(no subject)
i havent written in so long..so much to write.
well my bf and my best friend now know everything.
it felt good to tell them at first but now i regret it. they keep saying things to try and make me better. but i dont want to be better. i need to lose weight. they just dont understand. sara says that if i ever cut she will too. how retarded can she be! i dont want her to be like me in that way. anyway..i think that my mom is catching on to my eating habits. she doesnt know how i dont eat anything at school but when i get home and dont really eat anything she nags me about it. ive been so bad lately..escpecially when i was pmsing. uuggh i dont even want to think about it. funny thing is though that over that period of time i lost about 7 pounds. i dont really get it. i ate sooo much and felt disgusting but weighed so much less. well im not complaining. i reached my first goal weight of 120 but then gained 2 back *tear* so now im going on a new diet. its pretty much the same thing at the 2468 diet but im just lowering the numbers to 0123 cause i cant eat that much. these are my stats as of right now:
HT: 5'6"
HW: 131
LW: 120
CW: 122
STG: 115
LTG: 105-110 ?
i want to be thin sooooo badly. i hate how disgusting i am. i stayed home from school today and slept a lot. much needed. but i also ate a lot too. SO BAD. uugh i hate myself. i cant control it. i need to. ill start my diet with two 0 days just to get back on track. cheerleading gives me pretty good excersize but i think i need to do more cardio. anyway ill stop now this is getting kinda long. if you read all this you're really special <3
lots of love*jackie
well my bf and my best friend now know everything.
it felt good to tell them at first but now i regret it. they keep saying things to try and make me better. but i dont want to be better. i need to lose weight. they just dont understand. sara says that if i ever cut she will too. how retarded can she be! i dont want her to be like me in that way. anyway..i think that my mom is catching on to my eating habits. she doesnt know how i dont eat anything at school but when i get home and dont really eat anything she nags me about it. ive been so bad lately..escpecially when i was pmsing. uuggh i dont even want to think about it. funny thing is though that over that period of time i lost about 7 pounds. i dont really get it. i ate sooo much and felt disgusting but weighed so much less. well im not complaining. i reached my first goal weight of 120 but then gained 2 back *tear* so now im going on a new diet. its pretty much the same thing at the 2468 diet but im just lowering the numbers to 0123 cause i cant eat that much. these are my stats as of right now:
HT: 5'6"
HW: 131
LW: 120
CW: 122
STG: 115
LTG: 105-110 ?
i want to be thin sooooo badly. i hate how disgusting i am. i stayed home from school today and slept a lot. much needed. but i also ate a lot too. SO BAD. uugh i hate myself. i cant control it. i need to. ill start my diet with two 0 days just to get back on track. cheerleading gives me pretty good excersize but i think i need to do more cardio. anyway ill stop now this is getting kinda long. if you read all this you're really special <3
lots of love*jackie