Thoughts on relationships and communication
The key to a good relationship is communication, this much is obvious.
I think that it's really really crucial to deal with problems as the occur, and learn to recognize them. When you do have a problem within the relationship, you need to figure out how to solve it and what your partner needs from you.
I'm finding that the problems are becoming clearer after the damage has been done - ie the problem is identifiable and the steps to solve it are recognizable, but the motivation to take those steps and preserve the relationship isn't there anymore because of the pain and hurt.
It seems like early in the relationship it's easy to ignore problems because of your love, but by ignoring those problems it only creates a rift in your relationship. What's worse is when you don't even realise the problems are that important, or you don't even notice them.
Finally, in terms of communication, it seems to have 4 crucial steps:
1) Understand how you feel
2) Help your partner understand how you feel
3) Ask your partner to repeat back to what they understand about your feelings
4) Write these exchanges down and revisit them. Update them if anything changes or look for new approaches if nothing has.
It's only though ensuring that your message is fully being received in the way that you meant it to be and continually and consistently being understood, that you can action any change.
I think that it's really really crucial to deal with problems as the occur, and learn to recognize them. When you do have a problem within the relationship, you need to figure out how to solve it and what your partner needs from you.
I'm finding that the problems are becoming clearer after the damage has been done - ie the problem is identifiable and the steps to solve it are recognizable, but the motivation to take those steps and preserve the relationship isn't there anymore because of the pain and hurt.
It seems like early in the relationship it's easy to ignore problems because of your love, but by ignoring those problems it only creates a rift in your relationship. What's worse is when you don't even realise the problems are that important, or you don't even notice them.
Finally, in terms of communication, it seems to have 4 crucial steps:
1) Understand how you feel
2) Help your partner understand how you feel
3) Ask your partner to repeat back to what they understand about your feelings
4) Write these exchanges down and revisit them. Update them if anything changes or look for new approaches if nothing has.
It's only though ensuring that your message is fully being received in the way that you meant it to be and continually and consistently being understood, that you can action any change.