Feelings For You - Fic_A_Thon 2007 for SIDLJ
Okay, this is my first try at this Fic_A_Thon thing. Sid asked for angst and boy, did I lay it on thick!!! It didn't turn out the way I really wanted it so I'm not totally satisfied with it...but well, here goes nothing.
Feelings For You
[Pairing] - Jack/Daniel
[SID's request] - H/C, angst, first time, at the cabin
[Season] - S2
[Ratings] - PG(?)
[Warnings] - mild language
[Spoilers] - Message In A Bottle
[Synopsis] - Jack tried to express his feelings for Daniel, but in the traditional O'neill fashion, all the wrong words came out.
"You're a sick bastard, Jack!" Daniel had spitted in Jack's face and stormed out of the cabin, pulling the door to slam-shut behind him so hard that Jack thought the whole cabin would come down on him.
And it might have been a good thing, Jack thought. Because he did feel like a sick bastard. He wished the cabin had imploded and buried him alive...or the ground opened up and swallowed him whole.
He collapsed into the armchair behind him - the one he had squirmed around in as he worked on garnering enough brass to start THE conversation with Daniel.
The one where he was supposed to tell Daniel that he had "feelings" for him, not the one about how, in the privacy of his mind, he had dreamed of fucking Daniel six ways past Sunday.
Fuck.
It was that blasted glowy orb thing.
It dicked around with his head.
Not only did it impale and bolted him to the wall and then taken over his body, it also dug out "feelings" that he'd worked hard to keep bottled up. Feelings for Daniel, specifically. He'd felt bad and wished the thing would just take over his body totally so he wouldn't ever have to face up to them.
He couldn't risk Daniel knowing.
But then he was also aware of how the orb made him look at Daniel every time he was in the Gate room, or that he'd scan the Control Room looking for Daniel the whole time the orb controlled his body. He'd wished Daniel would stay by his side instead of Teal'c. No offense to the big guy. He was aware that Daniel was working with Carter to find a solution for his predicament, but he was always a selfish bastard. He was lonely. He would never admit it to anybody but he had felt fear then, something he hadn't felt in a long time.
Oh, he still wasn't afraid of dying. He never had. Not even when he pointed the gun at himself after Charlie...
He wanted to live. Even if Daniel never got to know his feelings, he wanted to live through this. He wanted another opportunity to go through the Gate with Daniel again. To help him find his wife. To hear him sprout his archaeological prattles.
Jack had not forgotten how good it had felt in the two occasions he got to hug Daniel.
He wanted more.
He'd felt so relieved when he heard the orb announced to SG1 that he didn't want to die because it meant that the orb would not kill him and take over his body completely.
It also meant that he had another chance.
It was at that point that Jack decided that life was just too damn short. He swore that he'd tell Daniel after this ordeal was over, that is, if he lived. Daniel deserved to know. Daniel had the right to know.
Hell with the consequences. He'd deal with them afterwards.
That was the decision.
The plan was bring Daniel to the cabin where they were away from prying eyes and ears and lay it on him.
Jack buried his face in his hands and groaned.
Well, it didn't go exactly as planned.
He just couldn't get the words out. At least not the right ones. Expressing his "feelings" was never a strong point of his.
________________________
"Sit down, Daniel."
"Uh...I thought we were going for a hike in the woods."
"Later. Maybe."
"Okay."
"Daniel..."
"Jack..."
"Daniel..."
...
"Jack?"
"Give me a minute."
...
"Daniel, I have to tell you something. If I don't do it now, I might never..."
...
"Jack, you're making my head spin...with your pacing."
"Sorry."
...
"Forget it. Let's go for that walk."
"I thought you had something to tell me."
"Yeah, well, it'll keep."
"Jack."
"Drop it, Daniel."
"Okay. Anytime you want to talk, you know I'm always here."
"Yeah, yeah."
"So?"
"So?"
"Shouldn't we get going?"
"Yes. No."
"Jack?"
"Sit down, Daniel."
"Jack. Is this about the orb incident? You want to talk about it?"
"Kinda. You know the thing took over my...and it was in my head, digging around. It made me realize something."
....
"I...I..."
"Maybe this is not a good time. You want to talk later? Maybe this evening?"
