smart for a change, rather than just lie around the house all day and half-heartedly look for a job every time I go out to buy cigarettes or go see a movie. (The Dark Knight was amazing by the way.) There’s also the fact that while I was standing in line this guy was so totally flirting with me. He asked me how many classes I was taking and how much they cost, and after I answered him and batted my eyelashes he kept on saying that he was just curious and kept glancing at me. I should have totally retorted with an “I bet you’re curious about a lot of things,” then I would probably have a time and a place for my first every date. Yes I’m nearly 19 and have never had a boyfriend before, don’t judge me, I don’t get out much.