Hard Pills to Swallow
The truth hurts. It hurts enough that people avoid it like the plague. YOU*, that's right, YOU surround yourself in a haze of lies and false hope that allows you to go on day to day with self-confidence, believing that some day your ship is going to sail in, and everyone is going to finally acknowledge how awesome you always knew you were. But then reality comes around. Reality is like Gary Oak, you've just wailed on the entire Team rocket fortress, you're battered, tired, but proud of your achievement, and there he is. He's got a convertible full of hunnies, and a belt full of fresh Pokemon, and you've got a collapsible bike, and not a healing item to be found. Whenever you think you're kicking goals, you're feeling pretty ace, and you allow yourself, for a moment or two, to think, "Hey, I'm pretty boss" Reality rears it's ugly head to smack you back down. But you can't escape reality, It's ALWAYS there, you can try to shut it out, convince yourself that it's "not that bad", but that, my friends, is taking the hand you were dealt, and turning it into a house of cards, and a stiff breeze is going to send you back to the ground, and the fall from a house of cards creates emos.
So I say, knock the wind out of reality's sails. He can't own you if you self-own first. Knowing how lame you are, and just accepting it, and manning the hell up, will mean that when reality comes around, he'll find in you the already broken husk of a human being, and just move on to the next git who's running around getting "high on life" instead. Think of reality as a lumberjack, and you as a tree. You can either be a tall, strong, healthy tree just PERFECT for timber, or an old, gnarly, knotted tree with thorns. Which one would YOU cut down to turn into a new porch swing? So, with that notion in mind, here are a few truths I thought of today that you'd be better off just accepting, because these are the kinds of things reality likes to throw in your face.
For every one "good" picture of yourself, there are about 100 others of you that make even your mother ashamed to lay claim to birthing you. Guess what...The 100 are NOT the anomalies. That "good" picture is. Some people are "photogenic", and you know what, they ALSO look good in person. YOU are butt ugly, and in person, you're butt ugly AND you're annoying.
Ever recorded yourself singing and been appalled by the strange howling voice you heard when you played it back? YOU tell yourself that you "sound weird on tape", well, it's time for a wake up call, Sinatra. That banshee wail you're hearing is the same death-rattle all of your friends and family have to hear every time "I Will Survive" comes on when you're around.
It's as big as it's getting. You're in your 20's. No, you aren't gunna hit a late growth spurt, that ship has sailed, buddy. That's all there is. And you know what, before you know it, it's gunna start shrinking (if that's even possible). And THEN you won't even be able to get it up, and she's** not even going to notice the difference.
There is NO wonderful, magical place in the world where people with your distinguishing feature*** "pick up like nobodies business". If you travel the world, your pick up attempts will end in the same basic ridicule every time, just in many different languages. Sometimes accompanied with assault. Even if there was some place where you got ten times as much interest, it would make no difference, because some better looking version of you would be there, winning, and besides, 10 times zero is still zero.
YOU think you sound insightful, caring, intelligent, and a little bit mysterious. He/She (circle appropriate choice) thinks you sound emotional, needy, snobby, and a little bit retarded.
YOU think things are going great with Him/Her. He/She is writing a breakup, or more likely, "You're just a good friend, I don't like you in that way" text.. (iN DyS kyNd oF SPelLiNg.)
Your sense of humor is not above everyone else, you just aren't funny. "Obscure Humor" is a pretty way of saying that the only people who get your jokes are you, and the one other person in your Red Dwarf fan club. And even out of the two of you, only one of you finds your jokes funny.
Doing ten push-ups every month is not going to get you a six pack, killer biceps, or a tan. It will turn your face purple, and make you whine like a stuck pig every time you raise your hands above your waist for the next week.
"Eating healthy" is not opting for two minute noodles over Chicken Treat.