"No, Daniel. I don't want to talk about this later. I want to talk about it now."
"Okay."
"Just be a good boy and sit there and listen, wouldya? Now, where was I?"
"The thing was doing things in your head?"
"Yeah. And it made me realize something. There's something I've been carrying around with me that I had to get it out in the open. 'Cause every time we step through the Gate...well, you know..."
"We could get killed."
"Yeah, that. So I told myself I'm going to bring Daniel to the cabin and just lay it on him."
"This is about me?"
"Yes, it concerns you."
"And?"
"And what?"
"You said you want to lay it on me...so lay away..."
"Okay, I..."
....
"Yes, Jack?"
"I think I may..."
...
"Daniel, I want to tell you that I..."
"Jack, I'm losing my hair waiting for you to..."
"Don't interrupt your elders, Daniel."
"The sun is about to set..."
"Okay, Fine! I want to tell you that...you have a fine-looking six and how good it'd feel to fuck it...shit!"
...
"Excuse me?"
"Shit! I'm sorry Daniel. I didn't mean..."
"Jack, you just told me you like my ass and you want to...to f-f-fuck it?"
"Yes. No! I didn't mean that. That's not what I wanted to tell you."
"And just what did you want to tell me?"
"I..."
"You're a sick bastard, Jack!"
__________________________
Funny how things could go down-hill just like that.
He couldn't blame Daniel for calling him a sick bastard. He felt like one. After all, he'd just told Daniel that he wanted to fuck him in the ass.
Daniel was straight.
Daniel was male.
Daniel was a married man.
Daniel was a friend, for crying out loud!
It was too late now.
The cat - the wrong one - was out of the bag. There was no way he could retract it now. As far as Daniel was concerned, his good friend - male friend - and CO had disgustingly lewd thoughts about him and his ass. It was enough to send anybody run screaming...away. If he were in Daniel's shoes, he'd have been grossed out too; though he'd probably have given the other guy...uh, that'd be him in this case, he'd have given himself...no Daniel would've...uh, whatever. The bottom line was that Daniel should've given him a knuckle sandwich.
He was relieved, in a way, that Daniel didn't. It might have made matters worse, because he might have blocked Daniel's punch in reflex and knocked Daniel on his six before he could stop himself.
And Daniel did have one of the most gorgeous sixes...
Fuck! Fuck!
This was so not the time nor the place.
''Think about something else, Jack' he told himself.
Carter.
Think about Carter.
Carter leaning over him and puckering her lips for a kiss...
Well, that was quick. Better than being doused with a bucket of cold water.
Now where was he?
Oh yeah, he should go and start packing up now. As Teal'c would say, the deed has been done. Although he preferred water over the dam. There was no way that Daniel would want to talk to him anymore, let alone continue to stay at the cabin with him. When they get back to the Mountain, he would turn in his resignation. He'd work with Hammond to assign a new CO to SG1 so he wouldn't leave them high and dry. He didn't want SG1 to end up with a CO like Makepeace again. Daniel deserved better than that. He could use a CO who would help him find his wife, not one who lusted after him. Then he'd come back here and...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daniel found himself sitting on the dock, hugging his knees staring out at the stagnant waters of the so-called lake-but-more-of-a-pond in front of him. He put his chin on his knees and started rocking back and forth. He couldn't get what Jack had said out of his mind.
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
You have a fine-looking six.
How good it'd feel to fuck it.
You have a fine-looking six.
How good it'd feel to fuck it.
Jack was a bastard.
He had trusted Jack. Trusted him to be his friend, for them to be friends.
Just friends.
Jack was supposed to help keep him grounded. Help keep his own "feelings" locked in the far recesses of his heart.
Jack was supposed to be a straight, macho military man. Jack was married and had a son!
Jack was not supposed to want to fuck his ass.
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
Maybe Jack's yanking his chain. That must be it. Jack was testing him, feeling him out, seeing how he'd react...But why?
Did Jack have an ulterior motive?
Did he do something; say something to set Jack off? Did he touch Jack? Did he talk in his sleep in the tent he shared with Jack when they're off world?
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
Damn you, Jack!
Damn you to hell. If you think that I'd fall for this...
He must have worn his heart on his sleeve during the orb incident. He was so afraid for Jack. Afraid that this was it. Jack was going to die. The alien was going to kill Jack and take over his body.
He'd lose Jack.
He had worked as hard as he could. He'd gotten so frustrated with himself for not being able to resolve the problem...understand what the orb wanted.
When he came back from Abydos with Jack, he'd sworn to himself that he'd keep the "feelings" buried, with two or three pyramids stacked on top. He'd just concentrate on finding Sha're and return to Abydos to live happily ever after.
And get away from Jack.
Daniel suddenly found himself chuckling because it suddenly dawned on him.
This was never Jack's fault! It's been his own fault all along!
He didn't have to come back to Earth with Jack. He could've figured out who took Sha're and went in search for her with Skaara and the Abydonians.
He didn't have to join SG1.
He didn't have to enjoy being so close to Jack.
And when Jack hugged him...
God!
Daniel closed his eyes and wanted to scream.
He was such a fool.
He'd been acting like a child starving for affection.
Jack's affection.
Jack probably picked up on it and now was turning it against him. Jack probably thought it was funny.
Another one of his lame, giddy...prank. He was probably in this with Ferretti and the jarheads, playing pick-on-the-geek.
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
Fuck you, Jack.
Just fuck you!
Daniel stood up then, with a resolve to not let this bother him anymore. But he had lost the mood to stay here at the cabin with Jack. He wanted to go back to the SGC and bury himself in the artifacts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack had seen Daniel sitting out on the dock. He decided to leave Daniel alone while he went about preparing their two bags and then checking to make sure the cabin was okay to be left untended again.
He glanced at his watch.
It was 1640 hours. They would drive all night and be back in Colorado Springs by this time tomorrow. It's gonna be a long drive.
Jack winced at the thought of it. He and Daniel were going to be in the cab of his truck for twelve hours...minus a few pit stops and food...
Maybe he could try to talk to Daniel again...if he'd listen.
Well, it was time to get Daniel.
Jack reached for the door knob when it opened and almost slammed into his face and knocked him to the ground.
"Whoa!"
"Jack."
"Watch where you're going next time, huh?"
"Are we leaving?" Daniel was not the least bit apologetic. He ignored Jack and pointed to the two bags on the couch.
"Daniel..."
"Good. 'Cause I want to leave now. You ready to go?" Daniel went to pick up his bag.
"Daniel, would you listen to me, damn it!" Jack stayed where he was by the door, to give himself and Daniel a little bit of distance. This was going to be rough.
"No, Jack. Just no! You've had your fun. I'm not playing. I can't stay here anymore." Daniel turned and put up his hand to stop Jack from saying anymore. He'd heard enough. He just wanted to get away from here. From Jack.
"Daniel, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb with me Jack. I'm really, really not in the mood to play with you."
"This is not a friggin' game, Daniel. You think that I...that...oh, for crying out loud!"
"I'll be waiting out in the truck." Daniel had grabbed his own bag and started to make his way out of the cabin.
"Daniel...I'm begging here. Give me another chance?" Jack's voice was lower, subdued. Things had gone to hell in a hand basket and he needed to set it straight right now. He couldn't afford to lose Daniel.
He took a deep breath.
If there was ever a time to learn to express himself, this was it.
Or Hammond would have his hide for breaking up SG1...especially if he was going to lose his most valuable archaeologist...over...
Over what, exactly?
'Sir, I told Daniel I wanted to plow his ass, but he didn't take it very well'.
That was going to fly over so well...not.
Daniel had stopped with his hand on the doorknob. He just stood there with his head against the door, as if contemplating whether to give Jack another chance, to hear Jack out. But what could Jack possibly had to say that he'd want to listen to?
Jack felt his heart drop to the floor when Daniel turned his head to face him and his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. But there was something else. Pain. Jack could see pain in those brilliant blue eyes staring at him.
"I'm sorry, Daniel. I made a fool of myself. This is not a game. Didn't mean to hurt you." Jack paused to take a deep breath, to gather his thoughts and get some courage to finish what he had to say. "When the orb thing was in my head. It brought up these feelings. Feelings that I've tried to bury deep inside me. Feelings for you, Daniel. I know you're happily married and all you want is to find your wife and probably go back to Abydos...and that's why I tried to keep them to myself..."
"Jack, stop."