The stuff in fantasy novels and shows isn't real. You will never be a hero with untapped super powers destined to save the world. If some day you were out in a crowded place and the gates of Hell opened and demons began to kill everyone, you are not the guy who drives them back and reveals his hidden potential. You are Innocent Bystander #5. Your death doesn't even tick off the guy who IS the hero. You're just some dude killed by some demon who also wasn't important.
You sometimes think, "I'm too hard on myself, I'm sure nobody else notices all this stuff about me, I'm just worrying too much" Wrong. They notice every fault about you that you notice, and then a few things you didn't, or that you THOUGHT were positive traits...
* By You, I mean me....and you, too.
**By she*, I mean your right hand.
*** Red Hair.
So I say, knock the wind out of reality's sails. He can't own you if you self-own first. Knowing how lame you are, and just accepting it, and manning the hell up, will mean that when reality comes around, he'll find in you the already broken husk of a human being, and just move on to the next git who's running around getting "high on life" instead. Think of reality as a lumberjack, and you as a tree. You can either be a tall, strong, healthy tree just PERFECT for timber, or an old, gnarly, knotted tree with thorns. Which one would YOU cut down to turn into a new porch swing? So, with that notion in mind, here are a few truths I thought of today that you'd be better off just accepting, because these are the kinds of things reality likes to throw in your face.
For every one "good" picture of yourself, there are about 100 others of you that make even your mother ashamed to lay claim to birthing you. Guess what...The 100 are NOT the anomalies. That "good" picture is. Some people are "photogenic", and you know what, they ALSO look good in person. YOU are butt ugly, and in person, you're butt ugly AND you're annoying.
Ever recorded yourself singing and been appalled by the strange howling voice you heard when you played it back? YOU tell yourself that you "sound weird on tape", well, it's time for a wake up call, Sinatra. That banshee wail you're hearing is the same death-rattle all of your friends and family have to hear every time "I Will Survive" comes on when you're around.
It's as big as it's getting. You're in your 20's. No, you aren't gunna hit a late growth spurt, that ship has sailed, buddy. That's all there is. And you know what, before you know it, it's gunna start shrinking (if that's even possible). And THEN you won't even be able to get it up, and she's** not even going to notice the difference.
There is NO wonderful, magical place in the world where people with your distinguishing feature*** "pick up like nobodies business". If you travel the world, your pick up attempts will end in the same basic ridicule every time, just in many different languages. Sometimes accompanied with assault. Even if there was some place where you got ten times as much interest, it would make no difference, because some better looking version of you would be there, winning, and besides, 10 times zero is still zero.
YOU think you sound insightful, caring, intelligent, and a little bit mysterious. He/She (circle appropriate choice) thinks you sound emotional, needy, snobby, and a little bit retarded.
YOU think things are going great with Him/Her. He/She is writing a breakup, or more likely, "You're just a good friend, I don't like you in that way" text.. (iN DyS kyNd oF SPelLiNg.)
Your sense of humor is not above everyone else, you just aren't funny. "Obscure Humor" is a pretty way of saying that the only people who get your jokes are you, and the one other person in your Red Dwarf fan club. And even out of the two of you, only one of you finds your jokes funny.
Doing ten push-ups every month is not going to get you a six pack, killer biceps, or a tan. It will turn your face purple, and make you whine like a stuck pig every time you raise your hands above your waist for the next week.
"Eating healthy" is not opting for two minute noodles over Chicken Treat.
The stuff in fantasy novels and shows isn't real. You will never be a hero with untapped super powers destined to save the world. If some day you were out in a crowded place and the gates of Hell opened and demons began to kill everyone, you are not the guy who drives them back and reveals his hidden potential. You are Innocent Bystander #5. Your death doesn't even tick off the guy who IS the hero. You're just some dude killed by some demon who also wasn't important.
You sometimes think, "I'm too hard on myself, I'm sure nobody else notices all this stuff about me, I'm just worrying too much" Wrong. They notice every fault about you that you notice, and then a few things you didn't, or that you THOUGHT were positive traits...
* By You, I mean me....and you, too.
**By she*, I mean your right hand.
*** Red Hair.