"I need to finish this...you know that after Abydos I picked up a telescope and amateur astronomy so I could find Abydos in the sky? I was going to get a larger one to see if I could actually see you on the planet..see what you're up to..."
"Jack..."
"I went so far as to wonder if you even cared about what I was doing back on old Mother Earth..."
Daniel was assessing Jack, looking for that hint of Jack's mischievous, giddy streak...but all he saw was sincerity. And fear. Jack was pouring his heart out to him. Jack was telling him that he had feelings, real feelings, for him...since the Abydos mission. Jack had tried to bury these feelings because he wasn't supposed to have them.
Daniel put up his hand again to stop Jack.
"Why now, Jack?" Daniel wanted to hear Jack say it again. He wanted to reconcile the pain he had experienced in the last hour with the trust he'd had with Jack for the past two years.
"The orb. It communicated with me. It told me in no uncertain terms that it'd kill me if you guys were going to do anything to it. I thought I was going to die."
"Are you telling the truth, Jack?"
"Yes, damn it! I'm telling you the truth. Nothing but the truth here. What more do you want, Daniel?"
It suddenly all made sense to Daniel. Jack had hidden it well. Daniel remembered the Oannes incident when Jack thought he was dead, Jack took it very hard. They all attributed to the mind-affects of Nem. And then when he was addicted to the sarcophagus...
Daniel dropped his bag and turned away from Jack. He wrapped his arms around himself.
"I have feelings for you too, Jack."
Jack was taken by surprise by Daniel's quiet declaration.
Daniel had feelings for him too?
Sweet!
But...
"Since Abydos, also. I had hoped that you'd stay on Abydos with me because you had said that there was nothing for you back on Earth either." Daniel continued. "But when you didn't. I accepted my fate. I turned to Sha're and I gave her my best, Jack. I tried to love her with all my heart." Daniel chuckled. "I think I was compensating..."
Daniel turned back to Jack. This was too much revelation in one day.
"Do you have feelings for me, Jack? Real feelings?"
"Yeah."
"Do you think I have a fine-looking six?"
"Daniel..." Jack so did not want to go there again. It was a total Pandora's box that he accidentally opened due to his cowardice and inability to express himself. He wasn't about to repeat his FUBAR.
"Answer me, Jack."
"Yes?"
"And do you want to...to f-fuck it...me?"
God, what was Daniel trying to pull here, Jack thought. But then he was the one who'd brought it up so it was only fair to accept the responsibility...
"Yes. Look, I'm sorry, Daniel. I meant to tell you I lov...uh, have feelings for you. But I..."
Daniel nodded. He understood.
He understood Jack.
He knew Jack.
"I'm sorry I called you a sick bastard."
"Hey, you call it like it is. I forgive you." Jack gave Daniel one of his smirks that he knew could charm the horse to drink the water, the bear to share his honey, the...blah, blah, blah.
"So..." Jack had a defense mechanism - just for awkward occasions like this. He felt like a big boulder had been lifted off his chest. He knew Daniel was really mad at him. He hoped that this conversation...that Daniel still wanted him as a friend.
"So..." Daniel needed time to gather his thoughts.
"So what do we do now?"
"I don't know." Daniel turned away from Jack again. "I still need to find Sha're, Jack. When I find her, I...I don't know what I'll do...where WE will go...but I'll be with her."
I owed her my love, Daniel left this part unsaid.
On one hand he had Sha're. On another he had feelings for Jack that he wanted to further explore...
"So about our feelings..."
"I don't know."
"Bury them again?"
"I don't know."
"Can we still be friends?"
"I hope so, Jack. I want to...you?"
"Oh yeah."
"Are we going to pretend like none of this has happened and go back to the way things were?"
"You tell me."
"I don't know, Jack. I just don't know."
"Me neither. But I totally respect your love for Sha're. I want to continue to be your friend, and help you find your wife...and..."
"I still want to go on that hike, Jack."
"So we're not leaving?"
"No. I want to think about things. We need to continue talking..."
"Oh joy!"
"Can we put the bags back?"
"Nah, leave them here. It's gonna get dark soon. Let's go do that hike. A short one though."
"Okay. But Jack...uh, can I ask for something?"
Jack tilted his head to indicate for Daniel to continue.
"Hope you don't take this the wrong way..."
"Spill, Daniel."
"I was wondering...uh, if we could...maybe hug?"
THE END
Feelings For You
[Pairing] - Jack/Daniel
[SID's request] - H/C, angst, first time, at the cabin
[Season] - S2
[Ratings] - PG(?)
[Warnings] - mild language
[Spoilers] - Message In A Bottle
[Synopsis] - Jack tried to express his feelings for Daniel, but in the traditional O'neill fashion, all the wrong words came out.
"You're a sick bastard, Jack!" Daniel had spitted in Jack's face and stormed out of the cabin, pulling the door to slam-shut behind him so hard that Jack thought the whole cabin would come down on him.
And it might have been a good thing, Jack thought. Because he did feel like a sick bastard. He wished the cabin had imploded and buried him alive...or the ground opened up and swallowed him whole.
He collapsed into the armchair behind him - the one he had squirmed around in as he worked on garnering enough brass to start THE conversation with Daniel.
The one where he was supposed to tell Daniel that he had "feelings" for him, not the one about how, in the privacy of his mind, he had dreamed of fucking Daniel six ways past Sunday.
Fuck.
It was that blasted glowy orb thing.
It dicked around with his head.
Not only did it impale and bolted him to the wall and then taken over his body, it also dug out "feelings" that he'd worked hard to keep bottled up. Feelings for Daniel, specifically. He'd felt bad and wished the thing would just take over his body totally so he wouldn't ever have to face up to them.
He couldn't risk Daniel knowing.
But then he was also aware of how the orb made him look at Daniel every time he was in the Gate room, or that he'd scan the Control Room looking for Daniel the whole time the orb controlled his body. He'd wished Daniel would stay by his side instead of Teal'c. No offense to the big guy. He was aware that Daniel was working with Carter to find a solution for his predicament, but he was always a selfish bastard. He was lonely. He would never admit it to anybody but he had felt fear then, something he hadn't felt in a long time.
Oh, he still wasn't afraid of dying. He never had. Not even when he pointed the gun at himself after Charlie...
He wanted to live. Even if Daniel never got to know his feelings, he wanted to live through this. He wanted another opportunity to go through the Gate with Daniel again. To help him find his wife. To hear him sprout his archaeological prattles.
Jack had not forgotten how good it had felt in the two occasions he got to hug Daniel.
He wanted more.
He'd felt so relieved when he heard the orb announced to SG1 that he didn't want to die because it meant that the orb would not kill him and take over his body completely.
It also meant that he had another chance.
It was at that point that Jack decided that life was just too damn short. He swore that he'd tell Daniel after this ordeal was over, that is, if he lived. Daniel deserved to know. Daniel had the right to know.
Hell with the consequences. He'd deal with them afterwards.
That was the decision.
The plan was bring Daniel to the cabin where they were away from prying eyes and ears and lay it on him.
Jack buried his face in his hands and groaned.
Well, it didn't go exactly as planned.
He just couldn't get the words out. At least not the right ones. Expressing his "feelings" was never a strong point of his.
________________________
"Sit down, Daniel."
"Uh...I thought we were going for a hike in the woods."
"Later. Maybe."
"Okay."
"Daniel..."
"Jack..."
"Daniel..."
...
"Jack?"
"Give me a minute."
...
"Daniel, I have to tell you something. If I don't do it now, I might never..."
...
"Jack, you're making my head spin...with your pacing."
"Sorry."
...
"Forget it. Let's go for that walk."
"I thought you had something to tell me."
"Yeah, well, it'll keep."
"Jack."
"Drop it, Daniel."
"Okay. Anytime you want to talk, you know I'm always here."
"Yeah, yeah."
"So?"
"So?"
"Shouldn't we get going?"
"Yes. No."
"Jack?"
"Sit down, Daniel."
"Jack. Is this about the orb incident? You want to talk about it?"
"Kinda. You know the thing took over my...and it was in my head, digging around. It made me realize something."
....
"I...I..."
"Maybe this is not a good time. You want to talk later? Maybe this evening?"
"No, Daniel. I don't want to talk about this later. I want to talk about it now."
"Okay."
"Just be a good boy and sit there and listen, wouldya? Now, where was I?"
"The thing was doing things in your head?"
"Yeah. And it made me realize something. There's something I've been carrying around with me that I had to get it out in the open. 'Cause every time we step through the Gate...well, you know..."
"We could get killed."
"Yeah, that. So I told myself I'm going to bring Daniel to the cabin and just lay it on him."
"This is about me?"
"Yes, it concerns you."
"And?"
"And what?"
"You said you want to lay it on me...so lay away..."
"Okay, I..."
....
"Yes, Jack?"
"I think I may..."
...
"Daniel, I want to tell you that I..."
"Jack, I'm losing my hair waiting for you to..."
"Don't interrupt your elders, Daniel."
"The sun is about to set..."
"Okay, Fine! I want to tell you that...you have a fine-looking six and how good it'd feel to fuck it...shit!"
...
"Excuse me?"
"Shit! I'm sorry Daniel. I didn't mean..."
"Jack, you just told me you like my ass and you want to...to f-f-fuck it?"
"Yes. No! I didn't mean that. That's not what I wanted to tell you."
"And just what did you want to tell me?"
"I..."
"You're a sick bastard, Jack!"
__________________________
Funny how things could go down-hill just like that.
He couldn't blame Daniel for calling him a sick bastard. He felt like one. After all, he'd just told Daniel that he wanted to fuck him in the ass.
Daniel was straight.
Daniel was male.
Daniel was a married man.
Daniel was a friend, for crying out loud!
It was too late now.
The cat - the wrong one - was out of the bag. There was no way he could retract it now. As far as Daniel was concerned, his good friend - male friend - and CO had disgustingly lewd thoughts about him and his ass. It was enough to send anybody run screaming...away. If he were in Daniel's shoes, he'd have been grossed out too; though he'd probably have given the other guy...uh, that'd be him in this case, he'd have given himself...no Daniel would've...uh, whatever. The bottom line was that Daniel should've given him a knuckle sandwich.
He was relieved, in a way, that Daniel didn't. It might have made matters worse, because he might have blocked Daniel's punch in reflex and knocked Daniel on his six before he could stop himself.
And Daniel did have one of the most gorgeous sixes...
Fuck! Fuck!
This was so not the time nor the place.
''Think about something else, Jack' he told himself.
Carter.
Think about Carter.
Carter leaning over him and puckering her lips for a kiss...
Well, that was quick. Better than being doused with a bucket of cold water.
Now where was he?
Oh yeah, he should go and start packing up now. As Teal'c would say, the deed has been done. Although he preferred water over the dam. There was no way that Daniel would want to talk to him anymore, let alone continue to stay at the cabin with him. When they get back to the Mountain, he would turn in his resignation. He'd work with Hammond to assign a new CO to SG1 so he wouldn't leave them high and dry. He didn't want SG1 to end up with a CO like Makepeace again. Daniel deserved better than that. He could use a CO who would help him find his wife, not one who lusted after him. Then he'd come back here and...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daniel found himself sitting on the dock, hugging his knees staring out at the stagnant waters of the so-called lake-but-more-of-a-pond in front of him. He put his chin on his knees and started rocking back and forth. He couldn't get what Jack had said out of his mind.
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
You have a fine-looking six.
How good it'd feel to fuck it.
You have a fine-looking six.
How good it'd feel to fuck it.
Jack was a bastard.
He had trusted Jack. Trusted him to be his friend, for them to be friends.
Just friends.
Jack was supposed to help keep him grounded. Help keep his own "feelings" locked in the far recesses of his heart.
Jack was supposed to be a straight, macho military man. Jack was married and had a son!
Jack was not supposed to want to fuck his ass.
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
Maybe Jack's yanking his chain. That must be it. Jack was testing him, feeling him out, seeing how he'd react...But why?
Did Jack have an ulterior motive?
Did he do something; say something to set Jack off? Did he touch Jack? Did he talk in his sleep in the tent he shared with Jack when they're off world?
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
Damn you, Jack!
Damn you to hell. If you think that I'd fall for this...
He must have worn his heart on his sleeve during the orb incident. He was so afraid for Jack. Afraid that this was it. Jack was going to die. The alien was going to kill Jack and take over his body.
He'd lose Jack.
He had worked as hard as he could. He'd gotten so frustrated with himself for not being able to resolve the problem...understand what the orb wanted.
When he came back from Abydos with Jack, he'd sworn to himself that he'd keep the "feelings" buried, with two or three pyramids stacked on top. He'd just concentrate on finding Sha're and return to Abydos to live happily ever after.
And get away from Jack.
Daniel suddenly found himself chuckling because it suddenly dawned on him.
This was never Jack's fault! It's been his own fault all along!
He didn't have to come back to Earth with Jack. He could've figured out who took Sha're and went in search for her with Skaara and the Abydonians.
He didn't have to join SG1.
He didn't have to enjoy being so close to Jack.
And when Jack hugged him...
God!
Daniel closed his eyes and wanted to scream.
He was such a fool.
He'd been acting like a child starving for affection.
Jack's affection.
Jack probably picked up on it and now was turning it against him. Jack probably thought it was funny.
Another one of his lame, giddy...prank. He was probably in this with Ferretti and the jarheads, playing pick-on-the-geek.
You have a fine-looking six. How good it'd feel to fuck it.
Fuck you, Jack.
Just fuck you!
Daniel stood up then, with a resolve to not let this bother him anymore. But he had lost the mood to stay here at the cabin with Jack. He wanted to go back to the SGC and bury himself in the artifacts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack had seen Daniel sitting out on the dock. He decided to leave Daniel alone while he went about preparing their two bags and then checking to make sure the cabin was okay to be left untended again.
He glanced at his watch.
It was 1640 hours. They would drive all night and be back in Colorado Springs by this time tomorrow. It's gonna be a long drive.
Jack winced at the thought of it. He and Daniel were going to be in the cab of his truck for twelve hours...minus a few pit stops and food...
Maybe he could try to talk to Daniel again...if he'd listen.
Well, it was time to get Daniel.
Jack reached for the door knob when it opened and almost slammed into his face and knocked him to the ground.
"Whoa!"
"Jack."
"Watch where you're going next time, huh?"
"Are we leaving?" Daniel was not the least bit apologetic. He ignored Jack and pointed to the two bags on the couch.
"Daniel..."
"Good. 'Cause I want to leave now. You ready to go?" Daniel went to pick up his bag.
"Daniel, would you listen to me, damn it!" Jack stayed where he was by the door, to give himself and Daniel a little bit of distance. This was going to be rough.
"No, Jack. Just no! You've had your fun. I'm not playing. I can't stay here anymore." Daniel turned and put up his hand to stop Jack from saying anymore. He'd heard enough. He just wanted to get away from here. From Jack.
"Daniel, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb with me Jack. I'm really, really not in the mood to play with you."
"This is not a friggin' game, Daniel. You think that I...that...oh, for crying out loud!"
"I'll be waiting out in the truck." Daniel had grabbed his own bag and started to make his way out of the cabin.
"Daniel...I'm begging here. Give me another chance?" Jack's voice was lower, subdued. Things had gone to hell in a hand basket and he needed to set it straight right now. He couldn't afford to lose Daniel.
He took a deep breath.
If there was ever a time to learn to express himself, this was it.
Or Hammond would have his hide for breaking up SG1...especially if he was going to lose his most valuable archaeologist...over...
Over what, exactly?
'Sir, I told Daniel I wanted to plow his ass, but he didn't take it very well'.
That was going to fly over so well...not.
Daniel had stopped with his hand on the doorknob. He just stood there with his head against the door, as if contemplating whether to give Jack another chance, to hear Jack out. But what could Jack possibly had to say that he'd want to listen to?
Jack felt his heart drop to the floor when Daniel turned his head to face him and his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. But there was something else. Pain. Jack could see pain in those brilliant blue eyes staring at him.
"I'm sorry, Daniel. I made a fool of myself. This is not a game. Didn't mean to hurt you." Jack paused to take a deep breath, to gather his thoughts and get some courage to finish what he had to say. "When the orb thing was in my head. It brought up these feelings. Feelings that I've tried to bury deep inside me. Feelings for you, Daniel. I know you're happily married and all you want is to find your wife and probably go back to Abydos...and that's why I tried to keep them to myself..."
"Jack, stop."
"I need to finish this...you know that after Abydos I picked up a telescope and amateur astronomy so I could find Abydos in the sky? I was going to get a larger one to see if I could actually see you on the planet..see what you're up to..."
"Jack..."
"I went so far as to wonder if you even cared about what I was doing back on old Mother Earth..."
Daniel was assessing Jack, looking for that hint of Jack's mischievous, giddy streak...but all he saw was sincerity. And fear. Jack was pouring his heart out to him. Jack was telling him that he had feelings, real feelings, for him...since the Abydos mission. Jack had tried to bury these feelings because he wasn't supposed to have them.
Daniel put up his hand again to stop Jack.
"Why now, Jack?" Daniel wanted to hear Jack say it again. He wanted to reconcile the pain he had experienced in the last hour with the trust he'd had with Jack for the past two years.
"The orb. It communicated with me. It told me in no uncertain terms that it'd kill me if you guys were going to do anything to it. I thought I was going to die."
"Are you telling the truth, Jack?"
"Yes, damn it! I'm telling you the truth. Nothing but the truth here. What more do you want, Daniel?"
It suddenly all made sense to Daniel. Jack had hidden it well. Daniel remembered the Oannes incident when Jack thought he was dead, Jack took it very hard. They all attributed to the mind-affects of Nem. And then when he was addicted to the sarcophagus...
Daniel dropped his bag and turned away from Jack. He wrapped his arms around himself.
"I have feelings for you too, Jack."
Jack was taken by surprise by Daniel's quiet declaration.
Daniel had feelings for him too?
Sweet!
But...
"Since Abydos, also. I had hoped that you'd stay on Abydos with me because you had said that there was nothing for you back on Earth either." Daniel continued. "But when you didn't. I accepted my fate. I turned to Sha're and I gave her my best, Jack. I tried to love her with all my heart." Daniel chuckled. "I think I was compensating..."
Daniel turned back to Jack. This was too much revelation in one day.
"Do you have feelings for me, Jack? Real feelings?"
"Yeah."
"Do you think I have a fine-looking six?"
"Daniel..." Jack so did not want to go there again. It was a total Pandora's box that he accidentally opened due to his cowardice and inability to express himself. He wasn't about to repeat his FUBAR.
"Answer me, Jack."
"Yes?"
"And do you want to...to f-fuck it...me?"
God, what was Daniel trying to pull here, Jack thought. But then he was the one who'd brought it up so it was only fair to accept the responsibility...
"Yes. Look, I'm sorry, Daniel. I meant to tell you I lov...uh, have feelings for you. But I..."
Daniel nodded. He understood.
He understood Jack.
He knew Jack.
"I'm sorry I called you a sick bastard."
"Hey, you call it like it is. I forgive you." Jack gave Daniel one of his smirks that he knew could charm the horse to drink the water, the bear to share his honey, the...blah, blah, blah.
"So..." Jack had a defense mechanism - just for awkward occasions like this. He felt like a big boulder had been lifted off his chest. He knew Daniel was really mad at him. He hoped that this conversation...that Daniel still wanted him as a friend.
"So..." Daniel needed time to gather his thoughts.
"So what do we do now?"
"I don't know." Daniel turned away from Jack again. "I still need to find Sha're, Jack. When I find her, I...I don't know what I'll do...where WE will go...but I'll be with her."
I owed her my love, Daniel left this part unsaid.
On one hand he had Sha're. On another he had feelings for Jack that he wanted to further explore...
"So about our feelings..."
"I don't know."
"Bury them again?"
"I don't know."
"Can we still be friends?"
"I hope so, Jack. I want to...you?"
"Oh yeah."
"Are we going to pretend like none of this has happened and go back to the way things were?"
"You tell me."
"I don't know, Jack. I just don't know."
"Me neither. But I totally respect your love for Sha're. I want to continue to be your friend, and help you find your wife...and..."
"I still want to go on that hike, Jack."
"So we're not leaving?"
"No. I want to think about things. We need to continue talking..."
"Oh joy!"
"Can we put the bags back?"
"Nah, leave them here. It's gonna get dark soon. Let's go do that hike. A short one though."
"Okay. But Jack...uh, can I ask for something?"
Jack tilted his head to indicate for Daniel to continue.
"Hope you don't take this the wrong way..."
"Spill, Daniel."
"I was wondering...uh, if we could...maybe hug?"
THE END